Second Crisis
by ArtemisApollo97
Summary: ***TAKEN DOWN ORIGINAL VERSION FOR LATER USE*** Parenting. Chiefly duties. Dragons. Trying-to-avoid-violent-death-via-wife. Hiccup loves his life. Sarcasm SO not included!
1. Chapter 1

**Didn't like the first one so much so I'm going to rewrite it and add in more detail hopefully, like the kids as babies and that.**

**I do not own Hiccup or Astrid or anyone else, but Ingrid is my OC and as you may already know them, Alastor and Aloe Helga Vera are mine too.**

* * *

"Here, let me look after her for a bit. You get some sleep."

"I can manage, Hiccup." Astrid retorted sharply. Hiccup mentally contradicted her; she looked dead on her feet, intense shadows ringing her sleepy eyes. Ingrid was half-dozing in her arms, now a week old and already a pain. She didn't always settle to sleep and when she did, you had to be very, _very_ careful not to wake her.

"Please. Just a few hours. Then you can have her right back afterwards." Astrid hesitated, her stubborn streak trying to break through. "Sleep..." Hiccup prompted. "Precious, _precious_ sleeeep..."

"Ugh, alright, _fine_!" Ingrid startled. Astrid quickly soothed her. "A few hours. That's it."

"Yes milady." Hiccup promised. His wife reluctantly handed over the infant- despite her initial worries, she had proven to be a good mother, very attentive and worrying over every little cough, sneeze or hiccup. Her mother and Valka reassured her that Ingrid was perfectly fine, healthy and- with the right care- she would grow to be as fierce as her mother. It had already been decided that Ingrid would take after Astrid. Hiccup just had a sense his daughter would grow up to be a stubborn, aggressive and temperamental young woman.

Examining his daughter's petite, delicate features now, Hiccup smiled. He could feel Astrid's gaze on him, gauging what he was going to do. "Go to sleep." She frowned. Hiccup picked up the large square of material his father had given to him. Stoick had shown him how to tie it to make an effective and safe baby sling, something he had used every day until he trusted baby Hiccup to totter alongside him.

Swiftly, Hiccup secured Ingrid in the sling and she settled happily against his lower back. Astrid kept her frown in place, but there was an impressed glint in her eyes. Hiccup grinned cheekily and sat next to her on the bed, resting a hand on the back of her neck. "Sleep." He repeated. "Lie down and _sleep_. It's good for you."

"Why don't you sleep too then?" She traced her thumbs gently under his eyes, pointing out his own dark circles.

"I have to run a village. You have to sleep."

"If you say 'sleep' one more time, I'm getting my axe."

"_Snooze_."

"Ugh!" She threw up her hands and toppled back onto the pillows. Hiccup smiled.

"Step one, check. Step two, snooze." She glared at him, arms folded defiantly across her chest. Hiccup tucked the blanket about her, doing his best not to accidently tickle her. She was very ticklish, a weapon he had to his advantage, although it was safer used as a last resort.

Ingrid squirmed and Hiccup heard her tiny yawn. "See, Ingrid's tired too."

"She's a baby, Hiccup, of course she's tired." Worry furrowed Astrid's brow. "You know what you're doing, right?"

"I'm not _completely_ incompetent."

"Could have fooled me." Hiccup pinched her nose playfully. "What if she gets hungry?" Astrid demanded, smacking his hand away.

"This is the opposite of sleeping."

"Do you have spare stuff to change her? Don't take her to the workshop either, she could get hurt. And don't let anyone hold her-"

"Because she might get ill, someone could take her or infect her into being a yak-dragon-Viking-hybrid." He got a whack then. "OK, OK," he brushed her hair from her eyes, "I'll be good." She nodded contentedly. Hiccup took her hand, rubbing his thumbs into her palm, gradually massaging up her arm and then her neck and shoulders. She slowly relaxed. Within minutes, she was softly snoring, a rebellious strand of her hair floating about on her gentle breathing.

Hiccup left quietly and closed the door behind him just as silently. "There we go," he mumbled, "nice and easy."

"Who are you talking to?" Hiccup started, but it was only Fishlegs and Bjorn's father, Bjorn Senior. Both of them were looking up at him in confusion and amusement.

"Myself, mostly. Who else?" The pair shared agreeing looks and smiled, confusion vanishing. "Hey, this is one of those times you're supposed to contradict your chief. Tell him he's _not_ mad."

"Hiccup." Fishlegs stated. "We all know you're mad."

"And be it one of those times or not, if we contradicted you, you'd get upset."

"I so wouldn't." Hiccup snuck down the stairs and waved them out, grabbing his ever-prepared baby bag on the way. "So, what do I have to do today then?"

"Thawfest is coming up." Fishlegs began, drawing a list from one of the pouches on his belt. He passed it to his chief and Bjorn gave him blunt, but effective advice on a few of the things. With Astrid having time off, these two helped to keep Hiccup on track and to work to the best he could. He was still getting the hang of this chiefly business.

"Are we going to keep the dragons this year?" Bjorn asked, leaning back to check on the sleeping tot. "She doesn't look so evil asleep." Bjorn Senior and his son had met Ingrid once. The latter had been smitten, but Senior had been completely convinced that the infant had given him the evil eye, was plotting his murder and that he should stick well clear of the infant unless necessary.

"She's not evil, she's a baby. And yes, we're keeping the dragons. Fishlegs, you're in charge of fire prevention duties." Fishlegs beamed. "Bjorn, you can organise some of the games. Something different though, please, I'm getting tired of people lugging sheep and playing limbo."

"Yeah, me too." Bjorn smiled. "You said _some_ though, what about the rest?"

"You and Fishlegs can work that out between you, but clear ideas with me first, OK? Dad'll lose his head if this goes wrong."

"It's your first Thawfest." Fishlegs patted him on the shoulder. "You'll do fine." Hiccup sighed. "Are you feeling OK? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine. This parenting business is tiring." Hiccup studied his list. "Fishlegs, your writing is either eccentrically neat or eccentrically _terrible_." Fishlegs frowned and peered over the chief's shoulder, trying to see how Hiccup would see his writing. Bjorn looked at it too.

"I can see what you mean. Here," he pointed, "is neat, but here," he pointed again, "not so much."

"Uneducated." Fishlegs took the list back and read it to them shortly, not faltering once. Hiccup suspected he had it memorised.

"You just called your chief stupid." Hiccup pointed out when he had fallen silent. Fishlegs rolled his eyes.

"You'd be hopeless without us or Astrid."

"Oh, the support is overwhelming, thank you." Fishlegs must have pegged the heavy sarcasm as he ignored Hiccup for first minutes. "Yes, very mature."

* * *

**This is a working progress, I'm sorry if it's not so good!**

**Happy New Year everyone and thank you for making it an awesome Fanfiction-ning (new word!) year! :D **


	2. Chapter 2

**To Guest- Thank you! :D I am trying and I hope it'll be relatively OK still :P **

**Mostly a Hiccstrid chapter, I think. Still sorting things out on this one.**

* * *

Hiccup worked later that evening than he should have, but he _really_ had to get Thawfest right. He probably should have sent word to Astrid and it was carelessly stupid and stupidly careless of him not to. Not that anything had gone wrong, but she did worry about her baby.

Truth was Ingrid had pretty much slept all day, seemingly comfortable in the sling. She had woken up a few times to be fed or changed, but that was it. Come tonight though, she would be up every hour demanding food, attention and changing. Hiccup had never known such a bossy baby. Took after her mother.

"Where have you been?!" Astrid raged the second he stepped through the door. At first he saw no axe and thought she was unarmed. For a split second he had the blissful sensation that he wouldn't get maimed tonight, but then he saw the knife and knew he was in trouble.

"I was just sorting out some last bits for Thawfest." He assured, raising his hands in innocence and surrender. Her emotions were still all over the place from the pregnancy so it was best and safer to just stay calm and limit the sarcasm. Not an easy task, Hiccup often discovered.

"You smell of smoke; _have you been to the forges_?"

"Yes, but I didn't take Ingrid. Your mother looked after her." Astrid sighed. There were six people she trusted Ingrid with- herself, Hiccup, her parents and his parents. That was it. Not even her cousins or other relatives were allowed to hold Ingrid without trusted supervision. Hildegard and Valka assured Hiccup she would calm down eventually. Pregnancy and childbirth often made the mother very attached.

Astrid was still glaring at him. "Here, look," He pulled the sling round and caught Ingrid in the crook of his elbow, "sound asleep." Her anger faded and she actually looked impressed. She settled back down once Ingrid was safely in her arms. "You don't have to worry so much, Astrid." Hiccup explained gently, folding up the sling and tucking it away. "I know you're worried about her getting hurt and all, but she'll be fine." He smiled and waved it off. "Look at her heritage for example- you, Stoick the Vast, you, Valka the crazy dragon lady, Hildegard the fierce and loving mother, your dad who is one really scary guy- I mean, does he do anything other than grunt and snarl?" Astrid lobbed a pillow at his head and he ducked. "Where was I?" He mused, pretending to contemplate his tangent for a few seconds. "Oh yeah! And you, you... um... you..."

"You keep mentioning me."

"Someone has to keep track of all your split personalities." Another missile, a bowl this time. Hiccup ducked again, almost expertly. "Rude."

"What about you?"

"Me?"

"You never said anything about yourself."

"I'm not a big scary Viking though, am I?"

"No, but you're pretty tough." He opened his mouth to counter, but she wasn't finished. "Captured, befriended and trained a Night Fury; defeated the Red Death single-handedly; losing a leg-"

"I knew you'd add that in."

"Being kidnapped by a crazy person only to discover it was your mother-"

"How does that even come into all of this?"

"You didn't listen to your dad- pigheadedness."

"That just means I'm a wayward child. You know, _you can't make me eat my greens_!" He declared in a childish voice. Astrid bounced an apple core off his head.

"I'm running out of things to throw at you."

"Stop throwing things then!" He protested, sticking his bottom lip out in the hope of achieving sympathy. Astrid rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Ingrid. Hiccup counted to fifteen, deemed it safe and went to sit next to her. "I told you that you didn't need to worry." He smiled, taking her hand in both of his. "I bet you a stuffed yak that she'll grow up to be as violent- uh, as _communicative_," he corrected as she raised a brow at him, "as her endearing and delightful mother."

"Real smooth, Hiccup."

"Yup." He agreed. "That's me. _Smoo_-ow!" Astrid had hooked her foot under his legs and tipped him off. "Wha-? Is it pick-on-Hiccup day or something?"

"Yeah, just for you." She smiled teasingly, leaning forward carefully to be almost eye level with him. "Aren't you lucky?"

"Immensely." He replied in a monotone. Astrid just laughed and sat back up. Hiccup shook his head at her, ducking again when she tried to boot him in the face. "I married an eccentric lady who constantly tries to kill me. I make such good choices." She leant forward again and clipped around the head. "What was that for?!"

"That was for being bloody sarcastic!"

"That wasn't sarcasm! It _wasn't_!" He insisted at her dubious look. Ingrid hiccupped. "Aw, she's got the me's!" He smiled fondly.

"What?" His smile turned cheeky and Ingrid hiccupped again. "Ugh..." Astrid cast her gaze to the ceiling. "You can't call them that."

"Says who?"

"Says the eccentric lady who constantly tries to kill you."

"Oh, you mean my wife!" He bopped himself lightly on the head and laughed once. "You should really meet her, you'll get on _great_."

"I'm going to kill you."

"I know."

"Viciously."

"I know."

"You'll just be a bothersome stain on the floor."

"But I wanted to be on the wall!"

"Why did I marry you?"

"You obviously fell for my incredibly masculine figure, good looks and charms and decided to forever have my babies."

"I hate you." He laughed again, leant over to kiss her lightly. "I really hate you."

"Oh, I can tell." He agreed, playing along. "You're going to kill me in my sleep, aren't you?"

"I'm considering it, but that doesn't leave you a bothersome stain on the floor. That just leaves you a great big lump on my bed."

"I feel loved."

"So you should. Now go away, I need to feed Ingrid." He nodded dutifully, kissing her forehead before taking his leave.

Astrid smiled to herself. He was such an idiot, but she loved him for it.


	3. Chapter 3

Shortly before Ingrid turned two weeks old, villagers started to flock to the Haddock residence, bearing gifts. They were thrilled to see the chief now had an heir, a healthy one at that. A few turned their noses up at the possibility of a future female chief if Hiccup didn't have any more children- they advised him to try for a son. "A son would be better." One of them said. He had his back to Astrid, but must have felt the full burn of her glare as he made his excuses and hurriedly left.

"Ruff, Tuff, will you not torment her?" Hiccup sighed. The twins were leaning over the cot, occasionally shoving the other to snatch the limelight.

"We're not _tormenting_ her." Ruffnut exasperated, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah," Tuffnut agreed, "we're teaching her."

"Teaching her _what_, exactly?" Astrid frowned. The twins shook their heads at her, sighing dramatically.

"Ain't it obvious?"

"We're teaching her how to be awesome."

"Like us." Ruffnut concluded. As if to prove a point, they head-butted each other, laughing. Ingrid was staring up at them with infantile bewilderment.

"Joy." Astrid muttered. "Oh, even more joyous." She glowered at Snotlout as he barged the twins out of the way. She hadn't forgiven him for spreading rumours that the baby was his and not Hiccup's.

"Ugh," he wrinkled his nose distastefully, "see, Astrid. If you'd gone with me, she'd look much better." Astrid reached for her axe, but Hiccup got there first.

"Ah yes. Human piglets. Just what we needed." His wife snorted with laughter, the twins cackling at Snotlout's expense. The stout Viking was struggling to formulate a response, glaring at the chief. Hiccup smiled sweetly and waved him on. A few other villagers cooed over Ingrid, leaving baskets of fish, bread and pie. Toothless and Stormfly were happily chowing down on the fish already. "You just had breakfast!" Hiccup scolded playfully. Toothless coughed up a fish head and nudged it towards his rider. He crooned happily, watching Hiccup expectantly. "Uh, no thanks." Hiccup pushed it back towards the dragon with his artificial foot. He ended up playing a pushing game with the regurgitated fish and his dragon. In the end, Astrid had Stormfly eat it.

"Honestly, Hiccup, you're supposed to be _chief_."

"I am."

"Then act like it."

"No."

"Hiccup!" Fishlegs stumbled in. "Hiccup, washed up boat on the beach!"

"Anyone on it?"

"I don't know, but it's not one of ours!"

"Ok, calm down. Twins-" He turned back to talk to them, cutting off when he saw they were 'teaching' his daughter again. "Twins." They looked at him, not standing up straight from leaning over the cot. Astrid was shaking her head, smiling. "Nevermind. Come on, Fishlegs, we'll go check it out." Toothless bundled over, cuddling up to his rider excitedly. "Yes, you can come to." Hiccup chuckled.

* * *

The secluded beach was mostly deserted, except for the boat. It was in no merry state, the mast broken almost clean in half, the figurehead completely wrecked, holes in the sides and bottom. Most of the oars were broken or missing.

Toothless and Meatlug dropped neatly onto the sand. The Night Fury started clawing sand towards him as soon as Hiccup had dismounted, gathering a small mound and looking proud of it. He growled at Hiccup to pay attention and seemed to smile at his creation.

"Very nice, bud." Toothless snorted in agreement. Then he trampled over the sand castle, chortling happily.

"Your dragon is weird." Fishlegs announced. Toothless huffed, giving the other rider an unimpressed look. Meatlug bundled forward and the two dragons started playing around.

The two men advanced, carefully stepping over debris. Lots of fish were scattered inside the ship, stinking to the high heavens. Fishlegs recoiled and put his arm over his mouth and nose. Hiccup made a face and carried on.

"Hello?" Hiccup called. "Anyone home?"

"It's a boat, Hiccup."

"Shut up, Fishlegs." Movement caught their attention, floorboards creaking above their heads. Hiccup motioned and they scrambled up the lopsided stairs, shouldering the door open. They nearly toppled into the water, but they steadied themselves. "Ah." Hiccup smiled. "People."

Three men were gathered about the wheel of the ship, looking exhausted and a little beat up. "Hello." Hiccup's smile was friendly. Fishlegs hung back, examining the crew and the wreckage.

"Who are you?" One of them asked. They could have been siblings, they looked so much alike. Similar, muscular builds, dark hair and beards. Other features- eye colour, style of braids in hair and beards, nose shape and injuries- were different.

"I'm Hiccup. This is Fishlegs. Who are you?"

"I'm Earl." The middle one said. He seemed to be the leader. "This is Gabor," he gestured at the man on his left, "and this is Arvid." He waved at the other man.

"What happened here?"

"Little dragons, lots of fog." Earl offered. "We were trying to fend them off when we shipwrecked."

"Fishermen?" Fishlegs quizzed. They all nodded. "That's all of fish for three men."

"Big nets." Gabor muttered.

"Where are we?" Arvid asked.

"Berk." Hiccup replied. He carefully made his way over to them. Fishlegs followed, albeit hesitantly.

He heard a scuffling below deck and a familiar, contented chortle. "Toothless!" He called. "Stop eating!" Seconds later, his dragon jumped up, scrambling to keep his balance on the banister. His mouth was stuffed with fish and he seemed very happy with this.

"Night Fury!" Arvid gasped, stumbling back.

"It's OK, he won't hurt you."

"He's eating our profits!" Earl protested.

"They're only going to go to waste." Fishlegs pointed out. "You can sell to Berk, but with this ship?" He tapped his foot on the slanted deck and shook his head pityingly. "You're not going anywhere."

* * *

Astrid didn't seem overly happy with three burly men randomly appearing in her home and stinking of extremely ripe fish.

"Hiccup?" She questioned shortly when the chief appeared. He kissed her forehead in greeting and explained.

"We did have dinner, but, uh... certain dragon of mine ate it all." He scratched at his chin. Astrid could tell he was battling to get his thoughts aligned. "Your mother is here."

"Yes."

"It's very tidy."

"She likes tidy." Hiccup nodded in agreement. "What are they doing here?" She nodded at the fishermen.

"Um, they're going to sleep out back until their ship is fixed." He paused, gauging her reaction. "As long as that's alright with you."

"Is this the wife you were telling us about?" Earl asked.

"Yep." Hiccup said proudly. His tone made Astrid's annoyance flutter weakly for a moment, pleased that he was such a loving husband and boasted about her to new people, but she was annoyed that he had invited three strangers into her home.

Hildegard tottered from the pantry, carefully carrying a basket of chicken, bread and some vegetables. She didn't notice the guests, her attention fixated on the food, making sure she didn't drop anything.

"Astrid, I couldn't find any onions. Are you sure you've got some?"

"We did."

"Ah. _Did_. Past tense." Hildegard set the basket on the table, shooing away Toothless, and turned to stoke the fire. She noticed the three men then, startling and dropping a log. Hiccup hurriedly helped her- it was always good to stay in his mother-in-law's good books. "Hello." She said uncertainly. She gave Hiccup a quizzical look and he recounted the story. Hildegard pursed her lips when he finished and he sensed a maternal worry nagging at her mind. She and her daughter shared glances, but neither said anything. Hiccup didn't like it when they did that- he never understood.

"Well, I'd better get a bit more then." Hildegard said, surveying the food basket. She nodded at the guests and shuffled back to the pantry.

"Take a seat." Hiccup offered, gesturing at the chairs around the table. "Where's Ingrid?" He asked Astrid.

"Upstairs." She replied quietly. Hiccup held out his hand to her and they went upstairs together. Toothless followed, curious. He found his best friend asleep and curled around the crib, rushing to nudge her awake and play. Stormfly squawked at him, opening on eye tiresomely. Toothless cooed and peered into the cot, grumbling a hello. "Hiccup." Astrid said.

"I know, I know, strange me abruptly coming into your home without having a bath beforehand. I'm sorry."

"The smell is only part of it; I know you're doing your chief hospitality thing, but I don't want them near Ingrid."

"OK."

"I mean it!" She hissed. "Mum thinks so too- there's something not quite right with them."

"Something _fishy_?" She smacked his arm, but he noticed a waver in her expression- a stray smile. "But don't you worry. I trust you and your mum's maternally instincts, so I'll do my best to make sure nothing happens and that Ingrid is OK. Besides, it's not like they're going to get past you and your axe." The dragons snorted complaints. "Or them." Hiccup added. She nodded once, a hint of self-pride seeping through at the axe comment. He chuckled. "That's my queen." He smiled. Her anger broke away then and she returned his good humour.

"I was right about you."

"Oh?"

"I knew you were alright."

"Was this before or after I met Toothless and you dropped your axe on my-?" She twisted his arm and he was forced to his knees, his wrist on the verge of snapping. "You're right. Always right!" He corrected thickly. She let go and knelt before him smiling sweetly and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Hiccup flexed his wrist and waggled his fingers experimentally. Returned her hug. "Violence isn't the answer."

"Yes it is." There was a tint of playful warning in her voice and he nodded, kissing her cheek.

"Yep." He agreed. "As usual, you're right."

"And don't you forget it."


	4. Chapter 4

Toothless scoffed down the last of his dinner. Stormfly was still pecking at her chicken, refusing to share. She didn't even give him a bit when he bought some fish back up for her!

Instead, he regained his regurgitated food and went to check on the hatchling. It was a weird hatchling. No wings or claws. Then again, Hiccup and his mate didn't have wings or claws. And they didn't lay eggs either. These Viking types were strange creatures.

The hatchling was swaddled in sheets of cloth, her blue eyes half-open. She had tufts of dark hair that never lay flat, but were as soft as silk. She wasn't very old, Toothless figured. Viking hatchlings took _forever_ to grow.

The child hiccupped and then mewled unhappily. Astrid was there in an instant, petting Toothless and securing her baby. Toothless followed curiously, getting halfway up the stairs before Hiccup's mate closed the door on him.

"Toothless!" His rider called. "Come here, bud." Toothless grumbled his objection and Hiccup laughed. "Oy, you, she's _my_ wife. Now come here." Toothless bumbled down the stairs, jumping the last few. He nudged his rider affectionately, cooing. Hiccup scratched him behind the ear and Toothless purred contentedly. "Stupid dragon." Toothless retaliated by flicking his ear and smacking Hiccup on the nose. "Oy!" Hiccup half-laughed, trying to stay angry at his reptilian friend. Toothless pulled _the_ _face_ and Hiccup faltered.

Stormfly sidled over for some attention, fluttering her wings self-importantly. She was such a vain dragon, but she was happy enough to lie on the floor to be petted.

Soon enough, she and Toothless jumped up and out the window and Hiccup got to listen to them chasing each other around the house. He heard a creak of wood and then a loud _crack_ as they dismantled a tree to further their game. There were so many trees missing branches... stupid dragons.

He pushed himself up from his seat and ventured upstairs, knocking on the door. "Astrid? You OK for me to come in?"

"Um, no." Hiccup sat on the top step. "Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"I _am_ allowed a lunch break." He reminded her.

"Says who?" She replied playfully. He could hear the smile in her voice.

"Says that dashing chief of ours. I've heard he's quite handsome."

"Mmm..." Astrid hummed. "Not my type really."

"Well, even if he was, you'd be too late. Someone told me he had a very beautiful wife."

"No."

"Yes. Seen her myself, she's _brilliant_."

"She's just had a baby, Hiccup. I'm sure she's not feeling as spritely as usual."

"She is when she's trying to kill her marvellous husband." He envisioned her shaking her head at him, trying not to smile even though she already was. "Are you really worried that I think you're not so beautiful because of Ingrid?"

"No..." She said uncertainly.

"If anything, I think you look better now than you did before. And I hadn't thought that was possible."

"You're just saying that."

"No, I mean it." He heard her approaching footsteps and got up, dusting himself down as the door swung open.

"Really?" She asked apprehensively. He nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Would I dare lie to you?" She gave a small smile and kissed him lightly. "How's Ingrid?"

"Asleep now." He made to suggest she get some sleep too when a knock on the door broke their conversation. He hurried to answer it, skipping down the stairs two at a time, in case they woke the baby.

It was the three fishermen- Earl, Arvid and Gabor.

"Hello." Hiccup smiled, stepping outside and pulling the door to."Everything OK?"

"We were wondering if there was anything we could do to help out." Arvid said. "Everyone seems to be working and we're just... well, just sitting there really."

"Um..." Hiccup pulled his list from his pocket. He always kept lists with him now; he worked better that way. "Ah, perfect job for you guys." They brightened interestedly. "Can you go with Bucket and Mulch and get in as many fish as you can?"

"Can dragons fly?" Gabor smirked, a rhetorical question. Hiccup smiled politely and they were off.

Astrid was waiting just inside the door. She had clearly been listening.

"Still don't trust them?"

"No," she muttered, arms crossed, "I don't."

"They're helping to get food though." She shrugged and turned away, clearing the table from lunch. He helped her, stacking the bowls and cups. He balanced them in one hand and curled the fingers of his other one under her chin, tilting her head back to make her look at him. "You don't have to worry." He told her. "That amazing and handsome chief is here to help his lovely wife."

"And we're back to that."

"It's the only way to compliment you without being hit." As if to make a point, she smacked his arm, nearly making him drop the crockery. "Well," he gave a mock dramatic sigh, "it was."

* * *

To ease Astrid's nerves, Stoick and Valka visited for the remainder of the day while Hiccup worked. His wife didn't like the idea of those three fishermen skulking about. No matter what he said or how much fish they caught for the village, Astrid didn't want to trust them. She was adamant there was something to them, something they weren't getting yet. "It's only a matter of time." She told him. "They'll slip up, I know they will." Hiccup didn't argue with her, mainly because it was never good to tell your wife she was delusional. There was a reason women lived longer than men.

Gobber and a few of the younger boys he had taken on as apprentices were working to fix up the fishermen's ship and a small number of the more artsy-crafty women were busy creating large, durable fishing nets and baskets. In return, the three guests paid their debts by constantly helping out anyway they could- gathering supplies, fishing, cleaning dragon stalls, cleaning the arena and some small home repairs too. Arvid helped to bake bread and such in the bakery; Gabor helped with the livestock and Earl had a knack for farming. Hiccup would be happy to keep them here if it wasn't for his wife's and in-laws' concerns.

He personally hadn't noticed anything wrong about the trio, but Astrid was absolutely positive one of them had tried to sneak into her and Hiccup's bedroom while she was feeding Ingrid. "They had no reason to be up there anyway!" Astrid protested, which was true. Hiccup had only ever known them to wait at the front door for him.

For now, his or her parents would keep her company throughout the day. Occasionally, the other dragon riders pitched in, much to Astrid's sarcastic 'joy'. The twins were destructive and didn't stop fighting, constantly waking Ingrid; Fishlegs would get nervous around the baby and end up knocking things over and wasn't sure what to do to; Snotlout just irritated Astrid with his mere presence. A lot of bad feeling between these two, highly unlikely to ever be amended.

"Don't have him here, I don't like him." She told Hiccup one morning.

"I know you don't like him." Hiccup managed around his mouthful of gruel. "But if anything does happen, you'll be glad of back-up."

"Oh, yeah, 'cos he's _so_ helpful." Astrid grumbled. Hiccup reached across the table and squeezed her hand. She gave a small smile and laced her fingers with his. "I can take care of myself." She paused. "And Ingrid."

"I'm not saying you can't; I just don't want either of you hurt." Astrid sighed, looking down at Ingrid curled in her arm. She was awake and looking around curiously, chewing on her fingers. She was just over a month old now. Her hair was dark and tufty, blue eyes alert as she examined her mother's braid.

Toothless jumped on the roof, calling happily. Ingrid startled and wailed in protest. Astrid comforted her as best she could, but the Night Fury was relentless. Hiccup jumped up and out the door. Toothless chortled at him, telling him to get a move on.

"You're getting me in trouble! Come down here!" The dragon bounced again and then swooped down, tackling Hiccup and coating him in salvia.

"Everything alright, chief?" Hiccup managed to push his dragon away and saw his three guests above him, looking amused.

"Yes," Hiccup wiped away what he could, "you're Justin time for breakfast." Arvid pulled him to his feet and Hiccup led them inside. Astrid looked a little irritated, but said nothing. Hiccup was going to get a little bit of lecture about this later- he just wanted to get them all to get along.

"So why was your dragon attacking?" Earl asked amusedly, dribbling a little honey onto his gruel.

"Oh, he wasn't attacking." Hiccup waved it off. "That's Toothless's way of saying 'morning'." He could feel the pressure of Astrid's look on him. He pushed his foot against her shin under the table, a discreet nudge of reassurance. "I've been meaning to ask you lot- you haven't noticed anyone sneaking around the house, have you?"

"No." Earl shook his head. Hiccup waited for the other two to confirm this, thinking more about the slight pause before Earl had answered. "We're only here in the mornings and at night," Earl pointed out, "we're out helping otherwise."

"Why?" Gabor asked, looking at Astrid. "Something happen?" She fumed, cutting a sideways glance at her husband. "Ma'am."

"Has someone upset you?" Arvid leant forward, offering his full attention and concern. "If you ever need help, ma'am, we'll be happy to-"

"I don't _need_ help with anything!" Astrid blurted out, smacking her hand on the table. The trio startled. "Especially from any of you! I can take care of myself!" She shoved away from the table and stomped away, dodging Hiccup's outstretched hand and storming upstairs.

"I did- I didn't mean for… to upset her." Arvid mumbled.

"Um, no, no. It's… it's alright." Hiccup got up to, forced a smiled. "I 'spect it's just… you know, just had a baby and all." They all nodded in understanding, murmuring agreement. Hiccup left them to their breakfast and went to check on his wife.

She had put Ingrid in her cot and was furiously pacing about the room. If she kept this up, she'd wear away the floorboards. "Astrid?"

"No!" She growled, snapping to a halt and glaring at him. "Don't come up here if you're going to lecture me; I've told you I don't like them!"

"I'm not here to lecture you." Hiccup promised, holding up his hands in the hope of placating her and to tell her that she didn't need to kill him right now. "I have nothing against your worry about them, I swear." He added at her scrutinizing glower. "I just… I'm not sure what to do." He admitted. "Yeah, I can see why you'd be worried, but they've been a great help since they got here and- and well… I just don't know how to go about sorting this rift." He could see her temper boiling below the surface and decided to stay quiet, let her mull over her thoughts. She shook with suppressed rage, hands bunched into fists at her sides, her shoulders set in sheer defiance, eyes cruel and fiery. Hiccup didn't look away from her.

And then… nothing. It was like something had clicked and drained away all her anger. Or lessened it, Hiccup realised. That would be the correct term. He doubted Astrid was never _not_ angry.

He held out his arms and she stumbled into the hug, resting her head on his shoulder and securing her arms around his waist.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

"You don't have to apologise." He smiled, running his fingers through the loose strands of her hair. "I'm sorry for not figuring this out fast enough. But you women…" He gave a single laugh, one that sounded more terrified and confused than humorous, "are as perplexing as you are amazing." She smiled.

"Nice save."


	5. Chapter 5

"Guess what day it is." Hiccup grinned. Astrid groaned and pulled her pillow over her head, stubbornly shutting her husband out. He pulled childishly on the bedding and gripped her shoulder tightly. This only gained him a sharp elbow to the stomach and he rolled away, winded.

"I _know _it's your birthday." She grumbled. "I also know it's _early _and _no_, we haven't planned you a surprise birthday party."

"Ooohhhh..." Hiccup complained. "I'll remember that when it's your birthday."

"Look," She sighed, propping herself up on her elbows to frown at him, "_your _birthday is every four years. _My _birthday is far more often and _my _birthday is _mine_." Her eyes hardened and he knew that if he dare 'forget' her birthday, he would be beaten. Viciously.

"Which is why my birthday is more important. You've had more birthdays than I've had and it's _completely _unfair."

"It's not _my _fault you're awkward." She muttered, plopping herself back down and turning her back to him. This only prompted him to sprawl out over the bed, leaning against her and sighing heavily, loudly and pointedly until she shoved him to the floor. "Alright, alright! I'm up! Happy?"

"Depends if I get a birthday kiss." He grinned cheekily.

"No." She was saved from his protests by Ingrid waking up. He was closer and, therefore, there first. He smirked at Astrid and sauntered off victoriously with their daughter, claiming he didn't need anyone but the girl in his life who couldn't argue back. He got waylaid by Toothless, who was the biggest drama queen to ever grace the island of Berk.

Astrid hurriedly got dressed and rushed downstairs to see Hiccup dripping Night Fury salvia, the two dragons happily chowing down on fish and chicken and Ingrid snuffling in her basket on the table. "Hiccup, you're hopeless." He laughed.

"Don't remind me." She threw him a towel and attended to Ingrid, taking her back upstairs. "Oy!" Hiccup protested. "Who am I supposed to birthday with now?"

"Well," Astrid stopped at the top of the stairs and looked back down at him, "hopefully someone who can teach you proper grammar."

"I'm a Viking, I don't need grammar."

"You do if you like having all your limbs." She looked him up and down. "Whether you were born with them or not."

"Oh, so not only are you abandoning me _on my birthday_, but you're also making amputee jokes."

"Of course." She smiled sweetly and closed the door. Hiccup made a face after her, silently relieved she couldn't see it, and turned back to the two winged reptiles.

"You won't leave me on my birthday, will you?" Stormfly squawked and ruffled her wings self-importantly, scooping up the last of her breakfast. Toothless's response was to cough up a fish head as his gift to his rider. "Well, I suppose that's better than being shoved off the bed."

"I can hear you!"

"I said nothing!" Astrid swore colourfully at him. "Hey!" He bounced up the stairs and stopped outside the door. "No swearing around my baby; she doesn't have to be like you _entirely_, you know."

"Yes she does. She's going to grow up to be a true Hofferson woman."

"She's a Haddock."

"With Hofferson blood; this one will go far, you watch."

"Yeah, if you don't mind her _slaughtering _people."

"_I beg your pardon_?"

"You're pardoned."

"Are you insinuating that my baby is going to grow up to be a mass murderer?"

"Well, if she's anything like her mother..."

"You're so lucky I'm feeding her right now, Hiccup, or I'd smack you into-"

"Next week?" He finished for her.

"No, to your next birthday."

"Ooh, four years. What an achievement."

"Go away."

"Fine. I'll go and see my lovely parents and see if they have anything for me other than violence." He waited a second and then darted into the room, kissed her and then out again, laughing maniacally. Toothless bounded after him happily- he'd get more food from Stoick and Valka if he played his cards right.

* * *

"Happy birthday, m'boy!" Stoick boomed happily. Hiccup grinned at him and hugged his mother in greeting.

"Five and bit now, right?" She teased.

"Yeah, I this many." He smiled, holding his hand. Valka laughed softly and shook her head at her son's absurdity. Stoick waved him over, throwing Toothless a kipper. "So, what's going on today then?"

"Well, dinner with the in-laws later." Valka said, setting a bowl of gruel and honey before her son and ruffling his hair. "Other than that, I think your father is running the village today."

"And that's your birthday present." Stoick smiled, petting Toothless.

"Ahhh, I thought you loved me!"

"We do. But there is only so much a father can do for his boy."

"Which is why..." Valka crossed the room and retrieved a small parcel from the cupboard, "you have a lovely mother too." Toothless sniffed curiously at the present and would have happily drooled over it had Valka not kindly pushed him away. "Oh no you don't, you pain." She laughed, handing the present over. Hiccup promptly tore the paper away and discovered a leather bound notebook with stitched bindings and lovely, thick sheets of paper- hundreds of them. "I think that'll last you a couple of months at least." Valka smiled.

"Brilliant!" Hiccup beamed. He'd been meaning to get a new notebook for ages. "Thanks, Mum!"

"What'd Astrid get you?"

"A one-way ticket off the bed and quite a few threats to lose another limb or two if I didn't get my grammar right."

"So, not so bad this year then?"

"I suppose not, but the day's not over yet."

"Quite right too, you little snitch." Astrid stomped in, Ingrid in the sling. Unlike Hiccup, Astrid wore the sling so the infant was settled with her head on her shoulder. She dropped into a seat opposite Hiccup and threw another parcel across the table. It was bigger, but softer than Valka's had been. "Made it myself." She smiled proudly as Hiccup held up the new red shirt with his name lopsidedly stitched across the back in black. In comparison to some of her other work, it was perfect, if a little on the big side. He suspected the Berk crest on the front was her mother's work though, there was no way Astrid would have the patience to sit there and stitch that. "You have to wear that."

"And I will." Hiccup promised, pulling off his blue shirt and sliding the new one on. Astrid beamed at him. Stoick nodded, smiling approvingly- he had taught his son well. "Hey, Astrid. Guess what?"

"What?" She asked warily, her smile faltering slightly.

"You're stuck with your _lovely _husband all day."

"Ugh..." Her shoulders slumped in defeat and Hiccup laughed. "I suppose I have to then... but just for today, my tolerance doesn't stretch that far."

"I know."

* * *

Earl, Arvid and Gabor were quick to learn it was the chief's birthday. They arrived with the twins, Fishlegs and Snotlout. Fishlegs was the only one of the group to get him a sensible present- a new set of charcoal pencils and a new knife- Gronckle Iron, he said proudly. The twins gifted him with a grumpy Terrible Terror in a ghastly and poorly wrapped bow that rampaged around the house for half an hour. Toothless caught him by nearly eating him whole. Snotlout had given him an old axe that Hiccup would have no use for and couldn't really lift anyway. Judging by the triumphant smirk Snotlout wore, this had been his attention.

"Sorry we didn't get you anything." Earl smiled. "We didn't know."

"Oh, it's alright." Hiccup waved it off. "You lot have been a great help and- no, Toothless, spit him out. Here, look, come here..." Toothless bundled over, cheeks bulging. He looked annoyed and then relieved when he spat out a slobbery Terrible Terror. Hiccup removed the bow as Toothless hurried off for a drink to wash away the horrible reptile taste. The chief kept a firm hold on the smaller dragon, drying him off carefully with a towel. "Twins, _really_?"

"We thought it'd be funny."

"Of course you did." He sighed. The Terror looked a bit happier now that he wasn't covered in salvia and that there was no ridiculous bow adorning his neck. "See, no need to go crazy, was there?" Hiccup smiled, scratching the dragon under the chin. Toothless returned and sniffed curiously at the smaller dragon. "What'd you think, bud?" Toothless sneezed and Hiccup took that as a 'yes'. "Alright then, we'll call him Rage."

"Not another dragon!" Astrid scolded.

"He's only a little one, look!" Hiccup smiled. "And it is my birthday." He added. "You know, my once-every-four-years birthday."

"_Fine_, but _you _can look after him."

"Why don't you get one too so we can have a matching set?" Astrid just shook her head and disappeared upstairs with Ingrid. Hiccup watched her go, smiling to himself. He looked round and saw Arvid had been watching her too. "Oy, no funny ideas. That's my wife."

"Huh? Oh! Oh no, I wouldn't _dare_\- that's just disrespectful, you know, with you being the chief and all." Hiccup just nodded, petting Rage. Where was the respect for Astrid as her own highly respectable person? "Well, work to do." Arvid swung his arms, bouncing on the balls of his feet and glancing around. "Have a nice day, sir." He and his two friends left, all giving their wishes for his big day.

Astrid came back downstairs minutes after they had left and sat next to Hiccup, waggling her fingers at Rage in greeting.

"You're avoiding them." Hiccup acknowledged.

"For a good cause. I don't think their heads will look good on my wall. Twins, put those down! Fishlegs, you _can_ sit down, Ingrid's not going to explode." Her eyes fixed on Snotlout and she frowned.

"Oh, I see how it is." Snotlout shrugged. "You clearly don't want to admit your feelings for me in front of the _husband_." He nodded at Hiccup and smirked. Astrid calmly passed Ingrid over and snatched up Hiccup's new axe, raising it above her head. Snotlout had a second to give Hiccup a pointed look- _your _wife _can lift the axe that _you _can't_\- before he realised he had better run.

Ingrid was staring blearily at Rage, reaching out experimentally with a small, pudgy hand. She drooled and her fingers scrabbled across the small dragon's scales. Her arm jerked up and she looked up at her father, sneezing.

"Bless you." Hiccup smiled, wiping her face gently on yet another towel. Towels were everywhere in this household, for dragon and baby purposes alike. "Don't grow up to be _too _much like your mother, alright? I don't need two scary women in my life, thank you very much."

* * *

**This is just a filler chapter until I can work my way towards my idea. I hope it's OK- sorry if it isn't, but I'm not feeling all that good at the moment, so things are a bit :/ Sorry! **


	6. Chapter 6

Hiccup was having a lovely warm dream about a talking Toothless- who was quite the comedian- and a quiet Snotlout- which was heavenly- when he was rudely awoken by his screaming, violent wife.

At first, he wasn't sure what was going on. She hit him sharply and then seemed to disappear, yelling blue murder as she charged down the stairs. He heard Stormfly squawking angrily and then Toothless was there.

Hiccup woke up then.

Someone had taken Ingrid.

"Give me back my baby!" Astrid screamed. Stormfly hurled spines into their pathway, but the figures only sprinted to the left, disappearing amongst the houses. A large, winged shadow darted up before them and they hurriedly changed course again. Astrid heard her husband's order for Toothless to hold his fire.

They reached the beach and the moon finally threw the kidnappers into the light.

Woe and behold- _she had been right._

Earl waved Gabor and Arvid- who was holding Ingrid- onto the ship and hurriedly started raising the sails and pulling in the anchor. "OH NO YOU DON'T!" Astrid raged. Stormfly swooped in and the enraged rider dropped ten feet onto the deck, her axe ready. Toothless landed on the figurehead and Hiccup swung down, his fire sword crackling and burning away. "Give. Me. My. Baby." Astrid growled. Earl glowered at her, he and Gabor moving in front of Arvid and drawing swords. Astrid's temper exploded and she lunged, swinging at Earl with the axe. Gabor made to run her through, but was his blade was blocked by a white hot stream of fire.

There was a small scuffle and then they all ended up apart. Hiccup stood before Astrid slightly, his arm out to keep her at bay.

"Now," he huffed, ever the diplomat. Somehow, he had found time to pull on trousers and grab his weapon _and _keep up with his wife. Astrid had only grabbed her axe. "Give Ingrid back."

"Why should we?" Astrid swore loudly.

"She's our daughter!" She shrieked, raising her axe. Hiccup's arm still blocked her. She was all for charging past, but the calmness oozing from him kept her in place.

"No, not anymore." Arvid rocked the infant and smiled. "Our lives are far more important than some little brat's." Hiccup could sense Astrid's temper building again and figured he couldn't keep her back for much longer.

"Were you sent?" He asked.

"Not supposed to tell him anything." Gabor muttered warningly. He was eyeing Toothless greedily over his shoulder. Hiccup could see it in his face- the 'fisherman' could get quite a high price for a Night Fury alongside a chief's heir.

"Get them off my ship." Earl ordered. Arvid handed Ingrid over, who was still asleep. He and Gabor readied their weapons and advanced. Hiccup lowered his arm. Astrid moved like lightning, screaming at the top of her lungs. Arvid wavered and missed decapitation by a _millimetre_, ducking at the last second. Toothless roared to Stormfly up on the crow's nest. There was a swish and Gabor fell, Nadder spines hammering him to the deck and holding him in place.

Hiccup darted forward and tackled Arvid, leaving Astrid to go after Earl. He wasn't really thinking what he was doing- when this was all over, it would take some time to get his head around what happened. He had trusted the trio even if his wife and in-laws hadn't. It was hard not to trust someone who did quite a bit of fair work about the village.

"_Hoooooold _it!" A new voice cried. Earl ducked out of the way and Astrid's axe slammed into the mast. Hiccup kept Arvid pinned and peered up curiously. Someone was standing on the rigging, swinging off of it. They leapt, grabbed one of the ropes and artfully swung down. Toothless snarled as they somersaulted in mid-air and landed gracefully before him, arms raised as though he expected a round of applause.

"I thought you were dead."

"Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup! That's no way to greet your old brother!" Dagur cackled. "Not that we're brothers! Not since you denied me that Night Fury!" The Berserk spun round and his greedy eyes alighted on Toothless. "Still alive!" He did a merry little dance, a crazed light in his eyes. "Oooh, it really is my lucky day!" Astrid hefted her axe onto her shoulder. Earl scrabbled over to stand next to his boss, Ingrid mewling in his arms.

"What are you doing here, Dagur?" She snarled.

"Why, I'm here to ruin everything you had! Just returning the favour!" A wickedly sharp, jagged sword appeared in his hand and he rushed forward.

"I don't think so!" Astrid stepped in, swinging her axe up and smacking Dagur's blade away from slicing Hiccup in two.

"No!" Dagur howled. "You're ruining my plan! And it's a perfectly good plan!"

"Not my problem!" Astrid swung wildly. Dagur dodged under it and Hiccup jumped in, going sword-on-fire-sword with his old foe. Astrid danced around them and went for the jugular. There was no standing between her and her baby. Hiccup didn't get to see how well she was doing- Dagur had really been training over the past seven years. It took everything Hiccup had to focus on not losing another limb or his head. He already had a few cuts in his arm, one on his cheek and another across his ribcage. He parried another blow and swiped at Dagur with his free hand. The smack to the face momentarily disorientated the Berserk and Hiccup had the chance to dislodge a Zippleback canister. He threw it at Dagur's feet and, with a blast from Toothless, it exploded.

The ship was on fire. Dagur must have had something below deck as explosive as the Zippleback gas as an a secondary wave of heat and fire knocked Hiccup back towards the wheel. Toothless leapt through the flames and scooped him up. Dagur dived over board. Gabor was screaming to be let free, Arvid was trying to find a path through the flames to get to him and Earl was nowhere to be seen.

Hiccup panicked for a second, but then he saw Astrid scaling the burning rigging one-handed, Ingrid tucked in her arm. The long handle of her axe was tucked down the back of her nightdress. Hiccup urged Toothless onwards and pulled his wife abroad. Stormfly was hovering uncertainly above them.

"Let's go." Astrid muttered, passing Ingrid back to him and pulling her axe free. There was blood on the blade.

"No!" Dagur screamed from the water. "GET BACK HERE!" Astrid tensed, her head snapping round to glower at him. Hiccup was suddenly glad she was on his side.

"IF YOU DARE COME BACK, I SWEAR TO THE GODS _I WILL KILL YOU_!"

"I WILL GET THAT CHILD! YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF DAGUR THE DERANGED!"

* * *

**There was more to this, but I don't think it would be very suitable. I wanted to put it, but didn't want to as well- the original idea was that Astrid killed one of the kidnappers, but I didn't want to do anything too out of character- I mean, she would be protecting and saving her daughter, but would murder be too much? What do you lot think? I can add it in if you want, or post it as something separate if need be or leave it out entirely? **


	7. Chapter 7

Astrid remained in a bad temper for quite a while. No matter what Hiccup did, she refused point-blank to acknowledge him or talk to him in something other than monosyllabic glowers. He cooked her breakfast in bed, dinner, ran her warm baths, picked flowers, brought her favourite pie from the bakery, made her a new axe and a new, more comfortable saddle for Stormfly with an extra detachable attachment to sit Ingrid in if need be. Everything he tried and _nothing_.

"I don't understand women." Hiccup complained to his father after ten days of this. He had dropped by to see his parents during his lunch break and found that he wasn't hungry. "I've said 'sorry' a million times and haven't said anything against her keeping Ingrid with her twenty-four seven."

"She'll come around." Stoick assured, carving yet again another wooden duck. He eyed the creation curiously for a minute and then continued with his work. "She's a stubborn one, that Astrid."

"I know." Hiccup grumbled.

"Sit up and eat your food." Valka told him. Hiccup had his head on the table. He looked up, resting his chin on the surface, and regarded his mother's cooking. Admittedly, it had gotten better. But meatballs were still dangerous.

"Mum, you understand women. What can I do?"

"Admit you were wrong."

"I have."

"To a good enough calibre?" Valka smiled. Hiccup frowned, confused. "One thing you should know about us women, son- _we are always right_." Stoick nodded in agreement. "Never pick a fight with a woman; you will never win."

"I've noticed."

"Appeal to her nature."

"Sooo, jump off Deadman's Peak?"

"Ah." Valka looked amused. "She said that then?"

"In passing." Hiccup made a face at his father, who was laughing at his misfortune.

"Women like to think they're the boss. Which they are." He added hastily at his wife's glare. "Just remind Astrid of that in some _supposedly_ endearing Hiccup way and you should be fine." He set his duck on the table, facing his son.

"Quack." Hiccup muttered. "And what'd you mean _supposedly_? I'm very endearing."

"Oh yeah?" Stoick challenged, leaning his arms on the table and smirking at his son.

"Yeah."

"Go and get your wife back then."

* * *

Hiccup managed to persuade Astrid to go out for a walk with him at the two week mark. Everyone knew what had happened and found it very amusing that their chief couldn't win back his wife. Some of them were starting to feel sorry for him as time wore on, but others- like Snotlout- were bent on making snide remarks.

They were passing through the middle of the village when it happened. Hiccup had been talking aimlessly to her, jabbering in his nervousness. Astrid pretended she couldn't hear him, fussing over Ingrid until the tot fell asleep in the sling. Hiccup missed holding his daughter- two weeks, it had been. How long could Astrid's stubborn temper last?

"I can't set things right if you don't talk to me!" He blurted when she completely ignored his question on what he could do to amend the issues. For the first time in a fortnight, her eyes found his, burning with such an anger, Hiccup suddenly knew what Earl, Gabor and Arvid must have felt on _that _night.

"IF YOU HAD LISTENED TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS!" She thundered, storming towards him. Hiccup backed up sharply, hands up in surrender. She completely ignored this. "You're such an _idiot_, Hiccup, you see the good in every- what _are_ you doing?" She finished her sentence in complete confusion. Her stupid husband had dropped to the ground at her feet, hands over his head and his forehead to the dirt. Some of the men started to laugh- these were the ones who still teased Hiccup sometimes for not being 'Viking-like'. Snotlout was amongst them. Some of the women cooed and smiled approvingly. Two weeks wasn't so bad- most men _never_ figured out what to do when their wife was mad at them.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong, you were right, you're always right." Hiccup said into the dirt. Astrid was absolutely baffled and the only way she could think of to react was to…

Laugh.

And then she couldn't stop laughing. All her anger seemed to melt away as tears streamed down her cheeks and she laughed. Hiccup looked more mystified than anyone there, debating silently if his wife had succumbed to insanity. He wasn't going to have to ship her away when she had _finally_ stopped being angry at him, was he?

"Ooooh, my side." She put a hand on her stitch and, still giggling, knelt to be eye-to-eye with Hiccup. "You really are an idiot."

"Uuhhh…" What was going on? _What in Thor's name was going on?_

She kissed him lightly and pulled him to his feet, smirking at his puzzled expression. Hiccup caught sight of his father past her shoulder. Stoick grinned and gave him a double-thumbs up.

_Women like to think they're the boss. __Which they are__._

Now it all made sense.

_One thing you should know about us women, son- __we are always right_

Astrid smiled at him, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. She wiped at her eyes with her other hand, giggling feebly. "That's made my day." She beamed at him. "Idiot." Relief washed over Hiccup, banishing the confusion. He grinned back. He wasn't sure what to say- _speechless_\- but he had his wife and daughter back. Today was a good day.

* * *

He had work to do the following day. Astrid saw him about the village as she run a few errands and he kept grinning when he saw her, like someone had offered him the world. She couldn't help but grin back. Yes, she was still angry at him, but she was _always_ angry at him. And she had missed him. He had been so sweet to her with the meals and the baths and the flowers and the new axe and she had put him under the heaviest bout of silent treatment known to man.

All around the village, though, she heard constant whispering. The women were in awe and very impressed with Hiccup's behaviour yesterday, but the men were not so amazed. A couple found it funny and were glad their chief and his wife were back on speaking terms, but the majority of them thought Hiccup's little act made for a poor chief. Some of them even let Hiccup know what was on their minds- "We understand you were trying to sort things with your wife, chief, but there are other ways to go about doing it. You shouldn't have grovelled at her feet like that."

"OK." Hiccup said, clearly not having heard a word of what was said to him. Astrid's annoyance at him weakened a fraction- this would not be dropped so easily and he knew that. If the cost of having her back was the fierce disapproval and constant picking of the villagers, then so be it.

Stoick and Valka were ecstatic to have her back round for lunch and to see their granddaughter again. Hildegard was among the women who loved Hiccup's apology. Astrid's father, Fenrir, was in two minds about it. He liked Hiccup and trusted him with his daughter. He wasn't sure about his way of apologizing though.

But Astrid was far happier now than she had been in two weeks. "That's good 'nough for me." Fenrir told his son-in-law. "Just listen to 'er next time; understand?"

"Yes sir." Fenrir gave a content nod and left. Hiccup sighed in relief and then sharp pain flared in his shoulder. He turned and saw Astrid smirking at him. "What? Are you going to call me an idiot again?"

"I was." She admitted. "But I think you've got enough ridicule at the minute."

"Really? I thought you'd like to top it all off with a well-placed insult that will slowly eat away at my confidence and eventually my mental state, leaving you free to take control of everything and discreetly bury me alive under the patio."

"I'm going to have to kill you now, you know too much."

"Dammit." She smacked him in the arm and laughed. "I missed you."

"And I had a lovely two weeks being waited on hand-and-foot." He gaped at her.

"You… you did that on purpose."

"I was still mad at you anyway, but I suppose it _was_ an added benefit." She smiled mischievously and flounced off.

What had he gotten himself in to?


	8. Chapter 8

"Now, don't start crying. Ooh, why is she crying?" Toothless stared blankly back at his rider- how was he supposed to know? Human hatchlings were just _weird_. No wings, no claws, no fire, nothing. They just seemed to make a lot of noise and smell. Toothless didn't mind it so much when it was asleep; mostly because Hiccup could get out and fly for a while. That was nice. "Ingrid, please stop crying. Look, it's Dragon." He waved the small toy dragon Valka had made desperately. She only seemed to cry more. "Come on, Ingrid. We all know if you cry, I'm going to cry. ASTRID, THIS CHILD IS BROKEN!"

"Oh for the love of Thor's underpants, Hiccup!" Astrid hurried down the stairs, fashioning her hair into a messy bun.

"I don't know!" Hiccup panicked. "She's not hungry, she doesn't smell, she didn't want to be held or... or anything!" Astrid rocked and bounced Ingrid gently against her chest, shushing her softly. "And Thor's underpants?"

"It's just an expression."

"You don't really think of the gods wearing underpants."

"Well, they're not exactly _nude_, are they?"

"They could be." Astrid cast her eyes to the heavens. "Hey, don't look up. You might see something unpleasant." She snorted before she could stop herself and snickered.

"The stuff you come out with..."

"It's one of the many reasons why you married me."

"Is it now? Ssh, baby, Daddy didn't mean to be silly."

"Of course he did." Astrid sent him a 'shut up' look and he dutifully set off to feed the dragons. Toothless bumbled after him, grumbling impatiently. Breakfast had been stalled because the hatchling had been crying. "Women." Hiccup muttered to his dragon, as though the Night Fury would understand. "Such confusing creatures. Alright, alright, patience!" He laughed. Toothless pawed impatiently at the basket and snorted demandingly. Hiccup undid the strap and tipped the contents onto the floor. "Where's Stormfly?" No response. Food was here, why would there be? "Astrid, where's Stormfly?"

"She's still asleep upstairs." Ingrid had quietened to a discontented mewl, waving her tiny fists unhappily. "Yes, I do know." Astrid told her. "I've known him a lot longer than you have. She says you're an idiot." She added at Hiccup's befuddled look.

"Oh, I forgot you were fluent in gibberish!"

"Let me show you something _really _interesting." She stomped past him and yanked open... "The door." Hiccup gasped excitedly, skipping forward and examining the door like he had never seen it before.

"How absolutely _fascinating_!" He marvelled, swinging it back and forth and inspecting the hinges with delight. "Ah," He smirked at her, "you were trying to get rid of me, weren't you?"

"Five minutes' peace would be nice."

"Fine, but you're only getting five minutes." He kissed her cheek, made a face at Ingrid and went for a walk. He counted five hundred steps and walked back. His endearing wife immediately sent him off to get on with his chiefly duties. "And there was me thinking you loved me!"

"I do, but you're very annoying!" He laughed maniacally and set off to find Fishlegs and Bjorn Senior. Instead, he found the twins yak-tipping.

"Oy!"

"Run!" Tuffnut shoved his sister and then sprinted for Barf and Belch. Hiccup caught Ruffnut first and Tuffnut was stranded- the twins couldn't fly their dragon alone.

"Aren't you a bit old for yak-tipping?"

"We're never too old to have fun, chief."

"Duh." Ruffnut added, pulling her arm free and dusting herself down.

"Put the yaks back upright."

"Oooohhhh!" They complained simultaneously. "Do we have to?" Hiccup nodded, folding his arms. "You're no fun." Tuffnut mumbled. "Not since you became Mr. Big Shot Chief Snotty Pants."

"I take it you're bored?"

"Yes." They grumbled.

"Well... I don't know, maybe you can't handle it..." That got their attention.

"Tell us, tell us!"

"No, it'd be too much trouble." He made to leave. "But... I suppose..." He trailed off again. "If you sorted out the yaks, I may tell you..." They rushed to right their wrongs. They had never worked so quickly. "Excellent." Hiccup beamed. "Well, how'd you like to help finalise Thawfest details?"

"Do we get to blow things up?"

"No, but you get to race."

"Yes!" They cheered and high-fived each other.

"Meet me at the arena in ten minutes." Hiccup smiled. That'd keep them out of trouble for a few hours at least.

"Yes chief sir!" They saluted, jumped on their dragon and soared away. Hiccup gave a sigh of relief and carried on, after checking that all the yaks were standing.

Fishlegs and both of the Bjorn's were in the Great Hall. Meatlug was snoozing in the sunlight outside, gobbling rocks in her dreams. Hiccup told his work partners that he had pulled the twins in and tried to set aside any of their worries- not an easy thing, considering the twins' destructive habits. "I'm sure it'll work out, I just needed to distract them for a while. And, besides, they might get bored really quickly and leave to... I don't know, whatever it is the twins do."

"I don't want to know." Fishlegs sighed. "How are things with Astrid?"

"I think she's trying to bump me off." They looked amused. "I'm serious, she might try and take control of things if I'm gone."

"It wouldn't surprise me." Bjorn Senior admitted. His son smiled shyly at Hiccup and bowed his head to fiercely scribble away in his notebook. Hiccup leant forward in his seat to see a very childish, but relatively good drawing of a dragon.

"Is that a Night Fury?" Bjorn Junior burnt scarlet and clutched his book to his chest. "It's very good." Hiccup smiled. "You keep that up and I could put it on the wall next to my own." If possible, Junior turned even redder. His father beamed appreciatively at Hiccup.

* * *

"Come on, say 'Daddy'."

"Hiccup, go away. She's obviously going to say 'Mummy' first."

"Says who?"

"Says _me_." Astrid placed her hand on her hip and pointed at him warningly. "So shut up."

"She loves me more."

"Ridiculous."

"Some might say you've gone soft with motherhood..." Hiccup mused teasingly, waggling his fingers at his daughter. She cooed happily and kicked her chubby legs. Astrid pounced, grabbing him by the wrist and twisting his arm right back. He crumpled to his knees. "Mercy, mercy! Ow! I'm an idiot." She let him go and smiled angelically.

"See? You _are _learning." Hiccup waved his arm and mocked sulking. Astrid mimicked and then turned back to her baby. "Come on, Ingrid. Show your silly Daddy girls are better than boys."

"Aaaaahhhh..." Ingrid drooled. Hiccup got to his feet.

"Look, missy, I'm the chief. Do as you're told and say 'Daddy' or I'll hand you over to Dagur next time he shows his ugly mug."

"Oh, get over yourself. She wouldn't care if you were the chief or not, she'll still beat you at everything."

"If she takes after you, most definitely."

"So you won't hand her over to Dagur?" Hiccup glanced sidelong at his wife. "Don't make me get my axe."

"She's not supposed to know that!"

"Are you _blackmailing _her?"

"No..."

"Hiccup! Have you no shame?"

"No." Astrid sniggered. Ingrid sneezed and toppled back, giggling happily. Toothless peered down at her, curious. He snuffled at her messy dark hair and then crooned, giving a gummy smile. Ingrid giggled and rolled clumsily onto her front, crawling off. Just over a year old and already a pain in the backside. "Ingrid, come back! No, get out from under the table. Oooh, she is _so _your daughter."

"Only if she says 'Daddy' first."

"You will forever hold a grudge if she doesn't, won't you?" He shrugged nonchalantly and Astrid rolled her eyes. "Ingrid, just say 'Mummy' and then we can have a few hours piece from this nutjob." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder at Hiccup.

"No, say 'Daddy'." Hiccup insisted. Ingrid peered at them curiously from under the table, chewing on her fingers. A light danced cheekily in her eyes as she left them on tenterhooks. "Ingrid, I will disown you if you don't do this." Astrid hit his arm.

"You can't say that!"

"I never realised I was physically unable to do so."

"I _will _get my axe." Hiccup mimed zipping his lips closed and watched his daughter expectantly. He wouldn't really throw her out. He needed an heir for one thing and for another, Dagur was still prowling about and had been for the past year and a bit. No matter how many times Astrid sent him packing with broken bones, bruises and bloodstains so vast, he was just red, he did not get the message whatsoever. Hiccup was tempted to change his name from Dagur the Deranged to Dagur the Dumbass.

"Ingrid. Say 'Daddy."

"No."

"No!"

"Rude!"

"No." Ingrid said again. Then she smiled. "No!" She laughed happily and crawled out from the table, but on the other side to her parents.

"You get back here, young lady, and show your mother some respect!"

"No!" Stormfly caught the crawling child first, enclosing her in her wings. Ingrid was perfectly fine with this, tracing the patterns on the Nadder's wings.

"Ooh, that is so typical of you _Hoffersons_!"

"I beg your pardon? It's that _Haddock _idiocy, that's what it is!"

"Puh-_lease_, Astrid. It's _your _stubbornness that's got us in this mess."

"It's not stubbornness; it's sheer defiance for authority and quite frankly, I can't blame her."

"Are you two arguing _again_?" Hildegard and Fenrir were over for lunch. "By the gods, do you ever stop?"

"Your granddaughter is broken." Hiccup accused.

"I wonder why." Astrid muttered sarcastically.

"Why? What's she done now?" Hildegard scooped up the tot, chucking her under the chin.

"No!" Ingrid repeated proudly.

"Ah. Not the usual first word, is it?" Fenrir was laughing. Hiccup was pretty sure he had never heard Astrid's father _laugh _before and was rendered quite speechless for it.

"Aye, that'd be the Hofferson blood."

"Told you."

"Axe."

"No, no." Hildegard smiled. "My first word was 'no' too."

"What was Astrid's?"

"'Axe'."

"Well _that _figures."

"No!"

"Yes, yes, rub it in." Hiccup made a face at his daughter and she giggled. "Horrible child."

"No!"

* * *

**Time-skip! Sorry about that, but I needed to do it to get on with the story. I hope this is alright! :D**

**Special thank you to HiccupHaddockIII who helped me get my ideas straight! ^_^ **


	9. Chapter 9

"_Please_ let me take her out after breakfast!"

"What'd you mean _after breakfast_? You just ate!"

"I'm still hungry."

"You're _always_ hungry lately; what's going on?" Hiccup gave an indifferent shrug.

"It's just my tapeworm Jim."

"Ew!" He pretended not to notice her disgruntled look and laughed.

"Kidding!"

"You had better be!" Astrid scolded, eyeing him warily. Ingrid tugged on her braid sharply. "What do you want, you little madam?"

"Fl'!" Ingrid insisted, waving her arms about. "Fl'!" Over the past two weeks, she had learnt an assortment of words, but she could only say about a third of them properly. Unfortunately, still no 'Mummy' or 'Daddy'- Astrid and Hiccup were competing _endlessly_ for this achievement. "Fl' wi' 'gon!"

"_Dra_gon." Hiccup corrected kindly.

"'Gon!"

"Dra."

"Drrrrr…"

"Gon."

"Drrrrrgon."

"Close enough." He clapped his hands once and held them out to his daughter. She squealed excitedly and leant forward suddenly, toppling from her mother's arms to her father's. "See." Hiccup stuck his tongue out at his wife. "Told you she loves me more."

"We've talked about this, Hiccup- you can't let your delusions run your head, it doesn't make for a good chief."

"I'll tell Jim and he'll eat you."

"Jim, your imaginary tapeworm friend?" Hiccup gave a single nod. "Whatever. Have her back before lunch, OK?"

"Victory!" He declared, punching the air with his free hand. Ingrid mimicked.

"Vic'ry!" She tried, giggling.

"You're going to be super clever, like your amazing daddy. Say 'Daddy'."

"No."

"Say 'Mummy'." Astrid attempted.

"No."

"Take her away, Hiccup, and don't bring her back until she says 'Mummy'."

"Or 'Daddy'."

"Fat chance." Astrid handed him the baby bag and waved him out the door. Toothless leapt down from the roof, chortling a hello. Hiccup petted him and wrapped Ingrid up in the sling. Toothless prowled about, snuffling Hiccup inquisitively and it took a few minutes to get him to sit still long enough to climb in the saddle. He tested the tail as Ingrid twisted about in the sling.

"Drrrrgon." Ingrid slurred. She peered curiously over the edge of the material and whooped in delight as Toothless took off. Hiccup smiled to himself, tucking another blanket about his daughter as the temperatures dropped. She curled up and stared up in amazement at the clouds and blue sky. "Eh?" She asked, pointing.

"Cloud." Hiccup told her.

"Clo'. Clo'!" She clapped excitedly. Toothless peered over his shoulder and took to diving and twirling and loop-the-looping. Hiccup kept a firm hold on his daughter, who was shrieking and laughing gleefully. "Clo', clo'!" She demanded, pointing up.

"Disappear, bud." Hiccup told his dragon, shifting the tail. Toothless batted his wings and clambered up. Ingrid was _ecstatic_.

* * *

Astrid watched from the ground, cursing her husband when the Night Fury started aerobatics. Thankfully, she saw no tiny falling shape and the dragon didn't dive down to collect anything. Then they disappeared into the clouds and she hoped Hiccup had the sense to keep Ingrid wrapped up warm.

Sighing, she returned inside. _Jim the tapeworm_. Sometimes, she wished Hiccup could work his way through a sensible conversation, but then she realised that she would miss out on a good giggle if he did. _Jim the tapeworm_, honestly.

"Stormfly, the fire!" The Nadder squawked irritably and shot flames at the hearth, curled up and went back to sleep. Astrid sidled over, spitting on her hand and massaging the dragon's scales. Stormfly huffed happily and nudged her rider affectionately, apologizing for being snappy. "Good girl."

Someone knocked on the door. "Everything alright, Mum?"

"I do hope so." Hildegard peered at Astrid curiously.

"What?"

"I keep track of things, Astrid, you know that."

"Yeah. And?" Hildegard gave her a pointed look. "No." Astrid shook her head. Hildegard nodded slowly, smiling knowingly. "Mum, no, I- I would know."

"Would you now?"

"Well, I'd have thought so."

"Never question your mother, Astrid. I do know what I'm on about." Astrid changed the subject by offering a beverage. Her mother wasn't swayed so easily, but she did except the warm yak's milk. "Look, it's a mother's intuition, we know these things."

"But I'm _fine_."

"Are you?"

"Well, I was sick yesterday, but Hiccup didn't feel that good either- dodgy lamb or something. I didn't cook it right." Hildegard hummed and sipped her drink. "Mum, don't- do _not_ insinuate _anything_."

"I'm not insinuating. I _know_."

"Of course you do." Astrid muttered.

"Just you wait, you'll see."

* * *

**Thank you to HttydFangirlxox for the flying idea! :D **

**Any guesses? :3 **


	10. Chapter 10

Hiccup sank into his chair with an exhausted groan. Astrid set his dinner before him and then got him some ice blocks. He instantly took two and pressed them to his temples, sighing in relief.

"Long day?"

"Never-ending. And don't correct me on that, my head hurts."

"I can tell. What happened?"

"Eighteen saddle orders; Dagur turned up; fire in the arena that actually _wasn't_ the twins, believe it or not; wild dragons sunk two fishing boats with the cargo; Bucket and Mulch were fighting like badgers over something ridiculous I can't even remember. Then I had lunch."

"_What_?" He nodded, eyes closed and grimacing. "I almost feel sorry for you."

"Thank you." He set down an ice block and started eating.

"What happened after lunch then?"

"I'm surprised you didn't notice. Three Zipplebacks went on a bit of a rampage and trashed town; messed up four of the saddles and had to start over; the twins were sneaking about and swapping everyone's things; some idiot found dragon root and 'didn't realise' as he dragged it into the stables; Fishlegs had a nervous breakdown and Bucket and Mulch found axes." He moved the ice block to the middle of his forehead and grumbled a few curses. Astrid patted his arm in the closest thing to sympathy she could manage and got her own dinner. She heard Toothless and Stormfly- already fed- scoffing about upstairs and prayed they didn't wake Ingrid. "Your mother's been over."

"Yeah." He pointed at something with his fork.

"I don't remember that being there."

"She rearranged a few things." He nodded slowly, looking around carefully and trying to spot these rearrangements. "Hiccup?" His eyes found hers. "I was thinking about going back to teaching next week. Ingrid could stay with my lot. Or you lot. Either one, because I know they'll look after her." He nodded again, setting the ice block down to cut his lamb. Astrid expected a protest or a question, but he just seemed to accept it. "That OK with you?"

"If you want to do it, then yeah, it's fine." He smiled lopsidedly. "We're an extra teacher down anyway. Fishlegs can't handle your class."

"Nervous breakdown?"

"Of the worst kind."

"How is he now?"

"Better, but he's having the rest of the week off to get his thoughts together."

"I could start again tomorrow!" Astrid decided excitedly.

"Are you sure?"

"Hiccup, as much as I love looking after Ingrid, I need to do something else too."

"OK, but if you change your mind, let me know." She beamed at him and his grimace eased a fraction. Astrid surveyed him for a moment as he pushed his vegetables about his plate.

"Hiccup? I might have something that'll cheer you up."

"Oh?"

"Guess." She smirked.

"Dammit." Hiccup mulled over it for a second and then shrugged. "I don't know."

"You didn't even try!"

"Give me a clue then." He laughed.

"Must I?"

"You must." She pulled a face at him and he smiled sweetly.

"Fine." She paused, thinking. "It's only happened once before." His smile faded into a blank look and he stared at her. Astrid figured it'd take more than one clue for him to get it. "You'll be very excited about it when you know."

"I have another birthday?"

"That hasn't happened once before."

"Practically has." He muttered, picking at his food. "Any more clues?"

"Umm…" Astrid helped herself to vegetables while she thought this over. "There's a possibility some of the men in the village will be happy." If possible, he looked even more confused. "It'll take a while to finish." She continued. "And it always finishes rather messily and painfully." Nope. Still no idea. "You _really_ aren't with it, are you?" A smile brightened his eyes as he gave her a pointed look from beneath his fringe **(bangs for you Americans).**

"Nope."

"You make it sound like a good thing."

"_Someone_ needs to be optimistic."

"Yes, well…"

"Holy Thor's underpants… are you-?" He sat up straighter, eager. "Are you- you know?" He pointed at her stomach and she beamed. "Yes!" He bounced up, suddenly full of energy. Astrid was dragged to her feet and he was hugging her fiercely, laughing. "This is _brilliant_!" He kissed her, grinning against her lips. "You're the best."

"I know." She laughed softly and kissed him back.

"Does Ingrid know? Let's tell Ingrid!"

"She's asleep!"

"But this is _important_! She's going to be a big sister!"

"Wait until she wakes up."

"_Ooohhhhh_…"

"You _child_."


	11. Chapter 11

**I've got a poll up that's closing Sunday in case anyone hasn't voted yet! **

**A special thank you to HiccupHaddockIII for helping me get over writer's block on this! Hopefully that stays gone :'D **

**I'm sorry in advance if my spelling isn't right in this, my new laptop doesn't have Word and WordPad doesn't tell me when I've spelt something wrong.**

* * *

Hiccup was buzzing with energy and his headache was a distant memory. Astrid was exhausted just _watching_ him, but his enthusiasm was infectious and she couldn't stop smiling. He was waiting for Ingrid to wake up. If it wasn't so, Astrid feared the house wouldn't be able to contain him for much longer. He was already trying to come up with baby names and debating with himself between whether he wanted another girl or a son. "I know what having a daughter's like and it's great, but I want to know what it'd be like to have a son too and I can't choose! What do you want?"

"As long as it's healthy, I don't mind."

"Be serious, Astrid! What do you want?" She thought about it for a moment.

"Maybe another girl. Then we could all gang up on you."

"I feel loved."

"You should." He grinned again and started bouncing about the room, wittering on. They would need to sort out another cot, more baby supplies- "Oh! I need to tell Mum and Dad! I take it your mother already knows; I bet she told you, she's clever like that. Does your dad know, have you told him? Did your mum tell him? Should we tell the village? We did last time, we told them about Ingrid."

"Will you _sit down_? You're making me dizzy."

"Sorry, sorry!" He dropped into his seat, restlessly drumming his fingers on the table. He was still smiling. His dinner had gone cold, but he barely noticed. Too excited for food.

Then he jumped up. "I'm going to tell Mum and Dad." He paused. "And Gobber. And Fishlegs." Astrid mentally sighed in relief. That would give her ten, fifteen if she was lucky, minutes of peace from Hiccup eccentricity.

Her husband bounced round to her, throwing his arms around her shoulders and kissing her, almost gratefully. "I'll be back in a bit, milady." He promised.

"I look forward to it." Hiccup pulled a face at her sarcasm, but nothing was going to dampen his spirits now. He swung his furry, chief coak about his shoulders and bounded out the door, humming happily to himself. Astrid pitied his parents; they were going to get the full Hiccup treatment.

* * *

"Yes, we know."

"_You know_?"

"Hildegard and I thought she was." Valka smiled. "And of course I told your father; he's as excited as you are."

"But I wanted to tell you!" Hiccup pouted. Valka rolled her eyes, deciding to play along anyway.

"So, why are you in such a good mood?" Her son beamed- they were starting the conversation over again.

"Astrid's pregnant!" Valka gasped excitedly.

"Oh, how lovely!" She surged forward to give him a congratulary hug. "That's wonderful!"

"I know, right?" Hiccup laughed. He looked around. "Where's Dad?"

"He just went for a walk, he'll be back in a bit." Valka eyed her son curiously. "Don't you need to tell Gobber and Fishlegs? And no, Gobber doesn't know. Unless he's seen your father this morning- I can't make any promises."

"Hopefully he hasn't then. I want to properly surprise someone!" He gave his mother a very pointed look, seeing right through her ploy.

"Oh, darn! You sussed my trick! Gods above, whatever shall I do?"

"Feed me." He suggested.

"Get lost." She laughed.

* * *

Gobber knew- Stoick was telling him just as Hiccup reached the workshop. "Talk of the devil!" Stoick boomed happily, catching his son under his arm. Gobber dipped the red hot sword in the cooling bucket and examined his work.

"Devil indeed." He nodded at Hiccup, eyes twinkling playfully as they swivelled to Stoick. "Feels like yesterday you were in here telling me Valka was expecting."

"Aye." Stoick agreed, smiling fondly. "Now look where we are." He patted Hiccup's shoulder proudly. "Treasure this time, m'boy. It'll go faster than you think."

"Which is why I never had kids." Gobber intervened, spinning his rack of interchangeable hands. "You know me, I like to live life to the fullest."

"With mustache brushes?" Hiccup smirked.

"Ah, I'm a genius out of time."

"If you say so."

"Cheeky git."

"Oy!" Stoick protested good-naturedly. "He's picked it up from you, Gobber!"

"What? _Me_? Perish the thought!" But Gobber looked very pleased with himself and Hiccup knew it was true. "Hey, let's hope it's a boy. I could do with another Hiccup to pick on."

"No picking on mini-me's!" Hiccup insisted. Gobber shone a mischievous smile at them and lumbered off, humming. "What'd you think, Dad? Boy or girl?"

"Let it play out, son. As long as-"

"It's healthy?" Hiccup guessed.

"Well, yes, but I was going to say as long as I get another grandbaby, it's fine by me."

* * *

**Don't forget to vote! :D **


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to HiccupHaddockIII yet again for helping me with this one! :D**

* * *

"No get it." Ingrid mumbled sleepily. Hiccup smiled and lifted her from the cot, moving backwards to sit on the bed. He balanced her on his knee.

"Well, your mummy is going to have a baby." Ingrid looked up at him, puzzled. "You were a baby once too. Little tiny thing you were." Hiccup held up his hand, placing his thumb and finger with very little space between them. Ingrid smacked his hand away and frowned. "OK, maybe not that tiny, but anyway..." He waved it off and chucked her under the chin. "You're going to be a big sister."

"Whazzat?"

"Um... you know the twins?" She nodded. "They're brother and sister. And you could have a little brother or sister too."

"Why?" She looked around. "Baby?" She asked. "No get it."

"You will, don't worry."

"When?"

"In a few months." Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention and he looked up. Astrid smiled at him. Ingrid hummed and stared at her mother quizzically. "Baby?" She asked again.

"Yes." Astrid said kindly, gliding forward and sitting next to Hiccup on the bed. Ingrid tumbled into her arms and curled against her shoulder. "In here." She patted her stomach. Her daughter looked absolutely bewildered. "You came from here too." Astrid added as Ingrid prodded her stomach experimentally. "It's alright though, perfectly normal." She assured. "But like your daddy said, it'll be a few months and then you'll have a little brother or sister."

"That good?"

"Yes." Astrid smiled at her husband. "Very good." Ingrid mulled over her thoughts for another moment, staring at her mother's stomach as though trying to envision this 'baby'.

"Drrrrgon." She decided when Toothless bumbled over, snuffling and butting his head gently against his rider's hand.

"Say Daddy." Hiccup prompted, scratching his dragon behind the ear. Ingrid stared at him.

"Mummy."

"Ha!"

"No!"

"Mummy!"

"Treason!"

"Oh, be serious, Hiccup! She's not even two; you can't call treason on her."

"I can too!" Toothless growled in agreement and licked his claws, cleaning his face. "Horrible child, I was _nice_ to you!" Ingrid blinked blankly at him. "I call treason on you, I'm calling treason on her! Despicable child, _disowned_."

"Hiccup!" Astrid scolded. "You wanted her to be a clever child and she clearly is." Hiccup made a face and Ingrid giggled.

"Still disowning you."

"Go to work."

"No, I'm sulking."

"_Go_. Toothless, help me out here." The Night Fury dutifully nudged his rider out, spreading his wings to stop Hiccup getting around him. "Good dragon!" Astrid called after them.

"Horrible wife!" Hiccup called up. "Horrible daughter! I disown the lot of you!"

"Oh yeah?" Astrid challenged, setting Ingrid down on the bed and marching to the top of the stairs. She stood with her hands on her hips, shoulders set back in defiance. "Come here and say that to my face, I _dare_ you." Hiccup looked very tempted to do so, but something about his wife's stance suggested death if he did. Instead, he grinned and blew her a kiss.

"Love you!"

"Idiot."

"I'm still disowning her though." He gestured at the ceiling, indicating his daughter. "Horrible child." He repeated.

"Yes, we've already established that. Toothless, get rid of him." The dragon happily obliged. Within seconds, the pair were gone. Astrid turned back to her daughter, who had bundled herself up in the furs on the big bed and settled back down to continue her midmorning nap. "Ingrid?" Two blue eyes peeked out from the furs, a wisp of dark hair obscuring her view. Astrid smiled. "Good girl."

* * *

**First word, poor Hiccup :'D **


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to HiccupHaddockIII for the ideas! :D I hope this is alright! **

* * *

Hiccup had an errand to run that afternoon, so Astrid didn't see him until later that evening. At first, she thought he was still sulking from Ingrid saying 'Mummy' first rather than 'Daddy', but as the sun set she began to get worried. He had taken Toothless to a neighbouring island- which island, she didn't know. Apparently, no-one knew where he had gone.

She was just about to take Stormfly out to look for him when a Night Fury call reached her ears. Relief swarmed through her and she turned, scanning the skies. Toothless descended instantly, Hiccup slumped against his back. Her relief shattered into despair and then renewed within seconds- he was just asleep.

Not for long.

Astrid yanked him from the saddle and threw him to the floor. That woke him up. He seemed very confused to find himself in the grass, his dragon looking down at him with a highly amused gleam in his eyes and his wife looking far less amused and far more murderous. "And _where_ have you been?"

"Errand." Hiccup mumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes and sitting up. She kicked him in the side and then froze.

"You're bleeding."

"I _was_."

"What happened?" Astrid knelt to survey the crude bandage wrappings. "Gods, Hiccup, that's alot of blood. Inside, come on." She helped him to his feet and led him inside. He explained he had been waylaid by a flock of wild Monstrous Nightmares and how he had been knocked off. Thankfully, he hadn't fallen, having been strapped to the saddle, but claws had torn through his shirt and left oozing scarlet grooves along his side. "Why'd they attack you?"

"I don't know. Maybe we were flying over the territory or something." Astrid had had him sit in his usual seat, leaning forward against the table. She had carefully removed his blood-soaked and torn tunic and his bandages. Blood had dried about the wound, which was deeper than she had first thought. She glanced at her husband; he was putting on a bit of a brave face- she could tell he was in pain. He looked eerily pale in the amber glow of the fire, the flames dancing merrily in his emerald eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little light-headed, but I'll be fine." He smiled at her. "I've got a beautiful woman next to me, of course I'll be fine."

"Idiot." She mumbled, cheeks warming at his compliment. "Keep still, I'm just going to get some stuff." She rose and glanced at Toothless. He was curled on the other side of the fire, dozing peacefully. "He's not hurt, is he?"

"No. I checked." Toothless huffed in his sleep and rolled onto his back. Astrid kissed Hiccup on the forehead and hurried upstairs. Valka and Hildegard had given her a box of clean bandages, herbs and other medicinal supplies and had taught her very efficiently in what did what and how to clean, bandage and treat wounds. With Hiccup around, this had proved very resourceful.

"I'd better restock this. What is it with you and hurting yourself?"

"Hey. I like living life dangerously, you know that." He watched as she poured water into a bowl. "How are you?" She nodded. "Astrid?"

"I'm alright, let's just get you sorted first, OK?"

"You're more important."

"Yes, sweet of you, but I'm not the one bleeding. Now shush, I need to concentrate." She dipped a cloth in the bowl and started cleaning the wound. He grimaced. He was good enough to not make a sound or discourage her in anyway from patching up the wound. For once, he sat perfectly still and quiet. Astrid hummed to herself as she worked, keeping an ear out for Ingrid. The toddler was asleep upstairs, once again curled in the furs on their bed.

A few minutes later, she stood back and examined her handiwork proudly. "There." Hiccup glanced down as she started wrapping clean bandages around his middle. "Good boy." She praised, kissing him gently. He smiled against her lips and pulled her into a one-armed hug. Astrid passed a hand through his russet locks. "You need a haircut."

"Mmmm... later." She felt his hand on her stomach, his fingers tracing the miniscule bump there. "Do you know how far along you are?"

"No."

"Does your mum know?" She smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"Probably."

"Excellent. I shall ask her tomorrow. Oh! That reminds me." He drummed his fingers lightly on her stomach. "We haven't told the village yet."

"Tell them tomorrow. You need to rest." She carefully extracted herself and poured him a bowl of broth from the pot over the fire. "Eat that. I'm just going to check on Ingrid. And when I come back, please don't have anymore injuries."

"I may just injure myself to get your attention. It's quite nice not being beaten for once."

"_I_ will wound you. Me. Me _personally_." He grinned.

"I know you will. Someone has to keep me on my toes and yes, all five of them before you say anything." Astrid beamed at him approvingly. Hiccup packed up the medicine kit and she bounced upstairs, proud that she had finally taught him something worthwhile.

Hiccup smiled to himself, humming absent-mindedly. His _wife_ was having _his baby_ for the _second time_. Oooh, he couldn't wait until the little tyke got here! He still couldn't decide if he wanted a boy or a girl or zero in on one name for whichever one. He definitely had ideas- plenty of ideas!- but he needed just the _one_.

Astrid returned, smiling to herself. "Astrid?" She glanced up at him. "Boy or girl?"

"We've been over this- girl."

"Names?" She shrugged. "I quite like Hiccup. Maybe Hiccup Junior. What'd you think?"

"I think Astrid Junior is much better. Hiccup Junior?" She shook her head. "No. Definitely not."

"Definitely not to Astrid Junior then too!"

"Doesn't work like that."

"And why not?"

"Well, _Hiccup_." She took The Stance. Hiccup knew he was dead. The Stance was the one where women put out one hip, locked one leg and either rested her hands on her hips or folded her arms and she would always- _always_\- have a smug, knowing look. "_Who_, may I ask, has to carry the child- boy or girl- around for months on end? _Who_ has to give birth to it at the end? _Who_ has to constantly feed it afterwards?"

"Um..."

"And _who_ got me into this in the first place?"

"See, that's unfair. You agreed to that."

"I still blame you."

"Of course you do." He could think of no witty responses and, judging by the increased smugness in her smirk, she had won. The Stance _always_ signalled when a woman was going to win- the men had no chance.

"Good."

"OK, so not Hiccup or Astrid Junior. What then?" She mulled over it for a moment. Hiccup stirred his broth.

"I've always liked Aloe. Or Helga."

"And for a boy?"

"I don't know."

"I like Alastor. But Hiccup Junior still sounds nice." She frowned at him. "Maybe not." He decided, silently vowing to keep the name. He yawned, stretched and then cursed as he injury throbbed in protest.

"We'll talk about this more tomorrow." Astrid said, helping him up. "Maybe you'll be back to being annoying then."

"I'm not annoying. I'm _that_ annoying. Yes."

"Go to bed."

"Care to join me?"

"Not particularly."

"Rude."


	14. Chapter 14

**I have Theo's story up and running now. Well, maybe not running. Speed-walking. That's more like it. I don't do running. **

**Anyway- onwards!**

* * *

"I've decided."

"Decided _what_?" Astrid asked carefully. Whenever Hiccup said that, it most often meant something stupid. Or Hiccup-y. Which wasn't much of a difference, but he insisted his level of stupid was very, _very_ different from everyone else's level of stupid. How his mind worked, Astrid would never know. She turned to face him when he didn't say anything else and saw he had been waiting for her to do so. He grinned cheekily.

"I've decided I want a boy."

"Really now?"

"Yes."

"And why's that?"

"Because I need the balance in this family."

"And not because you want an heir?" He started.

"I hadn't thought of that. I hadn't!" He persisted at her dubious look. "I just think it'll be fair if things were even. That's all. I take it you still want a girl?"

"Of course! Unlike you, I don't do _even_ or _balanced_ or _fair_." Astrid folded her arms. He muttered something under his breath. "_What_ was that?" She got a very sweet smile from him; she wasn't going to fall for it this time. Her husband was famous for trying to get out of trouble by coming across all over innocent and adorable. Sometimes it worked, but for those who knew him- no, no it did not work. _Especially_ with his wife. "Hiccup…" She warned.

"Yes, my darling and beautiful wife?"

"You're not sweet-talking you way out of this one. _What did you say_?"

"Nothing." He replied angelically. "Just that you look extra pretty today."

"You're still trying to worm your way out."

"Of course." She shook her head and set about clearing up for breakfast. She wasn't aware of him sneaking up behind her until his arms slipped around her waist. He kissed her cheek. "Love you."

"Of course." Astrid answered, smirking.

"_Love you too, Hiccup_." He said in a higher tone, clearly impersonating her. "Oh, I am amazing, Astrid, thank you. _Yes, you are, you're the best husband ever_. Why thank you. You're not so bad yourself."

"Are you going to shut up?"

"No."

"Are you going to shut up if I get my axe?"

"No."

"Are you going to shut up _when_ I get my axe?"

"Yes." He tightened his hold on her and laughed maniacally. "But no. You shall not! Back to _if_!"

"No," Astrid spun forcibly on the spot, unbalancing him. Unsteady, his arms loosened about her and she got the chance to flip him over her shoulder, "_when_."

"When." He agreed, groaning and holding his wrist. Astrid stepped on his chest lightly, hopped off and left him on the floor, humming to herself. Hiccup complained incoherently and refused to get up until she apologised.

"Yeah, like _that's_ going to happen."

"Aaaassssttrrrriiiiddddd…" Hiccup whined. She ignored him, folding up the dry washing she had left on the stand overnight. "Aaaassstttrrriiiiiiiiddd…" Still no response. Hiccup waited until she walked past him again and pounced, sitting bolt upright and throwing his arms around her legs. She cursed and toppled, hands out to lessen her fall.

"_Hiccup_!" She reprimanded. His arms shifted to her waist again and she was pulled closer to him. Astrid called him several choice words, but he took no notice, happily playing with her hair while keeping her stuck in place with his legs. "I swear, if you don't let me go-"

"Aha! Back to if! I shall never let you go!" She stopped fighting to stare at him and he smiled. A true, warm smile, not his usual cheeky ones. "I married you for a reason, milady. You are now stuck with me. For life!" He declared victoriously. "Aren't you lucky?"

"Oh, yes." She nodded, pulling a mock serious face. "Immensely." He beamed and kissed her forehead. "Although…" Her hand snaked up and over his shoulder, to the back of his neck. His still needed a haircut, but he had dutifully kept her braids in. She grabbed those and pulled sharply. "I think _you_ are very lucky to have married _me_. Don't you think so?"

"Yes." He said thickly, reaching up to try and prise her hand away. She only dug her nails into his head. "I'll behave." He promised. She nodded, satisfied, and let him go, passing a hand through his hair. He marvelled at her sudden gentleness and would have said something had it not been for the devilish gleam in her eyes. "Astrid?"

"Mm?"

"I _am_ lucky." Her eyes locked onto his and he was once again reminded how stunning they were. So blue, so perfect, so _Astrid_. "I can't tell you how lucky I am; there aren't enough words to describe it." A pink glow slowly worked its way over her cheeks and she bit her lip bashfully. "I'm lucky. Because of you." He gently ran his thumb across her bottom lip, stopping her from chewing it. "You could beat me to within an inch of death, you could throw me off the edge of the world, you could take my other leg for all I care- I will _always_ love you."

"Where's this seriousness come from?" She said in small voice. His answer was a kiss. Astrid twisted her fingers in his hair and smiled against his lips. "I love you too, you muttonhead." He chuckled and hugged her to him. Resting her chin on his shoulder, Astrid let tears well in her eyes, smiling to herself. Bless him. Bless him, prosthetic leg and all.

* * *

**Just a bit of Hiccstrid to fill in some time. Next chapter will be Hiccup telling the village, hopefully. Still debating on how to do it all… **


	15. Chapter 15

**To kyley yelek- Working on it! :D **

**This chapter may or may not be short and kind of drabbley- my ideas aren't all WOO! at the moment. More of a tired **_**woooo...**_** sort of thing :')**

* * *

Hiccup had called for all the Berkians to assemble in the Great Hall. His fellow dragon riders were at the table behind him. Fishlegs already knew and kept smiling knowingly. The twins were fighting as per usual and Snotlout was trying his best to look bored, but also aloof and haughty. It wasn't a good look for him. _Well_, Hiccup thought, _there isn't a really good look for Snotlout..._ Snotlout glared at him and Hiccup figured he had given him a funny look. He turned to face the crowd before him.

"What's going on, chief?" Someone called. Hiccup beamed and told them:

"Astrid's pregnant!" Cheers echoed around the hall and some clapped and yelled congratulations. "I know, I know, I'm excited too!" And they could all tell that- their young chief was bubbling with energy.

The questions started then: _How far along was she, boy or girl, any name ideas, _etc. etc. Hiccup answered as best he could, but then Snotlout happened.

"Let's hope it's a boy, eh?" He clapped Hiccup on the shoulder, smiling. There was a cold light in his eyes. "Then we won't have some _girl_ as chief." He said 'girl' as though it was the most degrading and foul term known to man. HIs comment got a handful of cheers from the more traditional VIkings- some of the ones who originally scorned the idea of a female chief. "But there is one other problem..."

"Oh?" Hiccup asked, feigning interest. In truth, he was silently debating what he could do to shut Snotlout up for a while.

"Well, I think we've already established that any kid of yours is going to be a little runt." There was a sharp intake of breath. Hiccup frowned. Snotlout smirked- he had hit a nerve. "No, a _true_ VIking needs to be in charge."

"Like who?"

"Like me." And Snotlout proceeded to flex his arms and show off, prancing about the stage to make sure everyone could see him. Hiccup would have _loved_ to have tripped him up, but it wasn't very professional. Instead...

"OK." Snotlout froze mid-flex and he and the rest of the tribe turned to stare at Hiccup in amazement. "You think you can run this village better than I can?" Snotlout scoffed.

"Of course."

"Fine." Hiccup undid the clasp on his bearskin chief cloak and handed it to Snotlout. "You're chief for the week. If enough people _honestly_ want you as chief at the end, I'll step down. If not, you step down and shut up. Deal?"

"Deal." They shook on it. Snotlout put the cloak on and Hiccup smiled to himself. Snotlout wouldn't last a day, let alone a week.

* * *

"Um... you're home early. And where's your cloak?" Hiccup explained to his wife as he set about getting his second breakfast. "Are. You. _Insane_? Snotlout's going to burn the village down! He's an idiot!"

"I know. But he thinks it's all so easy and I just wanted him to see first hand what it's like."

"_You_ are an idiot."

"I know." Astrid threw up her hands and turned away.

"You're all idiots! Men shouldn't be in charge of running things, it's all about egos and stupid manly macho junk!"

"Ah, yes. Women are completely impartial. If you and a neighbouring tribe were to fall out, there wouldn't be a war- you just wouldn't acknowledge them."

"And that's a whole lot better than war!"

"Well, yeah, I suppose so." Hiccup tipped honey onto his gruel, contemplating his next arguing point. "So, if you had to pick someone- a woman- to run the village, who would it be?"

"My mother. She's fair, hard-working and won't take any nonsense from anyone."

"That's actually a good point." Hiccup scratched at his chin with the end of his spoon. "Would she be up to chiefing though, if that would happen?"

"I don't know. You know how complicated my mother can be, especially when she sets her mind to something."

"So _that's_ where you got it from. I'd always thought it was your dad. You know," He gave a very over-dramatic frown and furrowed his brow, "_Haddock_," He grunted in his imitation of his father-in-law, "_mmph_." Astrid snatched his spoon from his hand and bopped him on the head.

"Do _not_ insult my father."

"He's a scary bloke. Besides, I think he found my mimicking him kind of funny. He didn't scowl as much." Astrid rolled her eyes and tossed the spoon on the table. Hiccup caught her gently by the wrist, kissing her knuckles. "I don't mean any disrespect to any of you Hoffersons, present and past. You're a lovely bunch really, just a tad _terrifying_." Astrid smiled at him and wound her arms around his shoulders. Hiccup rested his forehead against her small bump. "And I suppose future too, but this one will be a Haddock."

"Poor child."

"Hey! Oooh, kick!"

"That wasn't- oh gods, that was!"

"See!" Hiccup leant back and placed his hand on her stomach. "Hello, baby." He grinned. There was another tiny kick, more of a feeble nudge than anything, but still there. "You'll say 'Daddy' first, won't you?"

"Oh my gods, you're not going to let that go, are you?"

"No. I'm wounded." She snorted with laughter. "_Wounded_." He stressed. His wife dissolved into giggles, kissed his forehead and left to check on Ingrid. Hiccup, realising he'd never get sympathy from her, returned to his gruel and honey. He managed two spoonfuls, filled the third and then- _knock, knock, knock_. "It's open!" He called. Gobber stumped in, red in the face with fury. "Everything OK, Gobber?" Hiccup asked, setting down his spoon and rising.

"What is this Snotlout as chief rubbish?" Gobber demanded. "He's got as much ability to be chief as I do to get my hand back!" He waved his hand- which was a stone hammer- to prove his point. "You'd better so this out Hiccup or I'm going to disown you!"

"You can't disown me."

"Mark my words, I will try!"

"He's only got a week. Unless, of course, he'll give up early. And he'll only be chief if enough people honestly want him to."

"And how many would enough be?" Hiccup shrugged, smiling devilishly. "What did you do?"

"_Enough_ means _everyone_. Excluding Snotlout, his family and any of his little friends. I have this all planned, Gobber, you shouldn't doubt me. There is a method to my madness!"

"Oh, sure. And while he's destroying all your hardwork, you'll be...?"

"In the forge annoying you."

"How I've missed that!" Gobber replied sarcastically. "Let's hope he doesn't last the week!"

"You love me really; everyone does."

"Hiccup. At the end of the day, you're still an annoying little gob on mismatched legs."

"But I'm _endearing_." Gobber hummed disbelievingly. "Me or Snotlout?" Hiccup challenged.

"Oh, you. Mismatched hands down." The blacksmith held his hand/hammer out, looking amused. "I pray this madness method actually works, Hiccup. I can't deal with you full time."

"Yes you can. You'd _love_ to, wouldn' you?"

"No. Not at all. I'm serious."

"No, you're not. You miss me."

"I relish the peace."

"Gobber, don't deny it. We all know you miss me."

"I'm going to go before you do something you'd regret- like having your head clobbered in by a deranged old man."

"And that'd be my regret, because...?"

"Because you didn't shut up."

"One last thing, in that case- wouldn't it be a shame if Snotlout had a very tough week? I mean, it's not easy rounding up sheep and stopping fights and organising food and defenses and the academy and keeping the dragons in check and marriages and naming babies and keeping peace with other tribes and making sure the irrigation systems are still working and the fire defenses are OK..."

"Not to worry, Hiccup. I'm sure he'll have a _charming_ week." Gobber winked at him, grinning devilishly and brimming with an excitement like a child at Snoggletog. Hiccup smirked to himself. Snotlout wanted to be chief? So be it.

* * *

**See, mostly drabble. Sorry! **


	16. Chapter 16

**To Richelle- Drabble is basically me making it up on the spot, but thank you! :D**

* * *

Gobber had taken up on Hiccup's suggestion of a tough week. He had even pulled in the twins- the experts of damage and destruction- and Fishlegs, who dreaded the idea of Snotlout being chief. Hiccup, Astrid and Ingrid would sit at a high point and watch. For the first few hours, Snotlout swaggered about. They couldn't hear what he was saying, but he was clearly abusing his new power and leaving quite a few unhappy Vikings in his wake. And he kept swishing his new cloak, probably thinking he looked cool and intimidating, but really looking far more idiotic than usual- something Astrid hadn't thought possible.

"Snotface!" Ingrid declared. She was sat on her father's knee, staring down at the village. "Snotface!" She repeated and blew a raspberry. Hiccup laughed and mimicked, making her smile. Astrid rolled her eyes, but said nothing. She quite liked having Hiccup around without the prospect of him running off to chief at any second.

Trouble started at noon. A herd of yaks stampeded through the village and trashed everything. Snotlout bellowed at the farmers for being idiots and ordered them round up every yak right that second or they would be cleaning the dragon stalls for a month. He shouted at the villagers to clean up the mess, scolding them for working too slow or not doing something to his standards.

"The power has really gone to his head." Hiccup commented, looking amused. "Your turn." Astrid smirked, tilted her head back and let out an angry Nadder call. A swarm of her favoured dragon swooped down on the east side of the village and started eating whatever they could find and chasing chickens and stealing laundry. Hiccup saw a few villagers run off in different directions to find Snotlout. All the villagers- the non-Snotlout supporters- were in on the plan and were eager to downside Snotlout's ego.

"You had this all planned, didn't you?" Astrid smiled, starting a new braid in her husband's hair.

"What?_ Me_? Why would _I-_ the lovely Hiccup- plan such a _catastrophe_?" He mocked a hurt look for a second and then grinned. "Yeah, I've had this planned since Ingrid was born."

"Why now then? Why not earlier?"

"I felt like now was a good time." He shrugged and she finished the braid. "How long do you reckon it'll take to break him?"

"Three days. Three _very difficult_ days."

"I like very difficult."

"Snotface!"

* * *

Hiccup and the villagers did not let up, not _at all_. There were fires, dragon fights, Viking fights, problems with the ships, more fights, dwindling food supplies, breakages in the dragon stables, trouble in the academy, someone mixed some very unsuitable herbs in the water supply and there were three more yak stampedes. Oh, and the twins too. The twins were _everywhere_. No explanation needed for them.

By the end of the second day, Snotlout had lost some of his swagger, but shouted more. When no-one listened to him, he did something Hiccup would never do- he rationed the Vikings. Food was low as it was, but now it was even lower.

"I smell a rebellion." Astrid beamed.

"What does a rebellion smell like?"

"Shut up, Hiccup."

"That was a serious question."

"Ingrid." Astrid prompted, keeping her back to her husband. Ingrid sharply pinched her father's arm and drummed her small fists on his chest.

"Mammy right!" She insisted. "You shush!"

"Rude." Hiccup muttered, peering at the oncoming bruise. His daughter most definitely took after her mother. He tipped Ingrid from his lap and she tumbled to the grass, squealing and giggling.

"Hiccup!" Astrid smacked his leg without looking round. She pointed excitedly and Hiccup could see the rebellion forming.

"I still can't smell it though." Astrid didn't even bother replying, sitting up straighter. Vikings gathered weapons, shields and dragons and marched off in search of their new chief.

Unfortunately for the Vikings, someone else found Snotlout before them.

"Hiccup! HIIIIICCCCUUUUUPP!" Dagur bellowed, clashing his sword on his shield and dancing a wide circle around the plaza. "HIIICCCUUUUUP! You there- take me to your leader!" Snotlout startled and knocked over a stack of barrels. "Yes, you! Where is Hiccup, I demand to see Hiccup!"

"Um… I am the chief now." Villagers were starting to mill in now. "Hiccup has stepped down."

"Only for the week!" Someone called out.

"For no longer!" Dagur declared, brandishing his sword. "I shall challenge you, take Berk and destroy that runt! BERSERKEEEERS!" He roared. Berkians hurriedly parted and a dozen Berserkers created a circle on the inside of the assembled villagers. "Give this whelp a sword and a shield! Let's see how well Hiccup's latest mistake holds up!"

"Latest mistake?" Snotlout repeated gormlessly. A Berserker sword and shield were shoved into his hands and he was pushed forward to fight. It took a few seconds for Dagur's comment to register and, when it did, anger surged through him; almost as potent as his initial anger towards a certain runt outshining him in dragon training all those years ago. "Oh, I don't think so somehow, do you?" Dagur laughed, a long and very insane chortle that made people anxious.

"You're funny. When I defeat you, I may keep you about as some sort of clown. FIGHT!" Dagur hurtled forward. Snotlout rushed to meet him halfway. He'd show Dagur. He'd show Berk. He'd show _Hiccup_, that fatheaded jerk. _I'm the better chief_, Snotlout told himself as he deflected Dagur's sword with his shield and swiped at him, _I will win this and last the week. Hiccup can go jump._

Up on the hill, Astrid was watching it all unfold with a worrying amount of glee. Hiccup wondered if she would be this happy if that was him fighting Dagur instead of Snotlout and prayed to Odin that that wouldn't be the case.

"I worry about you sometimes." He said.

"Shush, Dagur's going to kill him."

"You're rooting for the enemy."

"You rather I root for _Snotlout_?"

"Well, no. But even I would choose Snotlout over Dagur. Snotlout doesn't try to kill me and take my daughter." Ingrid gurgled and waved, as if reminding her mother 'Hello, I'm important'.

"So, what are you saying? Should we help Snotlout?"

"Dagur wasn't part of my plan… so maybe just a bit of help."

"You really know how to ruin a girl's fun." Astrid sulked. Hiccup passed Ingrid over and whistled to Toothless. "Be careful. No-one gets to beat you up except me."

"Me!" Ingrid insisted, throwing up her hands.

"Yes, yes, my lovely ladies alone can make me hurt, I know." Hiccup kissed Astrid's forehead, gently squeezed Ingrid's hand and saddled up. Toothless snorted his goodbye and took off. He circled the fight for a minute, giving Hiccup time to assess the situation.

Dagur noticed the Night Fury overhead and struck Snotlout so hard with his shield the temporary chief went flying.

"HICCUP! FIGHT ME YOURSELF!" Dagur ordered. Hiccup patted Toothless on the shoulder and the dragon effortlessly glided down, snarling distrustfully as they approached Dagur.

"Easy, bud." Hiccup soothed, holding up his hand. Toothless nudged him affectionately and retreated slightly, eyeing Dagur with the most loathsome look Hiccup had even seen him give.

"Go away, Hiccup!" Snotlout protested, finding his feet. "This isn't your fight!"

"I challenge the true chief of Berk!" Dagur announced, pointing at Hiccup with his sword. When Snotlout made to argue, Dagur gestured angrily at two of his men. They instantly disarmed Snotlout and held him back, silencing him with a strip of cloth about his mouth. "Come on, Hiccup! Or are you chicken?" Dagur made a few chicken noises. Hiccup folded his arms.

"You do realise you're making a bigger prat of yourself than usual, right?" Dagur's maniacal grin disappeared instantly and he growled- literally _growled_ in annoyance.

"You're not talking your way out of this one, _Hiccup_." Dagur spat. "Give him the sword! Not the shield!"

"Oh, so you _are_ keeping yours? That figures." Hiccup smiled. "You always did like something to hide behind." Dagur coloured furiously and tossed aside his shield. This left them both with a sword, although the Berserker blade was a bit heavy for Hiccup's liking. Dagur clearly didn't have this problem, juggling the sword from hand to hand and snarling. "Dagur, I don't have time to watch you pull increasingly unattractive faces. Let's just fight." Dagur shrieked a battle cry and charged. Hiccup waited until the last second and dived to the side, rolling and jumping to his feet. How he didn't impale himself, he would never know. Dagur slashed at the air where Hiccup had been standing and howled furiously.

"Fight me!" He screamed.

"Come on then!" Hiccup laughed, knowing it would infuriate him more. Dagur sprinted forward. Hiccup didn't dodge to the side again, parrying Dagur's strike and smacking him in the face with his free hand. "Bored now." He yawned. Dagur lunged at his stomach. Hiccup hopped back and slapped the flat of his blade on Dagur's helmet, knocking it askew. The easiest thing to do- especially for Hiccup- was to anger Dagur, have him charge about like a raging bull, wait for his energy to go and then knock him flat and put him at swordpoint. Hiccup wouldn't win in a true combat fight, so he had to resort to underhand tactics.

Astrid and Ingrid watched from the hilltop. Stormfly stood guard over them in case Dagur had a side plan to kidnap Ingrid. Astrid had her axe in hand just in case he did, her other arm firmly about her daughter. A flutter in her stomach had her thinking the baby could sense the tension of the fight below. Dagur was going for the kill, his attacks fast and powerful. Hiccup was faster and lighter and dodged or deflected every strike. Astrid couldn't hear what he was saying, but ducked under his arm and slammed the hilt of his sword into Dagur's head. Dagur dropped like a sack of potatoes. Hiccup nudged him with his foot and when Dagur didn't get up or move, the Berkians cheered and turned on the few Berserkers in their midst. Snotlout broke free of his captors and tore away the gag. He marched straight up to Hiccup, gesturing wildly.

"Stormfly," Astrid said, "let's go." The Nadder squawked and stooped so Astrid could pull herself and Ingrid into the saddle. The dragon fluttered her wings self-importantly and took flight. Ingrid squealed in delight, throwing up her hands as the cool wind rushed through her short dark hair. Astrid smiled to herself and directed Stormfly to the plaza. As she got closer, she could hear Snotlout's laments.

"I could have handled him, Hiccup! You're always barging in and stealing the glory!"

"And there was me thinking we were getting on OK." Hiccup sighed, throwing aside his sword and wiping his hand on his shirt.

"Wrong!" Snotlout raged. "I don't need you! I can run this village on my own!" Hiccup's expression didn't change, but his eyes danced with amusement.

"OK." He said simply. "But if you change your mind-"

"Which I won't."

"You know where I am." Hiccup finished as though Snotlout hadn't spoken. The stout dragon rider snorted and crossed his arms angrily.

"Go away before I hurt you."

"And if you do that," Astrid intervened, sliding down from the saddle with her axe, "you'll lose your arms." Hiccup smiled at her, moving forward to catch Ingrid as she too dropped from Stormfly's back.

"Are you threatening your chief?" Snotlout demanded, standing at his full height and puffing out his chest.

"Yes." Astrid replied calmly. Hiccup had to keep his back to them, petting Stormfly to mask he was stifling laughter. "And, if you want, I can follow through on that threat." She hefted her axe up on her shoulder, sunlight gleaming from the sharpened blade and searing into Snotlout's piggy eyes.

"Well then," Snotlout glowered at her, "you're to-"

"No." Astrid defied instantly.

"Don't inter-"

"No."

"How dare-"

"No."

"No!" Ingrid exclaimed happily. "Snotface!" She giggled, pointing at Snotlout and blowing a raspberry. Hiccup had to bite his lip and cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing aloud. "Silly Snotface! Shoo!"

"Get that brat under control." Snotlout snarled.

"Ingrid," Hiccup said, struggling to keep a straight face, "what do you say?"

"No!"

"Good girl."


	17. Chapter 17

**To Richelle/ Httydfangirlxoxo- I did type in your name to reply to your properly, but nothing came up O.o If I'm honest you with, I have no idea how I do it either, I was really worried about this story to start off with because I'm not used to writing HTTYD, but I'm really happy with all the response I'm getting, thank you! ^_^**

* * *

"See, that looks a like a bunny."

"That doesn't look like a bunny, that looks like a duck."

"Your eyes are in weird, that's clearly a bunny. Ingrid, what do you think? Duck or bunny?"

"Dunny!"

"Oh, you would." Hiccup sighed. "No, I say a bunny." Astrid glowered at him. They were on the hill, their new favourite picnic spot since Snotlout became chief. He was lying on the grass with his hands behind his head and Ingrid lying on his chest, staring up at the clouds and pointing out a few shapes. "Ingrid, it's a bunny, _isn't it_?" He stressed.

"Dunny!"

"You are a hopeless case, you know that? Ow! What? Don't give me that look- she won't say 'Daddy', she can't tell a duck from a bunny-"

"She clearly gets that from her father."

"I was ranting, why did you interrupt?"

"Because you're an idiot." Astrid said simply. "Ooh, look. The rebellion." Hiccup sat up suddenly and his daughter fell squealing into his lap.

"I thought I smelt something fishy!"

"_Will you drop that_?"

"You never answered my question! I don't know what a rebellion smells like."

"Apparently fishy. Now shut up, I want to see some bloodshed."

"You know what, this no longer concerns me." Astrid just hummed and peered curiously down at the plaza. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her daughter hitting Hiccup in the chest for startling her. "Horrible-child-stop-I-am-your-dad-respect-me- _what have you told this child_?"

"I told her to hit you into submission because it's the only way to get you to do anything."

"But I'm her loving father!"

"You called her a hopeless case!" Hiccup made a stupid noise in protest. Astrid ignored him. Ingrid kept hitting him. The angry mob down in the village were raring to go once again, for the second time in as many days. How many of them had Snotlout put under rations? And how much food was he keeping for himself?

Someone cursing behind them drew their attention. Reluctantly, Astrid pulled her gaze from the swell of ticked off Vikings and glowered at the interruption, bursting into laughter when she saw who it was.

"They're going to kill me!" Snotlout wailed. Ingrid stopped hitting her father and promptly turned her back on 'Snotface'. She had picked up on Astrid's intense dislike for him and now hated him too. "Do something, Hiccup!" Hiccup didn't respond instantly, smoothing down his daughter's unruly hair. Ingrid smiled up at him, glared at Snotlout and faced away from the temporary chief again. "Hiccup!" Snotlout despaired. "Why are you just sitting there, stop them!"

"I can't." Hiccup replied calmly. "You're the chief, remember?"

"I think you're missing the point here, Haddock. They are _trying _to _kill. Me._"

"Yes." Hiccup agreed calmly. "But if you want my help, that means you lose." Snotlout coloured angrily. He hated losing, _especially_ to Hiccup, but he couldn't die! He was too beautiful to die, too young and innocent... He had wanted to prove to Hiccup wrong- being chief was easy! All he had to do was walk about and give out orders and people would have to obey because he was the chief. He could do whatever he wanted. At least, that's what he had thought anyway. Being chief meant he had to _work_ too. He couldn't get other people to do it for him all the time.

Hence the angry mob.

Hiccup and Astrid were watching him with easy smiles and knowing looks. Snotlout fumed for a moment and figured his life was far more important than winning.

"Fine." He grunted, shedding the cloak and tossing it to Hiccup. Without another word, Snotlout stomped off. Hiccup and Astrid high-fived each other. Ingrid knew this one and held up her own small hand for a high-five. Hiccup laughed and obliged, kissing his daughter on the forehead.

"Well," He said, handing Ingrid over to Astrid, "I know what I'm doing today."

"Be careful."

"I always am." He kissed her cheek, ruffled Ingrid's hair and set off to do damage control, his cloak back about his shoulders.

* * *

**See? Snotlout didn't last long :D **


	18. Chapter 18

"Oh, I bet Snotlout's glad he gave up now." Hiccup said thickly. Astrid could only nod in agreement, fearing if she opened her mouth she was going to be sick. Ingrid had escaped this horror, having been dropped off at the Hoffersons earlier that morning. Hiccup was quite glad not to have her here for a change. This was not something he wanted around his impressionable young daughter.

"You can't make me, Hiccup!" Gobber defied. "We've had this conversation before! It's a badge of honour!"

"Gobber, it's a _pollutant_ and- you OK?" He asked his wife, whose hand had shot up to cover her mouth. Astrid shook her head and hurried to the nearest bushes, bringing up her breakfast. "See what you've done, Gobber?"

"She's pregnant! That's nothing to do with me! I'd have thought you'd have learnt something by now."

"Gobber, get in the tub."

"No!" Gobber ran for it.

"Get him!" Hiccup ordered. The twins, Stoick and some of the braver villagers swarmed after him on dragons and on foot. "Fishlegs, get that tub ready and as much soap as you can!"

"On it!" Fishlegs promised. Hiccup called for Toothless and joined the chase. Gobber was having a bath and he was having one _now_.

"Go away!" Gobber bellowed.

"Get in the tub!" Hiccup called down.

"No!"

"That's an order!"

"You can't make me!" Toothless dived forward at his rider's insistence and twisted through the air in front of Gobber. The blacksmith stumbled to a halt as the others crowded in and dragons landed, blocking escape paths. "I won't do it! Chief or no, you can't make me!" Hiccup dismounted and took a few steps towards his old mentor, regretting it the instant he did.

"Gobber- oh gods- Gobber, I'm going to have to." Hiccup tried not to breathe through his nose. He had never _ever_ known Gobber to smell this bad. "Don't get me wrong, you're a great guy, but by Odin you smell!"

"Rude." Gobber muttered. "I don't want a bath."

"Tough. You're having one." Gobber made to argue; Hiccup didn't let him. "No. You _are_ having a bath, you _are_ having a bath _right now_ and you _are not_ going to argue with me about or I'll ship you off."

"You can't do that! I'm practically family!"

"Yes, but you smell. Gobber, it's so bad I can _taste_ it."

"You're just sensitive." Gobber waved it off, but there were various agreements from his would-be captors. "What's gotten into all of you? Biggest bunch of softies I've known!" A breeze rustled past and Hiccup got an extra waft of month old _Gobber_. His stomach churned and he was in half a mind to follow his wife and up chuck in a bush somewhere. Although, he didn't think he would make it in time.

"Grab him!" Stormfly swooped down out of nowhere and snatched the blacksmith up. Gobber hurled curses and protests at them all as the Nadder and her rider twisted around and carried him back to the awaiting tub.

"Now what, chief?"

"Get the brushes, get extra clean water, more soap and someone bring me a bucket."

"Just a bucket?"

"Unless you want chief guts everywhere." They all scurried off. Except for Stoick and the twins. Stoick looked worriedly at his son, who waved him on. The twins watched Hiccup interestedly, clearly eager to see chief guts everywhere. "You two can be on patrol in case Gobber tries to get away. Use force if necessary, but please keep the damage to a minimum."

"To a minimum?" Tuffnut whined.

"So unfair." Ruffnut complained.

"Just do it." Hiccup insisted, leaning over and putting his hands on his knees.

"You alright, chief?"

"I'll be fine. Just go." He was coming down with something, yay him. And it certainly didn't help that Gobber hadn't washed in over a month. A headache raged inside his skull, like a tiny Thor was smacking his hammer on everything he could, his stomach wouldn't settle and he felt hot and cold all over. Just his luck to get ill.

Mustering his resolve, Hiccup straightened and stumbled off to help wash Gobber. He arrived to see Stoick and Mulch tipping buckets of soapy water on the smelly Viking while Astrid and Fishlegs viciously attacked him with the brushes and the other two Vikings helping where mixing up more soapy water buckets. Hiccup picked up the third broom and helped. Gobber struggled against them, but there were six dragons and the twins fiercely keeping him place.

"You alright, son?" Stoick asked casually, pouring another bucket over his friend.

"I'm fine."

"You look peaky."

"Honest, Dad, I'm fine. May be a bit contagious, but I'm good." Stoick just nodded, looking mildly impressed. Hiccup figured it was because he was still working even though he was ill. Hiccup smiled at the others, _nothing to worry about_, and concentrated his efforts on scrubbing behind Gobber's ears. He recalled his father's reaction to Snotlout being chief as he did so, smiling in amusement at the memory:

_Everything went back to normal by the end of the day. Snotlout had lost a few supporters and could be seen sulking on the beach. So many Vikings had greeted Hiccup as though they hadn't seen him in years, his father included._

_"If you pull another stunt like that, I will disown you." _

_"Why is everyone trying to disown me? I'm a marvellous non-disownee. Wait..." Hiccup puzzled. Stoick shook his head, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "Nevermind. I'm back now and you can enjoy your retirement once again!" _

_"You've still got to feed the village." _

_"ALready on it- ships are being fixed and extra nets sown. We'll be ready by the morning; I could use some of the dragons to scare up fish and stuff and send foragers into the forest. No, wait. I've done that. It's all on track, Dad, don't worry." _

_"And Snotlout?" _

_"Humiliated, wrong, ashamed and sitting on his Larry Lonesome on the beach. Probably scarred for life, no longer power-hungry sort of deal." _

_"So you _have_ thought of everything." _

_"Don't look so surprised, I'm not a total idiot." Stoick gave a booming laugh and patted his son on the shoulder a little too forcefully. _

_"Oh, you always told good jokes, m'boy." _

_"I'm being serious." Stoick cracked up again. "I _can _do that." Hiccup insisted, watching his father struggle to contain his humour. "Yes, Dad, love you too." Hiccup huffed and waited sulkily until Stoick calmed down. "You good?" _

_"I haven't laughed like that in a good while; you are funny, Hiccup." _

_"Thanks." Hiccup muttered. "Nice to know I'm good for something." Stoick smiled kindly at him and put a hefty arm about his shoulders. _

_"Son, you're good at many things. You _are_ my son after all." _

_"Tad fatheaded." _

_"Shush. Never doubt yourself, Hiccup. You're doing well. Really well. I'm proud of you." _

_"Aw thanks, Dad, I'm pretty impressed with myself too."_

* * *

**Tell me you didn't read that last bit in Astrid's imitation of Hiccup ^_^ **


	19. Chapter 19

**This is just another filler chapter- the next one will hopefully be the second baby being born. I'm not sure how long I said Astrid was pregnant for, so let's just say she's about seven or eight months roughly. Something like that :P**

* * *

"Hello. _Hellooo_ in there."

"What _are_ you doing?"

"I'm talking to my baby, shush." Astrid smiled, shaking her head. Hiccup had sat up and turned, resting on his knees and leaning down to talk to her bump. "They can hear stuff outside there, right?"

"Yes. Because you tried to make me jump- which you didn't- but you made the baby jump."

"Ah, yes. I remember you said now." He grinned mischievously. "I will get you one day." She just hummed. Hiccup didn't respond to that, calling out softly to his unborn child again. "You will say 'Daddy' first..." He insisted in a semi-mystical voice. "You shall always be nice to your beloved Daddy..."

"Yes. Brain-washing the child was most definitely work."

"It worked for you with Ingrid. Let me have my fun." Astrid cast her eyes skywards; Hiccup didn't notice, too busy attempting to persuade the baby to grow up to be a mini-Hiccup who _will_ say 'Daddy' first. "And don't be stubborn either, there's too much stubbornness in this village. Your mother makes up for about... oh, I'd say eighty percent of it." Astrid hit his shoulder. "Ow." He said. "I am wounded."

"You will be _severely_ wounded if you don't shut up."

"Terrified." He nodded. "Absolutely terrified." Astrid frowned at him and rolled onto her side. Hiccup sat up straight and folded his arms, huffing in protest. "I was talking to my baby there!"

"_My_ baby."

"I thought I didn't need to explain this one?"

"Will you go away?"

"Never. You are stuck with me forever. Hence our marriage."

"OK... how about _will you shut up_?"

"Never. That's part of the marriage deal."

"Since when?!"

"Since... now." He decided carefully. "Yes. Since now. Like, right this very second now." Astrid muttered something about his stupidity and buried her face in the pillow, drawing the furs up about her shoulder. Hiccup smoothed her hair back from her forehead. "You get some sleep, milady."

"You can count on that." She murmured. Hiccup smiled and leant forward, kissing her cheek. He left her in peace, taking Toothless with him as he left the house. Stormfly was at Astrid's parents, making sure Ingrid didn't run off. Again.

Toothless headbutted Hiccup in the legs and caught him in the saddle, chortling triumphantly. Hiccup laughed and scratched behind his ears. The dragon purred happily and spread his wings. Hiccup hurriedly put his foot in the tail controls and Toothless shot into the sky.

"To the Hoffersons!" He ordered. "We have to check on that little pain!" Toothless snorted in agreement and tilted to the left. As they neared the Hofferson residence, Hiccup saw a little figure dart out the front door. A certain Deadly Nadder jumped from the roof and rushed after her charge. Toothless dived suddenly and landed before Ingrid.

"No!" The toddler protested, stomping her feet. She tried to run in the other direction, but Hiccup slid from the saddle and caught her. "No!" She tried to break free, squirming and throwing herself about, kicking her legs and trying to hit him. She had reached the Terrible Two's phase, something that was much more enjoyable, notice the sarcasm.

"Stop it!" Hiccup instructed. A few villagers carrying barrels wandered past, chuckling amusedly at their chief's struggle. "Are they empty?"

"Yes, sir."

"Great, give me one." Ingrid's small fist connected with his jaw. One of the villagers, Rangvald, smiled and dutifully set down one of the barrels and removed the lid. Hiccup hurriedly deposited Ingrid inside and set the lid back on.

"No!" Ingrid kicked the side. Hiccup put his full weight on the top to keep it steady. "Smelly in here!" Ingrid hit out again just as his mother-in-law ran out.

"What happened?" Hiccup asked desperately.

"Let me out!"

"I don't know. One second she was alright and then the next she was throwing her lunch on the floor and running rampant. Oh, she's tiring." Hildegard fanned herself. She looked _exhausted_.

"I'm so sorry." Hiccup struggled against the shaking barrel. Ingrid had taken to hitting every bit of it she could.

"Let me out! Let me out!" She demanded. "Let me out!" There was a heavier thud. "Daddy! Let me out!"

"Why does she only say 'Daddy' when she wants to kill me?"

"That figures though." Hildegard smiled tiresomely, humour gradually breaking through the ragged look in her eyes. "Where's Astrid?"

"She's asleep." Hiccup leant more on the container. "Rangvald, could you run and get- no, Ingrid, stop it!- could you run and get my dad for me?" Rangvald nodded, grinning. Hiccup was known to remember the villagers names, particularly the children's, and everyone loved him for it. It wasn't easy keeping all the Vikings in order, let alone recalling who was who. "Ingrid, what's wr-?"

"Let me out, Daddy! Right now!" Another strong whack. "Now!"

"When you've told me what's wrong?"

"Out!" Toothless sniffed at the barrel and licked it. It smelt faintly of fish and the screaming hatchling made things interesting. "Let. Me. Out! Now!"

"You need to calm down first, Ingrid." The barrel wobbled violently again. Hiccup and Hildegard and fought to keep it steady. "Tell me what's going on and then we'll let you out."

"No!"

"This is going to be a long day."

"Hiccup!"

"Aaah, the cavalry. Thank the gods." Stoick marched over. Rangvald was trotting along behind them, looking far too eager for the situation. Stoick shooed him and Hildegard aside and put his mighty weight on the barrel. Ingrid attacked the sides a few more times, but it didn't rattle at all.

"Let me out!"

"No." Stoick said firmly. Ingrid kicked the side. "You are to stop this right now, young lady." He continued in the same strong voice. Silence. Stoick looked up at his son. "You need to be tough, son."

"Yeah, not my strong point." Hiccup sighed dramatically. His father said nothing to that, which probably meant he agreed and wasn't going to say it aloud.

"Ingrid."

"Grampa..." Stoick removed the lid and reached inside with one hand. He could easily hold Ingrid in one hand. She was still sulking, arms crossed firmly over her chest and fuming silently. She didn't look at any of them.

"There. That wasn't so hard now, was it?" She stuck out her bottom lip sulkily. "Ingrid..." He prompted.

"No..."

"Good." Stoick dropped her in Hiccup's arms. "No more trouble from you, yes?" She nodded. Stoick gave a content nod.

"You can baby-sit from now on." Hildegard half-joked. "As much as I love having her over, we can't handle this random temper tantrums."

"That's fine. Hiccup was a right pain at two years old too."

"I wasn't! I was a lovely child!" Stoick gave a bark of disbelieving laughter.

"You keep telling yourself that."

"I shall." Hiccup looked down at his daughter. "Let's get you home." Ingrid frowned up at him, but nodded once. "You're going to be the death of me, you and your mum." She nodded again, her grumpy expression easing slightly. "That's not something to be proud of, you little madam." She smirked at him. Hiccup sighed and looked up at his father.

"Tough love, son. Don't forget that."

"Yes, Dad." Stoick clapped him on the shoulder, bowed his head to Hildegard and took his leave. "I am _really_ sorry again, ma'am." He said to his mother-in-law. "Hopefully this stroppy phase doesn't last too long."

"She'll snap out of it eventually, don't worry."

"Let's hope eventually is soon then, eh?" He jostled his daughter lightly. "Right, madam?"

"No."

"_Right_, madam?" Ingrid sighed.

"Yes."

"Good." Hiccup motioned to Toothless, who bounced over and snuffled at Ingrid, ruffling her hair with his breath. Ingrid batted him away, but he took this as a playful gesture and licked her face.

"Ew! _Ew_!" She wiped at her face and flicked dragon drool everywhere, including on her father and grandmother. Hiccup held her at arm's length, even when they were flying home. Astrid was still asleep when they got in. Hiccup dumped Ingrid in a round wooden tub and set about heating water over the fire to wash her down.

"You OK now?"

"No."

"What's the matter then?"

"No."

"You said 'Daddy' though."

"No."

"No, I _know_ you did. You can't fool me with that, Ingrid." She turned her back on him. Hiccup checked the water. It was warm enough for her. He proceeded to dump the contents over her and she squealed. "You said 'Daddy', just admit it."

"No."

"Stubborn little moo." He smiled, washing her down. She looked up at him with quizzical blue eyes. "What's the matter?"

"Baby."

"What about the baby?"

"Baby OK?"

"Yes."

"Promise?" Hiccup nodded. "And... baby like me? I be good sister?"

"Considering you don't throw so many tantrums, yes." Hiccup nodded. "It'll be OK, Ingrid." He assured, rinsing Night Fury spit from her hair. Toothless curled up around them and dozed peacefully, snorting gently in his sleep. "It'll take a little time to get used to having a new baby about the house, but it will be _fine_. I promise." She smiled at him.

"Thank you, Daddy."

"See! You did say it!"

"Yes. I say 'Daddy' for long time. Mummy said not to."

"Did she now?" Ingrid nodded. "Well, I will be having very serious words with your mummy, you watch." She nodded again. "Is anything else the matter?" Ingrid shook her head. "Sure?"

"Yes."

"You'd tell me if there was anything, wouldn't you?"

"Yes." Hiccup reached for the towel on the back of the chair and plucked her from the bath, deftly wrapping her in the material. "Daddy?"

"Mm?"

"I am sorry. I was just mad."

"At?"

"I don't know."

"That just instills me with confidence." **(Quote to the TV series :P )**

* * *

**I've run out of ideas for the moment. There was something else, but I've forgotten now. Next chapter should be the birth bit. Sorry if this isn't so good, I'm a wee bit :/ at the mo :') **


	20. Chapter 20

**If you're looking for a book to read, try **_**The Madman's Daughter **_**by Megan Shepherd. I'm reading it now and my gods!**

* * *

"Are you OK? You look constipated."

"I am _not_ constipated." Astrid growled. Hiccup cocked his head to the side, half-questioning and half-amused. "I'm _not_." She insisted at his playful smirk. For good measure, she punched his arm, although not as heavily as usual. Hiccup noticed immediately, his smile fading.

"What's wrong?"

"Just a stomach ache, I'm fine."

"That sounds like constipation." He mumbled, but he looked more worried than teasing. "Is everything alright?" Astrid nodded, massaging her stomach irritably. Hiccup took her gently by the elbow. "I'll walk you to your parents', just in case."

"Hiccup, I'm fine."

"I'm not taking any risks. I'll be back in a bit." He told the small gathering of Vikings needing his assistance.

"Hiccup-" Astrid started. Hiccup shook his head as another twinge of pain circled through her stomach. Her legs felt like dead weights, but they also hurt with every step. She wasn't going to let the others know about this though, especially not Hiccup. He worried enough as it was, she didn't need him fretting over her. Her mother and mother-in-law did enough of that.

Hiccup dutifully walked her all the way to her parents', as he had promised. Ingrid was at his parents', thankfully, so there was no hassle of worrying about where the toddler was to go. "Hiccup?"

"Yes?"

"If... if... it can't be..."

"Hey, it's alright." He tucked her hair behind her ear gently and kissed her forehead. "I'll stay with you if things happen."

"But... it's too early. Hiccup... this _can't_ be happening now."

"Ingrid was early. It'll be fine, don't worry. Ah, here we are." Hiccup knocked smartly on the door. Astrid swayed unsteadily on her numb legs; Hiccup's arm went around her waist and he smiled again. His eyes were warm and she felt safer with him there. His arm was steady about her and she would have fallen had he not been so supportive, emotionally and phsyically. "Mr. Hofferson!" He called. It was always good to call out to her father first, even if "Mrs. Hofferson!" was more likely to be there.

Astrid's mother tottered from the pantry. She assessed the situation in seconds, calmly setting down the basket of food.

"Sit her down, Hiccup." She gestured to the larger chair at the head of the table and disappeared upstairs. When she returned, Astrid was in the chair, looking paler and more pained than before. "How long has this been going on?"

"All morning." Astrid hissed through her teeth. Hiccup frowned.

"You never said."

"I wanted to help you today." Hiccup shook his head.

"Mad. You know I'd stop anything to help you." Hildegard tittered approvingly, waving at Hiccup to help ease Astrid to the floor. She had already laid out a collection of old towels and blankets, just in case.

"Mum... Mum, this is early."

"That's fine, sweetheart. Babies are rarely born when they're due. Hiccup, fetch your mother." Hiccup nodded and made to get up, but Astrid gripped his hand as a stronger, hotter burst of pain ripped through her. "Let him go, Astrid. He'll be back in a minute." Astrid looked pleadingly at her husband. It took another minute for her to let go.

"I'll be right back." He vowed.

"Mum..." Astrid whined as soon as the door had closed. Her mother shushed her gently, brushing her hair away from her face. "Ooh, I thought I could... I could do this... but..."

"It'll be a bit easier than last time." Hildegard commented, feeling Astrid's baby bump. "This one isn't against your spine." Astrid sighed in relief, tears falling free at last. Hildegard set about organising her daughter for the birth itself. If this had been going on all morning, Astrid couldn't be far off- which turned out to be true. She looked up to tell her daughter this just as another contraction struck. "How on earth did you manage all morning?"

"I... I am stubborn."

"Yes." Hildegard agreed simply. "Yes you are." Someone knocked at the door. Hildegard sighed. "You may come in, Hiccup." The chief peeked around the door carefully, smiling when he saw his wife. He was pushed from behind and Valka stepped in. "Not long now." Hildegard told her Haddock counterpart.

"Ow, ow, ow..." Astrid twisted painfully. Hiccup sat behind her and she leant back against his chest, reaching up to crush his hands. "Damn you, Hiccup, why do you do this to me?"

"Um... I'm sorry?"

"No you're not." She wheezed as pain flared through her again. She was partially aware of her mother and mother-in-law conversing quietly, but she was more focused on glaring up at her husband. "Idiot..." She groaned. Hiccup smiled and nodded. She could hear his heart beating, relishing the comforting warmth and strength of his callused hands. His smile broadened. "Idiot..." She repeated.

"I know. But you _did_ agree to marry me."

"I wasn't thinking straight..."

"Astrid, get ready to push."

"No..." She moaned. "No, not ready..."

"You'll have to be." Valka said firmly. "This baby won't wait around." Astrid looked back up at Hiccup. He hadn't taken his eyes from her.

"You can do it. You did last time, although... please don't give me such a horrible child this time." She squeezed his hands so fiercely, he heard bones crack. He had the nerve to laugh though. "Nah, it's cool."

"Astrid, push now." Astrid groaned in annoyance, but did as her mother said. She was going to destroy Hiccup's hands entirely at this rate. It was good of him not to wince or complain, she thought later. How she loved him for it. He kept talking to her, about anything that he could think of, his tone always calm and warm, making sure she was OK as best he could. She lost track of how long he talked for, long enough to make his voice go hoarse, but she focused on him while pushing and it helped, it really did. "One last push, Astrid." Hildegard ordered, her voice shaking with excitement. Astrid muttered a curse, pushing again.

Silence.

That was the first thing she heard. Hiccup didn't look up, not realising at first. It was only when the tears renewed in her eyes did he clock on to what was happening. His grip tightened on her hands and he looked up then. The two older women were staring sadly down at a small bundle Hildegard held in her arms. The towel it was wrapped in was slowly soaking through with blood.

"Give." Hiccup said quietly, gently letting go of her hands to hold his out for the baby. Hildegard passed the infant over mutely, sharing anxious looks with Valka. Hiccup bit his lip as he examined the delicate, slightly blood-stained face. The tot's eyes were closed, his very fine blonde hair almost ginger with the scarlet mess. Hiccup prised open the child's mouth with his fingertips and cleared away blood. He then carefully rolled the baby in his arms, pulling the towel away to pat his new child on the back. Looking back on it, he realised he had no idea what he was doing. He had just been acting on instinct.

The baby choked. Thankfully, they were still facing the floor, so blood poured from their small mouth and splattered the floor. Then the crying started. All three women started crying too. Astrid stopped calling him an idiot and thanked him to the gods and back.

Hiccup turned the baby again to get a proper look. "Hey you." Blue eyes, but he remembered his mother saying that all babies were born with blue eyes- they could change. Hopefully green, he could do with some more green about the place. "You're going to be like me, aren't you? Awkward from birth." He checked what the child was before wrapping the towels back into place. "I still say Hiccup Junior."

"Oh, don't." Astrid sobbed, smiling. Hiccup passed the baby- _his son_\- over and his wife almost broke down into hysterical crying. "Don't be like your dad." She told the baby, shushing him until he settled down, grisling. "He's so small! Smaller than Ingrid."

"Hiccup was tiny too."

"Now look at me, all so manly macho Viking man."

"Keep dreaming."

"OK." Hiccup sat next to her, putting his arm about her shoulders. Valka and Hildegard tidied up and then left to spread the news. "Right, I'm telling you this now," Hiccup said firmly, resting his fingertip lightly on his son's lip, "you are to keep all the limbs you have been born with."


	21. Chapter 21

**Right, my birthday was ten days ago, OK, but my last birthday present just turned up and OH MY GODS, IT'S A TOOTHLESS HOODIE! IT HAS HIS FACE ON IT AND SCALE PRINTS ON THE SLEEVES AND IT'S SO COMFORTABLE! BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER! :D**

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"Ingrid, Ingrid, Ingrid... if you keep hiding from me, you can't see your little brother." Hiccup peeked under the table, finding its underside clear, and straightened, frowning. "Ingrid..." Stoick was watching him carefully, looking amused. "You know where she is, don't you?"

"What? Me? Perish the thought!"

"Where is she?" Stoick heaved his mighty shoulders in a shrug, looking far too innocent. "Tell me or you won't see Hiccup Junior either."

"Astrid would never let you call him Hiccup Junior."

"She will, because I'm the chief."

"Yes, and she's your _wife_." Hiccup smiled serenly. Stoick sighed. "What have I said to you a million times now?" His son scrunched up his face and Stoick knew he was going to be imitated.

"We're Vikings, it's an occupational hazard. Hiccup! No, sheep aren't supposed to fly. You're the pride of Berk, son, shouldn't you behave yourself?" Hiccup looked sidelong at his father and in his normal voice said, "No, I shouldn't behave myself, that's just boring. Anyway..." He cleared his throat and continued impersonating his father. "Grandbabies! Lots and lots of grandbabies! Tough love! Gobber! Odin's beard, Hiccup is so annoying, but he's completely my favourite son-"

"I have never said that."

"Is that a crack about my weight? It's muscle!"

"Get out." Hiccup shook his head and danced around the table, staying out of his father's reach, and flexing imaginary muscles and pulling grumpy faces.

"I popped a dragon's head clean off its shoulders, I cracked a boulder with my head as a child, Hiccup is amazing, I'm Stoick the Vast- fear me!" Stoick proceeded to give Hiccup a taste of his own medicine and started making cruel mimics of him.

"I'm Hiccup, I'm an idiot-"

"I don't sound like that." Hiccup laughed.

"I'm the chief, you must do as I say. I have a Night Fury, my dad never listens to me, Astrid's bullying me, Snotlout's an idiot, I can't control the twins twenty-four-seven, I grovel in the dirt to win back my wife-"

"That worked though!" Stoick chuckled and clapped his son on the shoulder. In the silence that followed, they could hear a giggling coming from one of the fishing baskets. Stoick held his hand out to the side- _after you_. Hiccup snuck towards the basket carefully, moving behind it and tipping it over. Ingrid tumbled out with a squeal, rolling a couple of times and coming to a stop at her grandfather's feet.

"No!" She protested. She made to hide back in the basket, but Hiccup grabbed her.

"You want to see your brother, don't you?" Ingrid stopped fighting and debated this silently.

"Brot-er?" She asked carefully.

"Brother." Hiccup corrected kindly. "And the baby, remember? He's here now." Her small face split into a wide grin and she squirmed in his arms.

"Let's go, let's go!" She insisted. Hiccup struggled to hold onto her, nearly dropping her half a dozen times in three seconds. Stoick eventually took her and easily held onto her with one hand. "Hurry!" She ordered. "Grampa, Daddy! Hurry!" Stoick and Hiccup shared bemused smiles and stopped in their tracks. Ingrid wailed in protest and started beating her small fists on her grandfather's thick arm. Stoick just laughed.

"Ooh, she's got her mother's fire." He beamed. "Come along, you little madam."

"Brot-er! Now!"

"We're going, we're going." Hiccup made calm down motions with his hands and led the way. Thankfully, none of the other villagers had arrived. They knew to let the family see the baby first- they didn't know the infant was a boy yet- and then they would arrive, bearing gifts and such. With Ingrid, they had been kept at bay for quite a while; Hiccup doubted he could do it again. They would swarm his home within hours.

Astrid was sleeping when they got back. The newborn was being cooed over by her mother and Valka and inspected from a slight distance by Fenrir- Astrid's dad- who was still a bit edgy around babies. The women smiled at them as they walked in and Fenrir gave a curt nod. "Hello." Hiccup grinned. "Ingrid, look. It's Hiccup Junior."

"He's not called that!" Hildegard protested good-naturedly.

"Well, what _are _we going to call him?"

"Ingrid!"

"We can't call him that, that's _your_ name and it's a _girl's_ name." Ingrid made a face at her father, leaning from her grandfather's arms to get a better look at her baby brother. His blue eyes were open and peering around at them all blearily.

"Why he small?"

"He's a baby. They are small."

"I was not."

"You we-" Valka elbowed her son. "Well, you weren't _that_ small. Do you want to hold him?"

"Hold him?" Ingrid repeated, stricken. Hiccup nodded. Hildegard passed his son over and Stoick set Ingrid on the end of the bed. She kept her arms tightly folded over her chest.

"What's wrong?"

"No want to hurt him."

"You won't hurt him." Hiccup smiled. "As long as you're sensible and gentle, OK?" The baby turned his head and drooled, his blue eyes scanning his older sister. "Look! He wants to see you!" Ingrid chewed her lip for another moment and then gingerly held her arms out. "Attagirl." Hiccup grinned, carefully placing the tot in her arms. He showed her how to hold him. "See, no problem." Ingrid still looked nervous. Hiccup sat back on the floor, letting her come to terms with who she was holding in her own time.

Eventually, she started to smile.

"I have baby brot-er."

"Yes you do. And he's called Hiccup Junior."

"He most certainly is _not_."

"Aaah, you're awake! Afternoon, milday." He glanced out the window. "Well, nearly dusk, but hey." He shrugged. "And Hiccup Junior is a brilliant name!"

"Not." Ingrid mumbled. "Silly name."

"Well then, what's his name going to be?"

"Tiny."

"He could grow up to be like Dad though." Hiccup waved in his father's general direction vaguely and Stoick murmured some very unsavourable things about his son. Hiccup wrinkled his nose and started copying his father again. "Is that another crack about my weight? _No, sir, not at all_." He said in his own voice, as innocent as he could manage. "It's all muscle and body hair! _Aah, yes, your beard makes up for about eighty percent of your body weight_."

"Hiccup, I will _throw_ you out the window if you don't shut up." Hiccup tilted his head back to smile up at his father.

"You would never do that, you love me too much."

"Don't be so sure about it." Hiccup just laughed.

"Alastor." Astrid said.

"Alastor Hiccup Haddock."

"_No_. Dreadful choice." Astrid stuck her tongue out at her husband and made a real effort to sit up, waving Hiccup away as he started to get up. "He's Alastor Finn Haddock."

"Finn..." Hildegard's eyes watered. "After your uncle. Oh, bless you."

"Alastor Finn Hiccup Haddock."

"If you put Hiccup in his name one more time, I'm sawing your other leg off." Astrid growled, shoulders hunched defiantly. "This was supposed to be a nice moment and you've ruined it with your idiocy."

"I'm just trying to lighten the mood. See, your mum's smiling now."

"_At_ you, not _with_ you."

"As it should be." Hiccup nodded proudly. Ingrid giggled. "What'd you think, Ingrid? Should there be a Hiccup or not?" Ingrid shook her head. "Mmph. Fine then. Alastor Finn Haddock it is."

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**I LOVE MY HOODIE! **


	22. Chapter 22

**To Richelle Cryer- Thank you! :D **

**This chapter may be a bit :/ because I've been having a kind of rough day. Sorry in advance if it's pants.**

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Hiccup had Ingrid sat on his shoulders. He was swarmed by villagers all demanding answers- were the baby and Astrid OK? Was it a boy or a girl? What was the name? Was Hiccup going to get the whole village together to explain?

"Yes. Tell everyone to meet in the Great Hall as soon as possible."

"Daddy, why baby so im... im..."

"Important?" Hiccup suggested.

"Yes."

"Well, I'm the chief." She hummed. "And any kids of mine kind of have a lot of expectations placed on them." Upon sensing her confusion, he elaborated. "What I mean is that people will be watching you to do good things and, one day, you'll grow up to take over from me."

"why?"

"I can't be chief forever, Ingrid. Dad was the chief before me and his dad before him and so on and so on..."

"No want to be chief."

"No?"

"Boring."

"It's not boring. Just... a little difficult sometimes, that's all." He jostled her booted feet and she tugged on one of his braids. "Behave." He smiled. "We have to tell the villagers about Alastor."

"Why?"

"Because I'm the chief. And they want to know." Hiccup gripped his daughter's ankles and tipped her back. Ingrid screamed and was hanging upside down behind him. Hiccup spun quickly, jumping on the spot as he did so, keeping a firm grip on her. She squealed partially in delight and from fear, struggling to pull herself up.

"Daddy, no!" Hiccup jolted to a stop and she hiccuped. "Up, Daddy! Up!"

"No." She pulled herself up again and latched onto his hair. "Ow ow ow! OK! OK!" Hiccup eased her back onto his shoulders and she let go of his hair. "Better?" She clamped her arms around his neck, slightly crushing his windpipe.

"Yes."

Ingrid got to sit with the twins while Hiccup spoke to the assembled Vikings. The twins had learnt from past experiences not to run off with Ingrid- Tuffnut still had the scars.

Hiccup raised his hands and silence fell. Eager faces turned to him; there wasn't even a whisper or breath in the crowd, the Vikings were so anxious for news. Most of them were, at least. Surveying them for a minute, he saw the older and more traditional Vikings casting him dubious looks; Fishlegs was near the front, grinning up at him; Snotlout was next to him, bored and impatient; some of the younger women were nudging each other excitedly while their older counterparts frowned at their behaviour. Gobber, Mulch and Bucket were to Hiccup's left and were all smiling. Fenrir and Stoick stood behind Hiccup on the stage, watching events unfold.

"We are gathered here today-" Hiccup started in an important and slightly deeper voice. His father cleared his throat behind him and Hiccup continued in his normal voice. "Yes, hello." He waved. "As you all surely know by now, Astrid had the baby." Applause and a few cheers broke out. Hiccup waited for the noise to die down. He inspected them all again, debating how much he could push his luck. "I'm afraid I can't tell you more."

"No!" Several protested. Hiccup laughed and their annoyance ebbed.

"Alright, alright. But I'll tell you this first- don't crowd. There was a slight complication at first- the baby was born dead." Shocked gasps. Hiccup hurriedly placated them. "It's OK, though! Baby's fine, just a little on the small side."

"I wonder where he got _that_ from." Snotlout smirked. Hiccup ignored him.

"It's a boy and we've called him Alastor Finn, after Astrid's uncle."

"So, we've a proper heir now! Excellent." Hiccup peered into the crowd. Many Vikings had turned to face the speaker- one of the older Viking men, Hackett. His fellow traditional Vikings were nodding and murmuring their agreement. They were the ones to insist outright Hiccup had a son as they would not be overly happy with a female chief.

"Just because Ingrid's a girl doesn't mean she won't be fit for the role of the chief!"

"I thought you were resting?" Hiccup hopped down from the stage. The masses parted to make a path for him and his wife. Alastor was bundled up in blankets in her arms and she winced every now and then. Hiccup offered his arm to lean on, which she accepted with silent gratitude. Those nearby were trying to catch a glimpse of the new baby, but Astrid had him well and truly shielded.

Hiccup escorted her to the stage. Stoick had fetched a chair the second he saw his daughter-in-law. Fenrir stood protectively over her as she sat down and cuddled her son to her chest. "You OK?"

"I'm fine." She said stubbornly. Hiccup just nodded, squeezing his hand. He was sure her stubbornness had increased- a fact that amazed him- so it was like her to be walking about twelve or so hours after child birth, no matter how much it hurt. Hiccup mentally saluted her.

Snotlout barged onto the stage, Fishlegs squeaking and sweating behind him. Snotlout waved him aside irritably and glowered at the baby bundle in the chief's wife's arms.

"Bit of a shrimp, ain't he?"

"He _was_ born early." Hiccup pointed out. Snotlout scoffed.

"I won't be at all surprised if he grows up to be a runt like you." Snotlout gave Hiccup a nasty look- he was still smarting from his short time as a terrible chief.

"I thought we'd got past that." Hiccup sighed. "Look, it doesn't matter right now, he's at least twenty years off of being chief, so shut up." Snotlout started to retort, clenching his fists. "Snotlout." Hiccup folded his arms. He was taller than Snotlout, but slimmer. "I'm not dealing with this from you now or _ever_, so you either leave voluntarily or have your ass handed to you on a plate." Snotlout scowled. Fenrir and Stoick scowled back, a hundred times as demeaning and deadly. Snotlout left, shoving through the crowds. Hiccup exhaled deeply, rubbing at his forehead. Snotlout _always_ gave him a headache. It was like the guy was a walking infection.

Fishlegs and the twins appeared. Ingrid was sitting on Tuffnut's shoulders.

"We'll go after him, chief." He grinned devilishly. His sister had an identical mischievous look and Hiccup was tempted to agree. A quelling look from Fishlegs cancelled that idea.

"Thanks, guys, but no." The twins looked disappointed.

"Snotface!" Ingrid exclaimed. This gained quite a bit of laughter. Ingrid looked pleased with herself. Hiccup shook his head and turned back to his villagers.

"Right, what have I told you?"

"Boy, Alastor Finn and then Snotface happened." Bjorn Junior provided, beating Fishlegs.

"Remind me to hire you when you're older." Bjorn Junior burned crimson. "No, I think that's all." He waved his hands at the Vikings. "Shoo." A small group of children mimicked the dismissive gesture. Hiccup stuck his tongue out at them only to get similar responses. Gradually the Great Hall cleared. Toothless squeezed through the door, his mouth full of fish. Stormfly was close behind, squawking happily upon locating her rider. The two dragons lumbered over, a trail of fish slime and dragon saliva dripping from Toothless's chin and to the floor. Hiccup gingerly greeted his greedy dragon while Stormfly lay on the floor, circling Astrid and the new baby. "No, I don't want one, you look like you're enjoying them, you keep them." Toothless didn't seem to mind this and left to warm his scales by the fire, dispensing his breakfast all over the floor.

"Ew!" Ingrid wailed. Toothless cheekily warbled at her and lapped up his gooey breakfast with happy chortles.

"Ew indeed." Hiccup agreed, feeling queasy.

"You should teach him table manners." Fishlegs mused. Hiccup had a wild mental image of Toothless sat a table holding cutlery in his claws and a tablecloth tied about his neck. Looking at his wife, he could tell she was thinking along the same lines.

"Yeah. Table manners. That'll work." Hiccup nodded. Fishlegs did too, very seriously. Ruffnut and Tuffnut snickered to each other. Hiccup wondered if Fishlegs would start another school- Dragon Etiquette. He quickly banished the thought before he said it out loud and gave his friend ideas. "On that note..." Hiccup swiveled to face Astrid, hands out. "Gimme."

"No."

"He's my bubba too!"

"Tough. I'm holding him."

"Fine. I'll take Ingrid." Astrid just hummed. Hiccup turned to Tuffnut. "One daughter please."

"Right, squirt. Be gone." Ingrid leapt from his shoulders and straight into her father's arms. Tuffnut rolled his shoulders. Ruffnut hit him. "Thanks, sis."

"Hello, Daddy!" Ingrid beamed, completely oblivious to the twins' fighting. "Fly!" She added eagerly, gesturing at Toothless.

"Anything for the only child I supposedly _am_ allowed to have." He shot his wife a pointed look. Astrid pretended not to notice, examining her nails. "Toothless!" The Night Fury raised his head, interested. "Let's take a ride, bud." The dragon snorted happily and bumbled over. "I'm going to take _my _daughter," Hiccup announced non-too-subtlety looking at his wife from the corner of his eye, "and _my _dragon and go flying over _my _village."

"OK." Astrid replied calmly, reaching down carefully to pet her dragon. Hiccup pulled a face at her; Ingrid giggled. "Have a nice flight."

"I will." Hiccup said, slightly miffed. She was being mean to him! Again.

An idea struck him like lightning as he climbed into the saddle and set Ingrid before him. "I may go and see Ada-"

"_Don't you dare_!"

"Run!" He urged his dragon. She was so going to kill him later!


	23. Chapter 23

**A HUNDRED REVIEWS! WOOHOO! THANK YOU! You guys are the best, thank you thank you thank you! :D **

**And thank you to HiccupHaddockIII for helping once again, credit goes to you for this idea, although I'm not sure if I've written it all that well :/ I apologise in advance if it's a bit weird, but I'm not overly sure what I'm doing with anything anymore- Art's finally lost it! ^_^**

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Everything hurt. This day was _never_ going to end. And now... Snotlout. Hiccup wanted nothing more than to go home, see his wife and children and sleep until the end of the world. But he had to force himself to remain awake and standing to see what his fellow dragon rider wanted. Snotlout didn't look as angry as he had been earlier, meek and something. Hiccup wasn't sure what it was. As far as he was concerned, it was a miracle he was still upright. Thinking clearly was not an option.

"Look, Hiccup. I've been a jerk. I was just wondering if... well, if you want to come back to mine and crack open a bottle of mead. Start over, you know?" Hiccup mentally groaned. He wasn't a big fan of mead, but if he said no, Snotlout might go back to being a major pain.

"Alright," He sighed, "but just the one." Snotlout grinned. "That's one mug, not one crate of mead."

"You'll probably only handle one mug anyway." Snotlout teased, playfully elbowing Hiccup. "Such a lightweight."

"Yeah, that's me. Chief Lightweight." Hiccup yawned, catching his tired exhale in the crook of his elbow. "Make this quick, Lout, I'm knackered."

"I can tell."

"Bet you're glad you're not chief now."

"Little bit." Snotlout admitted. "I've been seeing you all day, rushing around like some headless chicken."

"Hold on a minute... you've invited me back to yours for a drink and you've been watching me all day? Snotlout, I'm flattered. But I'm also married."

"You never stop being annoying, do you?"

"Nope." Hiccup said around another yawn. "How much farther?"

"There," Snotlout pointed, "stop complaining."

"I'm not complaining. My legs are. Even the fake one." Snotlout looked amused. He opened the door to his home, which was pretty basic, but practical too. A fire was already going and to finally sit down that day, even on a hard dining chair, was a godsend. "Wait, there was something I was supposed to ask you..." Snotlout gave him a questioning look. Hiccup mulled over his sluggish thoughts, trying to remember what it was he had heard about Snotlout earlier that day.

Snotlout set two mugs and a bottle of mead on the table. Pieces started to fall into place after he too had sat down. Hiccup snapped his fingers and leant forward as the memory came back to him. "Waiola." Snotlout poured the mead.

"Waiola." He repeated.

"Yes. Apparently your new lady friend." Hiccup smirked. Snotlout tinged pink. "Aha!" Hiccup said victoriously, accepting his mug. "Do tell!"

"There's nothing to tell." Snotlout muttered, chugging down his drink.

"Oh yes there is. I have heard stories on my travels. One such as you asking your dad to ask her parents if you could m- aha!" He laughed as Snotlout choked on his drink and spewed mead everywhere. "I knew it!" Snotlout was now a deep scarlet and furiously avoiding Hiccup's gaze. "I would say spill, but you've already done that." Hiccup gestured at the mead puddles on the table with his tankard. "So, tell."

"I'm not telling you anything."

"Your chief commands it." Snotlout scowled. Hiccup triumphantly sipped his mead, recoiling slightly at the taste.

"Alright, fine. Waiola. She was in the bakery and... there was a queue. We just started talking. It... it just went from there."

"When? How long?"

"About a year ago." Snotlout said quietly, pouring himself another drink.

"Really? And you didn't tell anyone?"

"Well... my dad, obviously." Hiccup nodded. "The twins knew."

"And they didn't say anything?! How'd you manage that?" Snotlout shrugged. Hiccup was impressed, braving another bit of mead to keep Snotlout in a good mood. "So, what did her parents say?"

"It's, um, it's between me and some other guy."

"Who?"

"Uhhh... Cadman."

"Oh, I know him!"

"You know everyone." Snotlout pointed out. Hiccup waved it aside. "Do you think they'll pick me or Cadman?"

"Well, you're the warrior. Cadman is more of a... pet than anything if I'm honest. Don't repeat that. I know her parents. They're a bit more... um, what's the word? You know- _pow_. And Cadman's... aren't. His mum's a baker and his dad is part of the repairs team. It depends if they want a warrior for Waiola or someone who'll be more hands-on at home."

"I could do that."

"Could you?" Snotlout nodded, taking another gulp of mead. Hiccup did too, instantly regretting it. Chief Lightweight was in the building. "So, you're saying you'd be happy to cook, clean, gather firewood, supplies, washing and- if it comes to it- looking after kids."

"If you can do it, I can do it." He drained his mug and then filled it again, emptying the bottle.

"How do you change a nappy? Feed them if the mum isn't around? Get them to sleep? Stop them crying? Keep them warm? Safe? How do you carry them?"

"OK, maybe I'll need a bit of help with all that, but I could pick it up! Right?" He added uncertainly. Hiccup smiled.

"Right."

* * *

Hiccup left an hour later. He had successfully finished his one and only tankard and how he hated that decision. Thankfully, it was late, so there was literally no-one out to see their chief crashing into wall after wall, trip over his own feet or thin air or failing to keep his balance when he stopped to get his bearings. He ended up walking in a circle and was suddenly outside Snotlout's again. It took him half an hour of tripping, colliding with walls and tumbling before he got anywhere near home. Astrid was up when he stumbled in, sitting at the table in her night dress with her arms firmly crossed and looking immensely annoyed.

"Where have you been?" She growled, rising to storm over to him.

"Astrid! I was just thinking about you!" He put a hand clumsily on her shoulder. "I love you. You're really pretty." She looked baffled.

"Are... are you _drunk_?"

"I don't like it either. Blaaaaame Snotlout."

"What?"

"Snotlout has a giiiirrrrlllllffffrrriiieeennnd. Ssh! i wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but I can't believe it. It's Waiola!" He whispered loudly, swaying. Astrid gripped his arm and directed him to a chair. He gripped her wrist. "I love you, Astrid. You... and the kids... best thing that ever happened to meeeeee."

"Don't let Toothless hear you say that." Astrid sighed, brushing his hair from his head. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Love me foreveeeerrrr..."

"Preferably sober you, but yes."

"I love you. You're _pretty_ and _funny_ and _clever_ and _violent_ and _I love you_." The last three words were said in a whisper and he hugged her around the middle. "I'm so glad you're my wife. I used to think I would never get you. And now I have!"

"Ssh! The kids are asleep."

"Ssh!" He put a finger to his lips and went cross-eyed. "Zipplebacks," He murmured, "one head breathes gas, the other lights it. Nadder, venom filled tail spines, appeal to its vanity. Nightmare, has a nasty habit of spontaneously combusting. Gronckles, eat rocks, thick skin acts like an armour, heavy tail to clobber people. Night Fury." He frowned. "Very strange, can go from fearsome to adorable in zero point two seconds. I love dragons. Not as much as I love you, milady." He patted her hand. "You are amaziiiing." Next thing she knew, he was leaning against her shoulder and snoring softly.

"And you couldn't have walked upstairs first." She grumbled. He stirred. She caught a brief glimpse of emerald and a cheeky smile and then he was asleep again.

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**I'm not sure about this, I'm sorry! **


	24. Chapter 24

**To Richelle Cryer- I quite like drunk Hiccup too :3 Which sounds a bit fatheaded, considering I wrote that :P No, you don't sound demanding, don't worry. I've had quite a few requests for this story and I'm hoping to do as many as I can. As for more drunk Hiccup... I'll have a think- I'll need another reason for him to drink :D**

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"Tiny baby, giant... oh gods, that's not even human."

"Hiccup, that is very much human, you're just sens- by Odin's beard!" Stoick clamped a hand over his nose. He stared in shock and bewilderment at his tiny grandson, who seemed oblivious to the almighty smell his dirty nappy had just unleashed.

"Now who's sensitive?" Hiccup teased, trying not to breathe through his nose. He bundled the nappy up in a ratty blanket and held it at arm's length. Stoick hurriedly moved away from it and Hiccup disappeared out the door. Unfortunately, the smell didn't go with him. Stoick went around and opened all the windows and doors. It got cold very quickly, but the air was much fresher.

Alastor mewled at the coldness, kicking his small feet in protest. Stoick carefully put a new nappy on the baby and tucked him back into his little trousers with the feet. Alastor stared up at him, whining.

"Sensitive." Stoick decided. "Just like your dad."

"We're not sensitive." Hiccup's voice said from behind him. Stoick turned to give him a disbelieving look. "Just because we're not like you big _insensitive_ Vikings, doesn't mean we're _sensitive_. We're manly as hell."

"Keep dreaming, Hiccup."

"No. That's not manly."

"Everyone has dreams." Stoick pointed out.

"Fine then. Manly dreams it shall be." Hiccup froze. "I don't know what that'd be- maybe blood, guts and gore." He shrugged and held his hands out for his son. Stoick refused, cuddling his grandson, who looked smaller than ever in Stoick's muscular arms. "Where's Ingrid?"

"Hiding."

"Where?"

"It's your turn."

"It's _always_ my turn."

"She's _your_ daughter."

"You _always_ say that. INGRID!" He yelled, startling Alastor. Stoick shushed the infant kindly. Hiccup crashed about the house, looking under tables and chairs and in cupboards, in every nook and cranny, trying to figure out where oh where the two year old could _possibly_ have hidden now. She had clearly inherited Astrid's stealth skills, not something Hiccup was looking forward to in the years to come. "Ingrid... I'll tell your mum you've been mean..."

"You can't do that." Stoick said.

"I can."

"That's blackmail. You are _blackmailing_ a _two year old_. Have you-"

"No shame?" Hiccup finished, smiling devilishly. "Apparently not." The floorboards overhead creaked. Hiccup disappeared up the stairs in a flash. Stoick took a seat and sighed. Alastor sneezed.

"Bless you." Stoick smiled. Alastor's eyes swivelled up to him. "Hello." Stoick gently pushed his thumb against his grandson's miniscule palm. The infant's _tiny_ fingers could just about latch onto the digit. "Oh, you're definitely going to be another Hiccup. I can see this coming. Strong grip though." He commented as Alastor's other small hand gripped his thumb. "I suppose you will get something from Astrid after all." There was a clatter to his right. Stoick glanced around to see Hiccup coming back down the stairs with Ingrid slung over his shoulder and punching his shoulders. "Having trouble with the daughter?"

"No, no. Not at all." Hiccup grimaced. Stoick held out his free hand and Ingrid was instantly in his grasp. Hiccup rolled his shoulders, wincing. Ingrid gave him a wicked smile and then faced her baby brother.

"Hello, Al." The front door opened. "Hello, Mum. Hello, Gramma."

"Hello, Ingrid." Astrid and Hildegard smiled. They set their baskets on the table. Hiccup pounced on them. He piled the two loaves of bread, a block of cheese, milk, a leg of lamb, half a dozen eggs, vegetables and the one apple pie on the table. "That's to last a few days, Hiccup."

"No, that won't work. I'm hungry. And this will spoil." He pointed at the lamb, milk and cheese. "We need to eat it all now."

"And have what for dinner?"

"Pie."

"Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"I thought you told me to watch the kids while you were out?"

"Yes, but Stoick volunteered. You're not supposed to be here." Hiccup looked from his wife to his mother-in-law and then to his father. They were all smiling at him.

"Oh, I see how it is. I've served my purpose." He sniffed dramatically, holding his head up. "It's fine. I can handle it. Excuse me, I'm just going to the woods to drown in my sorrows." Astrid caught his arm before he moved.

"Idiot." She shook her head. Hiccup grinned cheekily and kissed her forehead. "Go back to work; I'll put the lamb on for later, OK?"

"OK." Hiccup bounced from the house, calling his goodbyes over his shoulder.

"Idiot." Astrid repeated. "He gets worse every day."

"That's Hiccup for you." Stoick nodded. "I wouldn't worry about it though, he's always been like it." Astrid and Hildegard hummed in agreement.

* * *

Hiccup was tracking down a herd of missing sheep with a group of volunteers. The gate had snapped under last night's heavy winds. Most of the damage had been sorted by now, the whole village setting to work on it. The gate was being fixed right this moment by Gobber. Sheep tracks led all through the village and into the forest, dissipating from there. Hiccup ended up on the north beach, where it was coldest. The ice caves were here. Sheep footprints in the sand led towards the cave and then disappeared on the icy floor. Hiccup sighed and checked the prints before following them- the weight was definitely leaning forward on the hooves, deeper at the front.

"Sheep!" He called upon entering the caves. "Baa! Baaa!" Echoes bounced around him. "Dammit. Here, sheep! Nice sheep, obey your chief! Baaa!" Another 'baa' sounded, one out of time to the echoes. "Aha!" Hiccup declared happily, rushing forward and then slowing instantly as he slipped on the ice. "Stupid leg." He muttered. He leant down to change the attachment, calling himself stupid for not doing it earlier. After his last fall on ice, he had added in an ice grip foot. Very handy for trekking about the ice caves. "OK, there we go. Much better." He tested his artificial foot on the ice, gouging a ragged groove. "Very much better. Baa!" He called again. "Baa! Aaah, there you are." The one white sheep stood just around the corner, behind a large chunk of ice that had fallen. "You and your little sheep friends are causing all sorts of trouble. Come here, we'll get you back. No-no-no-no, don't walk off, come back here. Baa, baa, there we go, baaa." The sheep slowly moved forward, braying nervously. "It's OK," Hiccup soothed, "come here. Lovely jubbly, let's go." The sheep tottered past him, looking up at him with big brown eyes. Hiccup knelt and petted him. "Good sheep." He rose and looked around. "Now... which way?" There were free paths. Hiccup hadn't noticed, more focused on not falling and finding the sheep. "Let's trrrryyyyyy this one." He pointed. The sheep shuffled after him.

They walked a few metres, Hiccup talking to the sheep about sheep things- grazing and jumping fences and... more grazing. "You really don't do much, do you? Hey, what's wrong?" The sheep had stopped and was surverying the ground unhappily. "It's alright, look." Hiccup took a few more steps forward. "See? It's fi-" It was not fine. The ground fell open beneath his feet and he realised, on the way down, that maybe he had gone the wrong way.

He tried to reach out to grab something, _anything_, but there was nothing. It got darker and darker, colder and colder and then- pain. Hiccup wasn't sure what hurt exactly; everything hurt and then he felt numb too. How that worked he wasn't entirely sure, but _ow_.

A distant 'baa' shimmered down to him. Hiccup groaned in response, his head swimming. Gods, he hoped he hadn't fallen into a dragon nest. That would be just his luck though- wrong tunnel, weak ice, long fall, lots of _ow_ and then... dragons. That would top it off nicely.

The sheep called to him again. Hiccup forced himself to roll onto his back and stared up. The sheep was a tiny shape way, way, _way_ up there. How he had survived this fall, he didn't know. Maybe his luck wasn't so bad. Or maybe he was judging things wrong. He couldn't tell, it was all going dark.

"Ow..." He croaked. Then, nothing.

* * *

**I won't mention any names, because you know who you are (and I will not send angry fangirls your way, it's not pleasant :P )- you did ask for Hiccup to be hurt, although not to this degree probably- you just wanted him to be punched :P But I was bored and you gave me the idea of having Hiccup hurt so... you're welcome! :D **


	25. Chapter 25

"Come in!"

"Hello, ma'am." Rangvald bowed his head to Astrid. "Is Hiccup around?" Astrid frowned, straightening up from helping Ingrid get dressed.

"I thought he was with you and the rest of the sheep finders."

"He was…" Rangvald said hesitantly. "But then he went off and we thought he had come home." Astrid's brow furrowed and she looked down at her daughter. Ingrid stared back up at her, smoothing down her nightdress. "Should I have the tracking dragons look for him?"

"And Toothless." Astrid nodded. "He'll find Hiccup better than anyone else." The Viking nodded in agreement and bowed his head again. As the chief's wife and as Astrid Haddock, the village held a lot of respect for her, almost as much as the chief himself. Astrid didn't mind it- no-one doubted her as an individual person anymore and that was just fine by her.

Rangvald left. Astrid called for Stormfly. Within the minute, her Nadder was ready and waiting outside the house. "Can you take this," Astrid lifted the scroll- a letter she had just written, "to my mother?" Stormfly squawked and readjusted her wings importantly. "Thank you." Astrid smiled, tying it with a bit of string to Stormfly's neck. The Nadder nudged her affectionately and took flight. Astrid went back inside to change.

Hiccup wouldn't stay out this late without having sent a message back first. As the seconds passed, her worry grew. When Hildegard and Fenrir finally turned up, Astrid was driving herself crazy- what if Hiccup had run into Dagur? Or if he had stumbled into a dragon nest? He could handle himself alright with the dragons, everyone knew that, but what if he was overwhelmed? What if he was really hurt? Knowing him, he probably would have lost another limb or something.

Toothless was with Stormfly when Astrid left. She saw someone- Gobber, probably- had taken the liberty to put the automatic tail on the Night Fury. He was sniffing the air and raring to go, growling at Astrid to hurry up. Astrid swung herself up into the saddle and the two dragons took to the air instantly. Toothless barrelled ahead within seconds, swivelling to face this way and that and following his rider's scent. Stormfly kept close behind him, occasionally lighting the way with a mouthful of flames. They didn't want to lose the Night Fury as his element descended.

They flew for what felt like forever, but was really only a half hour, when Astrid looked back on it. Hiccup could have been anywhere in any condition- what if they didn't find him in time and he was really, _really _hurt. What then? What if he-?

Astrid shook herself from those dark thoughts. Hiccup would be fine. He was _Hiccup_. He was _always_ fine, he _always_ bounced back and he had promised to _always_ be by her side. Despite this, Astrid felt like she was going to be sick, sharp claws of disquiet burying themselves in her chest and scraping against her heart.

Toothless found his target and a shiver ran through him. He tucked in his wings and dived. "Go!" Astrid ordered Stormfly, who followed suit immediately. The ice caves broke through the darkness and Toothless disappeared into one of the entrances, unfurling his wings and landing gently. He called for his rider and ventured further into the icy depths. Stormfly landed, but didn't seem as eager to go into the caves as Toothless. Astrid dismounted and patted the dragon reassuringly. "It'll be OK, come on." Behind her, Toothless cried out. She recognised that as his way of searching and he bounded away. Astrid ran after him, slipping and sliding on the ice, but not falling.

It didn't take long to find the sheep. He stood at the edge of a gaping hole in the floor, baaing anxiously and head-butting Toothless in the leg to get his attention. Toothless tried to go forward, but the ground cracked under his weight. Astrid went ahead, stepping carefully. She peered into the hole, squinting at the poor lighting. She could make out something right at the bottom, but from here she couldn't tell what.

She returned to Stormfly and retrieved a length of rope and the medical pack she always had with her. She secured the rope to a jagged spike of ice taller and wider than her by far with a series of knots and then threw the rest into the abyss. She shimmied down, wishing she had thought to bring a torch and then realising she wouldn't be able to hold it without falling from the rope. Or throwing it down in case it was Hiccup down here and hurting him.

Her fingers slipped on the rope and she free-fell for a couple of metres. In blind panic, she missed the rope in her first few wild grabs. She was mere feet above the ground when she regained her control, the rope burning her fingers.

Peering down, her heart quickened in terror. Hiccup was lying motionless on his back just to her right. She dropped the small gap and rushed to his side. "Hiccup? Hiccup, can you hear me?" She gripped his shoulder and leant forward, pressing her ear to his chest. Over her own heart pounding, she couldn't hear anything. Instead, with shaking hands, she checked to see if he was breathing. His breath was warm, but feeble against her palm. She half-laughed, half-sobbed with relief. He was _alive_.

Her fingers brushed his skin and her happiness vanished instantly. He was ice-cold. She tipped the medical pack upside down, its contents tumbling into a pile before her. The blanket was there, but she had to check him for other injuries first. "Hiccup?" She called a little louder. "Hiccup!" Astrid snapped her fingers next to his ear. He stirred weakly, moaned, didn't wake. "Hiccup, you need to wake up!" He mumbled illogically, frowning slightly. He moved his arm and complained. His eyes opened a fraction in delirium and then he was out again. Astrid checked his arm.

His wrist was broken. Shoulder was dislocated. She couldn't see properly, but his skin seemed darker on the left side of his head. It was partially dried blood, she discovered upon touching it, and had frozen below him on the ground. She gingerly checked for any breakages in the skull, beyond relieved when she found none. He would have a headache, maybe a scar there, but- gods willing- he wouldn't be in any trouble.

Astrid muttered prayers while she worked. She took a set of splints from the medical pack and secured his wrist in leather and thick bandages. Setting his shoulder woke him up for a brief moment and he stared at her, deluded. "Hiccup, stay awake."

"Astrid…" He croaked.

"Yeah, it's me… just… just stay with me, OK? Where else does it hurt?" He just looked at her, unable to comprehend what she was saying. "Can you hear me OK?"

"Astrid…"

"Yes, we've established that." She felt the back of his neck and then his head again in case she missed anything. Definitely no breakages. She soaked a cloth with water from the canister and gently started cleaning his head wound. He moaned and his eyes flickered. "Hey." Astrid snapped her fingers briskly. "Stay awake." She instructed firmly. "You have to stay awake."

"Astrid…"

"Yes?" He struggled, trying to frame his words correctly.

"Sing…" He eventually managed. Astrid wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Please…"

"OK." She sniffled. "Stay awake though." Hiccup murmured something, hopefully an agreement. Astrid began to sing softly, whatever song she knew- lullabies, his parents' song, little ones that had cropped up around the village, anything- while she worked, binding strips of cloth about his head to cushion his injury. Hiccup's eyes never left her face. She couldn't meet his gaze, worried what she would see there. How hurt was he? He would never let on, not even in a situation like this. Astrid's voice wavered and her eyes burned with tears, but she kept singing. When she ran out of songs, she started again, feeling his ribs. He winced. At least two of them were cracked, hence his feeble breathing. "You'll be alright." She sang, not wanting to go back to talking normally in case she lost his focus.

"Astrid…" He lifted his good arm with obvious effort. Astrid took his hand in both of hers, kissing his fingers. Her tears splashed on his knuckles and he squinted at her. "Be… al… alright… you… always… always… ri… right…"

"And don't you forget it." She smiled timidly. She let go of his hand to throw the blanket about him.

"You… stay…?" He motioned with his good arm for her to lie by his side.

"Yeah, of course." He was colder now than before. Astrid got up and stepped over him to lie down on his uninjured side. Hiccup plucked at the blanket, failing to grasp it. She slid under it and held him close, wanting to warm him up and praying consistently to the gods. He drifted in and out of consciousness, mumbling her name when he was aware of what was going on.

They sat in silence. He didn't ask her to sing again or anything else, just wanting to know she was there. Astrid kept the blanket tucked firmly around him, not letting up on her prayers. He would be OK, he _had _to be. He was the chief, her husband, the father of her children… Ingrid and Alastor needed him. The village needed him. _She_ needed him.

Time slid past. Astrid was cold too, clinging to Hiccup. When the dragon calls above her sounded, she startled, having forgotten others were looking for Hiccup.

"Astrid?" Rangvald called. Stormfly and Toothless grumbled greetings.

"Don't come too close!" Astrid called up, her voice hoarse. "The ice isn't stable!"

"Is Hiccup with you?"

"Yes!"

"How is he?"

"He's hurt, but I've patched him up!"

"He'll be OK?" She looked up. Rangvald was leaning over the edge.

"Hopefully!"

"Astrid…" Hiccup breathed. "Who…?"

"Rangvald. We're getting you out of here." Hiccup nodded weakly. "Rangvald!"

"Yes?"

"We're going to need a stretcher! Have you got a Gronckle with you?"

"Yes!"

"We'll have to lift him out!"

"OK! One minute!" Astrid nodded, even though he probably couldn't see her from up there. She folded the blanket about him some more and kissed the top of his head.

"We'll go home, warm you up. Tell everyone you're OK. You're under bed arrest for a while though." Astrid kept talking, telling him about the children, how they would all help to look after him, how he would be up and about annoying people in no time, all the good things. Hiccup forced himself to stay awake just to listen to her. It hurt when she had to move him onto the stretcher dangling by rope from a Gronckle, but she was right next to him. "I'll meet you at the top, OK?"

"OK…"

Astrid packed up the remainder of her supplies and climbed back up. When she reached the top, the light was almost blinding. Rangvald and another Viking pulled her away from the weak ice, setting her next to Hiccup. Toothless was fussing over him, snuffling his hair worriedly. Hiccup was half-awake and smiling frailly at his dragon. "Hey… bud…"

In the light, Hiccup looked worse than she feared. His skin had a blue-ish tinge to it; bruises coated his left side and splattered his right; his sleeves were torn and bloody gashes seeped into the ripped material; his wrist looked awkward and clunky in her medical support and the bandages around his head had already started to show spots of scarlet.

All the same, he smiled when he saw her. She knelt next to him and took his good hand. "Milady…" He said haltingly. "My… hero…"

"You idiot." Tears welled again, but with Rangvald and company there, she held them in check. Hiccup continued to smile, oblivious to everything but her. And Toothless, of course. There was no ignoring Toothless.

* * *

**See! I was mean and then I was nice, with a little bit of Hiccstrid thrown in! You're welcome! :D **


	26. Chapter 26

"How are you feeling now?" Astrid asked. Hiccup studied her blearily for a moment, having just woke up. He was swaddled in blankets- warmer than he had been, but still cold. Valka believed the coldness would subside in the next few days, but he would have to continue resting until he felt well enough to walk about.

"I'm OK." Hiccup said for the millionth time. He wanted to get up and help. Every time he tried, Astrid was there to keep him bed bound. "Are you OK?"

"Yes. I've brought you soup." Hiccup made a face." Oh, don't be like that."

"I haven't eaten anything solid in _forever_." He rubbed at his face. "My jaw muscles are weakening." Astrid sat next to him on the bed, unamused.

"Have you got a problem with my soup?"

"I'm bored of it."

"It's all you're getting."

"Not even some bread?" She shook her head, setting the tray on his lap. He insisted on feeding himself clumsily with his right hand. He had recovered mentally- they all knew that the second he started being Hiccup again- but his ribs still caused him no end of trouble and he was practically useless and even more accident-prone with his right hand. "Where are Ingrid and Alastor?"

"Asleep downstairs."

"They can sleep up here, I don't mind." Astrid made to reply; Hiccup didn't let her. "You were saying yesterday you were having trouble settling them for their naps. I figured it's because you moved them."

"Hiccup, you need to rest."

"And I am. But I also need to see my babies."

"Ingrid will go mad if she hears you say that. She's no baby now, so she keeps telling me." Hiccup smiled.

"Sound familiar?"

"Shut up."

"No." He fed himself more soup, drops splashing onto his shirt. "Ooohhhh..." He complained, picking irritably at his tunic. "I was doing OK then."

"You'll learn."

"And by then, I'll have my left hand back." He had his left arm in a sling and his wrist set in splints and expertly wrapped bandages by Valka. He was under strict instructions to use his right hand only as too much stress and pressure to his left side would aggravate his ribs and possibly his previously dislocated shoulder. "_Please_ let me see them. And bring them back up here. Toothless keeps disappearing." He paused. "Do you know where he goes?"

"Probably off with Stormfly. I wouldn't worry too much." He nodded, stirring his soup absent-mindedly. "Besides, you've got me." Astrid pointed out. Hiccup grinned at her tone; he clearly had no choice, but to accept it.

"Yes, I love having you around. Especially without the attacking me bit."

"I'll catch up when you're better." Alastor started crying. "I'll be right back." Astrid kissed his forehead and left him to struggle with his soup. Alastor's cries woke Ingrid, who pulled her blanket over her head. Astrid scooped her youngest up, shushing and gently rocking him. "Ingrid, why don't you go and see Daddy?" The toddler grinned and slid from her pile of bedding and bumbled upstairs.

"Daddy!"

"Ingrid!" Hiccup had put aside his empty bowl and beamed at her. "Come here so I can give you a one-armed hug." Ingrid giggled and raced forward, awkwardly scrambled up onto his bed. Hiccup out his good arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "How's my favourite daughter then?"

"Baby is noisy. Wake me up." When Alastor annoyed Ingrid, he was 'Baby'. Every other time he was either 'Al' or 'Al-tor'.

"Yeah, babies do that. But not to worry; you can sleep up here if you want."

"Awake now."

"Then how about you tell me a story?"

"Chief got stuck in ice caves. Snotface tells twins and Legs."

"I haven't heard this one- do tell." Ingrid frowned at him.

"You chief."

"Ahhh, you've caught me out! Darn!" Ingrid giggled.

"I smart like that."

"Very." Hiccup agreed. Astrid appeared at the top of the stairs, Alastor in her arms. "Hello. Did you know the chief got stuck in the ice caves?" Astrid rolled her eyes. Alastor had been fed and changed and was in a good mood, staring interestedly around at everything. Ingrid smiled when she saw he wasn't crying. He was ten days old now, still tiny. "Can I have a cuddle?" Hiccup asked, holding out his right arm.

"Carefully. Mind your ribs." Astrid kindly arranged Alastor on Hiccup's chest, the tot's head on his shoulder. Hiccup looked thrilled to hold his son. Ingrid moved forward to sit on his lap to get a better look at her peaceful baby brother. Alastor's silky tufts of blonde hair tickled Hiccup's cheek as he looked around at Ingrid. He had that new baby smell- Hiccup hadn't really thought about it before, but- although the new baby smell was nice- it was a little weird to smell babies. In a way. He must have looked puzzled as Astrid laughed. "What are you thinking now?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

"New baby smell. And then... is it weird to smell babies?"

"Depends if the baby is yours and if you're holding them."

"Yes, he is most definitely mine. He clearly has my good looks."

"Fathead." Ingrid commented.

"I've taught her well!" Astrid beamed, catching her daughter in her arms and hugging her proudly. "Good girl, Ingrid, very good girl."

"Don't listen to your mother, Ingrid, she's delusional."

"And you're dead."

* * *

Hiccup awoke to a tiny hand pinching the skin on his arm. Alastor whinged at him, shaking his head and kicking his feet. Hiccup tucked his arm around him, shushing him gently.

"Hey, you, I know. I'm here." He started to get up and then realised he had company. He dropped back on the bed in surprise, startling Alastor and making him complain more. "Wh- how- dear gods, I am getting you a bell! Or a horn or something!" Snotlout smiled grimly at him. "Look, Snotlout..." Hiccup exhaled slowly and waited for his heart to slow down. "We've had this conversation- you can wine and dine me and stalk me during the day and watch me while I sleep all you like, but I. Am. Married."

"Which is a huge surprise to me, I assure you."

"Yeah, it was a huge surprise to me too." Alastor grumbled. Snotlout winced and slouched in his seat. "We've talked about this too, Lout- you need to be comfortable around babies if you're set on Waiola. How's that going by the way?" Snotlout pressed his lips together and looked down. "Take Al a second, I need to get his food."

"Wait what?"

"Hold. Baby. I'll only be a minute."

"Astrid told me not to let you up."

"Where is she?"

"Out. Her mother's I think. She took Ingrid with her, but you and him were asleep so she just left you."

"That's nice." Hiccup said, having not really heard Snotlout. "Where's my leg?"

"Uh, on your body?"

"Not that one, _that_ one." He pointed at his lower leg. Astrid had stolen his prosthetic. "Find my leg."

"No-one's said that to me before."

"There's a first for everything." Hiccup smiled. "Now, I need my leg. Stop whining, Al, I can't get you food without my leg." He very carefully lay Alastor on the bed and let him squirm about there. Snotlout returned with his leg, eyeing the baby warily. Hiccup attached his leg and swung up, nearly overbalancing and having to grab Snotlout's arm to keep himself up right. "Ooh, so strong!" He pretended to swoon. Snotlout would have pushed him over had he not been injured already. "You bring Alastor, I'm-"

"Are you sure you're OK to be walking about?"

"I'm going _mad_ stuck in that bed, I need to get up and out!" Hiccup tottered off, running his hand along the wall. Snotlout hesitated, looking down at the baby. Alstor stared back up at him, kicking his legs and sniffling.

Hiccup found the yak milk already sweetened with honey and was stirring it for extra measure. He turned to see Snotlout coming down the stairs holding Alastor at arm's length. "Snotlout!"

"I don't know how to hold babies!"

"Right! I'm teaching you! Come here. Sit there." Hiccup gestured at the nearest chair. Snotlout fearfully sat down, still holding the infant at arm's length. "Look, you're going to have to help me a bit here, I'm even more of an invalid than usual."

"What do I do?"

"Turn him, gently. That's it. Now, hold him in your arm, I'm sure you've seen people hold babies." Snotlout managed, but he was unbelievably tense. "Relax, you'll upset him."

"No, if he starts crying, you can have him."

"I can't." Hiccup motioned at his sling. "Here," He handed the small cup to Snotlout. "Just pour that into his mouth, bit by bit. You have to stop every couple of minutes to wind him."

"Wind him?"

"Yeah. Just sit him up on your lap and pat him on the back until he burps. No biggie." Hiccup waved it aside. Snotlout didn't look too happy, but there was no way out of this. Hiccup leant against the table, plucking an apple from the bowl. He threw it up and caught it, turning it this way and that. "Yes." He decided. "Solid food." He bit into the apple and surveyed his friend. "Relax, Snotlout. You're doing OK." He smiled reassuringly. "Now tell me about what's going on with Waiola."

"I don't think they're going to pick me."

"Why?"

"Cadman. I think they like him more because he knows what he's doing about the house and I- I don't really, do I?"

"But you could pick it up. We've been over this too. There's so much we've been over, actually, you're lucky I've got such a good memory." Snotlout rolled his eyes. "Ease up there," Hiccup nodded at the milk, "he'll choke if you feed him too much."

"Sorry." Snotlout hastily lessened the honey-milk drink and Alastor settled. "Could you talk to them?"

"Waiola's parents?" Snotlout nodded hesitantly. "I can't make any promises, but I'll give it a try. But you're going to have to help me- you'll have to prove that you'll make a good husband yourself."

"How?"

"Well, guess who's babysitting for the forseeable future?"

"Oh, you're kidding."

"I never kid."

"Puh-_lease_, Hiccup! You never do anything else."

"Wind him. And I do many things. I train dragons, I work in the forges, I'm the chief, I'm a husband, a dad, a son, etc. etc. That's it, sit him up and pat him on the back. Support his head though."

"How?"

"Just... put your hand under his chin. Like that, yes. Not too bad now, is it?"

"Speak for yourself."

"OK."

"No, don't." Hiccup smiled devilishly. Snotlout struggled with something for a good few minutes. Hiccup finished his apple in that time, letting his friend figure out his thoughts in his own time. "Will you help me? With... with Waiola and... and the husband deal and stuff?" Hiccup's smile warmed.

"Of course I will!" Relief crashed over Snotlout. Hiccup nudged him in the shin with his foot. "Don't you worry about a thing, Lout. Hiccup is here!"

"And that means I shouldn't worry because...?"

"Because I am amazing. Shush."

* * *

**As usual, apologies for any spelling mistakes because of the WordPad deal and sorry if this is drabbley, my ideas kind of went a bit lopsided- I saw Avengers: Age of Ultron today! SO DAMN COOL! :D **


	27. Chapter 27

"Yes, hello; I am back, yes- did you miss me? Ah, hello! You've grown, look at you! You'll be taller than me in a few years!"

"Everyone's taller than you, Hiccup."

"Not Astrid. Or Snotlout. Or-"

"Alright, _most_ are taller than you." Fishlegs shook his head. "I see the whack to the head has done nothing to improve your mental state." Hiccup gave a maniacal laughter, waggling his fingers and crossing his eyes. Ingrid and the crowd of children who had gathered to greet the chief giggled.

"As if anything could improve my mental state. Oh, look! You've grown too! Oooh, stop it, you're all making me feel _short_." They all giggled again. "Especially you, Ingrid, you little pain." Ingrid smiled sweetly. "Now, what did I need to do again?"

"You just had to do rounds today." Fishlegs intervened. "It's been a bit quiet since the sheep incident. And since you fell-"

"In the caves, yes, I know." Hiccup gestured at the sling. "I'm kind of stuck with the reminders of that little trip for the time being, but it's alright! I can hide food in here and Astrid will never know! Sssh!" He told the children about him, putting his finger to his lips. They copied and he was practically bowled over by a tsunami of 'sssh's. "And now the grown-ups. Sssh!" He didn't get a response for that one. The older villagers were doing their best not to look too amused. Hiccup made a face at them and pulled an apple from his sling. "Right, I'm supposed to be doing the rounds, you lot... I assume you're supposed to be in dragon training classes or working. Yes?" He looked from one generation of Vikings to the others. They all nodded. "Well, chop chop then! And next time I see you," He pointed at Magnus, "you had better not be a seven foot tall hulking mass of muscle or you and I are going to have words." Magnus grinned at him. "Fishlegs, is Alastor still asleep?" Fishlegs peered into the baby sling. Alastor was curled against the small of Hiccup's back.

"Yes, he's sleeping."

"Excellent. This way, Ingrid." He held his right hand out to her. She was just tall enough to grasp his fingertips now and was happy enough to toddle alongside him. Fishlegs dutifully followed on the left, making sure he didn't walk too close to Hiccup's injured side or the sleeping baby.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"You silly."

"Yes." Hiccup nodded. "So I've heard." Ingrid smiled up at him.

* * *

"Hiccup, I've got you soup. It's not chicken this time, I tried a vegetable recipe my mother gave me." Astrid frowned at the contents in the bowl, stirring them. "I'm not sure how well it turned out so- where are you?" She had just looked up from her latest bit of cooking to see the bed empty. "Oh no. Oh, he _didn't_." She hurried down the stairs two at a time, dumped the soup back in the cooking pot, threw the bowl and spoon onto the table and raced out. "Hiccup!" She yelled. Instead of a reply from her husband, she got a very over-enthusiastic Night Fury. "Toothless, where's Hiccup?" The dragon chortled and bounded in a circle a few times, snuffling at her clothes and licking her hand. "Yes, show me. I need to hit him." Toothless froze and sat up, shuffling his wings and snorting unhappily. "You know he's an idiot- _someone_ has to keep him in line and it might as well be me, considering I'm his _wife_ and anything." Toothless huffed, literally rolling his eyes at her, as if to say _I was Hiccup's wife first, _I'm_ more important than you_.

Astrid sighed. "I'm not arguing with a dragon. Show me where Hiccup is." Toothless roared. A few seconds later, a similar call echoed back. Toothless looked at her, bowing his head. "Good boy." Astrid smiled. "You go and catch him, I'll be right behind you." The dragon sneezed and bounced away. Astrid ran after him.

Hiccup stood in the plaza, Alastor in the baby sling and Ingrid at his heels. He and Fishlegs were talking to the Rowells. "Hey, bud." Hiccup grinned, holding out his good arm as Toothless coiled around him and licked his face. Hiccup laughed and chucked him under the chin. "Yes, I missed you too, you big baby." He cooed. "Yes, so anyway, Snotlout would make a great husband- I've been talking to him and he's willing to try and learn whatever he needs to so you and Waiola would be happy."

"Hiccup!"

"Oh gods..."

"Don't you _oh gods_ me!" Astrid stomped forward. "I _told_ you to stay in bed- you're supposed to be resting!"

"But I'm fine!"

"You're, and I quote, are more of an invalid than usual."

"First of all, I don't sound like that and, second, I'm bored of resting and I needed to walk about."

"But your ribs-"

"I'm fine." Hiccup smiled easily, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "It's sweet you worry so much, but you don't need to, honest."

"Sweet?" She spluttered. "_Sweet_?"

"Um... well, not _sweet_ exactly, more... more of a passionate and caring soul beneath that tough, beautiful Viking exterior."

"Smooth." Fishlegs commented, laughing into his hand. Astrid ignored him.

"I'll let you off this time then."

"Ah." Hiccup's smile warmed. "That's always good to know."

"Mummy!" Ingrid poked her mother in the leg to get her attention. She held up a big bunch of wildflowers insistently, beaming. "Got these for you!"

"Thank you." Astrid knelt and hugged her daughter. Ingrid pressed the flowers into her hand. "Want to come with me to put them somewhere nice?" Ingrid nodded eagerly. "I'll take that one too."

"Oh, no. I'm keeping Al. You go and have a girl day and plot to overthrow me or something, that'll work nicely."

"Fine. Ingrid, if you ever want to get a guy to do anything for you, get food."

"Food." Ingrid said seriously, nodding. "Got it."

"Lots of food, especially his favourite." Mother and daughter walked off, Astrid schooling her daughter on how best to keep men- or, more specifically, Hiccup- on their toes. Hiccup figured there would be a few amputee jokes in there, but he didn't mind as much anymore.

"So, yes. Snotlout is a good guy, really. I know we've had our differences in the past, but we can always work around that."

"He never made a good chief though."

"Not everyone is meant to be chief. I mean, look how you saw me for years- _Hiccup_ in name and nature." The Rowells nodded and murmured in agreement. "I was never meant to be chief then, but now look!"

"Yes, you're doing a marvellous job."

"That sound sarcastic, Mr. Rowell."

"It wasn't meant to be."

"Are you sure?"

"OK, maybe it wasn't meant to be _entirely_ sarcastic."

"That I can work with." Hiccup grinned. Mr. Rowell- Udom Rowell- and his wife- Qadira- smiled. "But seriously though- I know I can't speak much on Snotlout's behalf, but I wanted to talk to you a bit beforehand because he's a little worried about messing things up even though he won't admit that and don't tell him I said that." Hiccup paused for breath. "Legs, you're not allowed to repeat this either." Fishlegs nodded. "He's willing to talk to you both, if you'll give him the chance. He means well and only wants the best for Waiola."

"Thank you, Hiccup." Udom nodded. "We'll have a think." Qadira nodded in agreement. Hiccup smiled at them both.

"Thank you. Come on, Legs, let's make sure Astrid's not lacing my lunch with poison."

"Oh, I'm sure she is."

"Probably." Hiccup agreed with a laugh. Alastor awoke with a startle and kicked Hiccup in the back. "Alright, alright. His lordship wants feeding too." Alastor whined to emphasis his lordliness. "I hope this one isn't a male version of Ingrid. I have very little sanity left."

"We've noticed." Fishlegs admitted.

"I know you've noticed. Everyone's noticed. Besides, it's not full-on insanity. I'm the chief, I can't be mad. They'll ship me off for that."

"A shame."

"You're being mean to me today."

"I'm not! I'm just agreeing with you."

"I never said it would be a shame to ship me off although now that I think about it probably is and-"

"Breathe." Fishlegs cut in. Hiccup inhaled deeply and pointedly. His friend said nothing, merely rolling his eyes and leading the way back to Hiccup's home. The secondary Haddock residence. Hiccup was a bit hyper on the way back that and kept dancing. To what music, Fishlegs had no idea. But for a guy with about two and a half functioning limbs, he wasn't too bad of a dancer, considering he was carrying a hungry baby on his back. "Astrid's going to kill you."

"I know, but I don't want to go back to sleep."

"You're like a child."

"I know. I've heard that a lot too."

"Why are you dancing?"

"Why _not_?" Hiccup beamed. "This isn't really dancing anyway- more like... half-dancing. I can't move this arm," He nodded down at his left, "with this arm." He waved his right hand in Fishlegs' face, laughed and drew Alastor around. "Stop being stroppy, you. You'll grow up and be just like me- absolutely _bonkers_." Alastor grumbled and kicked his tiny feet. His jumpsuit was a little big for him, the feet on the legs empty and floppy.

Astrid and Ingrid had put the wildflowers in a jug of water on the table. Ingrid was trying to catch Toothless's tail and giggling like crazy. Astrid was cursing over a smoking cooking pot.

"I went out to find you and my soup burned up!"

"That quickly?"

"Your dragon thought it would be a good idea to stoke the fire." Toothless gave a gummy smile, snatching his tail from Ingrid's reach and making her laugh again. "He's hungry," Astrid observed instantly, "give." She held her hands out for her son. Hiccup cuddled him, setting his jaw stubbornly.

"Only if I get him back afterwards."

"Maybe."

"That's the best you're going to get." Fishlegs hissed. Hiccup figured his friend was right and handed the mewling infant over. Astrid disappeared upstairs with him and his cries quietened within the minute. "Where's Stormfly?"

"Oh, she'll be around. What with the my being chief and Astrid teaching and looking after the terrible two, we don't really have that much time for the dragons. They tend to go off and do their own thing when we're not around and then they'll come back for food or attention or... whatever. I don't think they mind." Hiccup studied his dragon curiously. Toothless happily grumbled a greeting. "Yes, hello. Ingrid, come here."

"No!" She protested, intent on catching the Night Fury's dancing tail.

"No, you'll like this one." Hiccup pulled a rounded bit of shiny metal from his pocket and bounced the light streaming through the window off the surface. It reformed in a pale dot on the wall, swirling about. Toothless's eyes narrowed and he growled deep in his throat before pouncing. Ingrid squealed as his tail whipped over her head and looked around for the source of the distraction. Toothless chased the dot all over the house, knocking aside chairs. Ingrid hurriedly crawled under the table for safety, much more amused at this new game than the previous one. "See?" Hiccup grinned victoriously. "Told you you'd like it."

"My turn." She said, holding out her hands. "Please." She grabbed at the air, her eyes fixed on the bit of metal in her father's hand.

"OK, but come here so you can get the light." Ingrid scrambled out. Hiccup knelt and showed her how to move the dot around to get Toothless to chase it.

"Simple things." Fishlegs decided, rocking back and forth on his feet. "Well, this is fun. I've got lessons now though, so I'll catch you later."

"Alright, Fishlegs. If you're free, stop by later. I was thinking about transferring the information in the Book of Dragons to a new copy- a bigger copy."

"But all those pictures!" Hiccup hunched his shoulders. Fishlegs sighed. "Later, we'll talk later. I've got to go." He hurried out. Hiccup scooped Ingrid up and retreated to the stairs, sititng in a loose stream of sunlight to keep the light game going. Toothless was torn between amusement and annoyance as the dot kept dancing about.

"This works for all dragons." Hiccup told Ingrid quietly. "So if you ever want to distract them or get them to walk away, get them to follow one of these. You can get the light to shine off of anything- knives, shields, bits of scrap metal, all that sort of thing." Ingrid nodded.

"I have dragon please, Daddy?"

"Ooohhh, we'll have to talk to your mother about that. She's the boss!" He whispered dramatically.

"But you chief!"

"I know, but- between you and me- she has the bigger chunk of power."

"I know." Ingrid smiled. "Mummy told me."

"Oh, did she now?" The toddler nodded, turning back to her game. "Astrid!"

"What?"

"What's this you've been telling my daughter?"

"Probably the truth, why?" Astrid appeared at the top of the stairs, Alastor cradled in her arm. "What have I told her now?"

"You're more in power than I am."

"Oh, she's known that for _ages_." Astrid gave a small laugh at Hiccup's incredulous expression. "Not to worry though, I'm sure there's a smidgen of respect for you in there somewhere. Right, Ingrid?"

"Um... what respect?"

"It means you love your daddy, who- may I remind you- _is the only daddy you will ever have_."

"Yes." Ingrid said. "Respect. Best Daddy. Silly Daddy. Respect. Yes." She nodded. And then, as calmly and as unaffected by anything else, she turned back to tormenting Toothless.


	28. Chapter 28

"Big day!"

"Sit still!" Astrid reprimanded. Hiccup was buzzing with energy and it was _tiring_. "Sit. _Still_." She repeated firmly.

"Big day!"

"Not really. I'm just taking your sling off."

"No, not that!"

"That's a week from now, that doesn't count." Hiccup's enthusiasm didn't falter in the slightest. He was really looking forward to a neighbouring tribe- the Dynagers- coming for a visit, the whole peace treaty deal. It was the first time someone else had come here rather than him going to another tribe and for obvious reasons he was very, _very_ excited. "Keep still!" Astrid said, pinching his cheek. Hiccup made a face at her and then laughed. "What have you had this morning?"

"I'm not sure what you would call it, but a starter of A Wake-Up from My Beautiful Wife followed by seconds and thirds of Delightful Little Children and now an afters of Slightly Mad Wife who is still Beautiful." Astrid blinked at him. Hiccup smiled sweetly. She shook her head and gently removed his sling. Hiccup stretched his arm gingerly on her command, wiggling his fingers. "Stiff." He commented. "A bit of a cramp."

"Oh, you'll get over that. Does it hurt to move your wrist?" He tried.

"No." Astrid sighed in relief and began untying the bandages. Hiccup watched eagerly- after weeks of struggling to do _anything _with his right hand, he was finally getting his left back. Although, he did have to take it easy for a little while.

"And your ribs?"

"Still a bit sore, but I'll manage." There was a loud scuffle and they looked to the eastern wall as one. Toothless scrambled through the large window and cooed in greeting. Stormfly followed and then the room was suddenly full of dragons. Who needed a bath. "Hey." Hiccup greeted, holding out his right arm. Toothless curled under it and licked his face. Astrid drew away to meet her own dragon, laughing softly. "And where have you been, my smelly friend?" Toothless grunted in annoyance and snorted, dribbling over Hiccup's shoulder. "Yes, thank you, just what I wanted." Toothless gave a gummy smile.

* * *

Hiccup was awoken at some point in the middle of the night, not by Ingrid or Alastor, but by Astrid. She was thrashing about and crying and hitting her pillow. He struggled from the grogginess of sleep and sat up, wincing slightly as his ribs protested. "Astrid, hey." He caught her hand deftly and held on when she tried to pull away. "Hey." He said softly, cautiously shifting closer. She watched him with wide tearful eyes, biting her bottom lip. "Astrid."

"Hiccup." The fight drained out of her and tears dribbled down her cheeks. Her hand trembled as she lifted it to cover her mouth. She swayed for a moment and then leant against his shoulder. Hiccup put his arm around her. "I... I thought... I was..."

"Take a deep breath." He advised gently, rubbing soothing circles into her back. She was shaking chronically. Hiccup inhaled deeply to emphasis his point and she copied, her breathing falling in time with his. "OK, when you're feeling up to it, tell me what's wrong." Astrid's fingers plucked nervously at his tunic, her breath quivering against his neck.

"I thought... the ice caves..." She said a minute later. "I... if I'd lost you... Hiccup, I thought I _was_ going to lose you, I just... I don't know what came over me, it was... it was a few weeks ago and... I don't know, I just... I felt like-" She stopped short when she felt Hiccup's hand against her cheek. He smiled and kissed her lightly. "Hiccup?"

"I promise you you'd never lose me so easily." He wiped away her tears with his thumb and rested his forehead against hers. "Don't you worry about me, milady. I'm a big boy now."

"The first time I left you unattended you lost your leg. After that, you get poisoned. Then break your wrist and crack your ribs."

"Hey, we all make mistakes." Astrid dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve.

"Oh, look at the state I'm in." Hiccup was half-tempted to make a quip of her being right to get in such a state for him, but decided against it. She needed cheering up, not teasing.

"It's the leftovers of the pregnancy, that's all." She nodded in agreement, smiling at him gratefully.

"Look at me," She half-laughed, pushing her hair back from her face and sniffing, "I'm such a mess."

"A beautiful mess, but yeah, little bit. Come here." He tugged on a strand of hair and she curled against him. Hiccup shuffled back against the pillow and kissed the top of her head. Astrid pulled the blankets back up around them and sighed contentedly. "Good night milady. I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

**Just some Hiccstrid for now, I need to tweak the proper chapter a little. Sorry! **


	29. Chapter 29

Stoick stood on the docks, Valka on his left and Gobber on his right. Astrid was making her way towards them through the crowd of curious Vikings, carrying Alastor in one arm and holding Ingrid's hand with the other. Hiccup was still nowhere in sight. At her father-in-law's questioning look, Astrid shook her head and stopped the other side of Valka. Ingrid was immediately picked up by Stoick and sat on one mighty shoulder.

"There!" She cried happily, frantically gesturing out to sea. A series of blobs had appeared- ships. "Where Daddy?"

"He'll be here soon."

"I'll go and look for him." Valka suggested, summoning Cloudjumper and vanishing. Stoick sighed. Hiccup had been looking forward to this visit _so_ much- it was unlike him to be late to something this important.

The ships docked and still Hiccup was nowhere in sight. Stoick passed Ingrid to Gobber and stepped forward. The gangplank was lowered and hit the dock with a heavy _thud_. A warrior stepped forward.

"Presenting the mighty chief of the Volpic Clan, master swordsman and fearless warrior, Erling!" There was a polite and welcoming applause. The announcer stepped to the side and bowed as his chief hopped neatly up onto the gangplank and sauntered down at his own steady pace, hands behind his back as he examined the gathered Vikings with cold blue eyes. He was roughly the same height as Stoick, but slightly less heavily built. His armour gleamed in the sunlight, his beard and hair thick and a dark brown. A sword hung in his belt alongside an array of daggers and his forearms were adorned with thick braces. His helmet was a polished as his armour was, the horns on it curling and spiking to half a foot over his head. He wore the ceremonial belt, something Hiccup struggled to accomplish seeing it was as wide as he was tall.

Erling reached the dock and clapped eyes on Stoick.

"Good sir, you must be the chief!" He held out his hand. Stoick shook it warmly.

"I was once, but my son has taken over now. He's just-"

"Stopping a dragon fight!" Rangvald called, pushing through the crowd. "He's just sent me down to say he'll be a little late."

"Thank you, Rangvald." Stoick inclined his head. Rangvald smiled in return and disappeared again, calling over his shoulder something about an errand to run for the chief. "Would you like to get your men onto the island? We'll have them fed while waiting for my son."

"That would be wonderful, thank you." Erling turned to his men and they started to disembark. Stoick sent Hackett to tell Hiccup to meet them in the Great Hall for lunch.

"I do apologise for the delay. I promise you he's not normally late for anything."

"Oh, I understand. As a chief, the priority is the people." Stoick nodded in agreement and directed the visitors to the Great Hall. Astrid walked alongside him, muttering how idiotic her husband was. "Your husband?" Erling overheard. "You're the chief's wife?"

"Yes sir."

"And these must be your children then! What true delights!" Astrid laughed.

"You won't be saying that once you've got to known them."

"Ah, I'm sure they will be fine." He studied Astrid. "You're quite young, aren't you? How old is your son?" He asked Stoick.

"Twenty-six."

"Very young! My, my! When did he take over?"

"About six years ago. Ah, here we are."

"What a lot of stairs. Hop to it, men!" Erling cheered, sprinting up the stairs. His men laughed and followed.

"Hiccup's going to _love_ him." Astrid sighed. "He's very spritely for an older man though." Stoick nodded again and set off at a slower pace. Astrid and Gobber trailed behind him, still carrying the children.

* * *

It was another half hour before Hiccup arrived. He burst in, out of breath and covered in mud and scratches. "Hiccup!" Astrid called. He looked up, bent double to try and catch his breath. "Hiccup, over here!"

"Who's this then?" Erling smiled.

"That's my son." Stoick said bluntly. Erling's smile fell and he looked from Stoick to Hiccup and back again. Then he and his men started laughing. Hiccup didn't look hurt, just confused. Astrid glowered at them all, Ingrid on her lap with the exact same expression. "I have not mocked you or your men, so I patiently ask that you do not mock mine." The Volpics fell silent, sharing sober looks. "Thank you." Stoick said curtly. He rose to greet his son. Valka had joined them by now, not as untidy as her son, although she did have a stray leaf in her hair.

"I'm so sorry I'm late." Hiccup said, massaging his ribs.

"Hiccup," Astrid frowned, "I told you not to stress those ribs, they're still healing."

"I know, I know, but I'd rather I didn't have dragons burning down Berk." Hiccup rolled his shoulders and sighed. "OK, I'm here now. Where's my fellow chief?"

"Hiccup, this is Erling." Stoick directed him to the table. Erling was still comparing father and son and it took him a few seconds to realise Hiccup was holding his hand out to him. "All these men here are his, from the Volpic tribe. And you have cabbage in your hair." Stoick plucked it free and flicked it aside. Hiccup ran a hand through his hair, dislodging another bit. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure, but there were burning cabbages raining down and dragon claws everywhere. Ah, thank you, milady." He smiled as Astrid passed him a plate of chicken and vegetables. He dropped into a seat next to her and hurriedly attacked his meal. "I'm starving."

"That doesn't mean you can neglect table manners, son." Valka said, accepting her own plate from Astrid too.

"Vikings do nay need table manners."

"I'm your mother, do as you're told."

"I'm the chief, shush."

"You're not like your father, are you?" Erling cut in.

"No." Hiccup said honestly, the light in his eyes warm and friendly. "It caused a lot of problems when I was younger, but we've sorted all that out now, right Dad?"

"Yes, Hiccup."

"I know I'm not the classic Viking type or whatever, but it really doesn't bother me as much as it used to. How was your journey?"

"It went very well, thank you. We had the winds at our back, so- gods willing- the conditions will be similar on the return."

"I'm glad you guys are here." Hiccup grinned. "This is so exciting! I've been to other tribes, of course, but you're the first to come here, it's an honour!"

"Hiccup." Astrid put a hand on his wrist and he calmed a fraction. "You'll have to excuse him, he can be a right child at heart at times, but he does extrememly well. When he's finished eating, we'll take you and your men for a tour of the island." She noticed some of the Volpic men sharing dubious looks and whispering to each other. "If you have any doubts," She continued, raising her voice a bit to catch their attention, "you could ask some of the villagers. They'll tell you."

"We will." One of them said. Astrid fixed a firm stare on him and he looked away sheepishly. Erling chuckled.

"You've made a fine choice in wife, Hiccup. It seems to me you could do with a fiery woman."

"Considering she doesn't turn into an inferno. We'll be in for it then, won't we, milady?"

"And don't you forget it." Hiccup grinned and took her hand, kissing her knuckles.

* * *

"And this is our Dragon Academy. Dad gave us permission to start it when I was about fifteen, sixteen, I forget now, but it's been going strong for a good ten years or so... and here we have our original dragon riders- Fishlegs with Meatlug the Gronckle, Snotlout with Hookfang the Monstrous Nightmare and the twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut on Barf and Belch the Hideous Zippleback. Astrid teaches too, with her Deadly Nadder, Stormfly, and I try to help where I can, but being chief is crazy busy and I rarely get time too. Not that I need to help really, things run pretty smoothly here. You know, when the twins aren't being the twins." Ruffnut and Tuffnut smirked devilishly. "Guys, remember what we talked about." Hiccup told them. They suddenly came across as really innocent.

"Does everyone on Berk have a dragon?"

"I don't!" Ingrid piped up. "Daddy, dragon please!"

"Um..." Hiccup glanced at his wife for help. Astrid just smiled and said nothing. "Well, I'll have a think, because you're only young." He was very careful not to say 'little', as she found that offensive. "But I'm sure we'll find you something."

"Night Fury!" Ingrid exclaimed excitedly. Erling laughed and knelt to be eye-level with her.

"My dear child, Night Furies no longer exist."

"Do too!" Ingrid shot back. "Daddy has one!"

"You do?" Erling marvelled.

"Yeah, he's sulking around somewhere because I'm not giving him all my attention today."

"A _Night Fury_?"

"Yep." Hiccup smiled, bouncing proudly on the balls of his feet. Well, foot and metal attachment. "If I can find him, I'll introduce you."

"How did you manage to train a Night Fury?"

"Oh, it's a long story. I'll tell you after the tour."

"_I'll_ tell them." Astrid cut in. "_You_ will just water it down, Mr. Humble."

"It really wasn't that big of a deal-"

"So _small_ of a deal, you lost your leg because of it." The Volpics were suddenly interested in Hiccup's artifical leg and questions surged forward. Snotlout snapped his fingers and Hookfang burst into flame and roared, bringing silence to the arena.

"Thank you." Hiccup nodded at his new best friend, who gave him a double thumbs-up. "OK, Astrid, you can tell them." He smiled cheekily. "Don't forget to tell them the part where you realised how much you loved me."

"Hiccup, after all these years, I thought we'd be past your delusions by now."

"They aren't delusions, they're happy memories and ocassionally very strange dreams that turn out alright in the end."

"What?"

"Anyway!" Hiccup beamed and clapped his hands. "On with the tour! Um, what have I shown you?" He started counting off on his fingers. "Great Hall, village, workshop, armoury, academy... um..."

"All that's left really," Fishlegs said helpfully, "are the farms."

"Farms." Hiccup agreed. "Yes. Those are so... exciting. I can't wait."

"What's on the farms?"

"Yaks, mostly. Chickens, sheep, growing things."

"We'll skip the farms. We've got plenty of our own to get the general idea. I am, however, interested in all those pipes that run around your village. You never did explain them."

"Oh! That's our fire prevention! Back to the village! I'll show you how it all works and then you can wonder around for a bit if you want, considering you promise to behave and blah blah blah. Then we'll sign that treaty and... I don't know, party? What do you usually do after signing a treaty? The other tribes wanted us Berkians to leave. Pronto."

"Well, that's a bit harsh of them."

"We're a rowdy bunch."

"That's just you, Hiccup."

"Astrid, grown-ups talking. Be quiet."

"I beg your pardon!"

"You're pardoned."

"Hiccup, you are the most childish all everyone here, you can't say that to me."

"Can, have and will, so," He stuck his tongue out at her. Astrid kicked him in the shin and sent him hopping away in pain. Erling complimented him again in his picking of wife and clapped Hiccup heartily on the shoulder. Hiccup had to limp for the rest of the day.

* * *

"You're left-handed."

"I told you I wasn't a classic Viking."

"Daddy, dragon."

"I know, Ingrid, we'll go look for one this weekend, OK?" Ingrid squealed happily and jumped around in excitement, chanting "Dragon, dragon, dragon!" Hiccup ruffled her hair and sent her to torment Gobber.

"I can't tell what your other child is?"

"That's Alastor. He is now..." Hiccup did a quick calculation in his head. "Nearly two months old. Blimey, that's gone quick." He looked around for his wife. She must have seen him searching as she poked his shoulder on the right, the way he wasn't looking, and passed Alastor over. Hiccup kissed her hand thankfully and she went off to organise her next class. "Hello, little man." Alastor blinked up at him, his small fingers in his mouth and dripping with baby drool. "This is Erling." Hiccup gently took Alastor's free hand and made him wave. Erling smiled. Hiccup moved his son into his right arm and finished signing the treaty. "There we go." He said proudly. "Now, there was something else, what was it?"

"Your Night Fury."

"Yes!" Hiccup got up, putting Alastor back in his left arm. "I'll call him. Hopefully he's stopped sulking now." He led Erling and the Volpics that had remained with their chief to just outside the doors of the Great Hall. He scanned the skies and then gave a Night Fury call, oblivious to the incredulous looks he was suddenly getting. He called again and heard Toothless in the distance, calling back. "Aha, he's on his way!"

"Have you ever found another Night Fury?"

"No. We looked for a while, but since I became chief, that's been a bit harder. I do try to work on it in my free time though. It would be nice to see Toothless with a dragon of his own kind. There he is!" Alastor cooed and dribble slithered down his chin. "Yes, I know." Hiccup nodded, wiping at his son's chin carefully with the blanket. Toothless bounded up the steps, flapping his wings in an over-enthusiastic attempt to greet his rider.

"Can't he fly?"

"Uh, no. That's, um, my fault." Toothless reached them, curling around Hiccup and purred happily. "It's alright though, he got me back." Hiccup gestured at his peg leg.

"Now you _have_ to explain."

"OK. Toothless, I saved you some fish." Toothless crooned his thanks and barrelled off to find his meal. Hiccup returned to his table, Erling and his men resuming their seats. He told them the story- or his version of it, really watering down the more graphic moments.

"No, there is definitely more to this. I'm going to find your wife and ask her." Erling pushed back from the table and he and his men left once more for the arena. Hiccup rolled his eyes and sighed.

"How's it going?" Snotlout smirked, dropping into the seat next to him.

"I feel like an idiot and they're only humouring me."

"No, they like you."

"Sure?"

"Who wouldn't?"

"Uh, you for a while."

"Hiccup, you're annoying, but I don't _hate_ you."

"Good to know. Anything from Waiola's parents?"

"Not yet. They said we should know by the end of the week."

"Keep me updated." Hiccup bumped his shoulder against Snotlout's and smiled warmly. "I hope you get her, bud. It'll do you some good."

"If the tension doesn't kill me first."

"Snotlout. We all know that what kills you will be me."

"Oh really now?"

"Pfft, _duh_. You don't know it yet, but I'm going to enslave the human race and rule the world!"

"You really are a strange one, aren't you?"

"Please tell me you haven't just figured that out."

"No. You just get weirder and weirder every day."

"Thank you."

* * *

**I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes and the like, because I'm stuck with WordPad now unless I'm on a school computer with the proper Word (oh my gods, that is practically heaven). Also sorry for the possible randomness in this chapter, I had more to it, but it's been so hectic lately, I can't really remember all of it. And a small favour to ask- if you haven't already, could you please possibly check out my own story? It's a bunch of one-shots at the moment, but I've got some other chapters to post somewhere that goes on to tell the whole story. It's called **_**No, No, fairy godmother- godMOTHER**_** or something like that :) I'll really appreciate it! :D **


	30. Chapter 30

The Volpics were still around towards the end of the day. Because it was so late, Hiccup offered for them to stay onland for the night and set off in the morning. "That is most kind of you, thank you." Erling bowed his head to Hiccup. There were a few disapproving titters amongst his men, which had been lurking about all afternoon. Erling frowned in their general direction, but it was Rangvald who saved the day.

"Finally got all that blood out, Hiccup." He held out Hiccup's freshly cleaned chief cloak. "It took a while to dry though or you would have had it earlier."

"Not to worry." Hiccup swung the cloak about his shoulders, fastening the clasp and smiling at Rangvald. "Thank you." Rangvald's arrival with the blood-free cloak had shut Erling's sceptical men up. What Hiccup didn't tell them was that it was dragon's blood from the fight earlier. Not that it mattered really, the dragon was on the road to recovery- thanks to Valka- and those men now had no doubts.

Hiccup clocked off half an hour later, to spend some time with his wife and kids. Toothless huffed upon hearing this and smacked his rider in the arm with his ear. Hiccup laughed and scratchd the dragon under the chin. "And you too, I'd never forget to spend time with you." Toothless gave a gummy smile and licked Hiccup with more drool than usual. "And then you do that. Thanks." Hiccup sighed. Toothless laughed his dragony-laugh and swished his tail round, trying to trip Hiccup up. "Behave." Hiccup warned. Toothless cooed and shook himself. "I'd shake your hand, Erling, but I don't think you'd appreciate dragon slobber."

"No, not really. Thank you for your hospitality, Hiccup. Next time, you could come to us so we can return the favour." Hiccup grinned.

"I look forward to it."

With Hiccup gone, the Volpics were free to question some of the villagers about their chief.

"Oh, he's brilliant! He's just as good as his father was and he really takes the time to remember everyone's names, especially the children's."

"He's great, he'll help with pretty much everything. It was only last week did he get his sling removed. He broke his wrist, nearly died, from a fall in the ice caves. He's bounced back though, he always does."

"Hiccup can be annoying, but that's who he is. He's lively and friendly, generally joking around, but he knows when to be serious and he's always so patient."

"He surprised quite a few of us a couple of months ago, fighting off Dagur the Deranged. I never realised he could fight so well with a sword!"

"He's the one that defeated the Red Death. And trained the dragons. And designed a lot of our dragon friendly extras to the village, including the fire prevention you all saw. Oh! And dragon racing! He and the other four original riders came up with that and it's _amazing_! We've got a race next week, you should watch it!"

"Hiccup is a really nice guy. He always has been, but when it was dragons against Vikings, he was under a lot of pressure and the brunt of many jokes, especially because he was the chief's son. But now... all that torment from years ago hasn't stopped him. He'd do anything for us with a smile on his face and sarcastic quips ready to fire. Oh, and Toothless too- those two are inseparable."

* * *

In the morning, Erling stopped by the chief's house to thank him again and deliver a parting gift. Astrid answered the door when he knocked. Hiccup was feeding Toothless and Stormfly with Ingrid. Alastor was asleep upstairs, Astrid told him, so please be quiet.

"Hiccup, you've impressed me. I'll admit when I first saw you, I thought it was some sort of joke and I take it all back. I and my men are sorry. Having spent the day with you and having talked to the villagers, we see now we were wrong. You are an excellent chief and I salute you."

"Oh, stop, you're making me blush!" Hiccup smiled. Erling laughed. "Care for some breakfast before you go?"

"No thank you. We've eaten already at the Great Hall. This, however, is for you."

"Egg!" Ingrid exclaimed.

"Yes. Egg. We found it on our ship. Sadly, its mother had passed away. We're not sure what dragon it is-" Hiccup took the egg, examining it and testing its weight in his hand.

"Terrible Terror. Ingrid, found your dragon."

"Terrors small! Want big dragon!"

"When you're older." Hiccup promised gently. "We'll train you up first so you're ready for a bigger dragon in a few years, OK?" Ingrid huffed.

"OK."

"How long have you had this?"

"About ten days."

"So not long then. We'll drop it in a well tomorrow."

"_What_? Are you m-?"

"Mad, yes, but dragon eggs explode when they hatch." Erling relaxed. Hiccup laughed. "Don't worry. We love dragons here, we'd never hurt them." He put the egg on the table and held his hand out to Erling. This time, the other chief took it immediately. "It's been great having you all here."

"We thank you once again."

"No need to thank me. You should thank Astrid- she's the one who organised it all." Astrid smiled and waved aside his gratitude. "She's the brains of the operation. I'm just the charm and good looks."

"And the ego." Astrid added, serving porridge. Hiccup pulled a face over his shoulder at her and followed Erling out to see him and his men off.


	31. Chapter 31

**I'm so sorry for not updating this weekend! I've been struggling a little with ideas, but I'm going to update today because it's unfair to you guys if I don't. Warning beforehand though, it's drabble!**

* * *

"OK, dragon training. For a two year old." Hiccup massaged the back of his neck, hissing softly. Ingrid gave him a funny look.

"No dragon yet. Still egg, Daddy."

"Yes, we need to drop it in a well and wait for it to hatch."

"No! Dig hole! Twins said so!"

"The twins are delusional, Ingrid, we've had this conversation." Ingrid wrinkled her nose distastefully. "OK, OK. We'll dig hole. Fill it with water, considering it doesn't leak into the ground and stuff. Astrid, don't laugh, this is serious!"

"Oh, very serious." Astrid agreed, barely stifling laughter. "You have fun dragon training an egg; I'm taking Al to Mum's today."

"I'll pick you up for dinner then, milady." Astrid smiled gratefully and took her leave. "OK." Hiccup clapped his hands and turned back to his daughter. "What do you know of Terrible Terrors?"

"Small. Very silly. Lick eyes."

"Yes." Hiccup picked her up and sat her at the table. "Stay there one second, I'm going to get the Dragon Book." Ingrid nodded, looking excited. Hiccup had promised her for the last week to sit down and go over the Dragon Book with her, but chiefly duties had got in the way. Today was Sunday. A day off for everyone. Ingrid had been looking forward to this all week and she had every right to be eager. Over the years, the Dragon Book had grown into a very heavy, thick text about her height and weighing twice as much as she did. It was full of drawings and information on how to approach, bond, feed, pet, treat, clean and any other forms of dragon care. "Right." Hiccup announced on his return. "I won't go over every dragon now otherwise we'll be here for the rest of the year." He dropped the book on the table before her, the mighty _thud_ rousing Toothless from his mid-morning snooze. "Sorry, bud." Hiccup smiled apologetically, throwing his dragon a fish. Toothless, fed and appeased, settled back down.

"Daddy?"

"Mm?" Hiccup hummed, flicking through the book in search of the Terrible Terror page.

"Why Toothless only Night Fury?"

"Um..." Hiccup paused and looked at the dozing reptile. Toothless lazily opened one eye, inspected them both, closed his eye and started to snore softly. "I don't know." Hiccup took his seat, plonking his elbows on the table and resting his chin on his fist. "Growing up," He started, contemplating the ceiling, "to see a Night Fury was unheard of. Especially to walk away from one alive. Gobber told me no-one had met one and lived to tell the tale, but then... I met Toothless."

"You shot him."

"I was... desperate. But that's another story for when you're older." Ingrid scratched at her chin, sitting up in her seat to peer at the great volume before her. "As to why he is the only one... we're still trying to figure that out."

"Lots of years." She commented, frowning at him. "Not find out then?"

"It's not easy. Anyway," Hiccup mentally slapped himself, "Terrible Terrors." He tapped the page. "They come in an assortment of colours-"

"Red!"

"Yes, red would be brilliant. Terrors, as you probably already know, have the habit of singing. Most often terribly. Hence their name. But they're also very crafty. They can sneak into houses, sheds and shacks and attack when you're least expecting. Now we've trained them, they're friendly. Mostly. They've got a brilliant accuracy-"

"What?"

"Accuracy. They can shoot fire at what they want to and not miss."

"Cool!"

"You're going to blow things up, aren't you?"

"No..."

"Oh gods, I'm raising a she-demon. Gods help me." Ingrid giggled mischievously. Hiccup pulled her onto his lap so she could see the book better. "OK, I'll help you look after your Terror to start off with, but cleaning them is fairly simple. They love to play in the water, even if it stops their fire for a while. They like to play with other Terrors too, so don't worry if they disappear for a while. They'll come back; they're very territorial."

"What?" She said again.

"They like protecting their home and will return home as their first port of call." Ingrid nodded, biting her thumb. "Um..." Hiccup surveyed the notes. It was a mix of his and Fishlegs' writing, sometimes Astrid's. "Uh... anything else you would like to know?" Ingrid held out her arms to the sides.

"Wings."

"About the same as your own wingspan."

"Don't have wings."

"Metaphorically. Shut up." Ingrid blew a raspberry and let her arms drop. "Anything else?"

"More dragons!" She stood up unsteadily on his legs and clumsily started turning the pages. Hiccup caught her by the small wrists and pulled her back against him. "Night Fury!" She insisted. Hiccup laughed and found the right page for her. "Yay!"

"Hold on," Hiccup said as someone knocked at the door, "be right back."

"No! They wait. Dragons now!"

"Patience, Ingrid. It's a virtue." He ruffled her hair and moved to the door. Snotlout stood on the doorstep. "Hey Sn-" The other dragon rider barged in, wringing his hands. "You OK?" Hiccup asked, pushing the door shut.

"I messed up! I messed up, I messed up, I messed up!"

"Breathe." Hiccup advised. Ingrid looked from one to the other, confused. "What's happened?"

"I was trying to impress Waiola's parents, you know-"

"I thought they were going to have picked by now?"

"So did I! But they didn't! And... and... oh gods, I'm an idiot..."

"What happened?" Hiccup questioned gently. "Take a deep breath and then tell me what happened." Snotlout followed his advice this time, inhaling heavily. The words exploded from him in a great rush. He had brought Waiola's parents gifts- a shield for him, a basket of baked goods for her- but he tripped crossing the threshold and the basket went flying into the hearth, burning rolls flew in all directions, he dropped the shield on her foot just as Waiola came down the stairs to see what all the noise was. "I panicked, Hiccup, I frigging _panicked_!" Snotlout slumped into a chair and put his head in his hands. Ingrid looked to her father- _what the hell are we supposed to do now_?

"Snotlout."

"I messed up..." He moaned.

"It'll be OK." Snotlout started to protest. Hiccup held up his hand and Snotlout immediately fell silent. "Just calm down, go for a walk to get your head together. Go back and apologise. If need be, I'll go with you and help you explain in case you get all nervous again."

"I've never felt so... _ugh_."

"Trust me, I know that feeling well." Snotlout studied Hiccup's face.

"I need to do this for myself though. I can't have my chief buddy jumping in to sort all my problems. That makes me look irresponsible."

"_Or_ it could be dedication to the chief and the friendly relationship you share with him. That would put Waiola in a safer position being the chief's... best friend-in-law." Snotlout snorted in laughter. Even Ingrid smiled. Hiccup clapped Snotlout on the shoulder and grinned. "Drop by after lunch and we'll go down there together. If I have to stand outside hissing 'Go Snotlout go!' I will."

"You don't have to."

"Do it!" Ingrid said at the same time.

"Behave." Hiccup told her firmly, trying his best not to smile. "Lout, go and take a walk. I'll talk to you later, OK?"

"OK."

"Good man." Hiccup yanked him to his feet and saw Snotlout out. "Right, Ingrid. What were we talking about?"

"Night Fury."

"Ah, yes. Night Fury. No, not you, go back to sleep." Toothless grunted and twisted away, swishing his tail up before his face to block them out. "OK, here we go. Night Fury. Still not you." Ingrid giggled. "As you _will_ know, Night Furies are almighty pains in the backside, but they're quite lovable too, I suppose, very loyal and very playful. OK, yes, we're talking about you _now_. Doesn't mean you should stop sleeping."

"Daddy, you mad."

"Yes, I know. I pretty sure that's written in here somewhere." He tapped the page with his finger. "There it is. _Hiccup is mad_. Definitely your mother's handwriting."

* * *

**Sorry if this is poo!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Sorry for not updating on this in FOREVER! I started writing the next chapter and then got distracted, SORRY!**

* * *

"OK, here we go. It's smoking."

"Boom!" Ingrid declared happily, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Hiccup carefully put the egg in the hole the twins had dug. It sunk a few feet in the water. Ingrid peered over the edge, gripping her father's arm excitedly. She squealed when the explosion rippled through the water. Seconds later, amidst the bubbles, a distorted red and green blob scrambled up. "Dragon!" The baby Terror struggled out of the hole, rolled clumsily and squeaked. It peered up at them and sneezed. "I have dragon!" Ingrid jumped to her feet and danced about. The Terror, no bigger than Hiccup's hand, rolled onto his back and squirmed, chortling shrilly and merrily. "I have dragon!"

"Yes, you have dragon." Hiccup smiled. He scooped the baby Terror up and took Ingrid's hand. "Let's take him home, he'll be hungry."

"Boy dragon?" She asked, a little miffed.

"There's nothing wrong with that. Besides, boys are easier to handle than girls. Girls are more… boom. In a bad way, before you get any ideas, you little madam." Ingrid smiled sweetly. "What are you going to call him?" The Terror sneezed again.

"Sneezy."

"He's just cold, he won't always be sneezy."

"Um…" Ingrid regarded her new dragon, who was peering over Hiccup's fingers to look down at her. "Don't know."

"We'll think of something later." The Terror cooed and flipped onto his back again, flicking his tail and kicking his feet. Ingrid held her other hand up and Hiccup let her take hold of the infant dragon. The Terror sniffed her hair, squawked happily and wound his way around her neck. Ingrid giggled and the Terror licked her cheek.

Hiccup opened the door. Astrid was changing Alastor's nappy, Stormfly was preening in the corner and Toothless had snuggled up around the rafters. He gave a gummy smile upon seeing his rider and the hatchling and then gave the Terror a confused look. "Bud, this is the new addition." Astrid looked up then, smiling when she saw how excited her daughter was. "Put him by the fire, Ingrid, and get him a couple of fish to eat." Ingrid nodded and quickly obeyed. Astrid nodded, impressed. Hiccup stood up straighter, hand on his chest, and looking very proud of himself. Astrid told him to shut up before he even said anything. "And don't give me that look either. Chief, husband, I don't care- I will hurt you."

"I know you will. You always do." He sniffed dramatically. "And not always physically, you know. Words hurt."

"You're such a big baby."

"Rude."

"Ta da!" Ingrid exclaimed proudly. Her new dragon was warming his scales and smelling the fish curiously. Hiccup grinned and ruffled his daughter's hair. Ingrid beamed and returned to her charge, kneeling next to him and patting him gently on the head. Toothless dropped from the rafters to inspect this new arrival. Stormfly padded over seconds later. She seemed more content with the Terror whereas Toothless grumbled. Hiccup scratched the Night Fury behind the ear.

"Stop whining. Terrors may steal your fish, but this one is a baby. He won't eat much." Toothless snorted and pawed at his nose. Hiccup smiled lopsidedly. "Yes, you will always be the favourite." Stormfly cawed disapprovingly. "Well, my favourite. Astrid prefers Stormfly." Toothless shifted his wings and cooed, sticking his tongue out. Astrid mimicked, petting her Nadder. "Well, I'm off. Yes, you can come too, behave." Toothless licked his hand. Hiccup wiped it on the dragon's scales and moved forward to kiss his wife on the cheek. "I'll be back later. Hello, handsome." He chucked Alastor under the chin. The baby drooled. "Yes, very nice."

"Don't be late. Toothless has been eating your food when you're late."

"Ah. So I _did_ have dinner." Toothless curled under Hiccup's arm. "You. Been starving me. How rude." Toothless gurgled triumphantly. Astrid smiled, locking her fingers in her husband's tunic and pulling him in for a proper kiss. Hiccup grinned like an idiot; she laughed, waving him and Toothless out.

"Bye Daddy!" Ingrid called as the door swung shut.

"Bye Ingrid!" Hiccup called back. "Come on, bud, let's find Fishlegs."

* * *

Hiccup got to meet Waiola that afternoon. He had seen her about the village quite a few times, but hadn't really said much to her other than the usual greetings. He could see why Snotlout was smitten with her. She was petite with thick red hair fashioned up in a braided bun. Freckles splashed across her creamy skin and her sky blue eyes were wide and almond shaped, warm and playful. Do not let her innocent looks fool you. Hiccup had heard many a tale- mostly from Snotlout- of how fiery Waiola could be when she wanted/ had to be. "She goes from all sweet and innocent to outright murderous like that." Snotlout snapped his fingers. "But she has a different way of getting her revenge- not violence, like Astrid, but mind games. It's terrifying."

"And of course, you'd love that."

"Of course."

"You're a strange one."

"Says you."

"Touché."

Waiola was shoulder-height to Hiccup and absolutely _adored _Toothless, who revelled in all the attention. "I've always envied you with your Night Fury." Hiccup just smiled. Toothless looked smug about this and nudged Waiola to get more petting. "If we ever found more, I call first pickings."

"Now I can't make any promises about that."

"You're the chief, of course you can." Hiccup hunched his shoulders and she shook her head.

"Snotlout's told me loads about you."

"Oh gods, what's he said?"

"He likes you. Very much."

"I know." She smiled wistfully with a hint of success.

"Aaah, you like him too!"

"I _suppose_ he's _OK_…"

"Ooh, no. No lying to me, I can see this. Told your parents?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"They're _thinking about it_."

"Oh…"

"I think I should choose who to marry, considering _I'm_ the one who will have to put up with whatever husband I end up with." Hiccup nodded in agreement. She seemed satisfied by that. "What do you think?"

"Me?" She nodded. "I really have no say in it, but… I think you'd do Snotlout some good. Someone needs to keep him in line and he really likes you. If I'm honest, I had always thought he was too proud to settle down with someone, but if you can change that, I'm all for it." Waiola nodded, pursing her lips. "What's wrong?"

"If only my parents knew that."

"I can talk to them if you want."

"Yeah, but I don't want them to think they're being pressured."

"I can be very persuasive."

"We know. You're Hiccup."

"You make that sound like a bad thing."

"What? No! Not at all!"

"Yeah, I can hear the sarcasm in your voice." She smiled sweetly.

"I have to go. I promised to help my parents clear out today. Such fun." She sighed. "If you see Snotlout, hit him for me." Hiccup blinked at her. "Just because, no real reason." Waiola scratched Toothless under the chin one last time, said her goodbyes and sauntered away. Hiccup exhaled slowly.

"Snotlout's really in for it now." Toothless made a rumbling sound in his throat in agreement. "Yup." Hiccup tugged playfully on Toothless' ear. "Poor Snotlout."


	33. Chapter 33

"She's called the stupid thing _Sneezy_."

"Yes! Ridiculous naming of things continues!"

"Shut up."

"No."

"Don't make me get my axe."

"Yes ma'am." Astrid nodded once contentedly and turned away to dish up dinner. Hiccup glanced around. "So… where is she?" Astrid pointed up with the ladle and Hiccup bounced up the stairs. Ingrid was crawling under the bed, Sneezy scrabbling about before her and blowing small puffs of pale smoke at her. "Hey, Ingrid. How's it going?"

"Love Sneezy!" She beamed. "He no fly yet, but he very fast! And hungry! He eat lots today!"

"That's good." Hiccup crouched and held his hand out to the small dragon. After a few seconds of hesitation and curious sniffing, the little Terror butted his head against Hiccup's fingers and let Hiccup pet him. "He hasn't breathed fire yet, has he?" Ingrid shook her head. "That'll take some time, once they've got used to where they're living and such. Don't feed him too much though, you'll make him ill."

"Mummy said that too."

"Good." Hiccup nodded and rose. Sneezy chittered and scuttled back to Ingrid. With the dragon around her neck, Ingrid pulled herself from under the bed and dusted herself down. Astrid called up that food was ready. "You go ahead, I'll get Al."

"He sleep." Hiccup peered into the crib.

"No, he's awake. Hello, mini me." Alastor drooled. "Yes, very nice." Hiccup observed as he gently retrieved his son and set him against his chest. "Hello." He smiled.

* * *

Dinner was a wee bit of a disaster. Sneezy got excited at the new smell of lamb and vegetable stew and rushed about the table, knocking cutlery and crockery alike everywhere. It was only when Stormfly trapped him in a circle of spines did the damage start to get sorted. Astrid explained to Ingrid that she had to teach Sneezy how to behave and not to go on a rampage and also how to keep him calm in case he grew too excitable. "You have to make sure he's good, Ingrid, because we can't have dragons constantly tearing things down, no matter how small they are." Ingrid nodded dutifully. Toothless was happy enough to lick up whatever stew he could, even the bit that had landed in Hiccup's hair. "Good job I accidently made extra."

"Ooh, no. You _expected_ a mess this evening."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"This womanly sixth sense thing."

"That's just nature, Hiccup, it's not my fault men are so dense."

"Rude." Astrid served up another round. Sneezy sat in Ingrid's lap, eyeing everything hungrily, but kept in place by Ingrid's small, yet firm hand. Toothless and Stormfly wolfed down fish and chicken respectively before curling up to sleep in the corner. Hiccup held Alastor, who kept drooling and gurgling. Hiccup nodded and hummed and occasionally agreed with some of the things Alastor 'said'. "Oh really? How interesting." Alastor kicked his feet. "Yeah, I know, Gobber does need another bath. We'll get him tomorrow."

"Hiccup."

"Mm?"

"He doesn't understand what you're saying."

"Yes he does! He's smart. Like me."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"I shall." Hiccup smirked. Astrid rolled her eyes and left him to it. After helping Ingrid with Sneezy all day as well as her usual duties, she was more than happy to let this one slide for now. She was too tired to deal with Hiccup's madness tonight. "Oh, did I tell you I met Waiola?"

"No, but _she_ told me. I do talk to people other than you, Hiccup, don't look so surprised. Her parents were there too and we got talking and I may have mentioned a few benefits of having the chief as a family friend. I think they were keen."

"Poor Cadman though, I kind of feel sorry for him."

"Oh, don't. It's either Waiola or the daughter of a farmer on the east side of the island, I forget her name now." Hiccup silently prompted her to elaborate with a hand roll. "If I'm honest, I think he's leaning more towards the farmer's daughter."

"Then that fixes everything! Snotlout gets Waiola and Cadman gets the farmer girl. I'll talk to Snotlout tomorrow."

"No. Don't."

"Why?"

"In case I'm wrong. I know he's a major pain in the backside, but it's not fair on him if his hopes rise and then get crushed."

"Fair point." Hiccup sighed. Alastor mumbled and twisted in his blankets. "No, you're too little to have a wife. Shush." Alastor sneezed, startling himself. Hiccup laughed. "Silly mini-me."

"Daddy, you mad."

"Thank you, Ingrid." Sneezy sneezed too. "Oh, here we go. Astrid, you're next."

"I am not going to sneeze. Shut up and eat your food."

"Yum yum."

* * *

"Hey Hiccup."

"Snotlout! Hey! Hold on, just one sec- ow. Nope. Nope, nope, _ow_." Hiccup managed to stumble and trip his way through the forges to get to his friend. "Made it. Limbs intact."

"What's left of them any way."

"I was trying not to mention that, but OK. What brings you here, my fine friend?"

"Waiola's parents."

"And?"

"Tomorrow."

"Ah. How're you feeling?"

"Like I'm going to be sick." Hiccup smiled sympathetically. "You ever felt like that around Astrid?"

"Not exactly. Let's just say when I was the village idiot-"

"_Was_?"

"-I used to mess up big time." Hiccup finished as though Snotlout hadn't spoken. "You know, very Hiccup-y. With bigger messes and less swathe." Snotlout just hummed, nodding slowly. "As for you, I suppose it might help to go into the woods to scream or throw a few axes. Or maybe go flying with Hookfang. Ooorrrr… we could race. Hic-Tooth VS Snot-fang."

"Yes. When?"

"Now."

"Now?" Hiccup moved to the window and made a Night Fury call. Toothless appeared within the minute. "Now." Snotlout agreed. He called for Hookfang. "OK, so the course?"

"Start at the Great Hall. Fly out to the sea stacks, around the island, up and over the bigger mountain and then back to the sea stacks. First back to the Great Hall wins."

"Wins what?"

"I don't know, a new bunch of adoring fans?" Hiccup shrugged, reaching down to set his artificial foot into flight mode. "Ready?" He asked, sliding into the saddle. He grinned cheekily, Toothless snorted challengingly and they were gone, spiralling away. Hookfang looked at his rider imploringly.

"Yes, we're going. Come on."

* * *

"Ladies and slightly-gentlemen!" Hiccup called. The Vikings turned to him, bemused. "Hic-Tooth VS Snot-fang is back! Woo!" He told them the course, adding a little extra. "First to get this flag," He flapped the rough square of brown cloth, "from here," He tied it to a column, "wins!"

"Good luck, Snotlout!" Snotlout smiled anxiously. Hiccup peered into the crowd and saw Waiola waving at her possible-betrothed. He saw Astrid not far from Waiola, standing with her mother, Ingrid, Alastor and Sneezy. She noticed Hiccup looking, waved almost in dismissal and returned to her conversation. Hiccup made a face; she made a rude hand gesture.

"OK, be like that. Lout, you good?"

"Yup."

"Awesome." Stoick marched onto the stage.

"Riders!" His voice boomed about the hall. "You know the course! No knocking the other from their dragon! Mount up! GO!" The two dragons tore from the hall, one red blur and one black. The Vikings swarmed forward to see what happened, gathering on the stairs to see the two teams battling to get to the sea stacks first.

* * *

Astrid and Waiola met in the crowd.

"How do you deal with that?"

"Hiccup? I don't. Sometimes it's best to let him prattle on rather than try to figure out his logic."

"Snotlout's not like that."

"No. But he's Snotlout." Waiola sighed, smiling.

"I know." She said dreamily. Astrid bit her lip, moving her attention to the race. She could make out the distant blobs of the racers along the coastline of the island.

* * *

"Hey!" Hiccup called.

"What?" Snotlout yelled back.

"I'm winning!" And Toothless dived under Hookfang and shot off, a random burst of speed. Snotlout cursed and urged his Nightmare to pick up the pace. Hookfang snorted.

"Hiccup!"

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot!"

"Thank you!"

"In a bad way!"

"Thank you!" Hiccup grinned at him cheekily. Toothless twisted around a ship and beat his wings harder to start the steep ascent up the side of the mountain. Hookfang huffed, his claws scraping on the rock momentarily. He launched himself of the rocks and started closing the distance. Very soon, they were neck and neck. Hiccup waved. Snotlout ignored him, more focused on getting ahead. Waiola had wished him good luck. He couldn't lose. That would disappoint her. "Hey! What's the matter?"

"Waiola!"

"Nah! She digs you!"

"How would you know?"

"I have an inside source! Don't worry, Lout!"

"Can't help it!"

"Then we're going to win!" Hiccup patted Toothless's shoulder and the Night Fury's eyes narrowed in determination. They started to draw ahead. The top wasn't far off now.

* * *

"Hello."

"Astrid! It's good to see you again!"

"And you." Waiola's parents smiled at her. Udom and Qadira Rowell. Waiola took after her father with the russet hair and pale skin and her mother with the slim, short build and the wide blue eyes. "How are things?"

"We've decided on our Waiola's husband."

"Oh?"

"Not telling you."

"Why?"

"We're not telling anyone until tomorrow, not even the husband." Udom beamed. Qadira giggled and patted Astrid on the shoulder. "Don't look so worried, pet. Everyone will know, Hiccup's made sure of it, considering Snotlout's involved. You've no idea how many have come up to us to tell us who they think Waiola should marry. I've even heard of bets going around and such."

"Hiccup really has made a big deal of this, hasn't he?" They nodded. "I wonder if he's ever heard of a low key affair."

"Probably not." Udom chuckled. "But we don't mind. Hiccup's brilliant. A little mad, but brilliant."

"And Snotlout? Cadman?" They hunched their shoulders simultaneously. Astrid sighed. "Alright fine. Tell me tomorrow."

"Oooh look!" Ingrid squealed. "Daddy fell!"

"_What_?" Toothless was indeed struggling to keep upright. Something was wrong with his tail, but from this distance, they couldn't tell what. "Give me something to see!" Astrid ordered. A telescope was quickly passed up- why someone had that with them this morning, she didn't know, but she also didn't care. Toothless's tail had been torn. Maybe on a cliff or branch or something. Hookfang circled back. Snotlout was shouting something. Hiccup and Toothless fell. Hookfang dived after them, knocking them off course and onto a wide ledge off the cliff. All four landed in a heap of foliage. Astrid sighed in relief. "The idiot." She grumbled. "Stormfly!" She called. The Nadder arrived in the minute. "Could you take Ingrid and Al-"

"And Sneezy!"

"And Sneezy to my mother?" She asked the Rowells. They nodded and took the children- and Sneezy. Astrid swung up into the saddle and took flight.

Hiccup and Snotlout were a little bruised, but otherwise alright. Toothless's tail had been reduced to shreds. "It's a good job I have a spare tail with me."

"You do?"

"Hiccup, this is you. I make sure I have a spare _everything_."

"Take note of this, Snotlout. Organised wife, easy life." Snotlout nodded. "Thank you, milday." Hiccup bowed his head upon accepting the new tail. Toothless grinned his gratitude with a smile living up to his name. "Astrid, you racing back?"

"No."

"Boring."

"Would it be boring if I threw you off the cliff?"

"No. That would hurt."

"Then shut up."

"No."

"Axe."

"Nope!"

"You guys are weird." Snotlout cut in.

"I made weird a thing."

"Shut _up_, Hiccup!"

"No!"


	34. Chapter 34

**For Anonymous101, sorry it took so long!**

* * *

Hiccup was having a strange dream that a hoard of girls were running after him, screaming and wearing strange clothes and waving about small black boxes that clicked and flashed lights at him. He wasn't sure what that was about, but he was woken- to his immense relief- by Ingrid. Who had had a nightmare, by the look of her tear-streaked face.

"Daddy?"

"Hey, Ingrid."

"Daddy, had bad dream." Hiccup sat up straighter, careful not to wake his wife.

"What of?"

"Big bad dragon. Ate you and Mummy. Left me with Al." She welled up. "Al crying and I not know what to do!" Her bottom lip trembled as more tears dribbled down her cheeks, dripping from her chin. Hiccup pulled her into a hug, shushing her gently and stroking her hair.

"It's alright, Ingrid. No big bad dragon can stand up to your mummy, she will punch them in the face and send them crying to _their_ mummies." Ingrid sniffled, her small warm hand clutching at his tunic. Hiccup held her tighter and kissed the top of her head. "I promise you," He said, holding out his hand to take hers, "Mummy and I will always look after you _and _Al, so you don't have to worry about that. Not now, not ever, OK?"

"Promise?" She squeaked. Hiccup held out his little finger and she linked hers with his.

"Promise."

"I stay with you?"

"Of course you can." Hiccup lay back down. Astrid mumbled in her sleep and rolled onto her side, facing him. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face as Ingrid settled down on his chest.

"Daddy?"

"Mm?"

"Love you, Daddy." Hiccup smiled, wrapping his arms around his daughter.

"Love you too, Ingrid. You get some sleep now, Daddy will keep the big bad dragons away." Ingrid curled up and was soon asleep. Hiccup's tunic was a little damp from her crying, but he didn't mind. He was quite glad she had come to him instead of Astrid, as mean as that sounded, but he didn't get to spend as much time as she did with them, what with being the chief and all. He _loved_ the days he got to take them all for a picnic in the woods and pointing out the various dragons for Ingrid and telling her a little about each one.

* * *

When he woke up later that morning, Sneezy had joined the huddle. He was asleep across Hiccup's forehead. Astrid was awake this time, tending to Alastor. She smirked at him as her form of greeting and for the new headband. Ingrid was still asleep, her head under his chin. "Morning, milady." Hiccup smiled. "Sleep well?"

"Ooh, very. Al slept the night through, bless him."

"About time."

"What was her nightmare about?" She nodded at Ingrid. Hiccup explained, adding in the bit of Astrid's reaction to any dragon who threatened her family. "I wouldn't _just_ punch them, Hiccup, I'd make them sorry they'd ever hatched."

"I certainly married you for a good reason."

"You had no choice."

"Didn't I? Gods, that's news to me. Do tell." She cast her eyes to the heavens and didn't elaborate. Ingrid stirred and mumbled for her dragon. Sneezy twisted onto his back and accidently rolled off onto the pillow above Hiccup's head. The little dragon awoke with a start, sneezing once more, and scrambling about in sleepy disorientation. Hiccup reached up and picked the small reptile up easily, setting him next to Ingrid and passing his thumb over the dragon's head to calm him. "Sneezy." He tested. As if in recognition, Sneezy sneezed. "Yeah, that works." The Terror sidled out from under Hiccup's petting and curled up in Ingrid's tangled hair, clambering through the dark mass and wiggling under her arm, cooing. "I'm stuck like this, aren't I?"

"Lucky me!"

"You could help."

"Now where's the fun in that?"

"You're a cold-hearted woman. _Cold_." She made a mock curtesy to him, Alastor in one arm and pulling at her night dress with the other. "Ice Queen."

"Thank you." She flipped her hair proudly over her shoulder and sauntered off downstairs.

It was another fifteen minutes before Ingrid woke up and that was only because of a hungry Toothless demanding food. Hiccup consoled the Night Fury, who ended up with Sneezy climbing up and over his face, across the top of his head and darting along his back, diving around the spikes there. Toothless grumbled and tried to catch the little Terror, spinning in a circle. Ingrid giggled. Hiccup ducked Toothless's tail and then a wing.

"Calm!" He ordered. "Toothless, bud, calm down." Toothless growled as Sneezy wound along his tail. With a flick, he sent the infant dragon flying. Ingrid squealed in horror, but Sneezy was alright. He landed, unharmed, with a soft thump on the bed. Toothless pressed his nose to Hiccup's hand while Ingrid crawled over the bed to check on her dragon. Sneezy sneezed. "Let's go and have breakfast before we break the house, OK?" Toothless grunted. Sneezy sneezed. Hiccup sighed.

"Daddy, Toothless mean!" Toothless snorted indignantly. Ingrid frowned at him. "Be nice to Sneezy! He baby!" Toothless hunched his shoulders and growled.

"How about we all be nice to each other? Yes, that will work. Out. Go. Downstairs. Now." Hiccup ushered them all out. Astrid was poking at a pot of porridge over the fire, humming to herself. Alastor was gurgling and pedalling his feet in his basket on the table. Hiccup pulled a face at him. Alastor kicked once more and then melted into his father's cuddle. "Morning, mini-me."

"Stop calling him that." Astrid said. "His name is Alastor."

"Hiccup Junior."

"We've been over this. He is Alastor. That is final. Now sit down and eat your food before I shove it up your nose, bowl included." Hiccup winced and obeyed. Astrid served up breakfast, dragged the dragons' baskets out for them to eat and then put a couple of small fish out for Sneezy. Ingrid insisted on eating on the floor amongst the dragons, enjoying the attention. "Why are you staring at me?"

"I'm allowed to appreciate my wife's charm and clearly amazing good looks." Astrid remained unimpressed. "Well, if you're going to be like, I'm gouging how long it will take for you to hit me."

"Not long if you don't shut up."

"You OK?" Astrid hesitated.

"I'm… I'm worried about Snotlout." She said hurriedly. Hiccup did a double-take. "I know, I know, I feel the same, but… what if the Rowells don't pick him for Waiola? How will he take that? Especially after all that help you've given him on being a useful husband."

"I don't know. But we'll find out later and then this will all be over." Astrid nodded, stirring her porridge miserably. Hiccup reached over and covered her hand with his. "Hey, it'll be alright. If it helps, I've already worked on a list of rebounds for Snotlout."

"Ooh, you're _such_ a good friend."

"There was no need for sarcasm, I'm lovely."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Why does everyone say that to me? I _am_ lovely, you're all just too stubborn to admit it."

"It's not stubborn, we just don't want your ego exploding."

"It won't explode. I have a very moderate ego."

"Mm-hm." She hummed. Hiccup wrinkled his nose at her and she laughed. "Idiot."

* * *

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**NEXT CHAPTER- does Snotlout get the girl or not? DUN DUN DUUUUHHH…**


	35. Chapter 35

"Get up!"

"It's _dawn_. Are you crazy?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Astrid groaned and pulled the furs over her head. Hiccup flicked her through the covers and she felt his weight disappear from the bed. A few minutes later, he was back, shaking her by the shoulder and hissing excitedly, "Get up, get up!" Astrid swung an arm free and smacked him in the face. "Well, if you're going to be like that, I'll go on my own."

"What _are_ you on about?"

"Snotlout."

"What?"

"Snotlout. Waiola. Today."

"You're making me get up early for _that_?"

"Yes."

"No." Astrid slumped back and stubbornly curled herself in the bedding. Hiccup sighed. "Go back to bed." She suggested, but she knew he was too hyped up to even think of a nice lie in. And he had gotten dressed too, now hopping about from Ingrid's crib to Alastor's. "Hiccup." Astrid muttered, forcing herself to prop herself up on her elbows. "It's _hours_ from when we find out, so you might as well do something useful and sort Toothless out." Right as the words left her lips, Toothless started bouncing on the roof, calling for his rider. Ingrid mumbled in her sleep, restlessly rolling side to side. Alastor started to whine. "Right now." Astrid added, glaring at him. Hiccup smiled sweetly, rocking Alastor's cradle until he settled. Then he was gone. Astrid huffed and collapsed back into the soft, warm bed. This was nice. And she had more room now her stupid husband was away.

"Hey bud." Hiccup smiled. Toothless gurgled in greeting and hopped around his best friend. "Yes, I missed you too. Should we go and see if Snotlout's holding up OK?" The Night Fury grunted and rustled his wings. "Yeah, you're right. Breakfast first."

* * *

Snotlout, half an hour later, was up and about just like Hiccup. The only difference was that the poor lad was pacing back and forth and near _tears_ with ruined nerves. "Hey. Oy. Lout." Hiccup grabbed his friend by the arm and hauled him to a stop. "Look at me."

"Hiccup-"

"I said look, not talk." Snotlout pressed his lips together, pale and sweaty. "Toothless, open that door and some windows, it's warm in here." Toothless obeyed. Hiccup faced his friend. "OK, here's what we're going to do. _You_ are going to take a deep breath and sit down. _I_ am going to raid your pantry for breakfast. Have you eaten?" Snotlout shook his head. Hiccup figured he was too sick with anxiety to eat. "Sit there." Hiccup ordered, pointing at the table. "Deep breaths, happy thoughts. I'll be right back."

Toothless was trying to comfort Snotlout when Hiccup returned five minutes later. Hiccup hadn't been able to find much, but he had scraped together a couple of apples, some bread and honey and a smoked salmon. "You need to restock, you barely have anything." Snotlout nodded. Toothless licked his face, coating him in spit. Normally, Snotlout would have protested, but he barely seemed to notice now. "Eat." Hiccup instructed. Snotlout didn't move. "That's an order." He added, holding an apple so close to Snotlout's face, he was half-tempted to shove it up his nose to see if _that _got his attention.

It took ten minutes, but he finally persuaded Snotlout to eat some bread and honey and half an apple. Toothless stole the salmon. "Right, we should go shopping. You _really_ need to restock and it won't look good if your larder is empty." Snotlout nodded absent-mindedly. Hiccup dragged him to his feet and marched him out. Which turned out to be _half_ a good idea. It turns out Waiola was shopping too. Snotlout turned green upon seeing her and didn't look up from his shoes for a long and somewhat awkward half hour. Hiccup ended up buying everything for Snotlout, who seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. Toothless had to fireblast the ground at Snotlout's feet to get him moving again.

"Ooh, I'm such an idiot, I can't do this."

"Yes you can." Hiccup replied calmly, tightening the lids on the honey and jam jars to be annoying. He stacked them on the shelf and turned to retrieve the bread, fruit and vegetables from the baskets. "Look, you just managed a shopping trip with _me_. I'm sure you could handle getting _married_." Snotlout stared at him incredulous. Hiccup just smiled, wrapping the lamb tightly and setting it on a large, new block of ice, next to the three similarly wrapped salmons. "You know, they should make a thing that keeps things cold without the constant use of ice."

"Who's _they_?"

"I don't know, someone who can make something like that."

"Can't you?" Hiccup hunched his shoulders. "Hiccup? What if they say no?"

"We'll work on that if it comes to it." Snotlout simply nodded. Hiccup glanced out the window. "Not long know. Got and clean up and put on some fresh pants." Snotlout looked at him incredulously. "Just do it. Trust me on this; I'm already married. If you're not ready in five minutes, I'll drag you out in whatever state you're in, OK?"

"You can't drag me."

"I have a Night Fury. I can drag you." Toothless snorted. "Well, _we _can drag you. Better?" He asked his dragon. Toothless nodded once and returned to staring at the wall. Hiccup leaned back slightly and realised Toothless had spotted a shine on the wall, reflected off of Snotlout's axe. "Get it, Toothless, get it." Hiccup urged childishly.

* * *

They met up with Astrid a short while later. Ingrid was tottering along beside her, Sneezy curled across her shoulders. Alastor was being carried by Hilldegard. Fenrir, Stoick and Valka trailed behind, Valka talking a million miles an hour while the men nodded with distant looks in their eyes. Hiccup grinned to himself. He spotted the twins and Fishlegs in the town square and already some other curious Vikings were making their way up to the Great Hall. Snotlout stopped dead in his tracks. Everyone looked back at him worriedly. "Go ahead," Hiccup told them, waving his hands to get them going again, "we'll catch up." They went. Hiccup kept making over-exaggerated shooing motions, swinging his arms around. Astrid laughed at him and started mimicking his classic actions with the twins. "OK, we have to go up there whether you like it or not?"

"Could you go and just tell me?"

"No. Because if you don't show up then that ain't Viking. Vikingly. Viking. What? Anyway, if you don't get your arse up those steps and get the girl, we are going to have issues. Again."

"You already have issues."

"That's besides the point and yes I do and Toothless you're not supposed to agree now get up there and get engaged."

"Breathe."

"I am breathing. You're not."

"I _am_." To prove a point, Snotlout took a deep breath.

"If I have to kick you every step of the way, gods help me, I will."

"But-"

"No 'but's except yours up those stairs, now go!" Snotlout ducked Hiccup's wild arm waving and Toothless ushered him rather bossily towards the steps. Hiccup laughed victoriously. "Race you to the top! Loser owes the winner a week of servitude!"

"Oh no you don't!" Snotlout, competitive spirit ignited, charged up the stairs. Hiccup lost- on purpose of course- but wormed his way out of waiting on Snotlout hand and artificial foot for a week with the excuse of; "I'm the chief. I serve _everyone_. All the time. _All_ the time, not like you, you stroppy little git."

"You still lost."

"Eh." Hiccup shrugged. "I tend to lose a lot of things. I've recently lost my favourite mug."

"What? That's a different kind of lost."

"Not to me it isn't. Now enough chit chat! The next I see you, you had better be a man ready to be married! And that is from your chief, not your friend. Off you poop. I meant pop. Off you pop."

"You get weirder and weirder every day."

"I had to master something." Hiccup aimed a playful kick at Snotlout's leg and Toothless growled, spreading his wings. Snotlout was yanked by some other eager Vikings through the crowds and to the stage. Waiola waited with her parents. His father was to the right and Cadman and his parents were to the left.

"Late." Cadman smirked.

"Hiccup." Snotlout said. Everyone but his rival looked amused.

"You had better not be using me as an excuse." Hiccup had made his way to the front of the crowd. "I made you famous."

"No you didn't."

"By association."

"Shut up."

"This is the only time I will let you get away with that." Snotlout shook his head and moved to his father's side. When he was told about Waiola's parents deciding on this, he had thought that maybe they would turn up at his house or just mention it in passing, not this. Literally the _whole _village had turned up to see what the verdict was. Because of Hiccup. He had _really_ riled people up about this and it was now a huge event, lots of bets and some love-hatred mixes for Snotlout, depending if they supported him or Cadman, who he had never really met before. Cadman was about four or five years older than Snotlout with thick auburn hair and a well-kept beard that reached the bottom of his throat. Like Hiccup, however, Snotlout preferred to be clean shaven or with as minimal stubble as possible.

"I wasn't expecting this." Udom surveyed the crowd before and glanced at Qadira. "Hiccup, why do you do this?"

"I had to tell _someone_ and _someone_ kind of might have slightly turned into the whole village, but hey! Tell us your secrets!"

"Hiccup, stop being creepy!" Astrid yelled from the other side of the hall.

"You can't make me, you're over there!" He turned back to the Rowells. "Continue."

"Well," Qadira started, taking her husband's hand, "we have _really _thought it over, but at the end of the day, all that counts is that our daughter is happy." Waiola smiled. "So... we've picked..."

"You're pausing for emphasis, I don't like this pausing for emphasis, make it stop."

"Someone hit him for me!"

"You can't hit me, I'm the chief!"

"Snotlout." Udom concluded.

"Aha, yes!" Hiccup punched the air triumphantly and clambered onto the stage. He grabbed Snotlout by the arm, Snotlout too stunned to move of his own accord, and dragged him to Waiola, moving aside with her parents to let the new happy couple acknowledge their engagment. Cadman took the news better than Hiccup had suspected and left the stage. Astrid later told Hiccup that he had immediately sought out the farmer's daughter, Talisha.

Bets were exchanged, new bets were made, Hiccup decided he was planning the wedding only to have his _entire_ family _and_ friends shoot him down on that idea. "I would plan the _best_ wedding." Hiccup smirked. Then he saw the look on his wife's face. "Which would be impossible because we, milady, had that best wedding. Best wedding._ Ever_."

"Waiola, always remember that men are secretly afraid of women."

"I never realised it was a secret."

"Well, not all men are like you, Hiccup."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Many things."

"You know what, I don't even care right now. SNOTLOUT IS GETTING MARRIED!"

* * *

**THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS, YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! :D **


	36. Chapter 36

"So, if he was so interested in this farmer's daughter, why did he ever bother with Waiola?" Astrid shrugged her shoulders. She was looking through her dual looking glasses- she had taken two from Hiccup and taped them together, getting annoyed with squinting through one alone. "Oh come on, you _must_ know. I thought women knew everything?"

"It's either they know everything or they will do everything they can to find something out."

"Ah. That makes much more sense." Hiccup took the dual looking glassses from her- that was all they were called at the minute, Astrid hadn't thought up a good enough name for them- and peered at Cadman and his new lady friend. "Talisha, her name is." Hiccup reminded himself. Astrid snatched her invention back and continued watching. "Why are we spying on them anyway?"

"I need to know why he was trying to go for Waiola."

"Maybe because his parents set it up?"

"And Talisha is OK with that?"

"Well, maybe she was hoping it wouldn't work so she would get Cadman all to herself."

"What are you two freaks doing?" Hiccup startled. Astrid turned her head to glare at Snotlout. "Hiding in bushes and spying on people." He observed. "And I thought you had chiefly duties?"

"I do. I'm making sure that your family, Waiola's family and Cadman's family don't all start a rivalry."

"And why would they?"

"Because parents' choices usually always differ from their kids. Look what Astrid made!" Hiccup held up the new set of spy gear. Snotlout took it carefully, peering through both ends. He nodded approvingly and handed them back to Astrid. "So, where's Waiola?"

"With her friends. Her parents and my dad are sorting out the whole wedding thing now." Snotlout paled and he dropped to sit with them. "Oh gods, a wedding..." Astrid's expression softened and she rested a hand lightly on his arm. He looked up at that, bewildered.

"It's OK to be nervous. Everyone feels nervous when they're about to make a big change like this." Snotlout looked from her to Hiccup and back again. "I mean, look who I ended up marrying. You can't get any more nervous than that."

"Hey!"

"What I mean, Lout, it's perfectly normal. Don't worry about it, it'll work out fine in the end."

"Promise?"

"Can you imagine the Hiccup tantrum if it doesn't?"

"I'm right here." But Snotlout was smiling now. "And I _will _throw a tantrum if you and Waiola don't get married. I _am _planning your wedding after all; don't want all my hardwork wasted." Judging by Astrid's eye roll, Hiccup was still deluding himself that _he_ was planning the wedding and not the Rowells and Spitelout. "And then you could help me set Fishlegs and Tuff up with ladies. Astrid is looking for a guy for Ruff, but I think most of the village is scared of her."

"Astrid or Ruffnut?"

"Both." Astrid elbowed her husband sharply in the ribs. Hiccup fell sideways and pretended to be dead.

"Idiot. Any plans for you and Waiola?"

"P-Plans?"

"Yeah." Hiccup said, opening his eyes. "Date night. Candle-lit dinner for two, a walk along the beach, a fly around the island. Waiola doesn't have her own dragon, maybe you could find one for her." Snotlout relaxed slightly.

"I can do that."

"Then why are you still here? Go!" Astrid shooed him away with a Hiccup-like wave of the arms. Hiccup pinched her leg and they started play-fighting, her attacks a tad more aggressive than his. Snotlout decided it would be safer to leave them to it.

"Speaking of dragons," Hiccup said once Astrid had pinned him, "maybe we should check on Ingrid and Sneezy."

"And Toothless."

"What about Stormfly?"

"She isn't a pain like that Night Fury of yours."

"Toothless isn't a pain, he's just... eccentric. And very lovable." Astrid hummed, rising and holding her hand out to him. "Thank you, milady." He smiled once he was back on his feet. He offered her his arm and they walked back home like that. Hildegard and Fenrir were babysitting today. Ingrid was sat on the table, Sneezy in her lap and eating chunks of fish from her hand. Toothless was helping Hildegard clean up, holding up a rug for her to sweep out the dirt from under it. Stormfly was nowhere to be seen, which probably meant she was upstairs protectively watching over the sleeping Alastor. "Hello!" Hiccup greeted bubbily.

"Hello you two." Hildegard smiled. "Astrid, dear, you _really_ shouldn't sweep everything under the rug."

"No, that's me." Hiccup defended instantly. It was actually him _and_ Astrid, but he was taking the brunt of things. Hildegard tutted and shook her head. Fenrir seemed to know what Hiccup had done, smiling and giving a slight nod to show his consent. Hiccup bounced over to help his mother-in-law clean, scratching Toothless under the chin as a hello. Hildegard gave him a little lecture on how to properly sweep the floors and get rid of the mess afterwards while Astrid sat at the table and talked to her father.

"Got it?" Hildegard asked.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. Don't make me tell you again."

"You don't _have_ come over and start cleaning, you know."

"Someone has to."

"That doesn't necessarily mean you though. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you're helping, but you need a break too." Hildegard smiled and patted his cheek.

"You're sweet, Hiccup, but you know that Vikings only take a break to die."

"Then I'm dead a million times over." She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. That was a look and motion Astrid had given him many a time over the years and it seemed to be infectious. Had Hiccup ever done the eye-roll/head-shake combination to someone? This was going to bug him now, _had he_?

"Hiccup, what's with the more-confused-than-usual look?" Astrid smirked.

"I'm debating if I've picked up some Hofferson traits or not."

"Probably." Fenrir nodded. Then he rethought his answer. "What traits?"

"Now that I think about it, probably quite a few." Ingrid started laughing. Sneezy had discovered his tail and started chasing it in circles around his owner. Hiccup chuckled. "Seems I'm not the only one."

"Get out."

* * *

**I have a poll up, go and vote! It closes on Sunday! **

**And I updated Tobias's story ^_^ **


	37. Chapter 37

"Keep still or I'll cut it wonky."

"Taken out of context, that is slightly worrying." Astrid muttered a curse, tugging on his hair. "Alright, alright. I will be good." She laughed through her nose in disbelief and went back to trimming his russet locks. He had a Great Gathering coming up, where all the chiefs, well, gathered to discuss chiefly things. She was going with him, as it was custom, but she doubted she would be allowed to sit with him in the meeting. Which meant she got to spend three days with the other chiefs' wives. "Astrid?"

"Yes?"

"Are we taking the horrible children with us?"

"No, we are taking my children."

"They're still horrible, whatever title you give them."

"Why are they horrible?" Astrid sighed, moving in front of him to inspect his fringe. Hiccup just smiled. "Will you keep _still_? Ugh, _you_ are the horrible child, for the love of Odin's underpants."

"I don't love Odin's underpants."

"Shut up."

"Do you love Odin's underpants?"

"I will stab you with these scissors if you don't shut up _right now_." She snipped a little too aggressively at a bit that had been bothering her- he was forever puffing it out of his face. Astrid had _literally_ had to _tackle_ him and _wrestle_ him into a chair, where she strapped him in place with Fishlegs' help and thick leather bindings.

"I'm losing feeling in my hands."

"Well, if you did as you were told, you'd still have feeling." He blew a raspberry at her and ended up spitting out hair. Astrid smirked at his misfortune and examined her work. "Nearly done. Last time I'm telling you- _keep still_." He spat out hair again and smiled grimly. "That's your own fault, don't give me that look."

"I' 'as'es 'orri'le."

"Yes, I completely understood that."

"Eeeeehhhhh!"

"What's wrong with him now?"

"He tried to eat his own hair. Look, my dad's here, stop messing around." Hiccup tried to say something else and then ended up waving at his father-in-law. "That doesn't look _too_ bad, does it?" She asked him. Fenrir made a face, tilting his head and squinting. "Oh, shut up, Dad." Astrid smacked the scissors down on the table.

"Um, why is he tied up?"

"Have you ever tried giving Hiccup a haircut?" Fenrir hunched his shoulders. Astrid released her husband and he ran off to rinse his mouth of hair. Astrid started tidying up. "Everything alright, Dad?"

"Stoick sent me to tell Hiccup a message has arrived saying he needs to be there by this evening because of a storm supposedly arriving tomorrow." Hiccup spat out water and coughed, hitting himself on the chest.

"_What_?" He gasped. Fenrir shrugged. Hiccup scowled and stared down at his water jug. "Oh for the non-existent love of Odin's underpants, I knew something wasn't right!" He rinsed his mouth a couple more times, looking increasingly disgruntled. "Are Ingrid and Al still with Hildegard? Is that OK if we leave them there?" Fenrir dipped his head slightly. Hiccup ran a hand through his hair, mildly surprised to find it shorter than usual.

"Go and clean up." Astrid told him. "I'll make sure everything is ready."

"I would be lost without you." Hiccup kissed her cheek and disappeared out the back.

"He would." Fenrir agreed. "How that boy would get along without you, I don't know."

"He's not _completely_ incompetent."

"Yes I am!"

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask!"

"You're getting it anyway!"

* * *

"Oh wow. That is a _huge_ storm." Hiccup grinned.

"Yes and I'd rather not be in it when it starts. Look, there." She pointed at the docks, where a few ships had accumalated. "Hey, is that Erling?"

"Might be. I can't really see." Hiccup rummaged in a saddlebag and retrieved her now famous invention- dual looking glasses. Still no cool name for them. "Ah, yes." He scanned the logos on the ships. "There's Oncf... we've got the Bog-Burglars, Outcasts and... oh yay! My personal favourite- Dagur! This is going to be fun!"

"Remember, Hiccup. You're the youngest chief, so you have to prove to them that just because you're the youngest doesn't mean you're incapable of running a village." Hiccup nodded, still examining the line-up. Astrid sighed. "See anyone?"

"No. Ah, Thor's hammer, we're the last ones!"

"That doesn't matter. Down, Stormfly."

"Toothless, follow!"

A few chiefs ran out to greet them, Erling and Oncf amongst them. "Hello!" Hiccup greeted, shedding his cloak and casting it over Astrid as the first drops of rain started to fall. "Sorry we're late!"

"Not to worry." Oncf smiled. "Come in, come in. Yes, hello, Toothless. I missed you too." Oncf laughed, placing his palm against the Night Fury's nose. "In you go." Oncf waved them in, dragons included. They had just closed the door when the downpour started. Astrid shook out Hiccup's cloak and passed it back to him, smiling her thanks. "The other wives have already gone off to the central building, so you'll have to stay here for now. I suggest you sit in the hall; it gets quite chilly in these corridors."

"Thank you." Astrid's smile warmed. Hiccup tutted and she smacked his hands away and fastened his cloak for him. Erling chuckled.

"Yes, I suppose if someone is going to keep this young man in check, it would be you." He clapped Hiccup on the shoulder, grinning. "This way then." Hiccup offerd Astrid his arm and they followed the other chiefs to the main hall. Everyone else was already seated; Astrid was the only woman, but she didn't care. It was lovely and warm in here. The dragons loved it instantly, scurrying to the hearth and settling down before the flames. Hiccup beamed and waved at them all, pointing at a few excitedly and greeting them by name.

"Here we are." Oncf took his seat. "You sit there, Hiccup." Erling and the others had already sat. Hiccup gave Astrid his seat and sat on the arm, propping his feet up on the end. No-one said anything- they had been warned about Hiccup's eccentricity.

Astrid found the meeting tedious. Hiccup clearly did too and it was taking everything he could muster to stay awake and mostly focused. A number of times, Astrid had to pinch his leg or nudge him into paying attention. She shifted over so they were sharing a chair- these seats were designed for great big Vikings and could easily fit them both rather comfortably. Hiccup took her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles. They shared sneaky whispers when they could and cheeky, muffled giggles, but they _really_ had to focus. Dagur declared war about eighteen times in the first twenty minutes, going for a sword that wasn't there. All weapons had been confiscated upon entry.

"War! Down with Berk!"

"No, I like Berk!" Hiccup insisted, sitting forward slightly. "Down with Dagur!"

"Stop it." Astrid hissed, tugging on his arm.

"No, no war. Not between us." Oncf waved irritably at Dagur to sit down. Hiccup sat back, chewing on his thumbnail. "We are here to organise trades and I believe Jedrzej has a pact to make with, um..."

"Me." A dark haired Viking raised his hand.

"Ah, yes. Eadric. So sorry. Jed, Eadric." Oncf gestured for them to talk amongst themselves. Jedrzej's daughter, Gabriela, was fit to be wed, hopefully to Eadric's eldest son, Padraig, aged fifteen and seventeen respectively. Astrid tittered, annoyed. Hiccup tightened his hold on her hand.

"See, this is why women aren't allowed in Gatherings." Ichabod protested midway through Eadric and Jedrzej's conversation. "It is for us to decide what happens between the tribes-"

"WAR!"

"Shut up, Dagur!" Ichabod snapped. "And if we are to marry off our daughters, then so be it."

"Doesn't your daughter get an opinion then?" Astrid growled, glowering at Jedrzej's.

"She knows what is best for the tribe." Jedrzej's said stiffly. "Hiccup, calm your wife." Hiccup started.

"Uh..." He said brilliantly. Astrid turned her glare on him.

"What if that was Ingrid when she was fifteen? How would _you_ feel giving her away to a complete stranger and sending her off to a foreign place?"

"Well-"

"Woman," Another chief, one Hiccup couldn't remember the name to as he didn't always talk, sat forward, "I understand your concern, but these are our ways."

"Well, _man_, maybe we should change our ways. Maybe our sons and daughters should marry if, when and who they want to."

"But these marriages can form unities between the tribes."

"Why can't you do that yourself? You're all grown men, I'm sure you're capable of talking out problems rather than taking axes to each other's skulls." This conjured very mixed responses. Hiccup should say something, he knew he should, but if he said something, he would defend Astrid, not a doubt in his mind. But he also didn't want to cause problems. He quite liked being the eccentric, but mostly laid back chief that didn't really cause that much trouble.

Summoning his nerve, he stood. Silence fell.

"Eadric." He said. "What would you do if Gabriela didn't marry Padraig? Declare war?"

"No..."

"Cancel trades? You know how well Jedrzej's clan produce carpentry and metalwork."

"I know."

"Jed, what would you do if Gabriela didn;t marry Padraig?"

"I'd still have my daughter at home."

"You're not keen on letting her go?" Jedrzej hesitated.

"Not really." He eventually admitted. "But for the good of the tribes-"

"Why can't you just come up with a pact anyway? Why don't we _all_ come up with a pact and stop fighting between ourselves?"

"Oh no you don't!" Dagur shot up. "Don't you think for a _second_ I'm going to let this slide _Hic-cup._" Astrid saw Hiccup's shoulders slouch a fraction. She pressed her fingers to the small of his back and he steeled his resolve. "Don't think your aggressions against the Berserkers will be so easily forgotten!"

"And you're completely innocent?" Hiccup asked, his tone almost bored. Dagur scoffed in disbelief. Astrid rose too, anger swelling through her. Hiccup's fingers closed around her wrist, but that didn't stop her.

"You kidnapped our daughter! And you keep trying! You tried to kill Hiccup _and _his second in command! You've been trying to get control of Berk for _years_, don't act all coy!" Toothless snarled, pupils dangerous slits. The majority of the assembled men shifted uncomfortably in their seats. They knew _of _Toothless; they didn't _know_ him. It didn't take a genius to figure out that an angry Night Fury, however, was a dangerous on.

"Toothless. Down, bud. Dagur, you're an idiot. We hate you. Not going to hide that, simple as." Hiccup shrugged carelessly. "But we don't want war. You go back to your desolate, deranged hovel and we'll stay on Berk. No need to bother each other." Dagur made to grab his weapon again, scowling and stomping his feet when he found it wasn't there.

"No! No, no, no!" He snatched up a standing lamp, swinging the flames at any who got too close. "Get back!" He ordered, eyes alive with madness. Hiccup moved in front of Astrid, both of them signalling to their dragons, pointing at the ceiling with two fingers and then dropping them sharply in Dagur's direction. Toothless shot forward and disarmed Dagur while spines whistled over his head and shot through Dagur's clothing, nailing him to a column. "Get me down!" He shrieked.

"No." Astrid defied instantly.

"GET! ME! DOWN!"

"Another word out of you and we'll see how _deranged_ you look with a Nadder spine in your face." Dagur fumed. He would have said something, but Stormfly had curled around her rider, glaring at him. "Good girl." Astrid smiled, stroking her dragon's scales. Thunder boomed outside and the doors slammed open.

"I think that will be all for tonight." Oncf said quietly. Murmurs ran through the chiefs. "We'll sleep in here until the storm lets up."

"Toothless, Stormfly. The fire." The dragons stoked the flames. Stormfly found more kindling and scooped up logs in her claws, clumsily throwing them onto the embers. "Astrid. Are you OK?"

"I'm fine. Sorry if I get you in trouble." Hiccup waved it aside.

"I'm always in trouble." He removed his cloak and wrapped it around her. "We'll sort it tomorrow."

"What about Dagur? He's bent on this war."

"Let's just leave him on the fence for now." Hiccup glanced over at his pinned advesary and smirked. "Well, on the wall. If he didn't look so ugly, he'd be quite a good decoration. Here, we'll sleep over here." Toothless and Stormfly returned and made a cocoon around their riders when they pair had settled for the night, lying on Hiccup's cloak for a little extra comfort. "See, this isn't so bad, right?" More thunder boomed and several Vikings rushed to bar the doors shut. "A big room full of men and I am the most Viking-like of them all."

"Oh please. There was a guy over there that had more hair in one eyebrow than you do beard. Or should I say stubble?" Hiccup ran a hand over his jaw.

"He did have _really_ bushy eyebrows though, that's... that's an unfair comparison."

"You'd look weird with a beard."

"Thanks."

"But..." Astrid traced a finger over his cheek, planting a quick kiss on his lips. "Stubble isn't too bad." He smiled, drawing her to him. Astrid curled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder and holding onto his arm. Toothless spread a wing over them and it was surprisingly nice.

"I'm wide awake."

"Me too."

"Want to run in the rain?"

"_Yes_."

* * *

**Sorry if it's poo! I'm trying to get to my idea! POLL IS CLOSED! **


	38. Chapter 38

**Hiccstrid rain scene!**

* * *

They were soaked to the skin within seconds, but was that going to stop them! By Odin's unfavoured underpants, no! Hiccup rushed out first, splashing through puddles and kicking water at his wife. Astrid ducked the majority of the wave and tackled him. Water went up her nose and she coughed. Hiccup laughed, watery mud dripping from his hair. They rolled through the puddles, rain hammering down all the while.

Astrid got to her feet first. Hiccup kicked his remaining foot downwards, creating a mini tsunami that flooded over her lower legs, bringing a new bout of icy coldness and damp. She pushed her hair from her face and laughed.

"You looked like a drowned rat!"

"Then that must make you a drowned mouse." Hiccup smiled. Astrid booted water at him and he must have breathed in at the wrong moment as he was soon coughing it back up. "Eh! Yucky!" He spat and choked. "Ew!"

"I am no _mouse_."

"What would you rather be then, milady?"

"For starters, your murderer-"

"You're doing a wonderful job." He wheezed, spitting into a puddle.

"-and then maybe a dragon."

"That fits." He nodded. He held his hands up and she yanked him to his feet. "Milady." He said, half-bowing and kissing her hand. Astrid flicked his hair back from his forehead and it stuck up at odd angles. She laughed again and brushed it all smooth, water running in rivulets down his face. Hiccup grinned, grabbing her hands and swinging her around, splashing and stomping through the ankle deep rainwater and bringing about a chill tenfold of what she felt already, and not just because of the cold. "I'll swim and sail on savage seas, with never a fear of drowning!" He sang over the pounding sheets of rain. Astrid blushed furiously, grinning all the same. "And gladly ride the waves of life," More puddles soaked their shoes, "If you would stay with me!" She nodded and he beamed at her. "No sun nor freezing cold will stop me on my journey... If you will promise me your heart... and love..."

"And love me for eternity," She began without missing a beat. He hugged her gratefully, still spinning and cascading water everywhere from under their feet, "My dearest one, my darling dear," Astrid brushed his hair from his face and smiled, "Your mighty words astound me, but I've no need of mighty deeds, when I feel your arms around me!" He squeezed her around her middle, lifting her from the ground.

"But I would bring you rings of gold, I'd even sing you poetry! And I would keep you from all harm, if you would stay beside me!"

"I have no use for rings of gold, I care not for your poetry. I only want your hand to hold-"

"I only want you near me."

And then together, as though they had sung this song all their lives:

"To love, to kiss, to sweetly hold, for the dancing and the dreaming, through all life's sorrows and delights, I'll keep your laugh inside me! I'll swim and sail on savage seas, with never a fear of drowning! I'd gladly ride the ways of life if you will stay with me!" Hiccup ruined it by slipping on his artificial foot and tumbling into what Astrid figured was the deepest puddle there. This time she held her breath. He didn't. "Ugh," He shook his head, "nearly had it."

"You changed the words."

"I couldn't exactly say 'marry' because we've done that."

"Mmm..." Astrid hummed amusedly, laying her head on his chest.

"I've got a wet bum." She snorted with laughter, clamping a hand over her mouth and nose when she realised. Hiccup cracked up and kissed the top of her head. "Aah, don't. It's cute."

"I am _not_ cute." He just smiled and sat up, his arms around her waist.

"Seriously though, I'm getting cold burns on... well, everywhere now."

"You little wimp."

"You're shivering too."

"Am not." She doubted they will ever be dry after all this. Right that moment though, she didn't care. He was playing with her hair, braiding it a little clumsily as he liked her with wavy hair falling past her shoulders. Astrid reached up and started braiding his too. He ducked at first, but when she pulled on his dark auburn locks, he relented, sliding in a smooth apology kiss and dutifully sitting still. "I love you." Astrid told him, tying off the third braid. "You're terrible at styling my hair, but I love you."

"I love you too, milady. But can we go in now? I'm feeling especially wimpy."

"OK." She smiled, shaking her head at him. Hiccup rose, pulling her to her feet. "But first-" She shoved him over. His arms flailed and then he fell back into the puddle. He grazed his hands, but he didn't care, shoulders shaking in laughter.

"I _knew_ you were up to something." He threw himself at her legs and they were rolling again. Astrid scooped up handfuls of water whenever she could- as well a little bit of mud- and smothering him in it. Lots of mud, actually, so he was literally splattered from head to foot. She was splattered too, although not as drastically. "I am this close," He held up his hand, forefinger and thumb almost touching, "to catching that Death of Cold business."

"Awww, pity." She pouted mockingly, wiping mud from his chin and smearing it on his nose. "Wouldn't want my ickle Hiccup to catch his death of cold."

"Ickle?" He smirked, eyes especially green through the muck.

"Wimpy." Astrid translated, leaning forward teasingly. "Come on then, Mr. Sensitive."

"I am _not_ sensitive."

"_I've got a wet bum,_" She mimicked,"_I'm feeling especially wimpy, I am this close to catching that death of cold business._"

"_Wouldn't want my ickle Hiccup to catch his death of cold_." Hiccup replied instantly in a stupidly and falsely high voice. She aimed a kick at him; he nimbly danced out the way and sent water flying her way. "_I am _not_ cute, I want to be a dragon, I'm going to murder my husband if he doesn't shut up although I would be extremely lonely after that_."

"I don't even know why I bothered to marry you."

"Yes you do. You just admitted you do and I don't do that with my arms!"

"You just did!" Hiccup caught her by the wrists, laughing softly. Astrid hunched her shoulders, fresh and colder rain trickling down her back. "Yes, this is very serious." She nodded, wrinkling her nose. Hiccup copied and swung his arms back, hauling her forward and capturing her in a lingering kiss. Rain dripped from their lashes, slipped timidly down their cheeks and tumbled delicately from their chins. Neither seemed to notice. The rain was a million miles away and closer than ever; it was them and no-one else; it was them and the clouds thundering overheard; it was them and the lightning cracking; it was them with the hidden stars, the concealed moon, the ground beneath their feet, the puddles steadily conjoining into a small flood, well above their ankles now and filling their boots. Hiccup smiled against her lips and hugged her tighter. Astrid's arms locked themselves around his neck and he lifted her from the water, gently detaching himself and setting his forehead to hers.

"If you will stay with me..."

* * *

**Is this OK? I'm not feeling all that today, I feel like my brain's going to explode. **


	39. Chapter 39

**Thank you all so much for the responses on the last chapter! I really wasn't expecting such brilliant reviews, THANK YOU! ^_^**

* * *

Hiccup had set their clothes before the fire to dry overnight. Astrid was wrapped in his cloak, considering she was in a room of men and not exactly wearing anything. By the morning, they were mostly dry, a little damp on the cuffs of the sleeves. Hiccup rolled his sleeves up and smiled at her. "Go away, I'm changing."

"You're my wife."

"And?" She motioned for him to turn, glaring when he didn't. Hiccup held up his hands and turned his back. "I'm still cold."

"You need a hug from your lovely husband, that'd warm you up."

"Stay where you are." Astrid warned. Hiccup obeyed. Some of the other chiefs were waking up. The storm had moved on now, but the puddles were about ten times worse than they were last night. Some had leaked under the doors and Hiccup had had to barricade it with sandbags. "OK done." Astrid announced, moving to his side. "My boots are still wet though."

"Mine too."

"Boot."

"Shut up." He laughed, tying his cloak back around his shoulders. He smiled at her. "Your hair looks nice." She had undone his braids and her blonde tresses swung in waves and slight curls to her shoulders. "Keep it down." She shook her head, swishing her hair over one shoulder and running her fingers through it to detangle it. Hiccup sulked as she twisted it up in a messy bun.

"Oh, don't pull that face, you big baby." He flicked her arm. Erling came over as she punched him.

"Ah, the morning rituals of a young couple."

"No, just Astrid and her excellent communication skills."

"I will castrate you." Hiccup and Erling winced. "Where's breakfast? I'm starving."

"She gets crabby when she hasn't eaten." Hiccup hissed behind his hand to Erling. She heard all the same and swept his feet from under him in one swift kick. Erling peered down curiously at the fallen chief. "Yeah, don't mind me. About eighty percent of my life is spent defeated by Astrid." Erling nodded and smiled.

"Sounds about right. You've made a fine choice, Hiccup, she's good for you." Hiccup grinned proudly and blew a kiss to Astrid.

"I know." He said when she sauntered off for food. "She'll be the death of me, but strangely I don't mind."

* * *

Dagur made breakfast interesting. The wives were here too and they mothered Astrid a little, seeing as she was about twenty years their junior. But Dagur… he noticed the favouritism shown to Astrid and indirectly Hiccup too, what with them being that perfectly matched young couple from Berk, and vaulted onto the table before Hiccup, kicking away the younger chief's breakfast bowl.

"I challenge you!"

"For what _now_? And can you get down, I don't like my new eye level." Dagur planted his foot on Hiccup's chest and pushed him back in his seat. Hiccup gripped the edge of the table and frowned up at him. "Yes, very mature. Get down, you're making yourself look like even more of an idiot."

"I challenge you!" Dagur repeated, all but screaming at Hiccup. He was armed with a breakfast knife, nothing else. Hiccup sighed.

"For what? Berk? Dragons?"

"Your wife."

"Oh no you don't!" Astrid raged, stomping forward. A simple meal knife looked _far_ more deadly in hands than it did Dagur's. "I am no-one's prize, you can take a running jump!" Dagur drew back his arm, ready to throw the knife at her. Hiccup fell back, holding Dagur's ankle. With a startled cry, the deranged chief fell awkwardly, one foot still on the table. He smacked his head on the porridge bowl, the contents splattering across his helmet and shoulders. Hiccup sat up and hauled him to the floor, confiscating the knife.

"No you don't." He agreed, getting to his feet and stepping back when Dagur swiped at them. "This is pitiful, it really is." He stabbed the knife into the table and swivelled on his heel, strolling off to join his wife. He calmly prised her fingers from the blade and took her hand, giving a small smile. Dagur was up by that point, trying to pry his little weapon from the table. Porridge dripped down his back and onto his nose. He wiped it away irritably and growled.

Erling, Oncf and Jedzrej intervened then. They outnumbered and overwhelmed Dagur, briskly escorting him out. The knife was still in the table.

"I will get you, Hiccup!" Dagur shrieked. "I will get you and you will kiss these boots! YOU-WILL-KISS-THESE-BOOTS!" The doors swung shut.

"Good morning everyone." Hiccup announced. "Today's weather- porridge with a sprinkling of insanity and a cool breezy threat that will soon die down. Ow!" Astrid had pinched his arm.

"You pulled him off the table!"

"Yes…"

"I was going to do that!"

"I was closer."

"_I _was going to do that!"

"I am very sorry, milady." Hiccup assured, hand on heart and giving her a slight bow. Astrid stuck her tongue out at him, folding her arms and sharply turning her back on him. "Oh, don't be like that. You can get him next time. You know how desperate he is. _You will kiss these boots_!" He declared in an uncanny Dagur impersonation. Astrid bit her lip to stop herself from smiling and turned her nose up to show Hiccup he wasn't going to win that easily. Hiccup hummed thoughtfully, drumming his fingers on his chin. "Would it help if I said I put dragon nip in his boots?"

"You did?" Hiccup grinned slyly. Astrid faced him, placated. "Now I want to see _that_."

"I thought you might."

* * *

With the storm over, Astrid had to go off with the wives while Hiccup returned to the meeting. She detoured slightly to see if Dagur was still being held in the cells. They were bringing him up for the meeting when she arrived. Terrible Terrors were tumbling about his feet excitedly. He was kicking at them, but they were too quick for him, biting and clawing and breathing the occasional burst of flames. "Get off me, _get off me_!" Astrid pulled dragon nip from her belt pouch and whistled. The Terrors peered around interestedly and flew at her. She separated the small pile into three and they sat contentedly, one on each shoulder and one on her head. Dagur marvelled at her. He didn't get to say anything though as he was frog-marched out.

"Where did you get off to?" Oncf's wife, Galina, smiled. The Terrors were trotting behind Astrid dutifully, squawking at each other.

"Oh, just solving a little trouble." Astrid said airily. Galina hummed disbelievingly, her brown eyes glinting with amusement. She was in her late forties, dressed in a simply knee-length dress with a brown leather belt. Her dark hair was long and braided over one shoulder.

"Well, you're just in time all the same. We've made biscuits and I believe they are nearly done."

"Excellent. Let's not tell the men- and Hiccup."

"Aaww, don't be like that!" Odelia gushed. She was Jedzrej's wife, tall and a little on the heavy side. She was a kindly woman of forty-five, auburn hair in a trio of braids to her knees. Like Galina, she was clothed modestly, a purple dress and a cord of rope around her waist. Her blue eyes fixed on Astrid with a maternal warmth. "Your husband is so sweet, don't be mean."

"Someone has to keep him in line."

"Oh please. As if Hiccup was ever on the line!" Galina smiled. "But Odelia is right, Hiccup is brilliant! If I was younger…"

"Hey!" Astrid protested, trying not to laugh. "He may be an idiot, but he's still my husband! You behave yourself!"

"I _am_ behaving. I have to." Galina looked a little disappointed at this. "I'm past my time, Astrid; Oncf has little time for me at the moment. No matter what I try, he's just distant. Even after all our years together- near thirty years now! And I bore him three sons and four daughters! The cheek!"

"It's nothing to worry about." Astrid comforted. "Oncf's a man, they tend to have one thing on their minds anyway. And their egos." Galina nodded, a bit happier now. "Trust me, if it weren't for you, that ego would be below rock bottom."

"So true." Odelia patted Astrid on the shoulder. "Wise words, my child, very wise words. I shall remember them next time Jed ignores me."

"Why are they so distant?" They both shrugged. "I'll have words with them, I'll-"

"Don't trouble yourself, dearie. We can handle it."

"Let's talk about something else- maybe… how are things with Hiccup?" Odelia grinned slyly. Astrid felt heat rise in her cheeks. "We saw you in the rain yesterday. Left you two it, but he was singing to you. Young couples are always so cute!" She and Galina beamed at Astrid, who felt ready to melt. "You hold onto that one, Astrid, and make sure he knows who the boss is. Don't make the mistakes we did and listen to your parents about what makes a good wife."

"Yes." Hiccup said from behind Astrid, making her jump. "Aha! I got you! I got you, I got you!"

"You'd better run."

"Duly noted." He was gone and out the door like a flash. Astrid charged after him.


	40. Chapter 40

**Right, you're all going to have to bear with me at the moment. I haven't updated these past few days because I haven't really had everything straight and still don't. In advance, I'm sorry for any randomness, mistakes or if it's confusing, I don't even know what I'm doing right now.**

* * *

"It makes quite a nice change to have dinner cooked for me."

"What are you on about? I cook dinner for you!" Astrid protested. Hiccup pursed his lips, shaking his head and poking at his lamb with his fork. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Quality." Astrid kicked him under the table. Unfortunately, she was sitting on his left and caught his metal support instead, stubbing her toe. Hiccup looked amused so she pulled on his hair instead. "Ow ow ow... I lied, your cooking is the best, I'd rather starve than go without it."

"Good boy." She let him go.

"Here we are!" Oncf cheered. A small group of servants had wandered in, each bearing a large tray of mugs almost over-flowing with... Hiccup couldn't remember what it was called, but he knew the other chiefs were very fond of it. It was some slightly acoholic drink, not too strong, but spiced and extremely tasty. Even the women were allowed some of it. Astrid probably drank more than Hiccup.

"This or my yaknog?" She asked him when he had finally managed half. He blinked blearily. Chief Lightweight was back again. "Hiccup." Astrid prompted sternly. "This or my yaknog?"

"Yaknog." He croaked, not daring to say otherwise. Over the years, there had been no improvement whatsoever of her seasonal beverage. He was pretty sure it had gotten _worse, _which he hadn't thought possible. He would rather lose his other leg than tell her that though. He wasn't _that_ brave.

"You OK?" Astrid smirked.

"Yeah, I'm not... built for all... this..." He gestured absent-mindedly with his drink at everyone around him. His wife nodded in agreement and he frowned. He should have a sarcastic comeback here, but could he pull one up? Nope. Astrid drained the last of her drink and then asked if he was going to have his.

"Go on, Hiccup!" Erling beamed. "It's delightful!" A number of the chiefs and their wives chorused their agreement, mugs in the air. Hiccup mentally cursed and forced a mouthful down. There was a cheer and then laughter rumbled through the hall, bright and merry, swimming through the air like Arvin Dale's Fire.

It took Hiccup longer than all the other Vikings to finish his first drink. They were on their sixths and sevenths by that point, so they barely noticed. Astrid had had one more, keeping herself in check to tease Hiccup.

"Yes, I'm Chief Lightweight. We've already established that."

"No, it's cute!" Astrid laughed, pinching his cheek playfully. "Don't pull that face, it is! Besides, drunk you is _especially_ annoying; you're lucky I didn't string you up by your innards that time you came back from Snotlout's."

"Oh, that wasn't my fault."

"Mmm." She hummed, finishing her second and pushing it aside. Hiccup set his down too, catching a yawn in his hand. Astrid yawned too. "Dammit." She said around it, "Why do you do this to me?"

"Hey, you're just to weak to yawns."

"They're infectious, it's not my fault." Hiccup rose, excusing them. Erling alone noticed and waved his goodbyes, returning to his hearty conversation in a second. Hiccup offered his arm to her and they headed off to their chambers. He stumbled more than she did, giving her ammunition to pick on him. She kept veering off course, steering him into walls and such in an attempt to trip him up. Hiccup had to hop over her feet a few times to stop her attacking his articifical foot. "Why are you being so mean to me today?"

"I'm mean to you every day, stop whining." Astrid tugged on his hand and kissed his cheek. "Ah, here we are." He opened the door for her. She refused to go in.

"What?"

"Forgetting something?" She smiled, twisting her arm from his and crossing them over her chest. Hiccup rolled his eyes, dutifully moving to her side and scooping her up bridal style.

"You're so lazy."

"No, it's sweet." Hiccup dropped her unceremoniously onto the bed, yawning again and stretching. Astrid rolled over and off the other side of the bed. She landed on the floor with a soft thump and a burst of laughter. Hiccup crawled over to see if she was OK and she tried to pull him down. He sat back and huffed. She sat up too, only her head visible. "You're such a big baby."

"I like having my head on my neck, thank you. A non-severed neck, may I had."

"No you may not." She stood, kicking her boots off and into the far corner. Hiccup turned away as she changed into an old tunic of his and crawled under the furs. She was asleep within the minute, her hand stretched out towards him. Hiccup had the energy to disentangle himself from his cloak before collapsing next to her. Astrid mumbled sleepily. Hiccup gently pulled her to him and settled down.

He didn't wake until much later. Astrid wasn't there. He turned and felt her side of the bed, blearily staring around the room. Sunlight blared through the window, blinding him. He squinted and scrambled away. He nearly fell from the bed, regaining his balance at the last second with the support of the bedside table.

"Astrid?" He croaked, throat dry. He swallowed and called her again, a little louder. "Astrid, where are you?" He stumbled from the room and looked around. Oncf and Jedzrej were rushing down the corridor. "Morning." Hiccup waved, rubbing at his eyes with his other hand. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Dagur took Astrid."

"_What_?"

"We found this." Oncf held up a slightly crumpled scroll. Hiccup snatched and scanned it:

_Hiccup_

_If you want to see your precious wife unharmed, hand over leadership of Berk. _

_You have two days._

_And I want the Night Fury! Obey my demands or you shall never see your wife again, dead or alive! _

_Dagur_

"Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods..."

"Breathe."

"_He took Astrid_!"

"Do you really think Astrid would stand for that?" Oncf pointed out.

"But what if he hurt her or... or..."

"He said 'unharmed'. He's probably just holding her captive."

"But _where_? TOOTHLESS!" Hiccup yelled, scrunching the note against his palm and sprinting off. His Night Fury, ever loyal, was with him within seconds.

_If Dagur hurt her... _


	41. Chapter 41

**Remember that poll?**

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Astrid glared up at Dagur. He smirked at her. He knew that, if she could, he would be more than dead. Even his own mother wouldn't be able to recognise him. But she couldn't. He had her well too imprisoned for any chance of physical harm. She was locked in a room with six heavily armoured guards with a wide range of weapons in the room and three outside with another eight in two groups either end of the corridor. She was also chained to the wall, the chains going through loops on the wall. If she pulled on them, it tightened a thick leather strap about her neck and she would strangle herself. Her legs weren't chained, stuck under two pairs of thick bands bolted to the floor. Tight enough to make sure she couldn't escape, but not tight enough to stop blood flow, as Dagur had told her. "I wouldn't want a legless wife."

"_Excuse me_?"

"Well, when Hiccup gets here, he will try and get you back. There is no way that little _Hiccup_," He spat his foe's name, clenching his fists, "will get past my men."

"You'd be surprised." Astrid said confidently, tipping her chin to the ceiling. She took some satisfaction from watching him fume and turn scarlet in anger, but he could do nothing. He had issued orders for her not to be harmed. "You can call Hiccup weedy all you like; you _know _you're scared of him. You _know_ he will outsmart you and _that _is what you are _scared _of."

"_He-will-kiss-these-boots._" Dagur hissed vehemently. Astrid just hummed, turning her head to examine her nails disinterestedly. Dagur raised his fist, growled when he remembered his own orders and screamed in frustration. He took his leave, taking quite a few turns to slam the heavy metal door behind him. Astrid smiled to herself and then realised she was at spear point. From six directions.

"Oh please. As if you could scare me."

* * *

Toothless faltered. Hiccup glanced back; Toothless's tail was flapping wildly in the wind and it was taking all the dragon could to stay in the air.

"Hold on, bud!" He shouted over the winds, unbuckling and crawling back. The storm from a few days ago had travelled north, towards Dagur's island, and they were in the midst of it. Rain pelted down in thick, unyielding sheets, thunder ripped through his skull and lightnining danced around them. They weaved and ducked when they could, wary of the metal-lightning relationship, but it wasn't good enough. The roaring winds were just as powerful, slapping through the artificial tail like a blade through paper. Hiccup gripped the edge of the tail and pulled it up, relieved when he saw no other damage. Toothless beat his wings and rose, levelling out. Lightning cracked to their right, thunder rippling overhead seconds later. "Find Astrid!" Hiccup called back, controlling the tail like he had so many years ago when they first started flying. Toothless's reply was almost lost in the scream of the storm, but Hiccup heard and knew enough to understand.

More lightning. Toothless howled in dismay, cringing away. Hiccup shouted encouragments, a bolt tearing the air inches before his face. "Keep going, bud! You're doing great!" Toothless whined. "That's it!" Hiccup yelled. "Good dragon! Think of the fish!" He had bribed Toothless with as much fish as he could catch when they got back to Berk. And pie. Toothless had taken a liking to pie. "Fish pie!" Hiccup called. Toothless roared happily and his speed picked up. Hiccup smiled grimly, pushing his dripping hair from his eyes. He lifted the tail and they turned right. He mimicked the movements of Toothless's real tail, only taken sudden control when lightning snapped from the heavens. "For the love of your father, Thor, stop it! Trying to save my wife here!"

Toothless cried out. Hiccup peered over his shoulder and saw the dragon's ears move this way and that. How he could hear anything other than the storm, Hiccup didn't know, but he mentally saluted him for it. Toothless leant left; Hiccup adjusted the tail and the Night Fury dived. The air rushed from Hiccup's lungs and he held on as best he could. Toothless straightened up just before Hiccup felt like he was going to suffocate.

They landed. Hiccup rolled off and they hurried under the shelter of an overhanging rock slab. Hiccup shook the water from his hair while Toothless did the same with his scales. He blew fire on the ground, curling about and lying down. Hiccup sat next to him. "You're a good dragon." Toothless cooed. "Yes, I know you know." He reached into one of the saddlebags and pulled out a slightly damp pair of Astrid's long-lookers- her new name for them. He couldn't see much through the rain, but with these, he could get the barest glimpse of the outline of the Berserker camps and buildings. Toothless grumbled at him, biting toothlessly on his sleeve and tugging. "What?" Hiccup asked curtly, not looking around. Toothless snorted and smacked him with his ear. Hiccup looked down then, the slap stinging more with the cold. It was then that he noticed how badly he was shivering. Toothless puffed a ball of fire at his feet and warmth washed over him. Hiccup placed his palm against his dragon's nose, smiling weakly. "Thanks, bud. You're the best." Toothless gave a gummy smile.

* * *

"Oy. _Oy_. Fatty. By the door. No, not you, the other one. Yes, _you_. Nice moustache. My nan had one just like it." The guard bristled, his grip tightening on his spear. Astrid grinned. She _loved_ testing her limits and how best to test them immobilised in a locked room with armed guards everywhere? "And you, buttface. Did your mum give you that skirt or did you make it yourself? For future reference though..." She _tsk_ed and shook her head. "Not with those shoes, hun." He snarled at her, drawing his sword. "Or that attitude. You, keep your little dog in check. I'd hate to be accused of animal abuse." There were a series of heavy thuds on the door.

"Who is it?" One of the Berserkers grunted. There was a slight pause and then;

"Yal." Astrid bit her lip and bowed her head to hide a smile. She knew Hiccup's impression of Stoick better than Stoick himself. It passed though. The guard with his mother's skirt undid all the locks and swung the door open. Astrid expected maybe Toothless or a sarcastic quip or a clever Hiccup-trick. She did _not_ expect a spearhead being rammed through the skirt man's throat.

The other men were too stunned to act for a moment. Why would Yal attack Gabe?

Hiccup put his foot against the man's stomach and kicked him back, yanking his stolen spear back. Toothless roared in the distant and he heard plasma blasts ringing off the walls. Astrid stared at him. This was Angry Hiccup, but there was more to it, _far_ more to it. Blood had splattered over his face, soaked his left arm to the elbow and painted the front of his tunic scarlet. The emerald eyes that had always clicked on her with love and respect could have been the eyes of a wild beast.

The five remaining began to gather their very little wits. Two of them armed themselves with swords, the third fumbled with his spear and the other two struggled to figure out what they were supposed to do now. Hiccup didn't give any of them- armed or not- a chance. He darted forward, a crimson-green blur. He ducked under a wide sword swing, impaling his weapon up and through the man's armpit, driving it straight through his lungs. Astrid heard the handle shuddering off of ribs. Hiccup left his spear there, snatching up the sword and kicking aside his second victim. The third and fourth advanced, sword and spear against sword. Hiccup made worryingly quick work of them too, dancing around the third and slashing a big grin across the back of his legs. He crumpled and the fourth whipped his blade at the Berkian. Hiccup deflected, forcing his opponent's arm around. He grabbed his wrist and twisted sharply. There was a crack of bone and the man cried out.

Number Five was stalking the edge of the cell, juggling his sword from hand to hand. Six had run forward to intercept while Three tried to fight with his other hand. Hiccup easily avoided Three's clumsy stabs and disarmed him. He caught the sword before it hit the ground, parried with Six and cut Three's throat in quick succession, like he had done it a million times before. Astrid wasn't even sure if this was her husband, it was just so... so... was she dreaming?

Toothless appeared in the doorway, weary but unhurt. Five instantly surrendered, dropping all weapons and falling to his knees, almost knocking himself out on the floor when he bowed deeply. Six hesitated and then advanced, gritting his teeth beneath his helmet. He swnug at Hiccup who secured the enemy blade in the curve of his own. He brought his other sword up and across, dispatching Six.

He raised a sword at Five, who was muttering into the concrete. Blood and gore fell in steady drops from the tip.

"Keep him there." Hiccup ordered. Toothless snapped his jaws in agreement, teeth bared. Hiccup discarded of both weapons and set to work freeing his wife. "Are you OK? Did Dagur hurt you?"

"Who _are_ you?" He blinked at her. Astrid reached up and smeared blood from his face onto her fingertips. Hiccup noticed, feeling his face. "What happened, what did you do, what did I miss?"

"Um..." He half-turned and surveyed the destruction. He looked confused, rubbing his bloodied fingertips against his thumb in thought. He looked at her, the unusual seriousness and rage flooding back in. "I'm getting you out of here."

"And Dagur?" Toothless snorted and snarled. Five whimpered, cowering more. "My gods, what- where has this side of you come from?" He smiled grimly.

"I've a few secrets."

"I can tell." He helped her to her feet, giving them both a weapon each. Her legs were numb, but she managed to stand. "I think we've swapped roles." He raised a brow at her. "I was being annoying and you were being... violent. I quite like it."

"You would. You. Look at me." Five sobbed, but he obeyed. "What's your name?"

"T-T-Tac-i-tus, s-s-sir."

"Tacitus." Hiccup said. "Get up." Tacitus nodded, shakily getting to his feet. "Toothless, to me." The Night Fury circled back. "Tacitus. You've got two options. Come back to Berk a prisoner to be tried for keeping the chief's wife prisoner. Or you can go to Dagur and explain what happened here. I'm sure he'd _love_ to hear that."

"I... I will... w-wi-wi-will c-c-com-come w-w-wi-wit-with y-y-y-you, s-s-sir."

"Good." He retrieved some rope from Toothless's saddlebag. "Turn." He instructed. Tacitus did. Hiccup bound his hands together behind his back. "Led the way out. Any funny business and you'll regret it, understand?" Tacitus nodded. Hiccup kept him at sword point, taking Astrid's hand and following. Toothless brought up the rear.

Astrid got a final look at the bloody mess left behind. She knew Hiccup said he would do anything for her, but _killing_ had never really come under that _anything_. She didn't know what to make of it. It was _him_, her husband, her Hiccup, yet... it wasn't. _She_ was the one to dish out death and destruction, not him. He was the peace keeper, the joker. Looking him over, Astrid tried to figure out what had happened. Dagur had admitted to spiking their drinks with a herb that made them sleep for longer, deep sleep. After that... something must have snapped in Hiccup, something _big_.

_I've a few secrets_, he had said. Astrid bit the inside of her cheek. She needed to know what those secrets were now. _Needed_ to.

"Hiccup?"

"Mm?"

"Was this your plan?"

"I kind of... improvised."

"You barged in?"

"No-one takes my wife from me and gets away with it." Astrid made to say something when she spotted a familiar figure from the corner of her eye. Dagur stumbled to a halt.

"You're right, Hiccup. No-one takes me and gets away with it." She let Hiccup's hand go, hefted her sword and screamed. Dagur paled, staggered and ran. Astrid sprinted after him, catching up in seconds. Toothless pulled on Tacitus's bindings and they all stopped to watch.

Astrid threw her sword. It flipped over, the handle smacking into the back of Dagur's head. He fell off course and she tackled him to the ground, pinning his arms above his head. "Hello, _Dagur_. Want to take _me_ as your _wife_ still?" She kept his hands trapped with one of her own, drawing back her fist. Dagur shook his head, but still got a hefty punch. Bone crunched under her knuckles and blood spurted from his nose. "What's that, Dagur? I can't hear you?"

"N-no... no!"

"You'll have to speak up. I can't really hear cowards." She hit him again, harder. He screamed and pushed his head back, smacking it repeatedly against the stone floor. Again and again until he lost consciousness. "Let's hang him up where his men can see. Have you got more rope?" Hiccup already held it. "Ah, you know me so well." Astrid grinned slyly. She knotted the rope about Dagur's wrists, stomping on his ribs for good measure. She dragged him, stubbornly refusing to let Hiccup or Toothless help, all the way out, up a rocky cliff-face and to the top. There, she strung him up in the bare branches of a tree, right on the edge. Dagur groaned, stirring as pain ripped through his face and chest. "You remember this, Dagur the Dumbass." Astrid spun him. "I certainly will."

* * *

**Oh gods, I don't know, I don't know. I've got a three hour exam tomorrow and I'm dreading it. Is this OK? **


	42. Chapter 42

**To Nightfury153- I like throwing in random plot twists, it keeps things... interesting? Annoying? Take your pick :P And you can't send me to my room! I am an adult, I AM THE ALPHA! :D **

**Did I reply to the other reviews? I can't remember- if I haven't, I'm really sorry! I'm just having a bit of a tough time keeping things straight.**

* * *

"And then she was all bam, smack, kapow! And then Dagur started crying, it was brilliant."

"And once again, you're avoiding the interesting bit."

"What interesting bit?" Hiccup met her gaze evenly, but she could see he was worrying. What he had done, that had been a whole other side to him, one of his mysterious, very locked up _secrets_ and he was terrified what she thought of him now. Astrid didn't know what to think. On one hand, he had killed for _her_. On the other, he had _killed _for her.

Instead of answering him and their parents, she waved it aside, smiling knowingly. Hiccup silently thanked her with a small smile.

"Oh no, you have to tell us now." Hildegard demanded, pointing from one to the other warningly. Astrid took her mother's hand and smiled sweetly.

"No."

"Grounded." Fenrir growled.

"You can't ground me." Hiccup defied.

"I can." Valka and Stoick said together.

"You can't either, I'm the chief." Stoick reached out and gave Hiccup what was meant to be a playful shove, but as usual, he underestimated his son's weight and balance and Hiccup went sprawling. "Ow." He groaned as they laughed. Toothless appeared to help him back up, flicking his tail around to send the others back. "Good dragon," Hiccup praised, "at least _someone_ gives me respect in this house." He didn't give them a chance to reply, walking out with his head held high, Toothless at his side. "Ah, bud..." He sighed. "What am I going to do?" Toothless cooed softly, nudging his rider's arm affectionately. He knocked Hiccup onto his back and spread his wings. Hiccup adjusted his artificial foot and they took to the skies, shooting up and up until Berk looked nothing more than a toy.

Hiccup yelled then. One long uninterrupted yell of torment and hate. Toothless roared too, sharing and understanding the chief's agony.

Why did he kill them? He _knew_ why, but there could have been another way around it, there _had_ to have been another way. He should have disabled them, knocked them unconscious, broke Astrid out. _What devil possessed him to leave that kind of carnage in his wake_? It had been a week since then, a day since they returned to Berk. He couldn't sleep, he barely tasted his food, every conversation or smile was forced and felt sickening to him. It felt like _years_ had passed. It felt like it was yesterday, this morning, _just now_. It was in his head, _it wouldn't go_.

Toothless dipped up and down to get his attention. Hiccup pulled on his hair sharply with one hand, patting Toothless half-heartedly with the other. A rumble went through the Night Fury, gentle and considerate, concerned. Hiccup flopped back and exhaled slowly, staring up at the endless blue above him. Wisps of clouds swam here and there, pale spirals of freedom, uncaring of the world beneath. "Thor, strike me down now, what in Odin's name am I supposed to do?" Toothless growled, beating his wings harder to stay airborne. Hiccup muttered a curse and propepd himself up on his elbows. "Now this seems familiar." He said. "Last time, though, you were wearing a creepy mask." Cloudjumper bowed his head and Valka expertly swung down using her hooked staff, landing behind her son. Toothless tipped forward to keep them both balanced, happily howling a hello to Cloudjumper. "Can I help you, mother dearest?"

"First of all, drop the sarcasm. Second, why did you go off like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like Panic Hiccup."

"What?" She huffed, as though it were obvious.

"Your father and I have figured out many things together, from what he has told me of your childhood and of what I have seen these past few years."

"Like what?"

"Like how up here," She touched his hair, curling a lock around her finger, "is organised chaos." Hiccup looked over his shoulder at her, frowning. "I've talked to Astrid too. We all agree on a few things." He raised a brow expectantly. "We've got Hiccup, Happy Hiccup, Angry Hiccup, Panic Hiccup and a few others."

"OK... what?" Valka sighed.

"Don't worry about it. Just tell me what's going on up here." She pulled a little on his hair and let him go.

"Well, which Hiccup would you like to ask?"

"Hiccup."

"I don't know."

"Don't lie to your mother."

"I'm not."

"You are." Valka pinched his arm warningly. Hiccup tugged discreetly on Toothless's saddle and the dragon rolled instantly. Valka managed to hook her staff around the joint of the Night Fury's wing and swung herself up and back onto Cloudjumper.

"Show off."

"What really happened when you went to get Astrid?" Hiccup clenched his jaw. "Talk to me." He shook his head. With a signal to Toothless, they fell like a stone. Cloudjumper, being bigger and heavier, moved slower, but dropped faster. "Do you really expect to out-run your mother?" Valka called.

"No!" Hiccup leant right and Toothless spiralled away. He disappeared into a large swarm of clouds, pulling his helmet from the saddle bag and sliding it on one-handedly. Cloudjumper roared behind them. Toothless stayed quiet, sensing his rider's distress. "Disappear, bud." Toothless cricked his neck determinedly and put on a burst of speed, the wind whistling sharply as he did so. He turned this way and that, Hiccup leaning forward for extra speed. Cloudjumper's calls got quieter and quieter. Toothless swooped up and out the clouds. Hiccup glanced back and could see the clouds being churned up by the Stormcutter's quadruple wingset, a good mile back. Hiccup sighed in relief. "Thank you, bud."

"And where are you going?"

"Oh gods..." Astrid smirked at him.

"We're not stupid, Hiccup. We do know when something's amiss." Toothless chortled to Stormfly, who squawked cheerily in return, loop-the-looping excitedly. Astrid hung on, her hood swinging up over her eyes. "I know what happened isn't sitting right with you." Astrid said firmly once she had recovered. "Let's got to Itchy Armpit- stupid name- and talk about this."

"I- there's nothing- I don't want- Astrid, please-"

"Hiccup. I am not taking no for an answer."

"Will you take a long and rambling excuse that probably won't make sense anyway?"

"No."

"I'm not taking no as an answer either."


	43. Chapter 43

**To Gorganzola- Thank you! I will try, I've just been writing like that for so long, I'm kind of stuck with it, but I will try! Sorry for any confusion! My exam went OK, I think, I won't know until August, I'm hoping for a C ^_^ **

* * *

"Hiccup? You here?" There was a clash from the back of the workshop followed by a series of childish curses. Astrid ducked beneath the curtain to see her husband scraping together chunks of what had to be all the pots on the shelves and their contents. "Are you OK?" Hiccup nodded absent-mindedly, muttering something about tripping. Astrid stooped to help him. She hadn't seen him all morning and she didn't remember him coming to bed last night either. Looking at him now, he was pale with deep shadows under his eyes, almost like bruises. He had more cuts on his hands and arms than usual and his desk was covered in ink stains, crumbled sheets of paper and broken pencils. "Hiccup?" Astrid asked once the mess was cleared away. He was sweeping the floor. "What's going on?"

"I've just got a lot to do right now and-"

"That doesn't mean you miss eating and sleeping. Or spending time with your kids. Ingrid keeps asking where you are."

"Around." He muttered, setting the broom against the wall and ignoring it when it clattered to the floor. Astrid kicked it aside as he sat at his desk, pulling all manners of sheets towards him and frowning. She looped her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. He made no move to acknowledge she was there. She didn't say anything at first, examining the paperwork with him. Figures, complaints and to-do lists swam towards her, overwhelming. Not one had been ticked as completed.

"Come home. For lunch and a sleep, please."

"I've got work to do, I can't." She bit her lip. He got in these moods quite a lot over the last few weeks- work seemed to come first and she could do nothing to draw him away from it. Hiccup didn't seem to notice her annoyance or disappointment at this, looking for a pencil that wasn't broken.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Uh-huh."

"You're not... freaking out about what happened, are you?"

"What'd you mean?"

"With... um... Dagur's... men and..." He said nothing, confirming what had been on her mind for a while now. "Hiccup."

"There were other ways. And I can't change it." His fists clenched and he turned his head away from her. Astrid moved around him, gently catching his face in her hands. Those usually cheery, cheeky vibrant eyes were dull and angry, self-hatred in every fleck. She didn't say anything to him, embracing him. Hiccup leant his forehead against her shoulder, his own drooping in defeat. He only let himself sit quietly for a moment though. He drew away carefully, kissing her forehead and taking his leave without a word. Astrid watched him go, unsure what to do. She should ask for advice, but then that would mean telling her mother or his mother or Gothi or... anyone really and he would hate that, hate _her_ for that. She couldn't lose him. He couldn't lose her. The fight, the scarlet scene they had left behind, was destroying him; losing her would kill him.

* * *

Hiccup had a Tribe Council Meeting after lunch. He sat with his father, Gobber, Spitelout, Hackett, Rangvald and a few other men- farmers, shepherds, bakers, fishermen. He tried to include everyone in the Council so the meetings would be fair, but it was hardwork sometimes. Each man thought his trade was the most important and settling disputes between them took time and energy he didn't always have, especially now. He concealed yawn after yawn from everyone but his father and Gobber, who sat either side of him and constantly nudged him to pay attention. He had barely said two words since the meeting began, hearing even less as the tradesmen bickered back and forth over funding, supplies, issues and, of course, who had it toughest and who had the most important, difficult job going. Hiccup wasn't even sure if _they_ were hearing each other, but he didn't really care at that point. He wondered where Toothless was, probably out chasing Terrible Terrors or playng Tug-o-War with Stormfly and a branch or terrorizing Cloudjumper in his endearing way.

"Hiccup!" Stoick cut in sternly. Hiccup startled and frowned at his father groggily. Stoick frowned back, equally concerned and annoyed. "Rangvald was talking to you."

"Sorry. What?" It took him a few seconds longer to locate Rangvald than usual. There was a seating plan for meetings- Hiccup had had to draw one up to stop fights. Rangvald was directly opposite him, between Hackett and a fuming fisherman, Ivan, who was glaring daggers at Not-so-silent Silent Sven.

"Gothi says a storm is on the way. Bucket agrees."

"How long?"

"About a week."

"Get in as many supplies as you can, reinforce barns and... someone make sure the twins don't get out. Ivan, other fishermen people..." Hiccup stared unseeingly in their general direction, partially aware of his father watching him. "You go out, take some dragons to scare up fish and stuff, stock up. Farmers, shepherds- eggs, milk, wool, keep the Terrors away from the eggs, they've taken a liking. I suggest putting thick baskets and lots of straw. They don't like straw. Bakers, bread. Pies. Cakes. Whatever you can. If you need more ingredients, set up trade with whoever has that stuff."

"Hiccup?" Rangvald said uncertainly. Hiccup's gaze flicked back to him, heavy and exhausted. "Are you alright?"

"Fine. Thanks. Gobber, you're in charge of your apprentices and any woodsmith-carpenters; build up the barns and the Great Hall against the storm in case it's a bad one."

"You don't look well, Hiccup." Gobber told him.

"I'm fine. Storm damage preventions." Hiccup prompted. Gobber didn't look too happy with being brushed off, but nodded all the same. "Anything else?"

"Sven rustled some of my sheep!"

"Oooh, no I didn't!" Sven protested shrilly. Hiccup winced, putting his head in his hands. Sven and another shepherd started to argue, Sven screaming blue murder and shouting louder than necessary. Hiccup preferred it when he was silent. "I've my own sheep, why would I need your filthy beasts?"

"I raise my sheep far better than you ever will, Sven, and you know it! Just admit you stole some!"

"I'd never steal such little trolls!"

"Felix," Hiccup cut in, addressing the other shepherd, "how many are you saying he took exactly?"

"Eight, sir."

"Sven, you've got... fifty right? Including the black sheep?"

"Seventy now, sir. They've been breeding."

"Likely excuse! He stole my sheep!"

"How do you know it was him? What if they wandered off somewhere or it was someone else?"

"I heard from a very reliable source that it was him!"

"I hate it when people say reliable source." Hiccup grumbled to himself. "How many sheep do you have in total?"

"Sixty."

"Anyone helping you with them?"

"My two sons."

"Did they see anything?"

"No, sir, I asked them."

"Did you see anything?" Felix hesitated. Hiccup waited. Sven looked ready to say something; a look from Stoick kept him quiet. "Go back, count your sheep, and if the eight are still missing, let me know." Felix nodded. "Anything else? Spitelout, how are Snotlout and Waiola?" Spitelout smiled, something Hiccup was sure he had never seen before. He started to tell Hiccup that the newly married pair were settling into their new home really well and had almost finished organizing their furniture and belongings the way they- Waiola- wanted. Snotlout had never been happier and neither had Hookfang, who was getting buttered and spiced fish for breakfast, his new favourite meal of the day. "They're going to look for a dragon this weekend for Waiola, but she thinks they're going on a picnic." Hiccup nodded, having only heard half of what Spitelout had said. He would have to visit Snotlout later, see how the honeymoon period was going. The wedding itself had been great and Snotlout hadn't fainted, which was good, and Waiola didn't say no, which was better, although Snotlout _had_ looked he was going to faint at that point.

Hiccup let the meeting continue. Trades and the upcoming storm, dragon tips, fathering tips, husbanding tips. Teasing, arguing, demands of food and drink from the women in the other room. Astrid came out to see how things were going, Ingrid at her heels carrying a small plate of bread rolls. Sneezy was learning to fly and could hover about a foot off the ground when he tried. Ingrid had taught him that with very enthusiastic arm waving, something Astrid liked to tease Hiccup about with a few very inaccurate impersonations.

"Look, Daddy!" Ingrid said proudly. "I didn't drop them!" Hiccup smiled weakly, sliding the plate onto the table and setting his daughter on his knee.

"Attagirl, Ingrid." Sneezy crashed into his knee. Ingrid giggled. Hiccup leant down to pick the small dragon up, who was now slightly bigger than his hand, and set him in Ingrid's lap. She offered him a bread roll, which Hiccup had to accept considering she had carried them in so brilliantly.

"Daddy, are you OK?" Hiccup nodded slowly. "You have funny shapes here." She pulled at her face, her fingers under her eyes and then made a face at him. "Mammy says it's because you need sleep. She says you are crazy too."

"I am always crazy."

"You've got that right." Astrid said at his shoulder, taking the butterknife from his hand and turning it, so he held it by the handle rather than the blade. Hiccup stared at it, trying to figure out when he picked it up and then why he had been trying to cut his roll with the handle.

"Where's Al?"

"With my mother. He's got a cold coming on and she's treating him to honey and warm yak's milk." Hiccup nodded again. Stoick slid the butter toward him and he mumbled his thanks. Sneezy sneezed. Ingrid petted him reassuringly, butter and bread crumbs smeared across her cheeks. She didn't go back with Astrid when the women left and no-one said anything against her being there, except Hackett who grimaced disapprovingly. Ingrid didn't notice, throwing bread crumbs up in the air for Sneezy to half-jump, half-flap desperately to get. Hiccup watched the arc of the crumbs as they left her small hand and disappeared somewhere down the table. Sneezy only managed to catch a couple, having to scramble and slid on his claws along the surface, knocking over goblets and scattering papers to get his food. He ended up munching happily on a plate of sausages. Hiccup didn't say anything to Ingrid, quite content to lazily watch the little dragon play and hear his daughter's sneaky giggles rather than acknowledge the frowns and confused looks sent his way.

Around Sneezy sneezing and making a mess and stealing food, the meeting continued. Hiccup propped his head up on his hand, elbow on the table, eyes roving from one speaker to the next, watching their lips move and not hearing anything at all. Stoick and Gobber kept poking him. He didn't notice those either. Ingrid peered up at him once or twice; upon seeing he was in La-La Land, she left him to it, but she was too young to understand otherwise. She was just happy watching her little dragon wreak havoc everywhere.

"Hiccup!" Hiccup closed his eyes as his ears rang. About a dozen men had bellowed his name together and the shouts bounced around the hall, Sven's shriek included.

"Yes?" He asked, eyes still shut.

"Daddy, you should go home. You look ill."

"I'm fine, Ingrid." He looked at the Council then. "Are we done here? I've classes to get to."

"Can I come?" Ingrid brightened. Hiccup nodded and she clapped excitedly, calling for her dragon. She slid from her father's lap and he stood, stretching. How long had the meeting gone on for this time? Was he late for his classes at the Academy? He hoped not. Astrid would have hunted him down anyway, she knew how much he dreaded Council Meetings with the more often than not pointless arguments and Sven's practically inhuman voice.

Sneezy curled around Ingrid's shoulders, a string of sausages clamped in his jaws and trailing to the floor. Hiccup led his daughter out, the rumble of the Vikings still seated sounding distant and unhappy. "When will I be in a class?" Ingrid demanded, rushing to catch up with him. Her small fingers curled around his and she smiled up at him. "I have my own dragon!"

"I know you do. Best to wait until you're both a bit older though." She pouted and kicked a stone. "You will be in a class, don't worry. And I can teach you at home too." She smiled again at that. Sneezy sneezed.

* * *

He was only a few minutes late for his class. Some of the students were still straggling in. They were eight and nine year olds, a mix of boys and girls as Hiccup liked to encourage equality and respect for each other and to teach the older kids how to be nicer to the younger kids. Ingrid waved at those she recognised, Sneezy sneezed some more and Hiccup took his place at the front of the class, waiting for them all to be seated. He stared at them for a minute. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what this class had been learning last time.

"Mr. Hiccup, sir? Are you OK?"

"Nadders." He said.

"What?"

"I was teaching you about Nadders, wasn't I?"

"No, we finished Nadders, sir." A girl piped up, playing with her auburn braid nervously. "You said we were moving on to Monstrous Nightmares today."

"I did." Hiccup agreed, not actually remembering. "What do we know about Nightmares then?"

"They set themselves on fire!" A boy at the back offered a little too happily. Hiccup hoped the twins never met this boy.

Looking them over, their features blurred together and he couldn't string their names together. They probably noticed this. He probably said the wrong name here and there and he never got their names wrong.

"Mr. Hiccup chief sir, are you sure you're OK?" One of them questioned, moving forward to look up at him curiously. Hiccup stared down.

"Yes." He decided.

"Daddy." Ingrid tugged on his trouser leg. "Daddy, Sneezy's stuck." She pointed up. Sneezy had somehow flapped his way up to rest on the top of the large door to Hookfang's pen. Hiccup blinked at the small dragon, who was pacing back and forth and cawing unhappily. He sighed. "Daddy, you get him down please?"

"Yes." He repeated. "Toothless!" The Night Fury lifted his head from his nap, cooing questioningly. "Here, bud." The black dragon stretched and yawned, unfurling his wings. His teeth made a momentary appearance and then he bounded happily to his rider, gurgling and licking his face affectionately. Hiccup led him to the door, standing on Toothless's head and coaxing Sneezy down. "Hey, Sneezy. How'd you get up here, huh?" The little dragon sneezed, crawling up Hiccup's arm and winding around his neck. Toothless eased him down and Sneezy flapped clumsily back into Ingrid's awaiting arms.

"Thank you, Daddy! You may do the teach now!"

"Good to know." Hiccup scratched Toothless under the chin in gratitude. "OK, so what do we know about Nightmares?"

"You already asked that question, Hiccup, sir." Hiccup massaged his jaw, sharing a look with Toothless. He was saved by Snotlout and Waiola swooping in on Hookfang, who burst into flame to the amazement of the children. Toothless roared hello and bumbled forward to jump playfully around the Nightmare. Hookfang snapped and clawed with the game, the two riders sliding from the saddle. The two dragons tumbled away, play-fighting.

"Hey, Hiccup." Snotlout grinned. He looked much happier than Hiccup had ever seen him, hand-in-hand with Waiola. "How's it going?"

"Very well." Hiccup nodded. "You can teach them now, considering you're the Nightmare expert around here." Snotlout smiled thankfully as Waiola cast an impressed look over him. Hiccup smiled weakly in return, waving Toothless, Ingrid and Sneezy to the side of the arena and sitting in a group, leaning against his dragon. Ingrid curled up in his lap, her back to his stomach, with Sneezy looped over her legs. Snotlout snapped his fingers and Hookfang returned to his side.

"The Monstrous Nightmare," He announced proudly, "is the most fearsome dragon in the known world." Toothless growled in disagreement. Snotlout ignored him, drawing the attention of the children and teaching them all how to care for a Nightmare, train him, befriend him, the whole works.

"Don't worry, bud." Hiccup patted Toothless's shoulder. "I think you're pretty fearsome. Pretty and fearsome, but mostly pretty fearsome." Toothless grunted contentedly, putting his chin on his claws and going back to sleep. Hiccup slumped back against the dragon's warm hide, Ingrid giggling every time Sneezy sneezed and fell from feeble attempts at flying. He was sat in the shade and was amazed at Snotlout's teaching skills. Waiola was too, clearly, and she kept questioning him more than the children, testing him, testing his knowledge and just being testing anyway.

"Now, let's see how you manage." Snotlout had the pupils line up and each take a turn greeting Hookfang and petting him. "Hiccup, look! Hiccup?"

"Daddy." Ingrid half-turned and patted her father's cheek. "Daddy, wakey wakey." Snotlout and Waiola went over to inspect, kneeling either side of the chief. Hiccup was fast asleep, breathing even and shallow. "Daddy."

"Hiccup." Waiola called, shaking him by the shoulder. Hiccup stirred and opened his eyes a fraction. "Maybe you should go home and rest." But he was already asleep again.

"He won't sleep at home." Ingrid told them. "Mammy said he sits up all night working."

"Why?"

"Don't know."

"Well, we'll leave him for now. Keep an eye on him for me."

"Yes Snotface."

"Snot_lout_." Snotlout corrected patiently while Waiola burst into laughter. "And you're not helping." He told her.

"Oh, I am telling all the kids to call you that now."

"Yeah, love you too."

* * *

Hiccup was still asleep when the lesson ended. He awoke long enough to see Waiola and Snotlout take off on Hookfang and then that was it. He went back to sleep against Toothless. His next class, Ingrid and Sneezy couldn't wake him up. Toothless couldn't either when they managed to wake him without being plasma blasted.

In the end, Bjorn Junior ran to his father who, in turn, fetched Astrid. If anyone could wake the chief, it was his wife.

"HICCUP HADDOCK!" Astrid yelled, marching into the arena. Stormfly trailed behind her, amused and squawking happily at all the children and Toothless. "HICCUP!" She shouted, kicking his leg. He startled awake, blinking rapidly. Ingrid snickered, Sneezy on her shoulder.

"Astrid?"

"YUP!"

"Will you stop shouting?"

"NOPE!" She threw out her hand. When he didn't react, she stooped and yanked him to his feet rather harshly. "WAKE UP!"

"I am..."

"HOME! RIGHT NOW!"

"But this lot-"

"I WILL TEACH THEM! YOU GO HOME, GO TO SLEEP, THAT IS AN ORDER!"

"You can't-"

"YES I CAN, I AM YOUR WIFE, I WILL DO WHAT I WANT, NOW GO!" She shoved him towards the exit. "TOOTHLESS, MAKE SURE HE GETS THERE!" Toothless growled at her- _no need to shout at me-_ but obeyed.

"Mammy, you mean." Ingrid laughed.

"When you're older, Ingrid, I'll teach you how to keep men in line."

"Shout at them." Ingrid translated. Astrid nodded once and then faced the class, triumphant and smug. "I shout at Daddy too?"

"If you want to."

* * *

**Sorry if this chapter is long-winded and such, I'm just trying to think my way through a few things. **


	44. Chapter 44

**This is not the idea I had, just a filler chapter. If it is poopie, I apologise and the usual sorry for spelling and stuff 'cos of WordPad.**

* * *

"Hey, ssh. Ssh, Al, it's OK. Daddy's here." Astrid opened her eyes a fraction and then fully when she saw Hiccup had his back to her. He sat on the edge of the bed, head bent and arms cradling his small son. Alastor grumbled, his small fist making a momentary appearance past his father's elbow. "Just a bad dream, little buddy, don't you worry." He gently rocked the infant. Astrid could see her son's blond tufts of hair every other soothing swing. Alastor's timid complaints silenced rather quickly. Hiccup stood carefully, tucking the blankets about the tot without waking him. Astrid almost closed her eyes and watched him discreetly. Hiccup kissed Alastor's forehead before setting him softly in his cot, checking on Ingrid afterwards and nodding to himself when finding she was still asleep.

Astrid shut her eyes completely, expecting him to come back. There was a slight pause and then the pad-click combination of his mismatched feet down the stairs. She sat upright then, frowning. She heard the chair scrape against the floor, Toothless muttering sleepily and a minimised plasma blast. Flames snapped and crackled and the chair was moved back in again. She threw back the covers. Sprang from the bed. Reached the top of the stairs and...

Stopped.

Crouching, she could see Hiccup from here. He was going over paperwork, the fire and a couple of candles keeping the darkness at bay. He had his surviving pencil in his left and three letters in his right, spread like a fan to read them better. He set them on the table a minute later, rifling through the mess to find a mostly uncrumpled sheet of blank paper. He started scribbling a response, crossing out words and rewriting sentences.

She took three steps down, bare feet sliding noiselessly across the wood. She stopped, crouching once more. Toothless raised his head and blinked at her. Astrid put a finger to her lips and he yawned, turning and going back to sleep. Hiccup gave his dragon the barest of glances, scrunching his messy letter in one hand and throwing it onto the fire.

"You should be sleeping." He startled to his feet, the chair falling back with an almighty clatter. Toothless's ears laid flat to his head and he growled disapprovingly, but didn't turn. Hiccup stared at her, trying to figure out how and when she had got there. "Hiccup." Astrid dropped forward and held his face in her hands. "Look at you," She sighed, tracing her thumbs over the dark shadows under his eyes, "you _need_ to sleep."

"I-I... I was... working and..."

"That can wait until the morning. Come on." She took his hand and started towards the stairs. He didn't budge. Astrid glared at him over her shoulder, squeezing his fingers warningly. "Bed." She ordered. "Sleep."

"I've work to do, Astrid. Erling will go mad if I don't get this reply back."

"No he won't." He made to say something else. Astrid shushed him firmly. "Go to bed. Right now. I don't want to hear another word out of you." She moved behind him and pushed him, keeping her hand on the small of his back all the way up the stairs.

Unfortunately, she fell asleep before he did. When she woke up, he was back at the table with the same disarray of papers and the fire still crackling merrily. Judging by the smudges of ink on his hands and face, the paper balls scattered about the hearth and the very small pile of what he had managed to accomplish, he had been here since she succumbed to sleep. "You're making yourself ill!" She reprimanded harshly. Toothless mewled in agreement, mouthful of fish. Stormfly was curled in the corner, chicken legs in a heap before her. Hiccup didn't notice any of them, scratching at his head as he puzzled over a letter from Jedzrej. His hair was far more messy than usual, a sign of his having run his hands through it in desperation at all hours of the night. "Hiccup!" She scolded.

"Morning, milady." He murmured absently.

"Can you not hear me?"

"Yeah, I'll sort it later."

"Hiccup!" She snatched the papers from his hand and scooped everything towards her. He didn't even protest. He just looked so done with it all. "You can't keep going on like this! I can understand how you're feeling after everything that happened, but what's done is done and you have to get yourself together! Not just for the fact that you've got a village to run or anything, you _are_ making yourself ill."

"Astrid, I'm fine."

"Don't give me that rubbish." He shook his head, grimacing. Astrid watched him, arms clamping the papers to her chest.

"Astrid, please. I'll... I'll work this out in my own time, just... please. Drop it."

"No." He groaned, annoyed, putting his head in his hands. "I won't drop it. Not until I get my husband back."

"You're going to have to drop it if you want him back."

"You're being ridiculous!"

"Am I?" He defied, dropping his hands and glaring- _glaring_\- at her. Astrid met glare-for-glare, dropping the sheets to the floor and putting her hands on her hips stubbornly. Normally, Hiccup would have no chance against The Stance, but today... no.

"Yes you are! What's going on, Hiccup? Talk to me!" He shook his head again, pushing away from the table. "Where are you going?"

"For a walk." He replied monotonously, not even bothering to pull on his cloak. The door smacked shut behind him. Astrid stomped over and hurled it open.

"That won't help!" She yelled after him. "Stop being so damn stubborn! I can help!" Hiccup just kept walking, shoulders hunched. "Come back when you get some sense!" She slammed the door. Alastor started crying and she cursed. "Why does he have to bottle it up?" She demanded of the dragons. "He's making things worse doing that, you'd have thought he'd have learnt by now!" Toothless grunted, Stormfly cawed. Astrid stomped upstairs, muttering about her husband's idiocy as she tended to Alastor and let Ingrid out of her cot.

* * *

Hiccup stopped at Snotlout's. Snotlout and Waiola's. He knocked three times before getting a response.

"Morning, Hiccup!" Waiola beamed. She was setting breakfast on the table. Snotlout was dumping a basket of fish before Hookfang. "Are you alright? You don't look so well." Snotlout looked round at this.

"I'm OK." Hiccup assured. "I heard you two were off for a picnic."

"We are! And you had better be on your best behaviour, Snotface!"

"You see what that daughter of yours has done?" Hiccup smiled weakly. "But yeah, some time away from the village should do us good."

"You'd better call it Hiccup Junior." Snotlout burned crimson. Waiola ordered him out. "No." Hiccup said instantly.

"Chief or not, I can kick you out if I want to."

"No."

"Uh, _yes_. Now, _go_. You're making Snotface all flustered talking about children." She dropped her voice to a stage-whisper. "He doesn't like talking about babies." Hiccup mimicked her low tone.

"I know. Talk about them often."

"I shall." Waiola grinned wickedly. They high-fived. Snotlout sank against Hookfang in defeat, passing a hand over his face tiresomely. "Snotikins!" Waiola trilled, rounding on her husband. "Time for brekkie!"

"Snotikins?"

"Astrid." Snotlout grumbled. "I'm going off the women in your life, they give me horrible nicknames."

"They haven't given me horrible nicknames, buggy boo."

"STOP IT!"

"Ahaha, buggy boo!" Waiola cackled with delight. "So much ammunition! You won't win now, Snotikins!"

"I hate you all."

"Yes." Waiola agreed. "The only reason I married you was to sneak into being on the chief's good side, eventually bumping him off and taking control of Berk to launch attacks on all the neighbouring tribes, crowning myself Supreme Ruler by the time I'm thirty."

"Wow. You'll beat Astrid by two years."

"I don't have children to look after." Waiola eyed him sidelong. "Or a sickly husband."

"I'm not sickly."

"Tell your face that."

"You didn't sleep last night, did you?" Snotlout sighed disappointedly. "Hiccup-"

"Don't lecture me. I've heard it all already. You guys have fun on your picnic. Seriously though, Hiccup Junior. Good name." He nodded. He bowed his head to Waiola, gave Snotlout a thumbs up and left.

* * *

**Which of you horrible lot are on Tumblr? :D **


	45. Chapter 45

"Hiccup! Hiccup, the prisoner! He's gone!"

"Tacitus?" Rangvald nodded. Hiccup hurried out after him. "Who was on guard last night?" Rangvald burned crimson. "Rangvald?"

"I was, sir, but... I had only gone out to use the john and- he was just gone when I got back. I came and got you straight away and I've already got men looking about for him. He can't have got far." Hiccup just nodded. Toothless fell in beside him and they took to the air. Rangvald sprinted about, recruiting men and women alike to track Tacitus down. Hiccup scanned the village from above. Toothless roared and dragons swooped in from all directions, spiralling off and searching too. Hiccup ushered Toothless towards the beach, but he couldn't see any non-Berkian ship or any non-Berkian.

Circling back, he spotted a disturbance in the arena. He directed Toothless that way, arriving within the minute. Hackett and his father were there, Gobber milling to the side with a series of other Vikings, the twins and Fishlegs. Stoick noticed him first, a deep frown darkening his expression. He didn't say anything, merely pointed up.

Hanging from the chain cage above, rope around their throats, five skeletons. One had rope around their wrist, the hand on at an awkward angle. Each one wore a Berserker helmet. Four of them had large sheets of paper tied to their ribs, the first and the last three. Two letters adorned each- TO-HI-CC-UP.

Hiccup just stared at them. They grinned down at him, hollow eye sockets staring him out. Their bones rattled in the wind, knocking against each other like grisly windchimes. Everyone was looking from the morbid demonstration above to the worrying silent chief.

"Hiccup." Stoick broke the quiet. "Why are they for you? Hiccup?"

"Sir! Tacitus, sir! We've... we've found him! Kind of." Hiccup registered nothing. He could see the fight in his mind, as though he was going through it again. Toothless mewled and headbutted him gently, trying to draw his attention and failing. "Hiccup!" Ivan despaired. Stoick smacked his son sharply on the shoulder, making him jump. Hiccup looked surprised to see them all there, nervously furling the fingers on his left hand. Ivan repeated his discovery.

"Show me." Hiccup croaked.

By 'kind of', Ivan had meant his head. Someone had lopped off Tacitus's head and mounted it on a spike outside the Great Hall. A scroll was nailed to the forehead. Hiccup made no move to get it. Tacitus's eyes were wide and staring him out. His lips had been sewn together, a grimace of terror forever stapled there. A 'T' had been burned onto both cheeks. Traitor.

He summoned his nerve, walking stiffly forward and prying the scroll free. The blood about the nail had dried. He put his back to the head and opened the scroll.

_Good morning, Hiccup. How do you like your little presents? Don't think I've forgotten. I shall avenge my men and you shall be able to do nothing to stop me. I will burn Berk to the ground unless you swear your allegiance to me and step down as chief. I give you until the solstice to reply. Let's hope you remain smart about this._

_Dagur_

"Hiccup?" That was Astrid. She touched his arm gingerly, then his face. Hiccup showed her the note. After reading it, she scowled and tossed the letter in the fire. She pried the spike from the ground and hefted it over her shoulder as though it were her axe. She marched out, Vikings scrambling out of her way. Hiccup later found out that she put the head and the skeletons on an old ship, pushing it out and firing several flaming arrows by herself. At that moment though, he could barely think straight. People were talking to him, crowding him. He could see their lips moving, the concerned looks, but their words fell on deaf ears.

Then his mother was there. She said nothing, taking his hand and leading him out. Stoick, Fenrir and Hildegard were outside, Ingrid at her grandmother's feet and Alastor in a sling on Stoick. They didn't say anything either, forming a small group around him and dispersing once he was back home. Ingrid stayed with him out of sheer stubbornness, screaming defiantly. She climbed onto her father's knee and clung to him with a strength that surprised her grandparents.

"Daddy!" She called, pinching his cheeks once the others were gone. Hiccup squinted at her. "Daddy, you hear me?" He nodded slowly and she hugged him. "It is OK, Daddy. You be OK. Mammy said so and Mammy always right." He nodded again. She patted him on the back. "Always right."


	46. Chapter 46

**To Anonymous Panda- Thank you! As for it building up to something... weeeeelllll... :D**

* * *

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"Astrid, this is me you're talking to. About a hundred percent of the things I do are stupid." Astrid crossed her arms over her chest and glowered at him. Hiccup sighed. "OK, promise. No stupidity. My life just got infinitely more boring."

"Why are you so melodramatic?" He shrugged, sniffing and wiping his nose on his sleeve. Astrid sighed. "I'm going to go and help your dad calm the village. You are to _stay here_ and had _better_ _be here_ when I get back. Understood?"

"Understood." He nodded. Astrid cast a wary eye over him, nodded once and left, Ingrid at her heels. Stoick still had Alastor. Hiccup counted to a hundred and left through the back door. Toothless was waiting for him there, not too happy with the automatic tail's return. Hiccup scratched him under the chin. "It's alright, bud." He lied. "A just in case. Dagur might have men waiting around for us." Toothless growled disapprovingly. Hiccup said nothing, switching his metal foot to flight mode and sliding into the saddle. He buckled in and, after much coaxing, Toothless took to the sky.

* * *

Astrid returned an hour later, Stoick and Valka with her, to see Hiccup had broken his promise. All he had left behind was a scrap of paper, singed around the edges and boasting his scribble. _I'm sorry_.

"We have to go after him!" Astrid raged, crumpling and throwing the letter aside. "Don't just stand there!" She scolded her in-laws. Stoick and Valka shared looks. Valka stepped forward and stooped to pick up the letter, smoothing it out. She turned it this way and that, holding it to the light of the fire. "What are you doing?"

"Hiccup wouldn't just give up like that. He probably has a plan."

"I doubt it!" Valka started and stared at Astrid, demanding answers. She could see Astrid was holding something back, the busted look on her face answers enough.

"What. Happened?" Stoick asked firmly, holding Astrid by the shoulders and forcing eye contact.

"I- he... there was... I can't tell you!"

"You have to!"

"Stoick!" Valka pushed herself between them, keeping them at arm's length on either side. "Astrid, _please_. This has something to do with his behaviour lately, we _need_ to know." Astrid pulled on her braid desperately, trying to think of something to keep their curiosity at bay. This wasn't her style, Hiccup was the one to think his way out of a situation, not her. She would have gotten her axe had they not been his parents. "Astrid." Valka snapped her fingers in her face. "Talk."

So Astrid told them.

* * *

"Ah, Hiccup! You arrived sooner than I expected!"

"Hello, Dagur."

"And you've brought your Night Fury! What shall I call it now? Toothless is a ridiculous name... maybe Deathcrunch or... Thunderblast. Oh, it doesn't matter right now!" Dagur bounced gleefully towards them, hopping around like a child at Snoggletog. "It's my lucky day! Guards, seize him!" He flourished a finger at Hiccup, too dramatic for the events that unfolded. Hiccup did nothing to resist, even holding his hands ready behind his back for them to tie together. "What is this? No snarky comments, no retaliation? What are you planning, Hiccup?"

"Hopefully five minutes peace."

"Ha! You wish! Take him to our VIP cells."

"Sounds cheerful." Hiccup said dead-pan.

"Very Important Prisoner. I guess it is cheerful. For me, at least. You... _weeeelll_... no." Toothless roared, getting ready to plasma blast them all.

"No, bud. Stand down." Toothless stared at his rider disbelievingly, whining. Hiccup held his gaze unblinkingly and the dragon howled, shaking his head and clawing at the stones in his temper. Hiccup let out a slow breath. "OK. VIP cells it is." Dagur snapped his fingers as the guards started leading Hiccup away. Hiccup glanced back to see more Berserkers rushing in to imprison Toothless. The Night Fury's green eyes were fixed on Hiccup.

The chief made a slight motion with his bound hands and Toothless leapt into action. He blasted and smacked Berserkers out of the way, wings and tail and body-slams. Another signal from Hiccup and he battled his way out. His rider had to have a plan. That's why he fitted the magic tail. That's why he was telling Toothless to fight now. That was exactly why- _he had a plan_. Hiccup _always_ had a plan.

* * *

Relieved that Toothless was on his way back to Berk and out of harm's way, Hiccup was an ideal, quiet prisoner, walking alongside Dagur's men without a sound, without a funny quip, without winding them up. It was all very odd.

The VIP cells were not much bigger than a broom cupboard. All that was there was a bucket, a few strips of dirty straw and a pitcher of water that had dead bugs and dust floating it. They shoved Hiccup inside. There were no windows, not even in the door. It was pitch black in here. Hiccup could reach out with his arms and touch both sides. He could reach the ceiling, half a foot above his head. A long chain of heavy locks thudded home outside and then... silence. He stepped forward and kicked the bucket. It clattered to the floor, smacking the wall. A horrible stench worked its way into his senses then, faeces and unwashed bodies, rotten meat and damp.

He examined the floor with his hands alone. The straw brushed against his fingertips, sticky and brittle. He knocked the pitcher aside and water puddled under his palms. He sighed and sat back in the corner, hugging his knees to his chest. He tried closing his eyes, but there was no difference. Not a good time to be claustrophobic.

* * *

"Astrid! Astrid! Look! It's Toothless!" Fishlegs grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her out. They could see the familiar dark shape of the famed Night Fury. Yet... something wasn't right.

Toothless circled overhead. He didn't land until Astrid gave his dragon call. Even then, Toothless stayed a good distance away, claws turned inwards anxiously, head bowed, subdued. He mewled quietly, scuffling his feet. Astrid approached him and he flinched.

"Toothless..." She soothed, kneeling and holding her hand out to him. The dragon clearly hesitated before pushing his nuzzle against her palm. "He went to Dagur, didn't he?" Toothless stomped his feet and screamed at the sky. Astrid caught him, her arms around his neck. Tears burned her eyes. Toothless crooned and brushed his cheek against her hair. "Dagur... Dagur hasn't _hurt_ him, has he?" Toothless shook his head. Astrid pulled back. Worry filled the dragon's eyes, as green as Hiccup's, over-flowing and all-consuming. The message was clear- Dagur hadn't hurt Hiccup. _Yet_.

* * *

"So, how are you holding up in here, Hiccup?"

"Snazzy." Hiccup nodded, keeping his voice as even as he could. "Love what you've done with the place, the acoustics are amazing. If I was in a band, we'd come here."

"I see you've got some of your humour back." Hiccup hummed unhelpfully. Dagur smirked. "Let's see how long you keep it then, shall we?"

"Is that a challenge, my deranged friend?"

"Yes. Get up." Hiccup did. Dagur bound his hands again instantly. They walked outside, the light blinding even worse than when Dagur had kicked the door open. "Three days in the darkness."

"Only three days? It felt like three minutes." In truth, it had felt like three years. Hiccup wasn't going to let Dagur have any satisfaction of making him miserable though. It was a relief to be out of that cramped, smelly cell and walking about properly, even if he was with Dagur. "I must say though, the refreshments and the room service- splendid! They even cleaned my bucket. Sorry I dented it though, I tripped."

"Shut up with your senseless prattling, Hiccup."

"I thought it was my humour?" Dagur slapped him. Hiccup looked back at him, the right side of his face on fire. "Astrid hits harder than you." He leant closer. "I see she did a good job with your nose. Suits you."

"Another word out of you and I'll-"

"Cut off my other leg?"

"Yes! Now shut up!" Hiccup pressed his lips together to show his point. Dagur marched off down the corridor, his grip like Gronckle Iron on Hiccup's arm. They went up a flight of stairs and halfway along another corridor. Dagur checked a few rooms before finding the one he wanted. It was ten times the size of Hiccup's broom cupboard and much cleaner. It even had windows, very high up in the wall. Peering out, he could see grass and dirt and the stomping feet of patrolling Berserkers. He nodded approvingly at Dagur. Five of his men were standing guard in the cell, two in front of the door. They had locked that already. "Sit." Dagur ordered. A large metal throne sat bolted to the floor in the centre of the room, thick chains dangling from the arms and pooling on the floor around the front legs. Hiccup sat in it, fidgeting and reclining as if it were the most comfortable thing in the world. Dagur and another man tied him in place. "Now, Hiccup, now that you're all settled and ready, I'd like to show you the little gift we've got you."

"A gift? For me? You shouldn't have!"

"Really. I should have." Dagur snapped his fingers. Hiccup looked round to see a roaring fire on the western wall. A large Berserker was bent over it, stoking the fire. "Is it ready?"

"Almost, sir!" The man replied. Dagur tore Hiccup's sleeves off at the elbow and tossed the material aside. Hiccup flexed his fingers and examined his arms.

"Very nice. I never realised you were a fashion genius as well as a fantastic interior decorater."

"Here you are, sir." The fire man had arrived. He was wearing thick gloves and holding a long pole. The tip glowed white-hot. Hiccup squinted at it- it was a branding iron, but what it was supposed to brand, he had no idea. Heat rolled off of it, distorting the shape.

Dagur pulled on a spare glove, grinning triumphantly.

"From me," He smirked, "to you." The iron fell on Hiccup's skin, pushed deeper into his flesh. Hiccup bowed his head as waves of pain tore through him. He bit his lip, determined not to cry out as the smell of burning flesh wafted up his nose. There was a brief respite when Dagur removed the iron. His head swam and he forced himself to inspect the burn. It took a while to see through the blur of tears; he could tell that the burn stretched from just above his wrist to just below the crook of his elbow. He blinked a few times to see what it was, not processing it for a moment.

Dagur broke the news to him. "An 'S'." He flicked the burn; agony laced up Hiccup's arm, jarring his neck and shoulder when he winced harshly. Dagur grinned at him. "You _do_ know what that means, don't you, Hiccup? Come on, say it. I know you do. You're lucky I didn't burn it into your forehead." Dagur snatched a handful of Hiccup's hair, yanking his head upright to stare him out. "What is it, Hiccup?" Hiccup remained quiet, gritting his teeth. "Maybe you aren't as smart as you like to make out you are. This," Dagur slammed his fist down on the burn. Hiccup grimaced, but didn't cry out. He heard Dagur's disappointment, barely concealed, when he next spoke, "this, my challenged friend, is a slave mark."

* * *

**I had to go over this chapter and the last because for some stupid reason, I put Outcasts rather than Berserkers, I don't know. **


	47. Chapter 47

Dagur didn't take well to Hiccup's light-hearted attitude. You'd have thought being branded with a Viking's worst fear would mellow some people, but _no_. Not _Hiccup_. Dagur rationed his food, put him in a deeper, colder and smaller cell with nothing- no straw, no bucket, _nothing_. He made sure Hiccup was dragged out once a day, at random. Blindfolded, beaten, ridiculed. And that was just the walk from his cell to Dagur's favourite room. It was similar to the room where Hiccup had the slave mark burned into his skin, a little bigger maybe, full of all kinds of horrible things that made Dagur's dreams come true.

The first one lasted two days. Dagur had picked up on Hiccup's hatred of entrampment and enclosed spaces and used this to his advantage. He packed Hiccup's hands into wet clay, heating it with dragon's fire and trapping Hiccup's hands inside. A weedling like Hiccup, especially after several days of no food and no sleep, would never be able to pick the block up, especially when it was boxed in thick metal. Dagur had personally taken control of Hiccup's torment. It started out pretty uncreative for Dagur, lashes from a whip until he was too tired to swing it. He never asked Hiccup questions, never wanted information; this was a game to him.

Then more burning irons. Not brands- white-hot rods pressed into his back, arms, legs, sides. Kicks and punches to the lacerations and burns. Dagur became really happy if he heard a rib crack or Hiccup's will detonate into a cry of a pain. If that happened, Dagur drew a wicked sharp blade and slashed deep, thick lines wherever he could, flinging his arm back and forth wildly. It was a miracle he didn't take out an eye.

On the third day, Dagur got bored. He disappeared for ten minutes and came back with a hammer, smashing the clay away and snapping Hiccup's wrists in the process. An Outcast came in, bearing a tray. Something rotten and foul sickened the air. Dagur was delighted, knocking the tray to the floor in his excitement. "Look, Hiccup! Food! Oh, don't pull that face, it's only dragon guts. Here you go! HOLD HIM!" Dagur bellowed when Hiccup squirmed away, twisting his head this way and that. He stubbornly kept his mouth shut. Dagur ordered his men to pin Hiccup flat to the ground, stamping his foot on Hiccup's chest, slithering handfuls of 'food' down Hiccup's throat when he cried out. "See, why are you complaining? It's not _that_ bad now, is it? KEEP HIM STILL! Want to know what dragon this is, Hiccup? Was, I should say. It _should _have been that Night Fury, but he got away. So, I got a Nadder instead. Almost like your wife's. Remember her? Bet she's already shacked up with some other- ow!" Somehow- even Hiccup didn't know- Hiccup had got his foot free and booted Dagur right under the chin, choking him and sending him backwards. The two Outcasts holding him reacted instantly, snatching up Dagur's discarded hammer and bringing it down on Hiccup's knee. "TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS CELL!" Dagur screamed.

* * *

"Ready the ships!" Stoick boomed. "We are not coming back without my son, d'you hear me?" Vikings all around the Great Hall swung up various weapons, their cheers slamming between the walls and ceiling. Stoick waved them all out, turning to his daughter-in-law. "Are you sure you want to come?"

"Yes." Astrid looked to her mother. "Are you sure they're OK with you?"

"The children will be fine, don't worry. Go and get your husband back and give Dagur a mighty slap for me."

"He'll be getting more than a slap from me, mighty or not." Astrid hefted her axe, newly sharpened until it was as thin as paper but sharper and stronger than any other Gronckle Iron weapon. Hiccup had taught her a few things about the forges; she point-blanked refused Gobber's help. "Let's go."

* * *

"Oh, come _on_! What is wrong with you?"

"Me? Oh, I'm fine. I'd like to know what is wrong with you. What is like to be Dagur? What goes on in that head of yours? What does it mean to be _Dagur the Deranged_?" Dagur slapped him, motioning to his men. They turned the wheels at either end of the Rack. Hiccup gritted his teeth, refusing to call out. "Come on, Dagur, I'm sure you have someone you want to talk about? What was your childhood like? I've got a feeling your first toy was a dagger or something wickedly sharp like that. I had a dragon. Classy like that, my mother made it." Dagur punched the wood next to Hiccup's head, growling. "I'm guessing Daddy issues, maybe? I can relate. I never really got on with my dad, not until I was about fifteen. You know, the whole Red Death thing, ow ow ow." He finished as the wheels were turned. "Hey, knock knock." Hiccup waited, ignoring the fact that his voice was a bit strained. "You're supposed to say 'who's there'?"

"Shut up. Shut-up-shut-up-shut-up-shut-up-SHUT-UP!"

"I'm being serious. Knock knock. Who's there?" He continued when Dagur said nothing. "Astrid. Astrid who? Astrid is going to hurt you."

"What are you babbling about? There is no way that stupid wife of yours can get anywhere near us!" And then the axe smashed into the table, skimming the back of Dagur's hand and landing an inch from Hiccup's head. Dagur turned slowly, disbelief making him look far more stupid than usual.

"Ah, my hero." Hiccup smiled. Then he passed out.


	48. Chapter 48

**OK, I was on Tumblr earlier and found this for Race to the Edge:**

_There will be 52 episodes in 13 episode chunks, spanning 2 years._

_About half the episodes will contain completely new dragons._

_Almost every episode has potatoes… if you can find them._

_Expect references to Norse mythology._

_The Dragon Eye is a slide projector containing information about dragons._

_The Snow Wraith was first called the Snow Fury, originally being related to Night Furies._

_We will hear the story of how Stoick and Gobber find their dragons._

_We will follow Hiccup as he creates the dragon blade and flight suit._

_There may be a musical episode._

_**There may be a musical episode**__**, I didn't realise I wanted one until now! **_

**Anyway:**

**To all- if I haven't replied to reviews for a while, I'm sorry, I've just been crazy busy sorting everything for this art exhibition coming up, lots of photos and drawings and paintings and advertising and... yay... I'll try and reply tomorrow- if I don't, I'm really sorry, send verbal abuse all you like :P **

**To NightFury153- I have no exact number for the amount of chapters this is going to have, but I am not finished yet. There is another child that I have planned and **_**then**_** it should be done :D**

* * *

"Ah, my hero." Hiccup said with a smile and then slipped into unconsciousness. With a glance, Astrid recognised he was grievously injured and half-starved; her temper sparked a hundredfold. Stoick shouldered in, the swish of Nadder spines and plasma/fire blasts from Toothless and Skullcrusher shaking the corridor behind him.

"What-?" Dagur gaped. "Get them!" He shrieked at his men. Stoick met them both head on, unarmed, and screaming bloody murder. Astrid charged Dagur, axe raised and vile curses on her lips. Dagur, weaponless, ducked the first swing. Astrid clipped his arm on the way back and he hissed.

"_Hurt my husband, who do you think you are, you dung-eating, barnacle brained muttonhead, _I WILL KILL YOU!" Dagur made a wild grab for a metal stick hanging from the fire. In his desperation, he didn't think of the white-hot tool, screeching in pain as it seared his skin. The branding iron fell to the floor. Astrid stepped over it, bringing her trusted weapon round. He dropped at the last second, the horns on his helmet reduced to mere stumps. "COWARD!" Astrid yelled as he scrambled away on all fours. Stoick caught him by the scruff of the neck and bodily threw him at the two Outcasts. All three crashed into the wall. One Outcast collapsed instantly. Dagur and the other fought to get up only to be trapped by Stoick's mighty hands and lifted clear of the ground.

Toothless shot in, roaring in anger when he saw the state of his rider. He blasted Dagur from Stoick's grip and the deranged chief barrelled through the stone wall and vanished under steaming rubble. Stoick held up the second Outcast, who soon joined his boss.

Astrid dropped her axe and hurriedly started to free her husband. He collapsed with a groan into her arms, waking briefly and turning grey with agony. With Stoick's help, Astrid lay him on the floor to assess his wounds. They tore away his filthy tunic, his ribs prominent and broken. Burns, scars and fresh wounds amassed into a thick layer all over, specks of his pale skin making rare and feeble appearances. Both wrists were broken, bruised and bleeding; he had a deep cut just below his hairline and a vibrant purple bruise on his cheekbone. Blood dribbled from a laceration circling the edge of his neck, like his skin had been torn. His leg was at a sickening angle and he turned green when Astrid straightened it for a splint. Not one part of him had been left unhurt. Astrid and Stoick emptied Toothless's medical kit and then Stormfly's and Skullcrusher's too, first giving Hiccup the milk of the poppy to keep him as pain free as possible while he slept.

Valka found them ten minutes later, a gash below her eye. She said nothing upon seeing her son, instead rushing forward to help. Cloudjumper's medicinal supplies were soon used up too, particularly on Hiccup's back. Deep lashes criss-crossed over every inch of torn and blackened skin and the horrible, gut-wrenching smell of infection brought tears to Astrid's eyes.

Astrid was securing Hiccup's left wrist in a splint when she realised what she was _really_ looking at. She caught a sob in her hand, her in-laws' attention snapping to her like the crack of a whip. Astrid didn't meet their eyes, her own roving about the room for something she spotted earlier.

The branding iron. Exactly where Dagur had dropped it. From where she was, she could see what the brand was.

"This stays between us." Stoick said gruffily. Valka nodded. "Astrid." He looked at her, gaze firm and demanding. Astrid nodded too, holding back her hysteria long enough to help patch Hiccup up as best as they could.

"We have to get him home; clean his injuries properly." Valka turned to Toothless, who was pacing the edges of the cell. "Toothless," She called, taking a wary step forward, "what's the matter?" He shook his head, snapping his jaws and howling unhappily. He reached the hole Dagur and fellow Outcast had made and screamed. "Go. We need to go, right now."

"What-?"

"Now!" Valka ordered. Stoick and Astrid lifted Hiccup's comatose form onto Stormfly's back, Astrid sliding in the saddle behind him to keep him upright. He mumbled incomprehensively. Stoick had covered the slave mark with a thick coating of bandages. "Toothless!" Valka pointed at the ceiling. The Night Fury masterfully brought it down for dragons and riders to exit through. He still had his magic tail on, flying as close to his human as he could. Toothless looked other every few seconds. Hiccup often looked weird, usually prancing around and talking rubbish, but now he looked _weird_. Toothless had never seen a human change colour and his rider had turned a funny green-grey colour with scarlet blossoms floating through wrappings.

* * *

At first, there were cheers when the chief came back into view. And then questions. Lots of questions, lots of concern. Astrid had covered Hiccup in his chief cloak, concealing the majority of his injuries and bandages.

"Take him home." Stoick told Astrid. "You," He jabbed a finger at Fishlegs, "help her."

"Yes sir." Fishlegs squeaked, scrambling into the saddle. Toothless, Stormfly and Meatlug flew off. Stoick stood before the crowd, letting the tide of questions roll over him for a moment. He held up his hand and it took a few seconds for silence to reign.

"Hiccup has been held prisoner by Dagur the Deranged-" Boos and curses sprung forth. Stoick let them wear themselves out and continued, "we do not know the full details of what Dagur put Hiccup through. Rest assured, Dagur has only tasted a sample of what he deserves as punishment."

"Will Hiccup be OK?" Bjorn Junior asked from behind his mother's legs. Stoick stayed quiet.

"Gods willing." Valka answered, a second too late. Unrest had polluted the Viking ranks already. They were muttering amongst themselves, some of the children close to or in tears. "We will do everything we can for Hiccup. For now, Stoick shall be in charge." Stoick recovered his voice then, standing straight.

"I want the soldiers on guard, take shifts. Dagur may attack at any moment and with our chief in a critical state, we can't let our defenses drop. I will be acting-chief until Hiccup is well enough to regain control. Until then..." Stoick didn't know what to say after that.

"Until then, things will run as normal as possible." Valka finished for him. He smiled gratefully at her. She nodded once, swung up onto Cloudjumper and went to tend to her son. Stoick dismissed the assembled Vikings. Gobber, Fenrir, Hildegard and the twins were the only ones left. Ingrid and Alastor were with the Hoffersons.

"So... what? What did Dagur do?" Tuffnut asked.

"Alot of damage." Stoick replied as evenly as he could, fearing the worst and praying to the gods that the worst did not come.

"I say we go to Outcast Island, find Dagur and-" Ruffnut started fiercely.

"No." Hildegard said calmly. The twins started at her disbelievingly. "Dagur will be expecting a retaliation and it is best not to risk anyone else."

"But-"

"_No_." Stoick gave them both a quelling look.

"Yes, sir." They muttered, disappointed.

"Take your dragon. Find Snotlout and start patrolling the island for any sign of Outcasts." They nodded and sprinted off.

"Grampa Stoick?" Ingrid was sat atop Fenrir's shoulders. Tears dribbled down her cheeks and her bottom lip trembled. "Daddy _will_ be OK, won't he?" Stoick nodded, not daring to speak. "Promise?" Fenrir jostled her legs.

"Ingrid, this is your daddy we're talking about here. He'll be up and about and as annoying as ever in no time. Don't you worry." Fenrir had never spoken so softly. While Ingrid hugged him around the neck, the other three gave him quizzical looks. Fenrir ignored them. His granddaughter had a strong hold around his windpipe, so even if he wanted to say something sarcastic, he probably couldn't.

* * *

"My gods..." Fishlegs marvelled. "What did Dagur _do_?"

"Not now, Fishlegs. Help me get him on the bed. Mind his leg." Hiccup stirred as they moved him.

"Astrid..." He mumbled.

"I'm here." Astrid promised, brushing his hair back and kissing his forehead gently. Hiccup stared around blearily, still under the effects of the poppy milk.

"Fishlegs..."

"You really _are_ incapable of living day-to-day without some life-threatening crisis." Hiccup blinked at him. "What happened?" Hiccup dozed off again. Fishlegs' eyes darted here and there, scanning Hiccup from head to toe, eyes widening in increasing horror with every wound they met. "By Thor's almighty hammer!"

"Ssh!" Astrid scolded as Hiccup grimaced. Fishlegs clamped his hands over his mouth, flushing crimson.

"Wait, what's that?" He said in a hushed voice, pointing.

"What? Where?"

"There. Look." Fishlegs leant past Astrid. His finger hovered over something at the base of Hiccup's throat, just above his collar bone. "That looks like a sting. A big sting... hold on..." He drew his dragon cards from his belt pouch and rifled through them, gaze flicking back and forth. "Oh no."

"What? Oh no _what_?"

"Stay calm."

"_I am calm now tell me what is oh no_!"

"That... that sting... that's from a... a... a Venomous Vorpent." Astrid stared at him. "Very small dragon, very sneaky. It's sting is highly poisonous and it can kill within a week."

"Is there a cure?!" Astrid raged, startling Fishlegs. He almost dropped his cards, recovering quickly enough and scanning them furiously.

"Not on Berk."

"_Where_?" He pressed his lips together uncertainly. "_Where's the cure, Fishlegs_?"

"I don't know." He said in a barely audible voice.

"Then what in Odin's name is it?!"

"It's... um... it's a potato."

"The hell is a potato?"

"Vegetable. Brown and very plain looking, but makes an excellent addition to meals-"

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I WANT TO ORDER FUCKING DINNER, YOU GREAT PRUNE! WHERE IS THIS FUCKING POTATO?" Fishlegs paled and sweated, stammering and stuttering and fumbling with his cards. Astrid screamed in frustration, turning and kicking the bedside table instead of him. When that only hurt her toe, she snatched it up and hurled it across the room. Fishlegs backed towards the door as fast as his stout legs could go.

Valka burst in then. Astrid rounded on her, fists clenched and punching the air in temper. "DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND A POTATO?"

"Potato?" Fishlegs, unable to speak, showed Valka the Venomous Vorpent card. Valka slapped herself on the forehead. "Potato."

"YES A POTATO, WHAT THE HELL IS A POTATO, WHERE THE HELL IS A POTATO, GODS DAMN IT ALL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I'LL KILL DAGUR! I'LL HURT HIM SO BAD EVEN HIS OWN BITCH MOTHER WON'T RECOGNISE HIM!"

* * *

**Yes, I'm linking it to the books. **


	49. Chapter 49

Astrid spent two excruciatingly long days asking anyone and everyone if they knew of a potato and, if so, where in Odin's name could she find one? It was Bjorn Junior who suggested asking Trader Johan. Everyone else either didn't know what a potato was or wanted to know why she wanted one. Astrid didn't waste her time answering, rushing off to the next person.

The gods must have been smiling on her that day as it was Trader Johan's visiting day. She shoved past the Vikings lining up, ignoring their shouts and protests. She sprung up the gangplank and yanked Johan away from helping Hackett.

"Ah, if it is not the chieftess! How-?"

"Potato." Astrid blurted. Johan did a double take. "Potato!" Astrid stomped her foot. "It's for Hiccup, he's... he's..."

"Hungry?" Someone she had cut ahead in line had ventured onto the ship. "If the chief's hungry, I'm sure he can wait like the rest of us."

"He's not hungry, you idiot! He's _dying_!" That shut them up. She whirled around to glare at Johan. "I need a potato for him, it's the only known cure!"

"I don't have any, miss, but I _do_ know where you can get some." Astrid grabbed him by the shoulders, intent on shaking the answer from him. "America." He choked. "America is bursting at the seams with potatoes-"

"It doesn't exist!"

"My dear lady, the Americas are very much real. Fly to the west, you'll be there in a few days."

"There's nothing to the west, just the edge of the world!"

"I have traveled many oceans, miss, I do know. I have set foot in America hundreds of times, spirited people." Astrid pulled at her hair in frustration. "If I may, what is wrong with Master Hiccup?"

"He's poisoned." Astrid spat through gritted teeth. "How far west?" It was stupid idea, but if it held the possibility of saving her husband, so be it.

"You need to go straight west. It takes a couple of weeks by boat- you should be there in about five days-"

"Hiccup hasn't got that much time!"

"What if you take that Night Fury? Fastest dragon around."

"That'll cut the travel time in half, I could be there and back in five days! Thank you, Johan!" Astrid sprinted off, oblivious to the mutters of the Viking line and the questions fired her way- "What's wrong with the chief?"/ "Where are you going?" / "Will Hiccup be OK?"

Astrid raced all the way home, bursting through the front door with enough force to leave a dent in the wall. Her mother was at the table, Ingrid standing on the chair beside her and drawing. Alastor was chewing on a rag, drool soaking it through. Astrid paid them no attention, darting here and there all around the house, gathering food, spare clothes, blankets, water, a compass, her axe and Hiccup's fire sword.

"Where are you off to?"

"America."

"_What_?"

"I'll explain later, I have to go! Toothless!" She called. The dragon roared from upstairs. Astrid bounced up the stairs two at a time. "Toothless, we need to go." The Night Fury snarled, reluctant to leave his rider. "I know, I don't want to leave him either, but we _have_ to. It's to make him better." The dragon's ears pricked up at that. Stormfly huffed. "Sorry, girl, but I need Toothless for this one. We don't have much time. Can you make sure no-one tries to hurt Hiccup?" The Nadder squawked, still a little miffed, but ever loyal.

It took two minutes to change Toothless's tail- Hiccup had taught her how to in case of emergencies- and they were off. Astrid had to tie herself to the saddle firmly and lie almost flat to stop from falling. She had flown Toothless a few times, but he had never gone this fast with her. She had only ever _seen_ his speed and that was with Hiccup, not her. In any other circumstance, it would be thrilling. Now, it was a matter of life and death.

Land quickly turned to ocean, vast deep blueness spanning as far as the eye could see in all directions. Toothless was as determined as his new rider, not taking the time for fancy flying, zipping straight on. Astrid knew he should rest as there was no way he could fly for five days straight- it was just convincing him to do so.

* * *

Stoick sat at his son's bedside, miserable. He rinsed the cloth in cool water and reapplied it to Hiccup's feverish forehead. A minute later, he flipped it over. The last hour had seen Hiccup's temperature spike. They had had to remove all but a thin sheet covering him. He had cooled a little bit after that, but not enough to make a difference. Valka was to change his dressings in a few minutes. It was a good job they kept him topped up on the milk of the poppy, yet Stoick couldn't help worrying what would happen if and when they ran out. There was no way Hiccup would be comfortable or painless lying on his front _or _back, broken ribs _or_ vicious and infected wounds.

His daughter-in-law's Nadder must have sensed his anxiety as she gently bumped her nose against his arm and whined. Stoick rested his palm against her nose, stroking the scales there as his son had taught him- it was also her blind spot and to keep her calm was the best thing to do. She nestled down beside him as Valka appeared, carrying her ever-present medical box. Fishlegs was with her, pale and sweating as usual, and near tears when he saw his best friend.

Together, the three sat Hiccup up. Valka carefully pulled the bandages from around his torso, wincing as he moaned incoherently. The infection didn't look as green as it had. Whatever herbs she had slathered over the dressings were certainly doing their work. Valka talked while she worked, issuing orders to Fishlegs. He was learning to be a doctor to humans and dragons alike. No one better to learn from than Valka. He ground the herbs, adding a little water and then pasting it over a new set of cloth strips.

"Mmm..." Hiccup hummed in his sleep. "Potato..."

"He listens more unconscious than he ever does awake."

"Ay," Stoick agreed solemnly, "runs in the family."

"Po... ta... to..." Hiccup's head drooped and he started drooling on his father's arm. Stoick didn't notice.

"Fishlegs, his leg. Keep the splint." Valka instructed. Fishlegs nodded dutifully, gingerly unwrapping the splint and the tight bandages underneath. He cleaned Hiccup's leg first, wincing at the angry red scars crisscrossing his skin. He was relieved to reapply fresh dressings and to put the splint back on. Valka told him to fetch some broth and water. She was finishing up with Hiccup's back and was set to move onto the stitched cut on his forehead. She only had to wipe that one down.

Valka checked Fishlegs was gone and hurriedly unravelled Hiccup's left forearm. The slave mark glared up at them, fresh and white hot as though Dagur was still pressing the iron down. She and Stoick exchanged uneasy looks. Valka put a fresh layer of burn salve on it, muttering prayers to the gods, and re-wrapped it as Fishlegs returned. He was carrying the broth and mug of water carefully on a tray.

"I've mixed a little more poppy milk in the broth." He told Valka. "I hope you don't mind."

"No, that's good. Thank you, Fishlegs." He smiled timidly. Valka and Stoick set Hiccup back against the mound of pillows behind him. Hiccup muttered again. Stoick took the broth and fed him spoonful by spoonful while Fishlegs and Valka attended to Hiccup's cracked wrists. "We'll change them again before turning in for the night." She frowned at the contents of her box. "We need to get some more herbs. Come, Fishlegs. It's about time you learnt which herb was which."

"Po... taaaa. to..." Hiccup murmured dreamily. His eyes opened for a second and he gave a small smile. "Potato..." And just like that, he was asleep again.

* * *

Toothless faltered for the fifth time, breathing hard.

"Land!" Astrid ordered. "You have to land!" It was the second half of the second day. Toothless stubbornly persisted, snorting at her insistence for rest. Astrid unhitched herself from the saddle and climbed back to his tail. Hiccup had installed a switch there in case Toothless started being a pain. Astrid flipped it and took hold of the tail, controlling the dragon from there. He roared unhappily, batting his wings to keep going straight, but Astrid had all the control. She directed him to a collection of sea stacks, partially crash-landing on one of the taller ones. Astrid hurriedly disconnected the tail completely. Toothless screamed in temper, snapping at her and bouncing maddeningly in a circle, howling. "I know, I know, but it won't do any good for you to collapse in the middle of nowhere." Toothless snarled. "I'm sorry." Astrid said quietly, tears springing to her eyes. Toothless's pupils widened and his expression softened. He mewled, nudging her lightly and resting his head over her shoulder. Astrid hugged him. "We'll go again in a few hours." She promised. "We'll have some food, some sleep and go again, OK? We'll even fly through the night if we have to." Toothless grunted in agreement, patting her leg clumsily with his claws.

He fell asleep after eating, the tail of a fish still hanging from his mouth. Astrid extracted it carefully; for once, he was too tired to notice food was being taken from him. She finished her bread and honey, sipped some water and curled up against the dragon, a blanket draped around her shoulders. She observed the stars above her, seeking the constellations as she prayed to the gods under her breath. "Don't take Hiccup away." She pleaded. "You _can't_ take Hiccup away, you just _can't_."

* * *

**For those that haven't seen it yet, I posted a one-shot yesterday of a HTTYD book/movie crossover :D If you don't mind, please read! Apologies in advance if it's confusing! **


	50. Chapter 50

It was Snotlout's turn to watch over the chief. Hiccup had not improved over the last three days, increasingly getting worse. His fever had broken and then returned with gobbets of blood. They had to keep him on his side and very, _very_ much under the milk of the poppy. Parties had been sent out to find more ingredients for said pain relief, but Snotlout had very little hope in it. Waiola visited every so often when it was Snotlout's shift. She was just as worried as he was, praying incessantly to the gods and lighting herbs in various dishes about the room to cleanse the air. She did this alot, Snotlout had discovered when she moved in, she was very superstitious.

Looking at his best friend now, Snotlout sighed miserably. OK, so Hiccup _had_ bounced back from losing a leg and the fall in the ice caves and the other poisoning and... well, not really from whatever had been on his mind before his great finale. Snotlout _really_ wanted to know what had happened. He knew Astrid knew and had a feeling her parents and in-laws knew too. He just had to get it out of one of them and then... maybe he could help. Hiccup had been there for him when he was struggling, Snotlout could return the favour, offer a proverbial shoulder to proverbially cry on.

"Po... ta...to..." Hiccup muttered.

"No." Snotlout grumbled. "No potato." Hiccup coughed, racking coughs that shook his shoulders and rattled his lungs. Snotlout was on his feet in a heartbeat, assessing the damage. Less blood this time, that _had_ to be good. "Come on, Hiccup, don't be stupid _now_. Wake up." Hiccup stirred as Snotlout cleaned the crimson stain from his lips. "Oy. I know you can hear me, you _always_ hear _everything_, you nosy git."

"Po... ta... to..."

"Is that the only vegetable you know?"

"Snot... face..."

"I am not a vegetable." Hiccup opened his eyes a fraction and smiled groggily. "I repeat- _git_." Snotlout examined his friend's expression- dazed look, almost dreamy and not really there. The poppy milk. "You need to get up, Hiccup. Obviously not on those wretched legs of yours. Probably better if we chop them off completely."

"Mmm..." Hiccup hummed, closing his eyes. Snotlout thought he had gone back to sleep and made to slump back in his chair. "Wife..." Hiccup mumbled. "Yours..." He added.

"Waiola?" A very minute nod. "Yeah, she's good."

"Mine?"

"Hopefully getting your potato." Hiccup was quiet for a long moment. Snotlout settled back into his seat, propping his feet up on the end of the bed.

"Vorpent." The chief eventually decided, his voice barely audible. Snotlout looked over. Hiccup was scanning the ceiling, paler than before with a grimace darkening his eyes. Snotlout started to speak when Hiccup jolted and writhed, yelling. At first, the able Viking feared his friend to be hurting once more. Then he realised Hiccup yelling _words_, ordering him from the room, spouting nonsense about a demon. It took a second for Snotlout to realise that he himself was this so called demon.

Valka and Stoick charged in, Valka with her now famous medical kit. Stoick instantly restrained his son without paining him further while Valka dampened a cloth with a horrible smelling liquid from a dark bottle. She pounced within seconds, planting the cloth firmly over Hiccup's mouth and nose. Her son glared at them both, _furious_, then his anger seemed to ebb away, dreariness descending once again. By the end of the minute, Hiccup was out cold.

"What... what was... _what_?"

"Hallucinations." Valka said grimly. "Oooh, I hope Astrid is back soon."

* * *

Two days. That's all Astrid had. Two and a half days, almost. They had reached this so called magical America land, startling a few strangely dressed folks along the beach. Astrid looked around at them all. Would they understand her? Did these people speak Norse? Did they, perhaps, speak axe to the face?

_Calm_, she reminded herself, _you can't go on a rampage now, you need to get that bleeding potato._

"You there," She declared, jabbing her axe at the nearest man. He startled and took stumbling steps back, "potato." He started talking, but Astrid wasn't sure what he was saying. She glared at him, sliding from the saddle. Toothless scratched at the sand and howled. People started running. From his saddlebag, Astrid extracted paper and a pencil, drawing an oblong shape and shading it slightly. She held it out to the man, hooking her axe blade over his shoulder when he tried to run. "Potato." She repeated, tapping the picture insistently. He looked from her to the drawing and back again, terrified. "Where is a potato?" Astrid asked slowly, temper rising.

It was Toothless who found it, barrelling off up some rugged stone steps. Astrid sprinted after him, finding him digging into a large bucket of spuds. He roared triumphantly, knocking the bucket over. Potatoes cascaded all over the ground. Astrid scooped up as many as she could, stuffing them into the saddlebags. "OK, Toothless." She beamed. "Let's go. These people are stupid." Toothless grunted, spreading his wings. Astrid checked the vegetables were secure and the Night Fury took to the sky, calling to everyone below cheekily. That had gone better than Astrid had expected. Maybe the gods really _were _smiling down on them.

* * *

They kept Hiccup asleep after the little demon episode. Snotlout kept a safe distance when it was his shift. Hiccup's Terrible Terrors had returned, Sharpshot and Rage, and Ingrid's dragon- Coughy? Snotty?- was with them too. Snotlout hadn't realised until that point that the little dragons had disappeared. Now that he thought about it, he was sure the Terrors had left when Hiccup went to Dagur. And now they were back. Why? Where did they go and why? Why are they back now?

Sharpshot and Rage lay down either side of Hiccup. Sneezy flapped off haphazardly to find his human, crashing into a few walls and possibly tumbling down the last couple of stairs. Snotlout heard Ingrid squeal happily and shook his head, smiling.

Hiccup's Terrors had wormed under his arms, licking his bandaged wrists and grumbling to each other. Snotlout watched them intently, wondering what they were saying. Sharpshot padded over to him, sticking out a leg. It was then that Snotlout noticed a scroll bound there.

"Thank you." He had learnt it was good to thank messenger dragons- they got a bit tetchy. Unravelling the note, he frowned upon seeing his best friend's messy hand writing:

_Hey all,_

_If you are reading this, something has probably happened and you're all probably rolling your eyes at my stupidity. _

_Anyway, the Terrors had to go for a while, they were causing trouble amongst Dagur's men. I taught them that. Yay me. I also taught them to come back when they could no longer find me on Berserker soil. Double yay me. _

_Seriously though, I have a plan. My Terrors have melted down Dagur's supposedly secret armoury and when he rushes off to get those weapons, oh dear! No sharp things! Such a shame! All in all, not a bad plan even if I do say so myself. There is a plan. You guys know what I'm like. I wouldn't be able to put my boot on without a plan, come on. _

_I won't put the plan on here. Dagur's probably already realised about his lack of weapons so no need to worry about that right now. Dagur, if you are reading this, go and put your ugly face in someone else's business, you are no longer required, liked or necessary to anything and everything we do. If someone other than Dagur is reading, say friends or family, hello! Please don't kill me after said stupid thing has worn off. And please don't take my other leg, I've grown quite fond of it. I've called it Lefty. Two left feet. Woo._

_Getting off track- sorry. _

_Said plan is in my hidey hole. Astrid knows. _

_Lots of love (to me) Hiccup_

"How do you do this?" Snotlout demanded of his comatose friend. "You're a genius. You're an idiot. Oh, I don't know, you're messed up or something, gods dammit, Hiccup!"

"Snotlout, what are you raving about?" Stoick called from downstairs.

"Hiccup's done it again!"


	51. Chapter 51

**I am seriously stressing right now, I haven't seen any Race To The Edge episodes, someone gave me spoilers, SOMEONE SAVE ME. **

**I'll reply to reviews when I can, I just need to update tonight and stay relatively chill, it's been a long day.**

* * *

"Potato, I have the potato. I have _potatoes_. Hiccup will be OK." Astrid kept the spud orientated mantra running the first half of the flight. They partially crash landed again on the same set of sea stacks. Toothless was exhausted, but he looked absolutely positive and very, _very _pleased with himself. Astrid caught him a few extra fish as a reward, scratching him under the chin, behind the ears and his slightly ticklish spot beneath his wings. He loved that, bouncing about despite his tiredness and chortling merrily, ready to play. Astrid sat at the fire they had made, stretching and yawning. Toothless mewled, padding over and lying down behind her, covering her with his wing. "Good boy." Astrid said around another yawn. She patted his shoulder. "You're a good dragon."

Astrid settled against his warm hide, sleepily watching the stars above. Hiccup was going to get better, all she had to do was get the potato to him within the next day- that should be very much doable- and he would recover, slowly, but surely. She couldn't wait. She couldn't wait to see his smile, couldn't wait to hear that stupid laugh of his or his stupid jokes and quips. She was especially looking forward to amputee jokes. But the most important thing was making sure his mental state was back in order or on the track of being back in order, if Hiccup ever had order in the first place.

What would he be like? Would he still suffer from recurring nightmares, would he still hate himself, would he still be a nervous wreck?

Sighing, Astrid flicked a bit of dirt from Toothless's wing. She would travel to the end of the world and back just to make sure Hiccup was Hiccup once more.

* * *

Fishlegs was pacing nervously back and forth outside the chief's house. The twins sat on the steps, watching him and Snotlout was leaning against the wall, his helmet in his hands. Astrid _had_ to be back today. Hiccup was getting worse, feverish more than ever, what little weight he had dribbling away. He had stopped coughing up blood, which they took as a good sign for a couple of hours, but then he started vomiting blood and sick, mostly bile seeing as he had barely had a bowl of broth over the last few days.

Snotlout glanced at the sky, exhaling slowly. Astrid would be back soon and she would scold them for standing around like muttonheads. She would march straight into the Haddock residence, this godly potato held high over her head. She would demand them out of her way and... force the potato down Hiccup's throat? OK, maybe she would have to sort it first, Snotlout didn't know. What the heck was a potato anyway? If it was truly so spectacular, then he imagined it as a big carrot type vegetable, but bumpy and green with purple spots and blue shoots. Fishlegs insisted it was brown and kind of plain looking, but that couldn't be right.

Valka came out, bearing a tray of mugs. They accepted the cool water gratefully and she tucked the tray under her arm. As one, they all looked to the sky and waited.

Inside, Stoick was sat by his son, muttering prayers once more as he lay a damp cloth over Hiccup's forehead. The chief murmured sleepily. His Terrors were still with him, Rage chewing on the discarded blankets and tearing them to shreds. Sharpshot was sitting smartly on the headboard, wings tucked neatly to his sides and watching his master with the ocassional eyeball lick.

Snotlout had shown them all the letter. They had searched everywhere for Hiccup's hidey hole, even in his fake leg. That would be something Hiccup would do. Well, so they had thought. No. No Fiendishly Clever Plan. No plan of any kind. Not in his books or his shield or his sword- not in anything he owned. Ruffnut, Valka and Hildegard went through Astrid's things, coming up empty handed. That was why they were all outside and waiting. They could do nothing else.

"Come on, Toothless, nearly there." Astrid praised. "A little longer and then you can rest for as long as you like, I promise. I'll get you all kinds of fish, lots and lots." Toothless beat his wings harder. They flew around the corner and Berk came into view. Astrid whooped in delight and Toothless roared, a little tiresomely, yet triumphant all the same. He went as fast as he could, calling out a few times, calling for his human. Astrid pulled a potato from the saddlebag. Such a boring looking vegetable for something so important.

"There!" Fishlegs cried. "There they are, they're here! THEY'RE HERE!" His voice carried surprisingly far. Vikings emerged from their houses to see what the commotion was, cheering when they saw the Night Fury descending. He collapsed, breathing heavily, outside his home. Astrid hurriedly slid from the saddle and raised, shouting greetings over her shoulder. Toothless rushed after her.

The others caught up to see Astrid feeding Toothless the potato.

"What are you doing?" Snotlout demanded furiously. Astrid shot him a 'be quiet' look and held out a bowl for the Night Fury to spit the potato into.

"Night Fury salvia. Amazing healing properties."

"Oh." Snotlout said, biting his lip and looking a little apologetic. Astrid turned and started to spoon feed her husband the dribble-potato mash. Stoick had to sit Hiccup up a bit. Little spoonfuls by little spoonfuls, he was fed the antidote.

"Now what?" Tuffnut asked when it was all gone. Astrid sighed, rubbing weariness from her eyes. Toothless snuffled his master's face, Sharpshot flapping down and landing on his head. Rage left the tattered blankets and padded over Hiccup's chest.

"How long will this take, Fishlegs?" Valka quizzed. Fishlegs consulted his cards.

"About an hour or so."

"Was that enough potato?"

"More than enough." Fishlegs smiled. They all looked to Hiccup. He was staring back at them. "Afternoon." Fishlegs said tentatively. Hiccup blinked at him. Then he looked to Astrid, his father, his mother, Snotlout, the twins.

"Good night." He said, dropping back into sleep.

"Huh." Astrid mused. "I thought the idiocy would take the longest to come back seeing as it's such a big part of him."

"Too big a part to actually go." Snotlout reasoned.

"True." Astrid agreed.

* * *

They were all still there when the hour was up. Hiccup groaned and opened his eyes, scowling at the ceiling.

"Ow..."

"Hello." Astrid beamed down at him, hands behind her back. "You're an idiot."

"Yes." He croaked. "I hurt all over."

"That's your own fault. I told you not to go off to Dagur. And what did you do?"

"I went to Dagur."

"You never listen." He nodded slightly, noticing the others. They all said hello too, grinning. "I am glad you're not dying though." Hiccup frowned back up at her, confused. With Fishlegs' help, Astrid explained about the Vorpent and the potato and this America with the stupid people. Toothless nudged his way through to slobber his rider in drool. Astrid detached the saddle bag full of potatoes. She sent the twins to distribute them to the farmers. "I want potatoes all over Berk, yes?"

"Yes!" They vowed proudly. "Good to have you back, chief!" Ruffnut grinned.

"Yeah, but try not to do something stupid again, OK?" Tuffnut gave him a stern look, which was a little backwards, but Hiccup accepted it all the same.

"Where is this hidey hole of yours, Hiccup?"

"What?" Astrid puzzled as Hiccup smiled slyly. Snotlout handed her the letter and she scanned through it. "Oh! Hidey hole!" Rage and Sharpshot landed on either shoulder. "And yes, you two did a very good job too. Wait, where are Ingrid and Al?"

"With your father." Hildegard assured. "Don't panic."

"Thanks." Astrid sprinted from the room. She returned ten minutes later with a scroll in her hand and a big smile on her face. Hiccup smiled in return, eyes gleaming with mischief. "Even for you, this isn't a bad idea."

"I do know what I'm doing. Although the Vorpent bit wasn't part of my plan."

"Figured."

"So what now then?" Fishlegs asked, ready to take the scroll and to not take it seeing as he might not be allowed. Astrid had a tight grip on it. "Are we taking Dagur down?" Hiccup grimaced, assessing the damage he was in. Ribs, wrists, his previously good leg, burns, scars, bruises. He pulled at the bandages on his left arm. Astrid grabbed him by the wrist and pain laced up to his shoulder, stabbing into his brain. He instinctively jerked his arm away.

"Sorry." She muttered, her eyes full of warning as she readjusted the dressings.

"What was that about?" Snotlout frowned.

"Nothing." Astrid, Stoick and Valka said. Hildegard looked as confused as the others, so this wasn't an entire family thing.

"Plan." Hiccup said quietly. Astrid unrolled it and handed it to Stoick. Hiccup wasn't interested as Stoick read it out, even if it was one of his best plans yet. What was under the bandages? He tried to think back to everything Dagur did, but it was all one big haze. He remembered a searing white hot pain, nothing else. According to the other Haddocks, this wasn't something the others should know about.

"And that's it." Stoick concluded. Fishlegs and Snotlout exchanged impressed looks. "Hiccup, how are _you _going to pull this off?" Hiccup gave a girm, knowing smile.

"Let's just say I know a few things that will mess Dagur up."


	52. Chapter 52

**Panic over! I have seen RTTE, I should have ranted about it ages ago so I'd have got it sooner, silly parents :P**

* * *

"OK," Astrid decided, "don't freak out."

"There goes my weekend plans." Astrid glared at him. Hiccup pressed his lips together, a silent vow not to speak. For the last week, Astrid had changed the bandages on his left arm while he was asleep. She always seemed to be there to stop him from taking them off during the day. It had taken a fair bit of wheedling to convince her to show him whatever horrors lay beneath.

"This is _serious_, Hiccup." He nodded, not feeling so light-hearted now. He felt a little sick. Astrid took his hand gently and started unravelling the dressings with barely a twinge of pain to his broken wrist. "There." She said when the last of the cloth strip fell away. She stood back and let him examine what was there.

He was quiet for a minute, staring at his arm.

"If you turn it this way," He eventually announced, twisting his arm so his palm was under his chin, "it looks like that big tree on Itchy Armpit."

"Hiccup-"

"But if you look at it like this, it just looks like a snake. Or a wingless dragon. Snake." He decided, holding his arm out to her. He had hurt his wrist moving his hand, but that wasn't his sole focus right now. He was starting to remember a few things now. Astrid was watching him carefully, winding the long line of cloth around her hands. He shifted, wincing as everything complained, and then smiled up at her. "It gives me character, which I hadn't really needed before, but it's nice to have something a little extra."

"Hiccup, you're freaking out."

"Wouldn't you if you had this on your arm? Odin's underpants! What am I going to do?"

"We'll figure something out." Astrid vowed. He shook his head.

"The village can't find out- they won't want a slave for a chief."

"But I'm _sure_ they'll argue you're a good chief and, after everything-" But he was shaking his head again. Astrid bit her lip uncertainly. He held his arm up a little higher and she started wrapping it back up. His eyes didn't leave it until it vanished completely beneath the white cloth. She sat on the bed next to him, running a hand through his hair and then braiding it. "Hiccup, we _will_ find an answer to this. There _has_ to be something."

"If I was to ask Gothi though, what would that do?"

"I don't know, but it's worth a shot asking her. It's not like she's going to tell anyone." Hiccup just nodded. Astrid wasn't sure if he had heard her. She tied off the first braid and started a second. "I wish you wouldn't refuse poppy milk." He forced a smile. "I know you're still in pain, Hiccup, you can't hide anything from me."

"Sure?" He challenged, exagerrated cheekiness in his tone and a darkness in his eyes.

"I was." Astrid sighed. "What's going on up here, huh?" She tapped her fingers against his forehead, flicking a strand of hair from his eyes. When he said nothing, she finished off styling his hair and kissed his cheek. "How'd you feel about what happened? About... _before_ Dagur."

"I don't know. Part of me feels better, I guess I got what I deserved really. Still don't like it though."

"No, I didn't think so."

"What do you think about it?"

"I think what you did was crazy and you have every right to feel a little woozy about it all. Well, maybe more than a little woozy, but you know what I mean. And I understand why you did it and I get it, I do."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And... what... what do you think... about... me?"

"I didn't know what to think at first, admittedly. I wasn't going to let you struggle with that." He rested his head against her shoulder. "You get some rest, Hiccup. I'll bring Ingrid and Alastor up to see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah." He murmured. Astrid helped him lie back against the pillows and left him to sleep.

Hiccup didn't sleep though. He lay awake and stared up at the ceiling. Toothless sat in the corner, licking his claws and cleaning his face. He cooed at his rider affectionately, padding over and giving Hiccup a friendly nuzzle. "Hey, bud. I'm OK. A bit more cuckoo than usual, but that was bound to happen anyway." Hiccup regarded the Night Fury. "And I know you spat in that potato. Don't deny it, you did. You chewed it up and put an extra bleugh of drool in it, didn't you?" Toothless chortled, pleased with himself. "Yeah, you did. Horrible dragon."

* * *

"How's Hiccup doing?" Snotlout asked. Astrid was teaching him to peel carrots, not an easy task as he had already scraped his own skin a dozen times and he hadn't even finished his first carrot.

"He's Hiccup, just grumpy and bedbound. You know he hates staying in one place." Snotlout nodded in agreement. "Valka, Fishlegs, Gothi, my mother and I are all working to look after him, medicinal herbs and such mixed with Toothless's spit. The infection on his back is gone now. Bruises are almost gone too, ribs healing. His back is still a mess, but we're doing all we can."

"And what's that thing on his arm?"

"That's between us."

"I'll ask Hiccup then."

"He won't tell you."

"I'm his best friend. Best _human_ friend, in case Toothless is somewhere." He pointed at her with the knife, a new cut on his middle finger. "I _will_ find out what that is and you will _not_ stop me."

"It doesn't have to be me to stop you."

"Oh yeah?" Snotlout smirked in defiance.

"Peel your gods damn carrots already." He grinned and returned to his carrot. Instead of peeling the skin off, he was hacking chunks from it. The poor vegetable was no more than a flimsy stick. Astrid gave him another one. She had peeled eight, having mostly been talking. "How's it going with you and Waiola? Hiccup's asking for updates."

"Well, she has her dragon now and she keeps coming to the dragon classes too."

"What dragon has she got?" His smile brightened.

"Girl Hookfang is back."

"Oooh, a Monstrous Nightmare. Matching set."

"It's great. Hookfang and Tempest get on really well."

"I bet they do." Astrid returned his smile. She peeled the last of her carrots and then left his to him. Snotlout and Waiola weren't exactly a tidy pair. They dedicated one or two days a week to household cleaning. Astrid, the Rowells and sometimes Spitelout sorted things out as well, but less often. The newly-weds had to learn to run their home alone. "You guys are such slobs."

"We do try."

"No, this is the opposite of trying. Look, your clothes do not go with your weapons. I'm not even going to ask how they got there. OK, clean clothes, fold them up and put them away. Dirty clothes, put in the wash basin and bloody well wash them, for the love of Thor! I am not picking up your dirty underwear, it's vulgar."

"You pick up Hiccup's, don't you?"

"Not usually. He's a very tidy and organised man, which is strange, yes, but he does clean up after himself."

"It's Hiccup though."

"I'm sure you can keep things straight if the very, _very_ busy chief can find time to pick up his socks."

"Sock." Snotlout corrected.

"I make the amputee jokes here, not you."


	53. Chapter 53

**To Nightfury153- Hiccup's hidey hole is a secret, ssssh! :D**

* * *

Ingrid was making herself comfortable on her mother's side of the bed. Hiccup was sat next to her, watching amusedly as she rolled herself in the bedding he had discarded. All he could see of her was the messy dark auburn hair, like his, and mischievous blue eyes, like Astrid. Alastor, now three and a half months old, was sat in his sling, chewing on the material, his back to his mother's stomach. He drooled, kicking his legs.

"I am not eating that."

"Look, you complained about my soup, wanting solid food and all that."

"It looks like brains! Mushy brains!"

"I did not extract your brains and it is potato. Mashed potato. Fishlegs reccomended it. I even got you those sausages you like, the spiced ones." Hiccup eyed the plate with a little more interest.

"Ingrid, what do you think?"

"Brains!" Ingrid called, her voice a little muffled. She had cocooned herself in the furs at the foot of the bed. She wriggled into an upright position. "Brrrraaaaaiiinnnsss." She growled, laughing so hard she fell backwards off the bed. She wasn't hurt, so tightly wrapped in fluffy bedding.

"It is _not_ brains." Astrid set the meal on his lap and went to help unravel her daughter. "Ingrid, stop encouraging your father. He's already a big enough idiot." Ingrid giggled, stumbling about, dizzy. Astrid sighed. "Eat that while it's warm, Hiccup. The mashed potato is not so nice cold."

"Brains." Hiccup muttered. He had recently insisted on feeding himself, no matter how much his wrists hurt. He poked the potato-brain-yuckiness and frowned. "Definitely brains."

"Brains are grey, not white." Astrid pointed out as she left. Hiccup made a face at the door and stabbed a sausage with his fork. He didn't care what colour brains were, Astrid was enforcing cannibalism on him.

But hunger got the better of him, even when he had eaten the meat, so he thought he could maybe try a tiny bit of 'brains'.

Astrid returned ten minutes later to see him scraping the plate. "Still hungry?" She smirked. He looked at her from under his fringe, grimacing. She was right, she knew she was right, he wasn't going to admit it. She shook her head at him and disappeared back downstairs, reappearing a minute later with more mashed potato and spiced sausages and a mug of water.

"So, these potatoes..." Hiccup said when he paused for breath. "They've been planted here?" Astrid nodded. "They still look like brains."

"You're impossible." Alastor gurgled. Hiccup stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes. His son blew a raspberry in response, eyes shining cheekily. "Ask Fishlegs about potatoes when he comes over later."

"Nurse Fishlegs."

"Don't call him that."

"Too late."

* * *

Fishlegs did come over that afternoon. He knocked gingerly on the door, poking his head around. He looked more anxious than usual. "You alright, Fishlegs?" Hiccup asked. Fishlegs nodded a little too quickly to be convincing. "Sit." Hiccup ordered, nodding at the chair beside him. "Talk to me, bro. What's on your mind?"

"N-nothing." Fishlegs stammered. "How are-?"

"No, this is not about me. I am fine, end of that story." Hiccup examined his friend expectantly. Fishlegs sighed.

"I... might be going crazy."

"Nothing wrong with that." Fishlegs bit the inside of his cheek, dragging the back of his hand across his forehead, knocking his helmet askew. "Fishlegs?"

"Is... is it weird... that... will you... will you hate me if... if I told you that... um... that I... might like... women and... and men?"

"Ah. I knew there was something." Hiccup smiled. Fishlegs burned scarlet. "Look, it doesn't bother me. You're still Fishlegs at the end of the day and you are who you are."

"But... it's not... you know what... what the village are like, they won't... they won't _accept_ it, will they?"

"Does it matter what the village thinks? I'd have thought family and friends were the key individuals in your life."

"So, you don't think I'm weird?"

"I think you're weird alright, but not because of that." Fishlegs furrowed his brow at him in confusion. Hiccup just grinned cheekily. "You have to be weird to be friends with me. Makes you fit right in. Now tell me about these potatoes. Astrid gave me brains earlier." Fishlegs gave a soft laugh of disbelief. "Don't want to talk about potatoes? Fine, let's talk about guys." Fishlegs's eyes widened in horror. "No? You start the conversation then and help a brother out."

"Let's go back to potatoes. Astrid din't serve you brains, that was _mashed_ potato."

"It most certainly was not."

"No, it was. I mashed it myself." Hiccup raised a brow at him. Fishlegs proceeded to explain the various methods of serving potatoes for dinner. "And we're going to try a few other things as well, but quite alot of people are wary of potatoes."

"I'll eat them. Any excuse for solid food. If I get one more bowl of soup, I will cry. I will kick and scream and cry as best as my invalid self can." Hiccup looked his friend over. "You don't really want to talk about potatoes, do you? Rant away, Legs, rant away." Fishlegs took a deep breath and started talking. He was worried how his double decision on possible partners would have him rejected by all, he was worried what would happen if people found out, would he have to leave, would he be cast aside like Mildew had been years ago, did this affect his job as a teacher in the training arena, would the other dragon riders accept him as easily as Hiccup had, what if they didn't, would they stop being his friends, what should he do?

Hiccup waited until Fishlegs tired himself out.

"I think you should breathe and get yourself some water. Calm down first." Fishlegs nodded. He helped himself to a drink from the pitcher Astrid had put on the bedside table. Hiccup let him sit quietly for a couple of minutes. "Would you like me to get all the riders here so you can tell them as one and I can back you up as it's a perfectly alright style of life? Have you told your parents?" Fishlegs shook his head. "No to what? The first idea or that your parents don't know?"

"Both."

"OK, best to tell your parents first. I'm sure they would want to know. I would come with you, but... ooh, now there's an idea." Fishlegs gave him a questioning look. Hiccup was holding his hands up, counting on his fingers and measuring distances between his hands, looking at his broken leg and muttering to himself. "Now that _is_ a good idea. I should make somethings that I can put my weight on and walk around with."

"What?"

"Like, two supports maybe." He looked at his bandaged wrists. "Well, I might have to work out a few kinks. I can't put pressure on my wrists at the moment, but... that could really work. I'm a genius, I should be paid. Maybe I could put them under my arms or something, stand on my good leg. My better leg. Actually, I don't know. The non-broken peg leg leg."

"Focus."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Yes, so tell your parents. I could write a letter or get Astrid to write the letter for me so they know I'm on your side and that they should be too, what with them being your parents and all. As for the other riders, we should have a meeting to talk about it. I'm sure they won't mind."

"And what if they do mind?"

"Just stay you. Like I said, you're still Fishlegs at the end of the day. At the beginning of the day though, you're Nurse Fishlegs."

"_What_?"

"I've given you a job."

"_Nurse_ Fishlegs?"

"Yes. Either way, you're still Fishlegs."

* * *

**I might do a time skip for the next chapter, undecided yet. Invalid Hiccup is kind of boring to write now. Ideas? :P **


	54. Chapter 54

**Time skip! A few weeks, because I'm bored :P**

* * *

"Get them off and quickly. No more splints and bandages, I've had an itchy ankle for six weeks now."

"Patience, Hiccup. It makes a good chief."

"I am a good chief, just get them off!" Astrid sighed. She, Valka and Fishlegs were testing Hiccup's previously broken bones. They should be healed about now. If not, he would have another few weeks bed bound. It was driving him crazy. He missed Berk, missed walking around and teasing Snotlout and such.

Fishlegs felt Hiccup's ribs carefully.

"Not broken." He evaluated. "Maybe a little out of line, but that fits right in with you. Can you breathe OK?" Hiccup inhaled and exhaled slowly. Fishlegs nodded and Hiccup smiled. Valka freed his right wrist and Astrid his left. He waggled his fingers when his mother told him to, rolling his hands and, with a beam, declared no pain. "Leg!" He reminded them. "Leg, leg, leg!"

"Patience!" Astrid reprimanded, flicking his arm.

"Leg! Not patience, what is this patience you speak of?" The second the splint was off, he was on his feet. He staggered and tripped instantly, but he was laughing. "Yes! The Hooligan Chief is back and no-one can stop me!" Fishlegs helped him up.

"You'll be a bit wobbly on your feet for a while, you need to get the strength in your legs back up." Hiccup nodded, his arm around Fishlegs's shoulders.

"Take him for a walk." Valka suggested, tidying up the splints and strips of cloths. "Astrid, you too. Someone needs to keep that lunatic in line."

"I am not a lunatic. I am _the_ lunatic."

"Yes, we know." The three friends made their way down the stairs. Valka sighed. One day her son would make sense. One day in Vahalla.

* * *

"Hiccup!"

"Look, it's Hiccup!"

"Hello! Hello! Magnus, I told you to stop growing!" Hiccup leant on Fishlegs the whole walk, Astrid on his other side and shushing him constantly. "Hi! Yes, it's me, hello! How are you all? Yes, I've still got my other leg, don't give me that look. Twins, get off the roof! We've had this conversation! No paint bombs!" Tuffnut and Ruffnut scowled at him and slid down, satchels of their latest weapons smacking against their backs. "Hey, is that Waiola and Snotlout up there?"

"Yes. Hookfang and-"

"Tempest." Hiccup finished, shielding his eyes from the sun. "Yeah, I remember you telling me."

"I thought you were asleep then."

"Not exactly." He smiled sweetly. He carried on greeting people and assuring them that he was alright and asking how they, friends and/or family were, asked after dragons. "Hey, why are there all these banners out? We don't put the banners out unless-"

"Someone is visiting the island." Astrid finished for him. "Yes. I forgot to tell you, but we've agreed for a tribe to come over. A new tribe we haven't linked up with before, they want to form an alliance. They'll be here in a few weeks."

"Then why the banners now?"

"They're new. Fishlegs reckons they should get a 'weathered look' before the other tribe gets here, so it looks like they've been out for a long time rather than thrown up for show. You know, Berkian pride and all that. It's the Frulad tribe. I don't know much about them, so we've sent out envoys to try and get an idea of them." Hiccup nodded, eyeing the new banners curiously. "We've even managed to get Gobber to take a bath. We should get another one in before they arrive, here's hoping. Gods, you're lucky you missed that, he _stunk_ to the gods and back, it was _vile_."

"I bet Gobber isn't happy."

"Not really, but he'll live."

"Daddy!" Ingrid burst from the Hofferson household, Sneezy flapping after her. "Daddy, you up, you up!" Fenrir followed his granddaughter, Alastor balanced on his hip. He grunted and nodded contentedly upon seeing Hiccup. "Hello Daddy! Sneezy flies better now, look!" Sneezy crashed into Fishlegs. "He not so good at stopping though."

"I can see that. Hello, little man! And Alastor."

"Watch it." Fenrir warned. Hiccup grinned cheekily. "I see you're feeling better."

"Much, thank you." Alastor waved his arms and wailed. "Oy! Don't you take that tone with me, young man, I am your father! Raaaaaaarrrr to you too!" Alastor blew a raspberry, dribble running down his chin. His feet batted the air and Hiccup finally got a proper cuddle. Alastor immediately started chewing on Hiccup's tunic, soaking it with drool within seconds. Hiccup didn't seem to mind. "Yes, I missed you too." Ingrid pulled on the hem of his shirt. "And you, missed you both _equally_."

"We come home now?"

"Yes." Hiccup said without hesitation. Ingrid beamed and danced around victoriously, whooping in delight.

* * *

**OK, the Frulad tribe was PrincessOfAtlantis101's idea that I am building on currently (thank you POA101!), this chapter is a filler just to pass a little more time and blah blah blah. Sorry if it's pants, I'm really tired. Had a long day on a trial day as a waitress at a local cafe, chop my legs off! :P **


	55. Chapter 55

**Thank you to Anony mouse101 for the lavender idea! And for UnicornWithABananaHorn, the phantom pains! I'll do my best with both ideas! **

**To PrincessOfAtlantis101- that idea we were talking about will be soon! ^_^**

* * *

"OK, Johan, surprise me. Actually no, do you have anything for burns?"

"Burns, Master Hiccup? I travel through dragon infested waters! Burns are common place. Let me see if I got some to spare, kind sir."

"Thank you." Hiccup smiled. Johan bowed his head respectfully and moved towards the stern, examining a large pile of stock. He rummaged about for a couple of minutes, proudly uncovering a canister a good foot tall and stoppered neatly. Trader Johan beamed happily and presented to Hiccup as though it were a diamond encrusted golden crown. "What is it?" Hiccup asked before taking it.

"Lavender oil."

"What?" Johan pulled the stopper from the top and held it under Hiccup's nose. Hiccup sniffed it curiously. "Spikenard! You should have said!"

"I... did?" The trader replaced the stopper and Hiccup took it gratefully, holding it in one arm and reaching into his cloak with the other. "Oh no, Master Hiccup, no need."

"Aw, come on. You never let me pay you."

"I only need your graces to continue my ventures into Berkian waters."

"Oh, you old sop. You're _always_ welcome here, now take my money. Well, Astrid's money. She never lets me have anything." Someone scoffed disbelievingly behind him. Hiccup hunched his shoulders and bit his lip. Johan smiled.

"Ah, milady Astrid! We were just talking about you, all nice things, I assure you. Hiccup was telling me how amazingly responsible you are in handling the Haddock finances and a certain eccentric Haddock who would be lost without you." Johan jerked his thumb at Hiccup and winked. Hiccup nodded in agreement. Astrid took his latest buy from him, removing the stopper and smelling it.

"Spikenard."

"Johan says it treats burns."

"So you _can_ do something for yourself."

"Yes." Hiccup said distractedly, scraping his fake foot along the deck of the ship. He frowned down at it. "Why are you doing this now? Go away." Astrid and Johan exchanged confused looks. Hiccup didn't notice, standing on his right foot and itching his lower leg. "Oooh, I thought they were gone for good. Stupid Dagur and your stupid stupidity stupidness. Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow, I'm talking to me, don't hurt me!" Astrid cast her eyes skyward, releasing his arm from her pinch.

"You're such a wimp. What are you whining about now?"

"My left foot itches."

"How?"

"I don't know, but it does. Johan?"

"Nothing for phantom itches, I'm afraid." Hiccup grimaced, shaking his peg leg as though trying to dislodge Sneezy for the millionth time. "It's because you haven't stood properly for a quite a while, Master Hiccup. I see this sort of thing all the time. Oh! That reminds me! Did I ever tell you the time I almost lost my hands to the Uglithug chief?"

"Johan, my missing leg feels like it is on fire. _Missing _leg. Help me!"

"I'm sorry, that's not my area of expertise. If I could help you, lad, I would." Hiccup sighed grumpily.

"I know. Stupid leg. I'm going to complain to Gobber, he knows my pain."

"Oy. Don't leave this with me." Astrid dumped his spikenard oil in his arms and proceeded to inspect Johan's latest collection of axes. Hiccup called for Toothless and took the lavender solution home before going to the workshop. Gobber was moulding a new tooth for a Nightmare.

"Ah, just in time. Chief, if you've got the time in your _really_ busy schedule," Gobber said sarcastically, "sort out those saddles."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"Yes I can. You should respect your elders."

"So, does that mean I should _really, really_ respect you?"

"Just shut ya trap and get to work, you cheeky git." Hiccup ducked under Gobber's playful swing of the hammer hand, mock bowing and telling Gobber not to get too stressed, his elderly heart might not take it.

"I say, Gobber, my dear fellow, I do believe there are a few more grey hairs than usual."

"It's putting up with you, that's what it is." Hiccup shed his cloak and put on his slightly burnt and tattered apron, rolling up his sleeves. Gobber did not, apparently, take old age jokes lightly, and he put Hiccup to work, working him to his funeral ship. It wasn't easy working around Grump. The dragon had grown bigger over the past couple of years and slept more as a result, yet fidgeted and squirmed about more often, knocking tools, inventions and plans all over the place. "Grump!" Gobber bellowed dispairingly. The dragon startled and growled unhappily. "If you wanna sleep, why don't you go outside and sleep there?" Grump groaned in annoyance, rolling and struggling to rise, hefting the immense weight.

"Toothless." Hiccup summoned as soon as Grump had stomped outside. "Keep the fire going, will you, bud?" Toothless grunted, disappointed. "I know, I know. I promise though, we'll go flying later, yeah? I even started making you a new tail."

"Doesn't that dragon have enough tails?"

"Never enough. He loves new tails, likes to show them off. Don't you, bud?" Toothless crooned and dutifully relit the forge fire. Hiccup scratched him behind the ears in gratitude. "Hey, Gobber? Do you still get phantom itches and pains in your leg?"

"Sometimes." Gobber admitted. "Having trouble?"

"Yeah. Any tips?"

"One. Deal with it. Like a Viking."

"Say I wasn't a typical Viking..."

"Deal with it. Like Hiccup."

"That means he won't stop complaining and looking for sympathy."

"Are you stalking me?"

"I've brought a new axe and I need someone to test it on." Hiccup ducked under the curtain to the front of the store and started taking orders. Astrid smiled triumphantly and looked to Gobber. "Left him to his woes?"

"Left him to his woes." Gobber confirmed.

"Good."

* * *

"Astrid! Need help!" For the millionth time that day, Astrid rolled her eyes. She left Ingrid at the table drawing a picture of Toothless and Alastor in his crib a short distance from the fire, Stormfly curled around the base and snoozing as equally peaceful.

Hiccup was holding a soggy cloth in one hand, a purple hue tinting the fabric. In the other hand, he held the spikenard jar. "I can't reach." He said quietly when she stood at the door, The Stance ready. She shook her head again, positive her neck and eye muscles were the strongest parts of her. She took the cloth from him and started covering as many burns as she could, over his back, across his shoulders and along his arms, fitting new sets of bandages as she did so. She kept his left arm until last, making sure no-one was going to rush in and see the horror underneath. Even Hiccup didn't look at it, determinedly watching a fly buzz about the room, jaw clenched.

"There." Astrid declared a minute later in a small voice. The fly went out the window and Hiccup looked at her. "How's the leg?"

"It hurts."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh. And what about the one that _isn't_ there?"

"You can't mock me, you've never lost a limb!"

"I think that says something, don't you?" Hiccup glowered and sulked like his daughter was prone to do. Astrid smiled sweetly, grasping his chin lightly and tilting his head back, offering a small kiss as a not-so-sincere apology. "It'll tide over."

"When?"

"Soon."

"It _hurts_. And itches. _Badly_."

"Why don't you try some lavender oil on it?"

"I thought about that. Do you think my leg will slip off or not?" Astrid shrugged. "It _is_ strapped on though. Maybe I'll put bandages on that too. I am more bandages than person." Astrid just nodded. "It wouldn't slip then, right?" She shook her head. Hiccup grinned at her. "See, this is why you're the brains. And the mother." He added as Alastor's cries swam up to them.

"Yes, I'll go. Sort out your stupid fake leg."

"It's not stupid. It stops me from hopping everywhere."

"Now, _that_ would be amusing."

"For some people." He muttered, dropping onto the bed and removing his leg. "Cruel woman." He said under his breath as the door swung shut behind his wife. Alastor's mewls quietened as Hiccup applied more oil. He was going to smell like flowers for a while, but if it helped the burns, then so be it. Probably was better than Le Essence of Haddock Lifestyle.

* * *

Spikenard. Lavender. Johan's magic oil. Whatever it was called, Hiccup didn't care. It worked with burns. Not with his leg. Well, it helped a litte, but not enough. He took his prosthetic off, then put it back on, off, on, off, on, off, on until Astrid kicked him and told him to go to sleep. Toothless came over to see what he was fussing about, having a good whiff of his human. He did a double-take, wrinkling his nose and rubbing at it when it itched. Hiccup watched him curiously, laughing when he sneezed. Toothless snarled at him, sneezing again, bigger this time and accidently losing a plasma blast that splatted on the wall opposite. Astrid woke up to that, pushing herself up and glaring at them, half-asleep.

"You've got five seconds to explain why you woke me or I'm getting my axe."

"Toothless doesn't like my new musk."

"I don't like your new musk either." Astrid flopped onto her back, pulling her pillow onto her face. Muffled noises come from beneath. Hiccup lifted a corner of it as Toothless pawed at his nose once more. Astrid's curses floated to him, a little louder and she was glaring at him. "Let me sleep." Toothless huffed, inhaling sharply three times in quick succession and then letting out an almighty sneeze. This one woke Sneezy who immediately thought this was a competiton. He and Toothless took turns sneezing. "Sort your dragon out. Goodnight." She rolled onto her side and stubbornly ignored them all.

Just to see what happened, Hiccup flicked a little lavender oil onto Toothless. It landed on the dragon's front leg. He snorted at Hiccup- _really_?- and sniffed the liquid. He turned aside to sneeze and then licked his arm clean, recoiling at the taste and wiping his claw on the bedding.

"Look, go over there to stop sneezing. If Astrid wakes up again, she's going to kill us." Sneezy landed haphazardly on his shoulder, his tiny claws digging in a tiny bit. The small dragon wound around his neck, sneezing all over his hair. "Yes, thank you. Go to Ingrid, _quietly_. Ssh." Hiccup put a finger to his lips. Sneezy sneezed once more and took off, buzzing across the room and landing in Ingrid's cot. "Toothless, shoo." Hiccup waved the Night Fury away. Toothless hawked and spat onto his claw, cleaning his arm where the lavender had been. "See, I'm told off for being a ninny. Go." Toothless snorted and rose onto his hind legs. "Oh no you don't, bed. I am in charge here." Toothless swished around, the tip of his wing cuffing his master's head.

The Night Fury settled down on his flat rock bed, still warm from his earlier heating. He kept his tainted leg away from him, turning his head away and sneezing. An echo sneeze came from Ingrid's cot and Sneezy's little head cropepd up. "Bed." Hiccup ordered. The little Terror disappeared. Toothless growled. "Stop being such a drama queen, bud. It's lavender oil. Takes years off your looks." Judging by Toothless's head motions, the dragon was rolling his eyes too. "Don't question your rider. Go to sleep."

"You can go to sleep too before I stab you." Astrid's tone was muffled again, still angry and still threatening imminent and murderous death if she was kept from her precious sleep. Hiccup lay down, touching her shoulder gently. "Keep your flowery yuck away from me." She ordered, flicking his fingers. Hiccup smiled. It was only because she was tired. That was all. She loved his flowery scent, well and truly loved it. "You smell like a woman."

"You smell like a woman."

"I _am_ a woman."

"Says who?"

"Ugh. I am not dealing with this now. Shut up and go to sleep or you shall never see another morning."

"What about an afternoon?" She groaned, slamming her face into the pillow and drawing it over her ears. "Or an evening? Whatever suits you, milady."

"Death." She muttered. "Death and sleep."

"In that order?"

"_Specifically_ that order."


	56. Chapter 56

"I'm only supposed to show you hidey hole three." Astrid told Fishlegs. "Hiccup wants to make sure you other riders know of one each out of the dozen or so that there is, in case there's an emergency or whatever."

"How and when did he set up these hidey holes? From what I've heard, they're very complex."

"Yeah, but we do have dragons. He had Whispering Deaths dig tunnels and Terrible Terrors crawl through smaller gaps and burn through the rock to make connections and stuff. I'll show you." Astrid checked their surroundings. "There." She pointed. To Fishlegs, it looked like a regular set of sea stacks, a cliff face looming hundreds of metres over them and the sea crashing against it hundreds of metres below.

Astrid directed Stormfly to fly around some of the sea stacks until she got to one of the smallest there, looping under the arch and hovering. Fishlegs followed on Meatlug. "If you look here, see this?" Astrid pointed out a normal looking rock jutting from the bottom. "Hiccup has it wired in a way. Remember those big doors in the woods? Haymitch the Second's treasure hunt?" Fishlegs nodded. "Well, Hiccup got his ideas from there and improvised a little, you know, the whole Hiccup flair and rubbish."

"Yeah."

"I know it's this one because it has a Night Fury bite in it, just here. See?" She moved aside for Fishlegs to look.

"Won't that be obvious?"

"Not if you don't know a Night Fury. Or Hiccup. If you looked, Toothless has bitten it several times at different angles, makes it look like ordinary rock shapes to the untrained eye."

"OK. But what's so special about this rock?" Astrid smiled and pushed her hand up against the rock. It sunk upwards into the underside of the sea stack. There was a short rumble and then... a hatch door opened in the cliff face, just above sea level. "Wow." Fishlegs marvelled. "How'd he do that?"

"I don't know exactly. Hiccup's very complex. All I know is he had large amounts of Gronkle Iron cast into doors and while they were still hot, he had all these rocks stuck into it so it blended in with the rest of the cliff. Come on." Astrid patted her Nadder's shoulder. Stormfly dropped and dived effortlessly into the hatch. Fishlegs and Meatlug copied, a little more clumsily. Astrid pulled a lever once they were inside and the doors closed. Another sharp click and lights flared to life, flickering warmly in oil lanterns all around the large and roomy cave. "If you look, he's looped string around the place, linking each lantern. It doesn't burn up with each use because he coats it constantly in Monstrous Nightmare saliva, letting it soak and dry before tying it up and putting Nadder spit on it. The Nightmare drool stops it from burning completely."

"Clever." Fishlegs nodded.

"Don't tell him you said that."

"He's made a nice little home here, hasn't he?"

"All you have to do is bring food and water. He's got beds, blankets, logs stocked up for fires, books, tables, chairs, pencils, paper, all sorts. You have a look around." Fishlegs dismounted and scurried about excitedly. Hidey hole three was _awesome_. Hiccup had built rock walls to make four rooms- bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and library. The library was Fishlegs's favourite bit. A table stood proudly in the centre, logs ready to light in the hearth to the right. Chairs around the table and fire were padded with feathers Hiccup must have found around Berk and its woodlands- he would never hurt a living animal- encased in soft leather stuck to the chair seats themselves. The books- Fishlegs had never seen so many books! He couldn't see the walls for all the books there were, books of all kinds. Dragon books, cook books, botany books, books on weapon making, books on sword-fighting and many, many more. "Breathe." Astrid's voice advised him. "And don't wet yourself."

"I am _not_ going to wet myself, Astrid, puh_-lease_." Fishlegs turned to face her. "I may explode though, this place is _amazing_! Where did he get all these books?"

"Trader Johan. And from the Meatheads Library."

"Oooh, he's in trouble."

"No. He talked his way around it. As he does."

"Yeah. As he does." Fishlegs nodded. "So, he made a _dozen_ of these hidey holes?"

"Yes."

"All over Berk?"

"All over the map." Astrid pointed at the table. A large scroll was sat there, a little dusty but in good condition. On it was Hiccup's now famous map of the Archipelago, something they were still working on. "I want say where his other ones are though. Some of them are riddled with traps, others are difficult to find and even more difficult to get into unless you're Hiccup. Some are still in progress. He has about five or six functional ones. Two is his favourite."

"Why? What's in two? What could be better than _three_?" Astrid just smiled. She wasn't going to tell him. "I'll ask Hiccup then."

"He won't tell you."

"I must know!"

"Well, you won't know. Not unless you can hunt them down yourself and avoid all the traps he's put in place."

"What kind of traps?"

"Never you mind. I've got classes to teach in an hour, so I'm going to head back. You can check the coast is clear here, look." She moved back to the hatch, standing on a boulder next to it and dislodging a second the size of a chicken. Through it, Fishlegs could see outside. "Make sure you put this back first though. You push that lever up to open it and pull on the rock outside to close it. Vice a versa when you want to come in, OK?"

"I can come here whenver I want."

"Hiccup thought you'd like the books."

"Yes!" Fishlegs cleared his throat, having squealed a little. "I mean, yes. Thank you." Astrid laughed softly, waving to her dragon.

"Have fun, you little nerd. Don't make a mess."

* * *

"No, you cannot add a boar pit."

"Awww, come on!" Tuffnut complained. "You know it'll be fun!"

"Yeah, but also reckless, stupid and very, very damaging to all my hard work." Hiccup smiled at the twins simply. "I _do_, however, give you permission to build a boar pit _considering_ you can find a suitable spot that people have easy access to _without_ causing any problems to buildings, paths, dragon habitats or anything else that I may think of."

"Can we charge people to come and watch?" Ruffnut asked.

"Charge a reasonable amount for food. We will agree on prices. Free entry. Ah, Snotlout! How'd it go?"

"Hidey hole four is _so cool_! And Hookfang may or may not have accidently set fire to a chair, but hey! You can have that creaky old one that I _swear_ something sits on in the night."

"The haunted chair?"

"Mm-hm." Snotlout nodded.

"I'll take it." Hiccup grinned. "Twins, you go and look for that boar pit spot and let me know. I'll come and check it."

"Thanks, chief!" They grinned, shoving each other to get out the house first.

"Boar pit?" Snotlout chuckled. "You're joking, right?"

"Does it keep them from Loki-ing everyone? Yes, yes it does. So no, no I am not joking. I want that haunted chair."

"I know, I'll get it later. What hidey hole did you give the twins?"

"Six. Lots of space, lots of things for them to throw around or blow up."

"And you're OK with that?"

"I designed it for them."

"Aren't you nice?"

"I'm lovely. Did you take Waiola to four too?" Snotlout nodded, looking sheepish. "That's fine as long as she doesn't tell anyone. I have hidey holes for a reason."

"Then why are you telling us?"

"In case something happens and I can't get the Berkians to safety. You lot take over for me and make sure the village is safe."

"You're not going to do something stupid again, are you?"

"No. This is a just-in-case deal. That's all. I promise."

"Swear on your one good leg."

"Ouch. I swear on my one good leg." Snotlout nodded once, satisfied. He took a seat. "So." Hiccup smiled. "Any news? As in, Hiccup Junior news?" Snotlout flushed scarlet. Hiccup's grin broadened. "Have you talked about it at all?" Apparently, Snotlout didn't want to talk about this. Hiccup would ask him again later. Maybe after he had gotten Snotlout over his fear of small children.

"Why did you make the hidey holes?"

"I only meant to make four. But I loved making them and I had many more ideas so five, six and seven came into existence. Eight, nine and ten are nearly done and eleven and twelve are still being dug."

"So you do all the security measures first?"

"Yes."

"And you remember each set of traps for each individual hidey hole?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"I know. I amaze myself too."

"You fathead."

"No, I'm being responsible. Aside from the amazingness of me, the Frulad tribe will be here tomorrow, weather permitting and all that. I just don't want another situation where I leave the village stranded."

"Hiccup, you didn't leave us stranded. OK, yeah, things run smoother when you _are _here and not dying and it's nice seeing you skipping around the village on your odd feet, talking to everyone and making them feel included and all that. You know what you're doing. But so do we. We can manage, not as smoothly mind, when you're aren't here. And then Stoick takes over for a bit. It's not as fun though. More fights, more shouting, more horrible teenagers being horrible teenagers." Hiccup smiled. "I'm being serious. Were we ever that horrible?"

"I know you were."

"Git." Snotlout grumbled. "I'm sure the Frulad tribe thing will go fine. Just don't go looking for trouble."

"I try not to. But I have a hard time getting it off my back."

"You're weird."

"We've already established this. Anything new you'd like to add to the conversation?"

"I'm going to kill you."

"No, you're not." Astrid marched in. "If anyone is going to kill our muttonhead chief, it'll be his wife."

"This is mutiny, I'm sure it is."

"Hiccup, when and _if_ we want your opinion, we'll ask for it, OK?"

"No. That is not OK."


	57. Chapter 57

"Ah, the fruit salad tribe is here!"

"Frulad! Stop calling them the fruit salad tribe!"

"They were essentially named after fruit salad, I know that for a fact. I do _not_ do that with my arms!" Astrid didn't say anything, taking big lunging steps and waving her arms around in crazy circles, jabbing at the air and limping pointedly on her left foot. "Oh, yes, very clever. Show the chief up, how nice of you." Hiccup grabbed his wife by the wrists. She proceeded to imitate him and repeatedly shrug her shoulders. "I don't sound like that either, gods. St- no, stop it. Ingrid, tell your mother."

"My name's Hiccup," Ingrid said, hopping on her right foot, "my leg fell off."

"_What did you do to my daughter_?" Hiccup protested as his parents and in-laws cracked up laughing. Ingrid started to hop in a circle around her parents, swinging her arms wildly.

"I'm the chief, do as I say!" Ingrid declared, her impression tilting between her voice and a watered down version of Astrid's mimic. "Hop, hop, hop! Dragons are my friends! Fruit salad!"

"Stop it." Hiccup warned, trying to hold his wife with on arm and catch his daughter with the other. No-one was helping him.

When the Frulad tribe finally docked, they saw the chief lying on the floor, wrestling with Astrid. Stoick and Fenrir pulled them apart. Astrid smiled triumphantly and Hiccup pretended she was invisible. "Hello." He smiled.

"Do you normally greet neighbours like this?" The Frulad chief asked. He was two feet taller than Hiccup, broader than Stoick with a thick, dark beard down to his stomach. His hair was pulled back in a bun under his helmet.

"No." Hiccup shook his head. "Just a family thing."

"I could say something here, but I'm not going to." Astrid gave a sweet smile. "I'm Astrid, Hiccup's wife. This is Ingrid, his daughter, and this Alastor, his son."

"Young." The visiting chief observed. "You must be Stoick the Vast. How does your son do about here?" Hiccup looked anxiously to his father. Stoick's eyes crinkled with a grin.

"Brilliantly. You'll see for yourself what a fine job he's done about the village."

"Hiccup, was it?" Hiccup nodded. "I'm Regis. This is my daughter, Rosa." A petite girl of fifteen bounced down the gangplank. She had her father's dark hair and brown eyes, wearing a studded skirt with an underlying blue fabric and a black, short sleeve tunic. Her hair was a braid down her back, finishing at her knees. "Rosa, this is the Berkian chief, Hiccup."

"Hello! Ooh, Night Fury!" Toothless squirmed his way into the crowd, cooing in greeting. Ingrid laughed and hopped over to him.

"What's your daughter doing?"

"She's being me." Hiccup gestured at his artificial foot. "Takes after her mother." He added in an undertone. Regis chortled heartily, his laughter twice as booming as Stoick's. Hiccup looked from his father to his guest and back again, smirking slightly. Stoick stared back evenly. This was literally how Hiccup had felt in comparison to the other Vikings- now Stoick was experiencing it!

* * *

"Um, Hiccup? Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure. Ingrid, please stop pulling on my hair, I'm rather attached to it. What's wrong, Furaha?" The blonde teen smiled sheepishly, green eyes anxious. Hiccup had to pry his daughter from his skull before she spoke.

"It's the other chief's daughter. I know it's not my place, _buuuut_... we, well, _I_ because my friends are too cowardly to agree, think that she may have a wee bit of a crush on you."

"Say what." Furaha turned, snapping her fingers and pointing sharply at the ground. Three other teens, a boy and two girls shuffled over. "You can't be serious." They all nodded. Ingrid wasn't paying attention, hitting her small fists into her father's arm. Hiccup kept a tight grip on her because Astrid would disembowel him should she fall. "Wait, explain."

"It's just the way she looks at you."

"OK?"

"Just watch her."

"No, this is weird. Take it back."

"Too late."

"I'm being serious, _take it back_. Why would you do that, _why_? I was OK then!" They grinned devilishly. "Is this a prank?"

"No."

"Dammit and double dammit. We are having serious words later. You people should know not to freak me out, you know what I get like." They all nodded again. "Right," He swung Ingrid up and over his shoulder and she continued to hit his back, "I'm going now. I may fob Rosa off onto you lot, how does that sound?"

"No." They defied together.

"Tough. Chief's orders."

"Dammit, Hiccup."

"Watch your language."

"You said it too!"

"But I can. I'm the chief. You are lowly peasants."

"Ooh, this means war."

"Bring it on." Hiccup grinned cheekily. "Ain't no-one gonna take me down." He left then before they could come up with a suitable reply. He met Astrid coming from the market on his way home, swapping the abusive daughter for the shopping. "How are things?"

"Well, I left Stoick, Regis and my dad arm-wrestling. I just hope we still have a table and not splinters. My mum and your mum left too, too much _man_. So, I came to get you. Balance things." Hiccup wrinkled his nose at her. Astrid laughed. "It's true, you know it is. See! You're not denying it." Hiccup growled. Ingrid copied, tottering obediently at her mother's heels.

"Mammy, where is Al?"

"With Nana H, Ingrid."

"We get him?"

"OK. You take that home," Astrid told Hiccup, "I'll be there in a minute." Hiccup just nodded, trying not to drop the bread. Astrid righted it, putting the loaf under his chin atop the meat, fruit and vegetables.

Hiccup dumped it all on the table- thankfully still standing- wiping bread crumbs from his jawline.

"Hello, manly men who are driving the women crazy. Have we stopped arm-wrestling yet?" Hiccup's home seemed much smaller now that four hulking men were crammed inside- Stoick, Gobber, Fenrir and, probably taking up the most room, Regis. Rosa was sat on the stairs, blushing pink when Hiccup looked her way. _Uh oh_, Hiccup thought, _those teens were right, gods dammit_! He put the shopping away, trying to come up with a plan. Sneezy was hiding away in the pantry, chewing on a haddock. He squawked when Hiccup disturbed his peace and quiet. Rage and Sharpshot flapped from nowhere in particular, landing on their owner's shoulders. Sneezy gulfed the fish down and gave them all a cheeky look. Hiccup put the food around him, picking him up by his tail before he could get anything. "Sneezy, we've talked about this. You are not allowed in the food cupboard. I don't even know how you got in there, I locked it." He put the little dragon on the table, confiscating the meat and descending into the cellar.

Snotlout was there when Hiccup returned. "Hey." Hiccup smiled. "You OK? Sneezy, down! That's his nose, not food!" Snotlout leant back, covering his face with his hands as Sneezy hovered clumsily before him. "Sneezy!" Sharpshot bounced up and caught his charge by the tail, dragging him down and giving him a stern look. Sneezy bowed his head, claws scraping across the ground. "Thank you, Sharpshot."

"Hey. Who's that girl making goo-goo eyes at you?" Snotlout hissed. Hiccup took him by the arm and led him out, explaining in hushed tones. His supposed best friend found it hilarious, giving himself a stitch through laughing so much. "Oh my gods, this day has come!"

"What?"

"I've been waiting for something to come along that you can't handle."

"Oh, I can handle it. I can! Don't pull that face!" Snotlout's humour continued. "Hiccup Junior." Hiccup said flatly. That quietened Snotlout instantly.

"About that..."

"YES!"

"No, shush!"

"It happened!"

"Well, maybe..."

"What do you mean _maybe_?"

"I mean we don't know for sure yet. Waiola just... _thinks_."

"Tell her not to _think_, tell her to _know_." Snotlout just nodded. Hiccup slugged him in the arm. "This is so cool! I can watch you suffer now!" Snotlout stared at him desperately. Hiccup laughed maniacally. "How the tables have turned!"

"Unturn them! Help me!"

"No!"

"You promised!"

"Ugh, I did too." Hiccup kicked a pebble dejectedly, watching it bounce down the hill. "Fine.. But you owe me." Snotlout just shrugged. "Look, you don't _know_ yet, something I find deeply upsetting, but if it does turn into a _know_ rather than that absurd _think, _come find me and I'll give you some legendary Hiccup advice on dadding."

"On _dadding_?"

"Yes. Problem?" Hiccup smiled simply. His friend just shook his head, not sure how to respond. "Good. Now you can help me. How do I deal with a fifteen year old crush?" Snotlout snorted, humour returning. "Yes, glad you find this funny, but I'm in a dire situation here. I actually _need_ help. _Your_ help to make matters worse!" Snotlout stared at him, agape. "Yeah. I said it. Now help me."

"Maybe you should came across as unattractive as possible. That might work. See, now you're the one pulling faces. Stop it. Actually, don't stop that. Just wear that look for the rest of the day and then... bam! Problem solved."

"This is supposed to be _help_?"

"Yes."

"Useless."

"No, that's you."

"Excuse you, sit your ass down." Snotlout folded his arms. "I am the chief, I have rights." Hiccup crossed his arms too, staring Snotlout out. "You go back to Waiola and _know_ and I shall go back in there before Regis thinks I'm planning something behind his back or his daughter asks for my hand in marriage." Snotlout sniggered.

"I'd hate to be in your shoe."

"Ah, amputee joke. I was waiting for that. Bugger off." Snotlout punched Hiccup, Hiccup punched him back and they went their separate ways, one still laughing at the other's misfortune and the other nursing another bruise. "Regis?" Hiccup called. "Where's the rest of your people?"

"In the Great Hall. You might want to restock."

"Ah. Duly noted."

* * *

**Sorry, I can't think straight today. This will have to do, I'm sorry if it's pants. I've been awake since four, my driving lesson was a complete flop and I'm just fed up at the moment. **


	58. Chapter 58

Astrid punched Hiccup in the arm, making him jump and recoil. He hissed a second later and pretended to claw at her. "What?" He demanded when she shook his head. "Stop bruising me for no reason, I'm delicate."

"We know. What I don't know, however, is why little miss Rosy-cheeks is falling over herself to be the centre of your attention."

"Ah. You noticed. Yes, some of the teens pointed it out to me and I have no idea what to do."

"She fancies you?"

"Apparently."

"Oh no she does not, you're _my_ husband." Hiccup beamed proudly and she hit him again. "Look, it's either you talk to her or I'm going to." His smile faded in fear. "Perfect. Here she is now." Astrid forcefully spun him around and shoved him towards Rosa. For once, her father was nowhere in sight. Hiccup wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Good because her father wouldn't clobber him for upsetting her. Bad because he had no-one to help him see sense aside from his violent wife. "_Now_." Astrid ordered through gritted teeth.

"Um... Rosa?"

"Yes?" Rosa smiled broadly, her eyes lighting up. Hiccup hesitated. It was only the heat of his wife's glare did he try to talk. Emphasis on try.

"Uh, well... there's... um... you see... err..."

"What is it, Hiccup, sir?" When Hiccup remained quiet, Astrid groaned in annoyance, pushing him to one side and frowning down at Rosa, hands on her hips. Rosa did a double-take. "Ma'am?"

"Rosa." Astrid acknowledged crossly.

"Is something wrong?"

"I'm pretty sure you know there is." Astrid didn't miss the quick flick of Rosa's eyes to Hiccup and she most certainly did not miss the scarlet darkening her cheeks. "Let's just come to agreement to let that be, yes?" Rosa nodded. "Look for someone your own age."

"Yes ma'am."

"Go." Rosa nodded again and shuffled out. Astrid straightened, flicking her braid over her shoulder and squaring her shoulders. Hiccup was standing behind her, eyes wide and shell-shocked. "You're too soft."

"Which is why you're here." He said in a meek voice. "I didn't want to say anything, it was _awkward_."

"You are nothing but _awkward_."

"I know, but still!" Hiccup flailed his arms and she copied. "I'm desperate here, stop it!" Instead, she started the 'Hiccup-song-and-dance'. This was where she bounced around, waving her arms and spouting whatever things Hiccup was likely to say, kicking her left foot every now and then. "Stop it!" Hiccup protested. "Oh my gods, am I _really _that annoying?" Astrid nodded, still prancing about. Hiccup just left her to it, walking out. He could see Rosa peering around the corner of a house just down the hill. She disappeared when she realised he was looking her way. Seconds later, Hiccup saw her running up to the Great Hall. He sighed.

He stopped off at his parents, collecting Ingrid and Alastor. And Sneezy. Ingrid constantly reminded him to say hello to Sneezy if he didn't say it right after greeting them. "Yes, hello Sneezy. Ingrid, I do know. Get down from there, how'd you even get up there?" Ingrid was sat atop the dresser, Sneezy curled up in her lap. Hiccup checked on Alastor in the cot and called for his parents. Valka appeared at the top of the stairs. "Mum, how did she get up there?"

"Oh dear gods! I was only gone for a minute! Ingrid, you're as bad as your father!" Hiccup held his hands up to his daughter.

"Come on, get down. I'll catch you."

"No. I like it up here."

"That figures, but come on. You can come and help me with some chief things, yes?" Ingrid nodded. Sneezy flapped to over her head and she lifted her hands up. Her dragon's claws went around her wrists and they floated down. "Now that makes more sense." Hiccup caught them both in his arms and then set them on the floor. "Right, best behaviour. We have to go and see the other chief."

"That big man? Big than Grampa Stoick?" Hiccup nodded. "He is _huge_." Ingrid held her arms out stiffly to either side and stomped her feet. "Rar! Rar! Big man! Scary big man with big beard! Eeeh, big man in the door, big man in the door!" Hiccup turned. Regis stood there. Looking down, Hiccup could see another pair of feet behind him- Rosa.

"She's two." He said to Regis's questioning look. "And takes after her mother. They like to copy people. A lot. Mostly me, but sometimes it detours to other people."

"Your wife talked to my daughter."

"Yes." Hiccup thought it best not to deny it. He was aware of his mother watching from the stairs. Ingrid held onto his leg, Sneezy haphazardly landing on Hiccup's shoulder.

"She was quite stern, from what I hear."

"Yes. I'm sorry about that, it's just-"

"No need to explain. I do know. I understand it was just a teenage infatuation, but I do not appreciate my daughter being upset."

"And I'm sorry about that, I really am. I was meant to talk to her, but... I kind of... well, you know, I was just all _bleugh_ about it and... Astrid took over." He leant to the side to try and get Rosa in sight. Regis moved to block his view, mighty arms crossed over broad chest. "What can I do? I'm sorry, OK, it's not my fault." Regis leant forward, bearing down. Hiccup instinctively leant back, only for the Frulad chief to grab him by the front of his shirt.

"Hey!" Valka protested, jumping down the steps and snatching a sword from the wall. "Put him down!" Ingrid screamed and rushed forward, kicking Regis's shin. Regis glanced down, surprised, like an ant was crawling over his leg.

"Put Daddy down! Now!"

"Dad!" Rosa cried. "Dad, stop it! It's my fault! Just let him go!" Regis regarded his daughter for a moment. Rosa had squirmed around him, hitting his side. "Dad!" She stomped her foot. "Put him down! Now!" By 'down', Regis meant bodily throwing Hiccup. Hiccup crashed into the cupboard and a stack of wooden plates and bowls fell on him. Ingrid and Valka shouted protests, Alastor started crying and Stoick marched in, landing a heavy punch to Regis's gut.

Then Astrid was there, her axe ready and some of the men, armed too, around her. Regis was ushered out, Rosa next to him. The Frulad men started raining in from all directions, mostly armed with knives and daggers.

"Daddy!" Ingrid scrambled to her father's side. "Daddy, you OK?" Hiccup's head was spinning and his back hurt. Why couldn't he go a few weeks without some catastrophe? "Daddy!"

"I'm OK." Hiccup groaned, reaching up and gripping the cupboard, pulling himself up. He patted Ingrid on the head reassuringly and stumbled to Alastor. His son's wails simmered down to a mewl when Hiccup picked him up. He turned to the Frulad. Regis scowled at him. "We invited you here to sign a peace treaty. If you're going to behave like this, I want you off my island. I'll keep the treaty signed until it runs out and we'll go from there when it's over. Understood?"

"Understood." Regis growled. He signalled to his men and they marched reluctantly down to the docks. "Rosa, with me." Stoick, Astrid and the Berkians followed them, making sure that they were all rounded up and on their ship. Astrid may or may not have snuck a couple of Stinkdragons on board, but ssh! They would never know!

"Are you OK?" Valka asked, checking her son over.

"Well, better than the last aggressive incident." Hiccup rolled his shoulders, wincing. Valka touched his cheek. "I'm fine, Mum, really. Takes more than a bit of dodgy crockery to stop me."

"It's not dodgy! Just old." Hiccup hummed. "Those were my mother's."

"Are you sure? They look to be your mother's mother's mother's mother."

"Shut up and put them back." Valka took Alastor and rocked him back to gentle slumber. Ingrid helped gather the fallen plates and bowls and pushed them one by one onto the counter. She couldn't see what she was doing, too short to actually view the dresser surface.

"Daddy, why did the big man get mad?"

"Um, well, Ingrid, sometimes things happen that we can't control and other people don't always see it that way and completely overreact."

"Will he be back?"

"No." Ingrid smiled.

"Good. Big man mean. He hurt my daddy. No-one hurt my daddy 'cept me." She paused. "And Mummy."

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Hey, Hiccup. What's this with the Frulad tribe? Why are they leaving so early?" Snotlout quizzed. Valka explained for Hiccup. Snotlout was furious. "Because his daughter had a crush on you? She's, like, ten years your junior! Ugh, and I thought he was alright as well! HOOKFANG!"

"No, don't burn their boats! That'd only make more problems and I've had enough of those lately." Snotlout waved Hookfang away. The Nightmare went to play Tag with Tempest. "Lout, I appreciate the gesture, honest, but let's just let it go, OK?" Hiccup put the last plate in place. "There." He smiled.

"I still think it's stupid." Snotlout muttered, arms folded. Hiccup nodded in agreement. "Why couldn't he talk to his daughter instead? Like," He deepend his voice, "hey daughter of mine, you should probably know this anyway, but it's not exactly ideal to fall for a guy _way_ older than you who's already married with kids. By the way, did I mention he was a chief of a very important village? No? Well, he's the chief of a very important village." Snotlout cleared his throat. Hiccup was laughing. "Something like that." Snotlout concluded in his normal voice. "Seriously though, this is ridiculous. I bet he's all nancy pancy when it comes to looking after his daughter. Daddy's girl and all that."

"Yeeeah, little bit." Hiccup nodded. Snotlout shrugged.

"I say we burn t-"

"No."

"You didn't-"

"No."

"Let me-"

"No."

"Fi-"

"No."

"Nish."

"No."

"You done?"

"Yes."


	59. Chapter 59

**Sorry for not updating last night, I had a day-out with my friends and didn't get home until half nine at night and I was just **_**exhausted**_**. But, on the other hand- I AM THE CRAZY GOLF QUEEN!**

* * *

Hiccup stood before the village, Alastor cradled in the crook of his elbow and an apple in his other hand. It had been two days since the Frulad tribe had left and tempers were still high. Hiccup had been trying to explain the peace treaty, having had his father and father-in-law barricade the doors. He was containing the riot before it started. Probably not the best idea, but much better than the alternative. He waited calmly, watching weapons slice the air as furiously and as frequently as demands and curses on the Frulad chief.

Alastor was watching them all, chewing on his hand and gurgling. Hiccup bit into the apple and held it there, shifting his hold on his son. Alastor had taken a liking to sucking on Hiccup's shoulder, his hard little gums leaving faint bruises. Hiccup finished his morning fruit and tossed the core as far as he could into the crowd, knocking askew Cadman's helmet.

"Hey!" Cadman protested, stomping his foot and brandishing his sword at Hiccup. "What was that for?" Hiccup shrugged his free shoulder. Cadman stooped and threw the apple core back. It whizzed past the chief's ear; he didn't even flinch.

Raising a hand, Hiccup realised his attempts for quiet were futile. He sighed and motioned to Toothless, who screamed and blasted three shots into the air in quick succession. Silence soon conquered the room.

"OK, good morning everyone. Let's keep this quick, because I'm sure you've all got jobs to get back to. I am not declaring war on the Frulad tribe for a teenage crush, it's ridiculous."

"Regis attacked you!" Hackett argued.

"Yes, I'm well aware of that. I'm sure I can handle a few bruises though, so thank you for your concern, but it isn't entirely necessary." Alastor had soaked Hiccup's tunic through, so Hiccup adjusted the tot again, giving him an apple slice to chomp on. "No. I do not want war. _That_," He added sternly, "is final." He rubbed wearily at his face. A few weapons went down. "Here is what we are going to do. The Frulad tribe are going to go home and I shall leave them be considering they no longer bother us. The treaty runs out in two years, plenty of time to fix things. I am not having war on Berkian or Frulad soil- _any_ soil for that matter, I can see what you're thinking." He pointed in the direction of some of the more traditional Vikings, Hackett and his friends. "Are we good now?"

"Not really!"

"Tuff! That's not helping!"

"Oh, right. Do we go back to waving sharp things and screaming?"

"No!"

"I knew we shouldn't have got up this morning." Ruffnut muttered. Her brother nodded and grumbled in agreement.

"No war." Hiccup concluded. "That is all." He examined their tense faces and sighed again. "Honestly, I'm a bit annoyed too that he overreacted like that, but two wrongs don't make a right. So, let's leave them alone and they shall leave us alone. It's like annoying a beehive." There were murmurs of agreement and more weapons were lowered. "Imagine you're this hardworking bee and some prat comes in and slaps you. You wouldn't be happy, would you? But, still, like I said, that someone was a prat and it's not worth wasting time on them. We've got more important things to worry about, like... let's say survival. And..." Hiccup leant to the left slightly and frowned. "And did someone lose a dragon?" They all turned. Hiccup laughed triumphantly. "Made you look! OK, away with you!" He shooed them all. Tuffnut and Ruffnut stood behind, still looking for the lost dragon.

"I think he's hallucinating." Ruffnut hissed

"Do you think he's had one too many hits to the head?" Tuffnut asked just as quietly, hitting himself on the head.

"I think it was a harmless prank." Hiccup said simply. The twins startled and stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"We've done it." They looked at each other, spitting on their hands and shaking firmly, cackling victoriously. Hiccup gave them both a questioning look. "You, our fine friend, have officially and finally been Loki-fied."

"Just get out."

"But you're part of our team now!" Ruffnut insisted. Alastor grumbled and started to smell. They both recoiled with idenitcal sounds of disgust and retching, covering their noses. "He can stay away though."

"At least until he controls where he sh-"

"OK, we're going now." Hiccup interrupted. He took Alastor home, holding him at arm's length for most of the journey. "Good gods, you stink."

"Charming."

"Not you, milady."

"I know that." Astrid rolled her eyes. "Stop being mean to your son."

"Ah, he doesn't mind, do you, Al?" Alastor kicked his feet and complained. "Yes, I'll change your nappy, hold on a minute. Where's Ingrid?"

"Training Sneezy. She wants him to do loop the loops and stuff." Hiccup just hummed, deciding he was going to need to upgrade the fire preventions in his home. He prised the nappy from Alastor and did a double-take, coughing and gagging as the wicked stench swarmed up to him. Astrid laughed and then retched too, slapping a hand over her nose and mouth and staring wide-eyed at her baby. "What did you _do_?" Her voice was muffled against her palm; Hiccup didn't miss the accusation.

"Let's not give him fruit, OK?"

"My gods, I'm going for a walk, that is... that is... _ugh_..."

"_Why are you leaving me with this_?"

* * *

**Sorry if this is pants, I just needed to kind of resolve things and then time-skip a little, because I've forgotten my idea :/**


	60. Chapter 60

Hiccup set a tankard of mead before Snotlout, trying not to smile. Snotlout was in shock. Waiola _was_ pregnant and Snotlout was _terrified_. Absolutely beside himself, no matter what Hiccup said or how much babysitting he had roped Snotlout into. "Stop looking so panicked, Lout, it will be OK. You're great with Ingrid and Al-"

"Those are _your _kids though, not _mine_. I get to send those home at the end of the day."

"Well, yeah, but you get the general idea, right?" Snotlout shrugged, staring with distant eyes into his drink. Hiccup sat opposite him, nursing a simple cup of water. No Chief Lightweight today, not with Snotlout in this much hysteria. "Hey, you've got a few months to work your way up into fatherhood. Waiola won't leave you to it either and we'll always be here to help too. You'll get your head around it, just give yourself time."

"And if I don't?"

"You will."

"How can you be so sure?"

"If you can train _Hookfang_, I'm sure you can train... I mean, _raise_ a child." Hiccup paused for thought. "Training, raising, it's not much different now that I think about it. Babies are easier anyway. They don't fly, they can't disobey you, they don't breathe fire, they don't have claws, they only drink honeyed milk, they're easier to clean up after seeing as they only toilet in nappies. And they won't destroy things in their sleep either, other than aformentioned nappy."

"Easier said than done."

"Yes. You just have to get used to it."

"I can't be a dad. Not like you."

"Everyone has their different parenting styles. I mean, look at Astrid. There is no way she would spoil Ingrid and Alastor rotten and she makes sure I don't, no matter how much I plead with her to give them new toys and such. Maybe you'll keep the baby in check once he or she is all grown up. Waiola may be the one who wants to spoil them silly, like I do with mine."

"You think?"

"I know." Hiccup nodded. Snotlout chugged some mead. "You'll be _fine_. Do you want something to eat?" Snotlout shook his head with a murmur of thanks. "What has Waiola said?"

"She told me to man up." Hiccup cracked up laughing. "Holding a sword." Snotlout added. "That she had just had sharpened."

"I told you you needed that woman in your life. You should listen to me more often, I do know what I'm on about."

"Which is a great surprise and mystery to us all, I can assure you." Snotlout drained what was left of his mead. Hiccup was amazed at how fast that had gone. "Another."

"No. Let's get you home. Waiola would kill us both if you turned up drunk." Snotlout groaned, but nodded in agreement. Hiccup finished his water, some dribbling onto his tunic. Snotlout snickered and Hiccup made a face at him. "I'm serious now, get up. Last one to yours is a muttonhead."

"_You're_ the muttonhead."

"I'm your chief."

"Muttonhead chief."

"Muttonhead non-chief."

"Oooh, such an inventive insult. I take my helmet off to you." Snotlout did so with as much of a sarcastic look as he could muster. "Muttonhead." He muttered. Hiccup dashed around him and out the door. "Hey!" Snotlout protested. "Hiccup, you little weed, get back here!" Hiccup laughed maniacally and sprinted. "HOW COME YOU ARE SO FAST WITH JUST THE ONE LEG? I WILL TAKE YOUR OTHER LEG!"

Hiccup got to Snotlout's residence before Snotlout did. Waiola wasn't impressed, bringing up the one-leg deal as well. "He has one leg! How did you lose?"

"That's what I want to know!"

"I'm lighter on my mismatched feet than you shall ever be on those _lambs_." Hiccup waved at Snotlout's feet. Snotlout smacked one of his _lambs_ into Hiccup's calf, sending the chief yelping and hopping away. Waiola nodded once, a little miffed that her husband had still lost, but appeased at his reaction. "Ow, ow, ow... ah man, that's the fifth one this morning." Waiola cackled gleefully. "Yes, that was Astrid. Very violent. Snotlout, I didn't warn you about the ladies and the, um... time of the month incidents, did I?"

"No, you did not." Snotlout growled, glaring at him.

"Let's go for a walk. Waiola looks ready to plant a mace in my face. Heh, that rhymes!"

"Get out." They said together, Snotlout shooing him, his wife brandishing the feared sword. Hiccup held his hands up and Snotlout made sure he left, follwoing him out. "Tell me about this time of the month thing. Is that why she gets so crabby randomly and only wants to eat honey coated spinach?"

"Honey coated spinach? Ew!" Snotlout nodded in agreement. "Gods, I'd hate to see what her cravings are going to be like."

"Cravings?" Hiccup explained. Snotlout was starting to fear the pregnancy more than what followed it. Hiccup quickly changed tactic and promised him that if Snotlout stayed level-headed and recognised what Waiola wanted and needed, remember what she craved and keep stock of it all, made sure he took care of the chores, particularly in the later months, "and for whatever reason _do not_ hog the bathroom. Women need to pee more than ever with a baby on their bladder."

"Right."

"Do you want me to write that all down for you?"

"Please."

"I'll write them up this evening and send it over."

"Thank you." Hiccup laughed at the immense look of relief on his friend's face. "I'm serious, you're a life saver. Still a muttonhead, but a life saver nonetheless." Snotlout slugged him in the shoulder playfully. Hiccup waited a second and then made to deflect the attack, flicking Snotlout in the nose when he snorted with laughter. "You're off your rocker, you are." Hiccup took a shallow bow. "Muttonhead." Hiccup flourished his arms over his head and then flicked Snotlout again. "Hey, you've still got the bandages on that arm. That was weeks ago, what is it?"

"If I take it off, my arm will fall off."

"Ugh." Snotlout rolled his eyes. "Just tell me."

"If I tell you, your arm will fall off."

"What? How?"

"Astrid."

"Oh. Will you keep _still_?"

"We've been over this, Lout. I am a married man and so are you. We may be going for a walk, but you are most definitely not going to hold my hand. Ow, ow, ow, death grip, _death grip_!" Snotlout had caught Hiccup by the left wrist and was trying to undo the wrappings. "No, bad Snotlout. Leave it alone. So says your chief."

"No." Snotlout defied. Hiccup was trying to wriggle his arm free; his friend indeed had a _death grip_. "Stop fighting, you won't beat me."

"I beat you in the footrace."

"That was dumb luck."

"Let go." Snotlout found the end of the bandage and started untying it. Hiccup tried to stop him with his other hand; Snotlout caught that and held it against Hiccup's other trapped hand, immobilizing him. Hiccup felt his breath hitch in his chest and fought more. Snotlout was watching him worriedly, pausing momentarily in the reveal. "Serious order from your chief now," Hiccup said thickly, trying to fill his lungs and failing, "let go." Snotlout did. Hiccup righted the bandages and pulled his sleeve back down, crushing the hem to his palm with his fingers.

"You're freaking out."

"I'm fine."

"You're not breathing properly." Hiccup flexed the fingers on his right, inhaling shakily. "I'm walking you home."

"No. No, no. I just... I need to... I need to sit down..." Hiccup glanced around desperately, spying the cliff edge and heading to that, stumbling. Snotlout jogged after him, falling in at his side and grabbing him before he walked straight off and onto the rocks below.

"You _are_ freaking out." Snotlout insisted when Hiccup squirmed and shifted away, sitting with his back against a boulder. "What happened?"

"I don't... I need my... my hands free, I don't... I don't like..."

"Being trapped." Snotlout finished. "Is that something Dagur did?" Hiccup winced. "You can tell me. If you want obviously, just... try and breathe first, OK?" The stricken chief nodded a little too quickly to be convincing. Snotlout sat a metre from him, making no sudden moves to startle him. "Your arm. You've kept that bandage on for _ages_. Are you hiding something?" Hiccup's green eyes flicked from the sky to his friend and back again. "Please tell me. I want to help."

"Sssh..." Hiccup managed. Snotlout remained silent, letting Hiccup recover his breath and settle. Hiccup looked over his shoulder worriedly. Snotlout looked too. He could see people milling about the village, dragons amongst and above them. A Terrible Terror was chasing mice from beneath the shubbery. Snotlout made to say something when he noticed Hiccup rolling his left sleeve up, revealing the neat wrap of white linen. "You can't tell anyone."

"Are you supposed to tell anyone?"

"No. But I can trust you." Snotlout felt a stirring in his chest- pride. Joy. Something like that, but he didn't care. Hiccup trusted him, even after all he had done, and that was enough for him.

The dressings fell away. Snotlout's eyes widened. Hiccup's expression didn't change. The burn wasn't as red or as painful as it used to be, thanks to the use of spikenard, but there was no getting rid of the horrid S.

"That's-"

"I know."

"Did Dagur-?"

"Yeah..."

"My gods..." Hiccup nodded, his hand trembling as he started to cover the slavemark. "How... who... who else knows?"

"Mum, Dad and Astrid."

"What... you do have a plan for this, right?" Hiccup shook his head. "_What_?" Snotlout hissed. "You _always_ have a plan!" Another shake of the head. "Is there anything I can do?" Hiccup shrugged. "We'll think of something."

"Here's hoping." Hiccup muttered, securing the last of the wrappings and shaking his sleeve back over it. "Don't tell anyone." He pleaded. "Not even Waiola." Snotlout nodded. "Promise me." Hiccup insisted. Snotlout looked at him. Held his hand out. Hiccup raised his left in response and they gripped each other's forearms. Snotlout could feel a tingle on his palm, as though the mark was trying to burn through its concealment and onto his skin.

"May the gods hear me and strike me if I wrong, I promise." Hiccup sighed in relief and smiled weakly.

"Thank you. But none of this striking talk."

"Too late."

"Let's go back to the dadding lessons."

"Do we have to?"

"Yes." Hiccup pushed himself up, one hand on the rock and the other on his knee. Snotlout rose easier than that, holding his friend by the elbow as he swayed unsteadily.

"Are you OK?"

"I will be. Dad Lesson Number One- always sneeze loudly."

"What?"

"It scares away predators."

"You're being weird, aren't you?"

"When aren't I?"


	61. Chapter 61

"We are gathered here today-"

"Hiccup, this is serious. Stop talking." Astrid budged her husband aside and smiled reassuringly at Fishlegs. "Snotlout, twins- keep an open mind. Fishlegs has something he wants to tell you and Hiccup is going to _stay quiet_, aren't you, _Hiccup_?" Hiccup made to say something. Astrid put her hands on her hips and he closed his mouth. The Stance was back. He could not go against that anymore. "Good. Fishlegs, all yours." Astrid took two steps away, giving Fishlegs the spotlight. He looked like he was going to be sick or faint or wishing the ground would open beneath him and swallow him whole. Hiccup could see he was struggling; Astrid wouldn't let him talk though. He started fidgeting, bouncing anxiously on the balls of his feet. Fishlegs looked over his shoulder at him. Hiccup gave a double-thumbs up, smiling. His friend took a deep breath and turned to face the other riders.

"I am... slightly... um... I like..."

"Men." Snotlout finished for him.

"And women." Fishlegs added.

"Wait, that's a thing?" Tuffnut quizzed, questioningly glancing at his sister and then at the rest of them. Fishlegs nodded. "Huh. Never knew that."

"There's alot of things you never knew or will ever know." Astrid smiled.

"I don't like that attitude, missy. Roll that back."

"Make me."

"No." Hiccup cut in. "We're here for Fishlegs. He doesn't need anyone fighting. You OK, Legs?"

"Um..." Fishlegs peered nervously at his friends, chewing his lip.

"I just want to make this clear," Snotlout told him, "I am now married."

"You're not my type anyway."

"Hey!" Snotlout protested. "Stop laughing, Hiccup! I am everyone's type!" There were murmurs of disagreements from the group and then more laughter. Snotlout called them a few unsavoury things. "Fine, fine. You like men and women, that's lovely." His eyes flicked to the twins and he smiled slyly. "I've found you the perfect match."

"No!" Fishlegs, Hiccup and Astrid said.

"What are we talking about?" Ruffnut asked.

"Fishlegs is greedy." Tuffnut reminded her. "Can't settle for one batch of lovers, has to have them both." The pair looked Fishlegs over. "Still don't see how that works though. I mean, what would do? Would you have to-?"

"Tuffnut!" Hiccup scolded, like a parent to a naughty child. Fishlegs was bright red. "I ban inappropriate questions!"

"You're full of inappropriate questions." Astrid pointed out. Hiccup huffed irritably. "Just saying." His wife smiled sweetly. "So, are we all good with Fishlegs? Not going to freak out or anything? No? Good." She directed her smile at Fishlegs. "I told you so."

"I know, I know. Couldn't help but worry though."

"You do nothing but worry." Hiccup said, dodging a kick from his wife. "Right, so now your parents _and_ this lot know. Was there anyone else?" Fishlegs shook his head, still a little pink, but otherwise relieved. "Excellent. This does not leave the group unless Fishlegs says otherwise, agreed?"

"Agreed." Snotlout nodded.

"Twins?"

"Huh?"

"Tell no-one."

"Tell no-one what?"

"About- nevermind."

"Oh!" Ruffnut exclaimed. "About Fishlegs being greedy! I think people know that already."

"Just go." Astrid ushered the pair out. "And do not say anything to anyone!" She yelled after them. "I swear we're still parenting those two sometimes." The three men nodded in agreement. "So, Fishlegs, now that the little sneaks aren't here, what _is_ your type?" Fishlegs shrugged. "We know it's not Snotlout. Can't be Hiccup."

"Hey!"

"Who else is there?" Astrid mused, ignoring her husband and his insistence that he was _her_ type considering they were bound together in holy matrimony with children and will you listen to me, I'm being serious here! "Do you prefer women or men?" Another shrug. "Yeah, my womanly mind-reading skills only go so far, Fishlegs. Answer properly. With words."

"About the same." Fishlegs mumbled.

"Go for someone with dark hair." Hiccup advised. Snotlout nodded, smiling. "We're much better looking than those _blondes_." Astrid kicked him in the shin and he inhaled loudly in pain.

"I'm blond too." Fishlegs said, removing his helmet.

"Dark hair is the opposite." Snotlout replied, arms folded. "Opposites attract and all that. I mean, look at those two clowns." He jerked his thumb at the pained chief and his estranged wife. "Couldn't get more opposite than that really, could you?"

"Fair point."

"We can hear you." Astrid grumbled. "Hiccup, stop whining. It's only a bruise."

"On my _bones_. That _hurt_."

"You wimp."

"Ow."

"WIMP!"

"OW! IN PAIN, OW!" Fishlegs chuckled. "Oh, that's right. Everyone laugh at my pain, it's not like I'm the beloved chief or anything." Astrid knocked him off his feet and left with the other two, leaving him to scramble after them. "I don't sound like that!" He argued when they started mimicking him. "I shall have my revenge!" He declared boldly. They only laughed. Astrid hooked her arm around his waist and kissed his cheek.

"You big softie, we're only teasing."

"Revenge!"

"Behave!" Fishlegs and Snotlout reprimanded, trying not to smile. "I swear we're still parenting _him_." Snotlout added, flicking his hand to his best friend. "I guess we always will be though. You leave him alone for five minutes, he nearly gets himself killed."

"You take away my supervision, the possibilities are endless." Hiccup grinned. "Put my supervision back in place and I go undercover."

"You hide."

"No, it's a tactical retreat."

"That's the coward's term." Snotlout teased, slugging Hiccup in the arm. "Hey, Fishlegs. Is Hiccup your type?"

"No."

"_What_?"

"Ha!" Snotlout did a victory dance at the dumbfounded look on Hiccup's face. "You're not everyone's type either! Just like me!"

"And _why_ would you be everyone's type when you've got _me_ as your _wife_?"

"Waiola! Fancy finding you here! Help me, help me..." Snotlout hissed from the corner of his mouth to Hiccup. Astrid pushed him forward, offering her congratulations on the baby news. "I can't wait to see Snotlout be a dad, that'll shock some sense into him." Waiola smiled.

"Here's hoping."

"Hiccup Junior." Hiccup waved his hand, pointing at Waiola warningly. "Hiccup Junior." He confirmed. "Very good. Works for both boys and girls." Waiola just nodded, humouring him. Hiccup recognised this immediately and stuck his tongue out at her. "Don't want Snotface Junior. Eck. Yucky. Or Snotikins, buggy boo or honey bun. No, no. Hiccup Junior."

"Are you leaving yet?" Snotlout growled, determined not to look Fishlegs' way. Hiccup pretended to debate this question, humming thoughtfully.

"No." He eventually decided. Snotlout's shoulders drooped. "Wait, let me th- no. I'm sorry, my dear Snotikins, it looks like you're stuck with me!"

"Pretty sure I'm not the only one who likes men too here."

"Wait, what?"

"Oh gods..." Fishlegs hid his face in his hands. Waiola was staring at him as though she had never seen him before. Snotlout explained quietly and she relaxed. Hiccup was muttering that Fishlegs was insane, Astrid was trying to soothe him, "I know you don't like men in that way, we all know it. You do have your moments though."

"Fishlegs." Waiola closed the distance, resting a warm hand on his arm. "It's OK. My cousin's a bit like you, it's fine." Fishlegs lowered his hands. "I promise you, it is perfectly alright with me. You can come over later for tea and we can talk about boys if you want. Have a proper girly chat."

"Take out the girly bit and you have yourself a deal."

"Can I come?" Hiccup asked.

"No, you've got to keep me away." Snotlout despaired. Astrid, Waiola and Fishlegs laughed. The two women linked arms with Fishlegs and left. "How come he gets all the attention?"

"Women like partially gay best friends?" Hiccup tried. "I don't know. But he needs the attention at the minute, just until he calms down and realises he's still good old Fishlegs to us." Snotlout massaged his jawline uneasily. "What? Jealous that he's getting more womanly attention than you ever did?" Snotlout glared at him. "Yeah, I'm right and you know it." It was Hiccup's turn to do a victory dance. "Or are you jealous that he gets tea and a girly chat?"

"I'm not jealous."

"He has the potential for a lot of rebound crushes if things don't go his way. He's not limited to particular somebodies on the island."

"Should we set him up?"

"Definitely."


	62. Chapter 62

"Hiccup! Trader Johan has just brought you a letter!"

"Yay! Correspondence!" Astrid handed the letter over and he ripped it open excitedly. "Wait, I don't know this writing." He scanned through it, looking more and more horrified as he did so. Astrid watched him, not sure to laugh or help. "It's from _Rosa_." He hissed, eyes wide and pleading desperately for help. Astrid took the letter and read it herself. Her stomach churned, it was just incessant flirting and Rosa trying to persuade Hiccup that she was mature for her age.

"No, no, no, this has gone _way_ to far."

"She's going to stalk me, _save me_!"

"Calm down. I know someone who can help." He brightened. Astrid smoothed his hair back from his forehead. "You'd be lost without me." He made a face, but nodded all the same. Astrid kissed his cheek. "I'll be back in a bit. Have some time with the kids."

"Gladly, but where are you going?"

"You'll see." Hiccup started to speak, thought better of it and shut his mouth. Astrid smiled sweetly, disappearing out the door. She, Waiola and Ruffnut were going to have _so_ much fun writing a reply.

"OK. Time with the kids." Hiccup turned to examine his home. "Where are the kids?" His eyes fell on Toothless, who was watching him expectantly. "Ah. You know where they are, don't you? Horrible dragon, give me back my children." In response, Toothless spat out a small boot. Then laughed at the dumbfounded look on his rider's face, lifting his wing and revealing Ingrid and Alastor. Ingrid waved, giggling and cuddling her baby brother. Hiccup put a hand over his heart, feeling faint.

"Daddy? You OK? It was prank. Mummy's idea."

"Oh really?" Hiccup said breathlessly. "I am having stern words with Mummy when she gets back and- oooh, my life flashed before my eyes, I can't believe you did that!" He reprimanded his dragon. "You're going to be the death of me you are." Toothless flashed his gums in a grin and licked Ingrid affectionately, dampening her hair. Ingrid complained loudly and Alastor kicked his feet unhappily. "OK, OK, bath time for you and nap time for you, little man. You," He jabbed a finger at the Night Fury, "are grounded." Toothless growled. "Don't you take that tone with me, you scared the sh- uh... well, you scared me. Alot. Bowel discomforts."

Twenty minutes later, Ingrid was clean and wearing an old tunic of Hiccup's, flapping the sleeves around and trying not to trip over in it. Alastor was refusing to sleep, chewing on his fingers. He was still small for his age, nearly six months old now, but healthy. His blond hair was tufty and his eyes were more green than blue now, something Hiccup was proud of. He was wearing his nappy and a small green shirt Hildegard had sown for him.

"I am Daddy!" Ingrid declared. "I am chief! Hear me roar! Raaarrr!" Toothless roared back and Ingrid jumped excitedly, giggling and then laughing harder when she fell over. Sneezy scrambled from under the table and the three started roaring at each other. Alastor tried to join in, waving his arms and stamping his feet against the air.

"Eh!" He said. "Eh, eh! Aaaah!" Ingrid rolled clumsily onto her front and pushed herself up, swishing the empty sleeves around. She padded over to her brother and father carefully, beaming at them both. Alastor struggled, leaning forward and grabbing at her dark hair. "Ah." Ingrid ducked his drool-coated fingers, grimacing.

"Daddy, is A-las-tor," She said slowly, "talking?"

"Trying to, I think. It's Baby Talk. You know, _eh_ and _ah_ and such."

"Will he say words?"

"Soon."

"Did I Baby Talk?"

"Yes." Ingrid contemplated this for a minute, Sneezy landing on her head and sneezing all over them. "Thank you." Hiccup grumbled, wiping Alastor's face on his sleeve. Sneezy squealed cheekily and Toothless padded over curiously, snuffling at the little dragon and patting at him gently with his claws. Sneezy took off from Ingrid's head, alighting on Toothless's. "Ooh, you've done it now, Sneezy." Hiccup chuckled. Toothless tipped his head to the side, Sneezy fell and Toothless caught him in his claws, pinning his tail and a wing to the floor.

"Daddy!" Ingrid flapped the sleeves over her head to get her father's attention. "Toothless hurt Sneezy!"

"No, he won't hurt Sneezy. Toothless isn't like that. Look- let him go, bud." Toothless did, rather reluctantly, and Sneezy popped back up, unharmed and ready to play. "See?" Hiccup smiled. His daughter relaxed and held her arms out to her dragon. Sneezy shot into them and wound around her neck, headbutting her lovingly. "Nothing to worry about. Toothless loves Sneezy really. Isn't that right, bud?" Toothless cooed, tucking his head under Hiccup's arm and crooning when he was scratched behind the ear. He rested his chin on Hiccup's knee, eye to eye with the smaller hatchling. This one was not like the older one. It had different _hair_ and eyes, but still no wings or claws. It hadn't come from an egg either, same as the first one. Toothless was sure there was something else- Hiccup called the smaller hatchling 'little man' or 'mini me' whereas Ingrid was 'young lady' or 'don't be your mother'. Did that mean the first hatchling was female and this smaller one male? Toothless grunted at it. In reply, it kicked its feet and wailed. "Hey, easy." Hiccup shushed, rocking the tot until he calmed. "What are you scaring him for, huh, bud?" Scaring? No, no. Toothless didn't want to scare the small creature, he had asked _him _a question. That was the other thing. Number One was a _her_ and Number Two was a _him_. Musing over this for a moment and mewling apologetically, Toothless decided the the second one _was_ a male and the first female. Then he argued that it didn't really matter because they were both loud and grubby and very, very strange.

Hiccup laughed, drawing the Night Fury's attention. "What's the matter?" He grinned. "You've got that look, what are you thinking?" Toothless nudged Hiccup in the ribs kindly, deciding not to confuse him and just relish in the affection. The first hatchling was chasing her Terror about the room, stumbling every now and then on her father's shirt. The second was munching on his paw again, those strange clawless digits dripping salivia down his chin.

* * *

"No, Hiccup wouldn't say that."

"Like she's going to know." Waiola countered. "She was here for, what? Two days? Not even that, her father left in a paddy."

"I still say declare war on them."

"Ruff, we've been over this." Astrid sighed, massaging her temples. "We aren't going to stage a war, we're just going to put Rosa down _gently_."

"That's the sarcastic gently, right?"

"Yes, Ruff."

"We have very different views on _gently_."

"We know." Astrid and Waiola nodded. Ruffnut leant forward to inspect what they had written. The draft letter was covered in crossed out words and broken sentences and ink splodges. Around the mess, it read:

_Dear Rosa,_

_As mature as you may be for your age, you are still fifteen and that is an unethical turn of events I shall not comprehend or entertain. A piece of advice for the future though, do not send love letters teeming with typical pick-up lines and an aftertaste of cheese, it does not bode well for physical or mental health. I felt queasy reading the first one alone, positively ill by the end. Besides, it is not for you to jump at the first man you attain feelings for- find someone better suited to you, such as someone from your own tribe of your own age and not someone else's husband ten years your senior. _

_Thank you, do not write again,_

_Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third._

"Are we really going to send this?" Ruffnut asked. "Seems a bit harsh."

"I thought you liked harsh?" Waiola raised a brow at her. Ruffnut shrugged.

"Don't bother me, but you saw her dad."

"Are we getting common sense lessons from Ruffnut?" Astrid asked Waiola from the corner of her mouth. Waiola could only nod, stunned. "So, if we were to break the twins up entirely, they'd be sensible?"

"I don't like it." Waiola commented. "Put them back together, this is weird."

"Ruff, go and find your brother. He can help too if he wants."

"Ugh, do I have to? He's so _lame_."

"Ruff..." Astrid warned, concealing a smile. "He _is_ your brother."

"And I've been stuck with him since birth, I'd like my own space sometimes." Ruffnut sighed, plonking her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. "Being a twin ain't always fun, you know."

"Have you and Tuff argued?" Waiola asked gently. Ruffnut shook her head. "Are you OK?"

"I don't know. Bad day." Astrid frowned.

"Ooh, I know what this is. You've met someone."

"No!"

"You have!" Waiola grinned as Ruffnut turned pink. "Oh, this is brilliant! Do tell! Wait, is it that ex-dragon trapper guy? What was his name? Earwax?"

"Eret." Astrid laughed. "Ruff crushed on him big time a few years back. Has he finally come around to your feminine wiles?" Ruffnut hunched her shoulders. "Aaah, he has! That's so sweet! Oh my gods, I sound like Hiccup." Astrid looked mortified, making the other two women tease her and smile. "No, this is serious, slap me if I start spouting dragon facts unnecessarily or stupidily throwing myself into danger." Waiola flicked her. "Thanks. Ruff, tell! What happened?"

"I don't know. He just started acting weird, bringing me flowers and stuff. Aren't we supposed to be writing a letter?"

"Forget the letter, this is much more interesting." Waiola insisted. "What's 'and stuff'? What else has he brought you?"

"A new axe, a mace, a basket of fish and a new saddle for Barf."

"Wow." Waiola marvelled. "I'm going to talk to Snotlout later. Hiccup's convinced him to be terrified of me now I'm pregnant." Astrid smirked knowingly. Ruffnut looked confused. "Basically, if I ask for something, Snotlout rushes out and gets it. Gone, just like that." She snapped her fingers. "Anyway, Ruffnut. You _do_ still like him, don't you?"

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"I never really figured he would... you know, like me back."

"Oh, Ruff. I don't see why he wouldn't! OK, maybe you're a little crazy, but that just makes things interesting. I mean, look at what I married." Astrid half-laughed, half-despaired. "That's Crazy with a capital C and- yeah, he drives me mad, but if he was just regular old Viking, I'd be so bored, I'd run the rebellion myself. Look, next time you see Eret, just agree to go on a date with him or something."

"A... date?"

"Yeah." Waiola agreed. "Snotlout's taken me on picnics and to the beach at night and I nearly drowned him, not entirely sure how if I'm honest, it's not like I held his head under the water or anything, no. Maybe Eret will do something like that."

"I can get Hiccup to put a word in if you want." Astrid offered. "He insists he's very swathe when it comes to matchmaking and that. He and Snotlout are going to set Fishlegs up with someone."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I feel sorry for Fishlegs."

"He'll be fine." Astrid waved it aside. "I'll talk to Hiccup, he'll talk to Eret and then all you have to do is act surprised when Eret turns up for this 'impulsive' date." Astrid marked air quotes.

"And what if I'm wrong about all this?"

"We'll make him see otherwise." Astrid promised.

"We're very persuasive." Waiola added, smiling angelically.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey. How's it going?"

"I've been kicked out."

"Why?"

"It's an all-girls thing apparently." Snotlout shrugged, dropping into a seat opposite Hiccup. Ingrid, now in her own clothes, bounced over and raised her hands. Snotlout picked her up and sat her on his knee.

"I don't see why they kicked you out though; you'd have fit right in."

"I hate you."

"No hating Daddy! Daddy gave me dragon, Daddy is lovely!"

"You trained her to say that, didn't you?"

"I might have mentioned it." Hiccup said airily, scratching his chin. "How's Waiola?" Snotlout made a face. "Pregnant women." Hiccup translated with a laugh. "Yes, they can be scary. You'll get used to it though. Any thought on setting Fishlegs up?"

"I've been looking for bookworms even since he told us, but I don't think they leave their houses."

"What about if we get Heather back?"

"Do you know where she is?"

"Somewhere. But I remember her picking Fishlegs over you." Snotlout gaped at him. "Hey, Astrid told me, not my fault. Although, someone like Heather... would she have time for men?"

"She could already have someone."

"Considering she's not running rampant."

"What about someone from Berk?" Snotlout suggested. Hiccup looked at him expectantly. "What if we just call in every single person about our age and... have an auction. On Fishlegs." He continued as Hiccup's expression faded into confusion. "Give Fishlegs to the highest bidder."

"We are not putting our friend up for auction."

"_Why_?"

"Mmm, let me think... oh yeah! He's our _friend_, not some _vase_." Snotlout snorted.

"You're so picky." Hiccup stuck his tongue out. Snotlout copied. "Got any better ideas then, Mister Smarty Pants?"

"I might just listen to you ramble for a while, it's comedy gold." Hiccup smiled. Snotlout scowled. "Fine, fine. We could do a massive singles-only matchmaking event, throw Fishlegs into the depths and let things work out on their own. Spread the word, anyone of any age looking for _lurve_-"

"Child."

"-and have them all meet in the Great Hall or something. Food and drink included, a small entrance fee to pay for said food and drink. We could put up pink banners and stuff with love hearts all over and- you're pretending to be sick. I feel the same. Let's just go with regular decorations, Snoggletog ones or something, I don't know. Then we could walk about and match people up, let there be dances and competitions. No auctions."

"That idea is just ahead of its time, that's all."

"You keep telling yourself that. So that's me, you, Astrid, Waiola and maybe some of the already married or dating Vikings with good tact-" Snotlout snorted with laughter. Hiccup ignored him. "-and a good eye can help fix people up with other people. That'd be nice. And if no-one likes the party, it's your fault."

"_What_? _My_ fault? It was your idea in the first place, setting Fishlegs up with someone!"

"You agreed to it and no-one really agrees to my ideas!"

"They _have_ to, you're the chief!"

"Daddy!" Ingrid cut in. "A-las-tor is crying!" Hiccup paused, hearing his son upstairs and Toothless trying to soothe him. "Go!" Ingrid ordered. Hiccup shot her a funny look and vanished upstairs. "Snotface." Ingrid turned to her adoptive uncle. "Daddy has good ideas more than bad ideas. Do yucky lovey party. Uncle Legs be happy."

"And what makes you think that?" Ingrid simply pointed. Snotlout looked round to see Fishlegs not so subtely hiding behind the door. "Fishlegs. I know you're there."

"'Cos of me." Ingrid said proudly.

"Yes, because of you. Shush now." Fishlegs shuffled in, taking Hiccup's vacated seat. "So, this yucky lovey party as Ingrid so kindly put it. What'd you think?"

"I think you're mad."

"Granted. Would you be up for it?" Hiccup asked, coming back down the stairs with his son in his arms and the Night Fury trailing behind him. "Or would you rather we organised a few blind dates for you?"

"Neither."

"_Why_?" Hiccup pouted, like a small child not getting their way.

"I've already found someone."

"Who?" Snotlout quizzed interestedly. Fishlegs hesitated. "Or are you saying that to stop us matchmaking?"

"He's saying it to stop us matchmaking." Hiccup confirmed when Fishlegs said nothing. "We won't do anything drastic, Legs. It's not like we're going to partner you with Mildew or anything." Fishlegs shuddered. "Exactly. We'll be nice and find someone reasonable. Anyone you have in mind though?" Fishlegs shook his head. "OK, good. That gives us a wider playing field." He told Snotlout, who nodded in agreement.

"Hiccup!" Astrid kicked the door in. "Did you know-? Oh, hi guys. Everything OK?"

"Yeah. Did I know what?"

"About Ruffnut."

"Uh... she's blonde? She has a twin? She has half a Zippleback? What?"

"I can't say. I'm only allowed to tell you."

"And you stick to rules since... when?"

"Fair point. Eret and Ruffnut may or may not be becoming an item. You just need to talk to Eret and get him to plan a date night for them." Hiccup blinked at her. Then he grinned.

"I am a master matchmaker. Consider it done, milady." He half-bowed, Alastor grumbling as he did so. "Hey, you, sssh. I'll get you food, hold on."

"Give." Astrid ordered, flourishing her hands as she moved forward. Hiccup handed his son over. She took Alastor back upstairs and closed the door. Hiccup grinned at his two friends.

"So, that's Snotlout and Waiola. Ruffnut and Eret. Just you and Tuffnut left." He smiled at Fishlegs. "I will find you the perfect match, you watch." Fishlegs looked to Snotlout pleadingly, something he never thought he would ever do. Snotlout just shrugged, smirking. "Yeah, that's right. No going against the Crazy! Mwhahaha!" Hiccup clapped excitedly, hopping from one foot to the other. "This is going to be so _cool_."


	63. Chapter 63

**I'm sorry for not updating these past few days, I've been so stupidly busy. Helping my dad with the pond, cementing the outside of it and sticking pebbles in **_**one by one**_** and then we switched rooms with my brothers, I never realised how much stuff I had until I had to move it all. Apologies in advance for spelling mistakes and any drabble like writing, I'm so tired. I've been awake for near enough fifteen hours now.**

* * *

"Ow! Wh-? Hiccup! Why are you shooting me? And _what_ are you wearing?" Hiccup did a curtsey. Rangvald blinked at him, more confused about the chief than ever before.

"I, mortal, am Freya."

"What? You can't go dressed around as a god, especially a goddess." Hiccup straightened the wig and smiled.

"I've left lots of presents on her altar and will do again later. Plus, this is for love. We're having a gathering of single Vikings later-"

"Yes, I've heard. But why did you shoot me?"

"It's not a _real_ arrow," Hiccup explained, hefting the very real looking bow, "these arrows are blunted, leather wrapped around them. They'll bounce off, no worries. I shot you because I wanted your attention."

"You could havejust talked to me."

"Not as fun." He threw his bow up and grinned. "I'm going to find more single Vikings! Bye, Rangvald, see you later!" Hiccup disappeared up the hill, ocassionally stumbling on the long tunic and blinded by the blonde wig. Rangvald shook his head. How Hiccup's mind worked he didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to either. What he _did_ want to know, however, was how in the name of Thor Astrid let Hiccup do this.

Hiccup bounced into the Great Hall. He had Snotlout, Waiola and quite a lot of the teenagers helping out. They were hanging red and pink streamers and lighting blue and orange lanterns. Food was being set on the table- fruits, meats, dishes, desserts. Ruffnut and Tuffnut were keeping the Terrible Terrors out, having more fun than they should have scaring the living daylights out of the small dragons.

"Wait, you're _actually_ dressed as Freya? I thought you were joking!" Snotlout dropped his ball of streamers and massaged his temples, knocking askew his helmet. Waiola cracked up laughing, sharing a high five with the demented chief. "Oh my gods, what did the village think?" Hiccup shrugged, smiling.

"They'll be coming tonight though."

"Does Fishlegs know?" Waiola asked, pulling a bit of grass from the wig.

"Kind of. I sent him a message saying he had to be at the Great Hall tonight, very important. It'll be a miracle if he didn't know about the singles thing, lots of people are talking about it."

"Or are they talking about you finally losing the plot?"

"Probably both."

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ODIN'S UNDERPANTS ARE YOU WEARING?" Hiccup startled, his bow clattering to the floor. He turned slowly and smiled sheepishly at his wife.

"Milady."

"No! No, don't! That's creepy, take it off!"

"Keep your wig on." Hiccup muttered, throwing his new hair piece at her. She snatched it from the air and tossed it into the fire. Waiola helped Hiccup untwist from the tunic and he brushed the dirt from his own. "There. Better?"

"_Why_?"

"I was Freya."

"OK." Astrid rubbed at her eyes with one hand, the other held up towards Hiccup to silence him. "OK, shut up now. You've really gone off into the deep end, haven't you?" Hiccup nodded, looking pleased with himself for doing so. Then he noticed his father peering curiously around the door.

"What on earth did I help bring into this world?"

"I'm a mentally unstable, danger-seeking, cross-dressing, dragon-loving chief."

"With one leg." Snotlout added.

"I was trying to ignore that."

"How are you going to ignore it? It's there, look!"

"You're fired."

"You can't fire me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And why's that?"

"Because you were desperate enough to ask me in the first place."

"This was your idea."

"Actually, my idea was to auction Fishlegs, but Mister Goody Odd Shoes decided that was _unkind_ because Fishlegs wasn't a _vase_." Astrid and Waiola shared exasperated looks while Stoick fiddled with his beard distractedly. Snotlout and Hiccup didn't notice, debating back and forth on this ridiculous event until it got to the point that there should be a tap dancing roast pork with a helmet in one hand and a haddock in the other.

* * *

"What is he doing?" Hiccup hissed despairingly. "Why is he just standing there?"

"This is Fishlegs." Astrid reminded him in a normal tone. "He isn't really one for parties, you know that."

"This isn't a party, it's a plan. Fishlegs needs a date and we're going to get him one. Snotlout, go and shove him."

"No, don't go and shove him." Astrid grabbed Snotlout by the arm and pushed him back. "Stay." She said firmly. Snotlout and Hiccup shared meek looks. "You two are hopeless, I'll go to help Fishlegs. Both of you are forbidden from moving from the very spots you are standing on, is that clear?" They nodded. "Good." Astrid spun on her heel and marched through the crowds of dancing Vikings- all single- to Fishlegs, who stood near the doors, aware that Hiccup and Snotlout were watching him. He looked relieved to see her. "Are you OK?"

"I... I think so. Just a lot of people here, that's all."

"I know. One of my husband's _brilliant _ideas yet again." Fishlegs smiled timidly. "You _can_ go if you want." His eyes widened and he paled. "Ah. You don't want to." She looked around at the crowd. "Fishlegs... is someone here?" She smiled playfully, knowingly. Fishlegs flushed crimson and Astrid's smile broadened. "Knew it. Who?" His eyes flicked and he mumbled incoherently. Astrid grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "Tell me."

"Yes, tell me."

"Hiccup! Go back!"

"No."

* * *

**I'm sorry, I've got nothing. I'll finish this tomorrow if I can, I'm so tired.**


	64. Chapter 64

*****IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE, READ IT PLEASE*****

**Hello, sorry for not posting in ages on this one, but I do have a reason. I was going to post more drabble chapters for a little while just to bridge the gap between Alastor and the end of the story. Hiccup's plan to defeat Dagur doesn't actually come into play for a few years, way into **_**Third Crisis**_**, so I can't use that currently. I'm going to do a time-skip, so Alastor is just over a year old and Ingrid is nearly three. I hope you guys don't mind, but I just want to wrap this story up so I can get some things sorted.**

* * *

"Ingrid, slow down! He has shorter legs than you!"

"No!"

"Aaah!" Alastor protested, stumbling to a standstill and stomping his feet. Ingrid stopped too, quite a few metres ahead, and did a little victory dance. Alastor plopped onto his bottom and wailed despairingly, kicking at the grass and waving his fists.

"See what you did, Ingrid?" Hiccup picked his son up, brushing grass from his trousers. "You made Al sulk."

"Big baby." Ingrid teased. Alastor blew a raspberry.

"Ingrid, behave." Ingrid looked up to see her mother descending on Stormfly. The Nadder squawked a greeting and Astrid gracefully slid from the saddle. "He's your little brother, you have to show him how to be a nice child." Hiccup snorted. Astrid glared at him. "Al looks up to you, Ingrid."

"He is short."

"That's not..." Astrid sighed. "What I mean is that he wants to be like you."

"But he's a boy."

"Yes. And you're his big sister and he will behave like you do. So, if you show him how to be friendly and play nicely together, he won't be trouble."

"Why can't you and Daddy make him not trouble?"

"We do try." Hiccup replied. "You're the eldest though, Ingrid, lots of responsibilites."

"I'm three."

"Soon."

"Don't need res... resp... re-spos-bil-li-lies." Ingrid frowned. "Re-spo-so-bill-ies."

"Responsibilities." Astrid smiled.

"That." Ingrid muttered. Hiccup set Alastor down at his feet. Sneezy, fully-grown and as big of a pain as his master, sprang from the tall grass and half-sneezed, half-roared. Alastor looked delighted, smiling broadly and reaching for the small dragon. "Leave Sneezy alone! Sneezy, heel!" Ingrid ordered. The Terror scrambled away and curled around Ingrid's ankles. Alastor pouted. "Get your own dragon!"

"Ingrid! Share!"

"My dragon! I trained him! _Mine_."

"Ooh, that's the Hofferson blood."

"If you say one more word..." Astrid warned. Hiccup held his hands up in surrendor.

"Da!" Alastor protested. Hiccup beamed, Astrid fixed a wary and stern eye on her son. "Da- da- dr..."

"Wait..."

"Drrrr..." Alastor chewed on his fingers. "Drrr..." He said around the digits. "Draaaa..."

"Don't you dare." Hiccup pleaded.

"Draaaa-on."

"_Will any of my children say 'daddy' first_?"

"No." Astrid and Ingrid smirked. Stormfly ruffled her wings and nudged Hiccup affectionately. "Stormfly!" Astrid stared at her dragon, gobsmacked. "He's just looking for attention, leave him alone."

"I am not looking for attention, I'm deeply wounded."

"If it makes you feel any better, he did say 'Da'."

"Draaaa-on."

"Dra-_gon_." Ingrid told her brother. "Dra-_gon_. Guh. Dra-g-on." Alastor blinked at her. Sneezy sneezed. Alastor giggled and fell back, rolling in the grass. "Hopeless."

"Ingrid!"

"What?"

"Where did you learn that word?"

"Mammy said it about you." Hiccup looked to his wife, arms folded. Astrid pursed her lips and pretended she had no idea what Ingrid was talking about. Hiccup took Alastor and left. His son was going to say 'Daddy' before 'Mammy' if it was going to kill him. And it probably would.

* * *

He went to see Snotlout and Waiola that afternoon. Waiola wasn't far off giving birth, something Snotlout was absolutely terrified of. After near enough nine months of being at her beck and call, withstanding her mood swings- most often violent- and the very elaborate and demented cravings- potatoes of all things, the miracle vegetable that Snotlout had grown to _loathe_\- Snotlout was ready for it all to be over. The thing he was _not_ ready for, however, was the baby.

"It's going to be a horrible child, I can tell already. Demon child, with... with its demon eyes and... demon bowels." Hiccup had to stifle laughter, sharing a quick look with Waiola. Snotlout didn't notice. "And its going to cry constantly and... poo. Everywhere." Hiccup feigned surprise, as though Snotlout had just devised a solution to all problems everywhere. Snotlout noticed that one, glaring at him. "You're not helping."

"Would you like me to say something sarcastic? Because that's all I can offer at this very moment." Snotlout groaned in defeat, slumping atop the table with his head in his arms. Hiccup swiped his helmet and put it on. "I'm Snotlout," He declared, "Snotlout, Snotlout, Snotlout, oy oy oy!" Snotlout grumbled something. "Five thousand pounds of flaming muscle coming through! Argh, no! It's going to poo! Demon child, demon child, it's everywhere!" Hiccup pretended to scream, about as loud as a whisper and lacking all sorts of terror and very much full of sarcasm.

"I hate you." Snotlout's muffled voice told him. "So much." Hiccup straightened the helmet and pushed the tip of his nose up with his finger. Snotlout looked up then, just in time to see Hiccup snort like a pig. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you such an arse?"

"Bitch please. I am _the _arse." He looked at Waiola seriously. She raised a brow at him. "I got the booty."

"Get out."

"No." Snotlout snatched his helmet back and huffed, slumping in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest. "Aah, Snotikins, is that big scary chief being mean?" Hiccup cooed.

"I will drown you in lava."

"Uh-huh." Hiccup agreed disinterestedly, scratching at his chin. "Seriously though, you'll do fine. Although, you're making a big deal out of it, Lout. You're not the one pushing it out of your-"

"OK, thank you for coming!" Waiola interrupted, hauling Hiccup to his feet and briskly ushering him out. Snotlout looked ready to be sick. "You are the wrong kind of arse." Waiola said loudly, for Snotlout's benefit, handing Hiccup a fish pie. They had made a deal to scare Snotlout as much as possible without actually pushing him over the edge. Waiola grinned. Hiccup winked knowingly and sauntered off merrily, lifting the covers on the pie and taking a deep sniff. He half-turned to give her a thumbs-up and went on his way. Waiola closed the door, inspecting her husband with her hands on her back. "Don't listen to Hiccup, he's an idiot."

"But he's also a dad and he knows what he's doing. I don't."

"You _will_. You've looked after Ingrid and Al, you've learnt that basics. What happened to that cocky and sometimes irritating confidence?" Snotlout hunched his shoulders. Waiola crossed the room, leaning down to wrap her arms around his neck. Snotlout kissed her hand, their fingers entwining. "It will all be fine, you'll see. If you can train Hookfang, I'm sure you can raise a baby. With my help of course, don't look so panicked."

"I'm panicking."

"Don't."

"Too late."

"Good job you picked your brown pants this morning then."

"I'm really going off you and Hiccup." Waiola smiled triumphantly and squeezed, choking him. "My point exactly." He garbled. She loosened her hold and snickered devilishly. Snotlout half-wished Hiccup would come back.

"Go and get me potatoes. I'm hungry."

* * *

"Is that from Waiola?"

"Yup."

"What did you do?" Astrid demanded, taking the fish pie from him. Hiccup shone an innocent smile. "Oh, you _didn't_." He had the nerve to look politely confused, eyes gleaming with mirth. "You started talking about the birth, didn't you?"

"Mmmaaayyybe. Got a fish pie out of it though. Yum yum." He added as her steely expression remained. "Din-dins." He tried. "Fooooood. No-one has to cook tonight?" That lightened her mood instantly. Hiccup grinned. "When do you think Waiola will have the baby?"

"Mum reckons before the end of the week."

"Ah. Mother knows best, eh?"

"This is my mother we're talking about. She has yet to have been proven wrong. What's that look for?"

"What look?"

"_That_ look. That one you get when you're thinking, but you don't want to tell me _what_ you're thinking. No, not that one. That's your clueless look." Hiccup's eyes flicked to the side and then back at her, bewildered more than ever. Astrid rolled her eyes. "Ugh, idiot. You're planning something, aren't you? And does it have something to do with my mother?"

"No." He said.

"Liar."

"I'm not lying!"

"Does whatever you were thinking about having something to do with my mother or not?"

"Indirectly." He answered quietly.

"What?" She persisted. Hiccup pressed his lips together, debating whether or not he should stay quiet. Astrid stared him down.

"OK, fine. I was... just thinking... well... I would... kind-of-like-another-child." He finished in a rush. Astrid didn't react.

"What?" She eventually asked. Hiccup sighed.

"I... you know I didn't have much of a family growing up. It was really just me and Dad." She nodded. "I always wanted a brother or a sister, but seeing as they won't happen, I figured... Ingrid and Al... could have more brothers or sisters." Astrid's brow furrowed lightly. "Just... just an idea, that's all. Just a Hiccup idea."

"Hiccup-"

"Forget I said it."

"Hiccup." She said sharply. "OK." He stared at her in amazement. "I was thinking about it too." She admitted. "Maybe one more. That birthing thing... _so_ don't reccommend." He smiled, relieved. "No, I'm being serious. It's like a laying an egg the size of-" He raised his hands and she stopped. "Payback." She smirked victoriously. He gaped at her. "Hey, if you and Waiola get to pick on Snotlout, me and Snotlout get to pick on you."

"Why me? Why not Waiola?"

"She's pregnant."

"So am I."

"That's physically impossible."

"And your point would be?"

"That you're an idiot."

"Good point."


	65. Chapter 65

"I heard your little conversation yesterday."

"What litte conversation?" Astrid frowned, casting her mother a half-concerned, half-wary look. Hildegard smiled knowingly, seemingly pleased with herself as she set the table for dinner with the Haddocks. "Mum, what _little conversation_? Were you eavesdropping?"

"Pfft, no." Fenrir walked through.

"Yes." He grunted.

"OK, maybe a little, but it doesn't matter!" Hildegard set the last plate down, smiling. Astrid smacked the fork on the table, staring her mother down. "Sweetheart, what you and Hiccup were talking about..."

"Be a bit more specific, _Mother_." Astrid persisted, even though she was pretty sure what Hildegard was implying. Hildegard waited for Fenrir to gather his fishing pole and leave. Astrid crossed her arms fiercely.

"The third baby." Hildegard said. Astrid shook her head. "You did that last time and look, Alastor was there."

"Mum-"

"Give it another week. You'll see." Hildegard pretended not to hear anything Astrid had to say after that, pottering about the food, slowly roasting a leg of lamb. Despairing and determined to prove her mother wrong- for at least once in her life- Astrid went to find a second opinion.

"Hello, Gothi." The elder bowed her head in greeting. Astrid copied. "I need to ask you something." Gothi recovered her staff from where it was leant against the wall and proceeded to write in a patch of dust. It took Astrid a few seconds to decipher the scribblings. "No, Hiccup's fine. Well, he's Hiccup at least." Gothi nodded, smoothing over the writing and looking at Astrid expectantly. "It's my mother. She... she thinks I'm pregnant." Gothi wrote some more. "I know she's usually write, but..." Astrid struggled for a moment, her own stubbornness battling against her mother's strong and intuitive will. The older woman seemed to understand all the same, placing another message in the dirt. While Astrid was reading it, Gothi took to her chicken bones, rattling them in her hands before casting them across the table. She examined them for a moment. "Gothi?" Astrid quizzed carefully, stepping over the dirt and to the elder's side. Gothi's eyes flicked to her and she immediately tried to keep her expression blank. "What is it?" The elder turned away. "Tell me. Please." Astrid added quickly. "Is it something bad?" Gothi started writing in the dirt again. Astrid crouched to read it better. "I am pregnant?" Gothi nodded. "But... then what... why do you look like... like you're waiting for something bad to happen?" Gothi just shook her head. "Tell me!" Astrid said a little too sharply, grabbing the woman's thin wrist. Gothi stared at her. Astrid let go. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I just..." She sat back, pushing her hands through her hair. The light in Gothi's eyes softened and she shuffled forward, placing a comforting hand on Astrid's shoulder, as if telling her things were going to be OK. "Please tell me what's wrong. Is it Hiccup? The... this baby?" She gestured at her flat stomach. "Ingrid? Alastor?" Gothi shook her head again. "What?"

The elder never got to answer. A shadow fell over them and a dragon called out. Astrid looked up to see a Night Fury descend and land neatly on the roof of Gothi's hut. Hiccup grinned at them both. Astrid did her best to keep her expression as neutral as she could, forcing a smile at her husband. Toothless hopped down expertly and Hiccup slid from the saddle, adjusting his artificial foot.

"That landing was better than the last, huh, bud?" Toothless chortled, tilting his head up as Hiccup scratched him under the chin. With his attention diverted, Gothi took the time to rub away anything she had left in the dirt. "So, how are things?" Hiccup said conversationally, his eyes fixing on Astrid. He could see right through her, he _knew_ something was bothering her. "Gothi, you haven't told her I'm going to do something stupid again, have you? Because, I promise, I'll be good. I'm actually behaving this week, being a proper chief and all that. I should get a medal."

"Keep dreaming, you nutter." Astrid shook her head. "No, everything's fine."

"Sure?" Hiccup challenged. Astrid nodded, briefly glancing Gothi's way. Hiccup looked to the elder too, who started writing in the dirt. Hiccup squinted at it. "Is that an 's' or a 'g'?" Gothi whacked him in the leg with her staff. "'B'!" Hiccup declared, hopping about in pain. "That's a 'b'! I see that now! Gods, I needed that leg." Gothi wasn't having any nonsense, not even from the chief, knocking him right off his feet. She smiled cheekily at Astrid and winked. Astrid smiled back, relieved and grateful. Hiccup lay on the floor, spread-eagled, with his dragon looming over him. "Don't even think about it." He warned. Toothless hawked and put an extra dollop of drool all over his rider. Hiccup closed his eyes firmly, keeping his mouth tightly shut. Astrid laughed in disgust and amusement. Toothless stomped his feet and stretched his wings, proud with himself. Gothi threw a towel over Hiccup's head and he hurriedly cleaned himself. "OK, let's change the topic. No, you away." He pushed playfully at the Night Fury as he sat up, flicking him with the towel. "Astrid, what's going on? I thought you were staying at your parents until later?"

"I, um... I had to see Gothi about something. That's all."

"Something?" Hiccup prompted. "And she used the chicken bones too?"

"Well, yeah. You know what Gothi's like, very thorough in her, um, her predictions and... such." Astrid trailed off, trying to pull her muddled thoughts together. Hiccup sighed and pushed himself up. He wiped off the rest of Toothless's saliva before she elaborated. "Fine. I'm pregnant." He did a double-take. It took a moment or two for it to sink in and then he beamed widely. "Wait." Astrid said, glancing worriedly at Gothi. Hiccup's smile dimmed a fraction and he too turned to Gothi for answers. When Gothi made no motion of explaining, he looked back to Astrid. "Gothi's predicted something bad, but she won't tell me what." Astrid bit her bottom lip. Hiccup stepped forward, reaching out to brush his thumb over her lips.

"It's OK. We'll manage. Right, Gothi?" Gothi rocked her head from side to side. "Ah, come on. Don't make me get Gobber." Gothi huffed and started writing in the dirt once more. Hiccup craned his neck, looking at the scribbles this way and that. Astrid peered around him.

"This child..." She read slowly, "may... not... sugar?" Gothi struck her on the head. "Ow!"

"Survive." Hiccup translated quietly, putting his arm around Astrid. Gothi wrote a little more. "Before it is born." Hiccup finished. Toothless crowed, sensing his rider's distress. He coiled under Hiccup's arm, cooing.

"Hiccup-"

"No. It's... It's OK. She said _may. _That means it may survive, it may not." He met his wife's gaze. "We do this right, make sure you're all good and happy, we can do it." Astrid didn't want to voice her doubts, not when he had that determined look in his eye, the slightest glimmer of hope fighting through the despair. "Right, milady, you're going to hate me for saying this, but you are fired."

"_What_?"

"Ah. Calm. You can spend the next few months relaxing and... um..." Gothi wrote some more. "Eating healthily and... not getting angry... or violent..." Hiccup read. "We can work with that. Oh. Gothi also says maybe tone down the dragon flying and acrobats too." Astrid groaned. This was going to be a long 'few months' but, if this all worked, it would be worth it.

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**Thank you all so much for the 400+ reviews, you guys are the best! Literally cannot thank you enough! ^_^ **


	66. Chapter 66

Dinner that evening was subdued. Hildegard kept glancing Hiccup and Astrid's way, having known they had visited Gothi, but neither said anything, attention flitting between their food and each other. It was Stoick that broke the silence, setting his mug down with a heavy thud.

"Right. What's going on?"

"Dinner." Hiccup said. "Very nice, Mrs. Hofferson." He complimented, raising his mug to his mother-in-law. Hildegard shook her head, sharing glances with her husband. Hiccup placed his drink gently on the table, twisting it anxiously. Astrid grasped his hand, squeezing it encouragingly and giving a small nod. Hiccup repeated the motion. "You were right." He told Hildegard. "As usual. Astrid is pregnant." They all smiled at that, mirroring his initial euphoria at the news. "Wait." Hiccup said, keeping his tone as level as he could. "We talked to Gothi. She... she thinks there may be something... something that could go wrong."

"Like what?" Fenrir frowned.

"We don't know." Astrid replied quietly. "I just to have to... um, have to stay calm and relaxed. Yeah, I know. I didn't believe it either, but I have to do it."

"So, we should get rid of Hiccup?"

"Hey!"

"Only for a little while!" Stoick soothed. Hiccup pouted childishly. "Astrid," Stoick said seriously, ignoring his son, "we all know that you can do anything you put your mind to. As difficult as the coming months may be, I am positive you'll pull through."

"And the bonus is I get to be Hiccup-free."

"Does anyone realise I have feelings too?" Fenrir and Stoick made faces. "Hey, don't give me that look. You should all be well aware how un-Viking-like I am by now." The older four murmured and nodded in agreement. Astrid just rolled her eyes. Hiccup flipped his hand to crush hers playfully. "It'll be alright. I will tone down the Hiccup if need be."

"Good luck with that."

"HICCUP!"

"Oh gods, it's my afternoon off! Excuse me." He said to his dining fellows, pushing back from the table. He stepped outside, blinking in the sunlight. "Snotlout!" He called, shielding his eyes from the sun. His friend skidded to a halt and flailed, frantically searching every direction. "Snotlout!" Hiccup called again, a little louder. He met Snotlout halfway. "What's the matter?"

"Waiola! Baby! Blood, water! What am I doing?"

"Panicking. Mum!" Hiccup yelled over his shoulder. Valka took a moment to arrive, understanding the situation in a second. She summoned Hildegard and all four of them rushed off to help. Snotlout got within three metres of his home and staggered, falling to his knees. "Lout! Get up!"

"Baby!"

"I know, I know, but Waiola's going to need you."

"You _do_ know where the baby comes from, right?" Hiccup just nodded, placing Snotlout's big arm around his shoulders and hauling him to his feet. "Oh gods oh gods oh gods..."

"Snotlout, you are not the one giving birth. Just calm down. If Waiola sees you freaking out, she's going to stress and that won't be good for either her or the baby." Snotlout nodded, breathing heavily. "That's it. Good man." Hiccup directed Snotlout inside. The two women were already upstairs. Waiola was cursing and agonizing. Snotlout looked ready to vomit. "It'll be _fine_." Hiccup persisted. "Up the stairs, come on." He had to push Snotlout up. It was only when pain-stricken Waiola screamed for her idiot husband did life seem to ignite in the stunned Viking. He moved so suddenly, Hiccup fell flat on the stairs. "Thanks." He grumbled, grimacing as an infantile bruise sparked infliction along his jawline. He didn't go in out of respect for Waiola; he sat on the top step before the closed door, shouting encouragment to them all. Astrid and Stoick arrived, leaving Fenrir behind with the children.

"How's it going?" Astrid whispered.

"I heard a thud, but it didn't sound heavy enough to be Snotlout."

"Probably Waiola smacking him for being an idiot."

"She's already called him that. And every other name you can think, plus a few creative ones. I don't think I've ever heard of a dragon-breathed, muscle-bound, snot-faced ignoramus before." Astrid grinned. "Girl crush later." Hiccup cut across, shifting aside so she could sit next to him. Stoick sat himself in a chair at the dining table, twiddling his thumbs. "Keep going, Waiola! You're doing good!"

"We'll beat Snotlout up later!" Astrid continued. "Just get that baby out and scare him, OK?"

"I'm trying!" Waiola cried, swearing once more and abusing her husband.

Twenty or so minutes later and then they heard the cry of a newborn. Hiccup, Stoick and Astrid cheered. Valka let them in once things had been tidied a little and Snotlout wasn't so much on the verge of collapse. Waiola cradled the small bundle to her chest, exhausted and crying with a sheen of sweat glistening on her skin, but beaming like no tomorrow. "It's a boy." She sobbed happily. "Looks like you." She told Snotlout.

"Poor thing." Astrid commented.

"Hiccup Junior!" Hiccup threw up his hands.

"No!" They all denied.

"Why? Where is the love today?"

"We are not calling him Hiccup Ju- Ah. Ow." Waiola leant forward, a hand shooting to her stomach. "Ooh, that's not good, what is that?" Hildegard handed the infant to Snotlout, who was torn between this new thing and his partner's rising distress. Valka felt Waiola's stomach. Waiola protested, fresh tears streaming down her reddened cheeks.

"Twins."

"_What_?"

"Hiccup Junior!"

"Get out!" Astrid hurried him out and closed the door firmly behind him. He obviously resumed his seat on the top step as he took up his supportive role once more. Astrid leant against the door, producing a long exhale and pushing her fringe from her eyes. "OK. Waiola, it's going to be OK. Snotlout, you're holding a baby, try not to faint."

"But there are two of them!" He squeaked.

"That's OK!" Hiccup shouted through the door. "Two little bundles of joy! You can have Hiccup Junior and-"

"No!" Astrid planted the sole of her boot against the door.

"Calm!" Hildegard scolded. "Waiola, you need to push."

"No! I can't! Why twins? This was a bad idea, it hurts!" Snotlout took her hand. Waiola instantly gripped it with more strength than Snotlout anticipated. He hissed in pain, but said nothing. The tot cradled in his arm mewled unhappily. Astrid took that twin and shushed him gently, rocking him to a peaceful doze.

"Snotlout, reassure her!" Hiccup ordered.

"Um..."

"Snotlout!" Snotlout ended up repeating what had been said earlier, holding her hand in both of his and trying to ease the pressure and get the blood flowing in his fingers.

It took less time for this second one, another boy. Hiccup was let back in by his rather reluctant mother-in-law. He beamed when he saw the two baby boys cleaned and swaddled in soft blue blankets. "What are you going to call them?" He asked excitedly. "Aaahhh, they both look like you, Lout."

"There's two of them."

"He's in shock." Valka explained calmly.

"I don't blame him." Astrid nodded. The new parents held a baby each. Waiola was in awe as well- not as much as Snotlout, obviously- and was cooing over the infant she cuddled. Snotlout sat rigidly, staring at his eldest son as though he had started spouting poetry in some unknown language. "You're going to need something to tell them apart for the time being though. Tie ribbon around their ankles, one red and one blue."

"Got any ribbon?" Waiola asked. Astrid replied by pulling one from her hair and letting her braid unravel. Hiccup blinked at her. Astrid blanked him, tying the blue ribbon in a neat bow around the ankle of the twin Snotlout held. Valka extracted a red ribbon from one of her braids and secured it on the other infant.

"There." She smiled. "That'll do for now. Don't dress them the same." She advised. "You'll never know which one is which."

"Not until they get to a certain age anyway." Hildegard added.

"There's two of them."

"Yes, we've already established that."

"Why are there two of them?"

"Well, Snotlout, when a man and a lady-"

"Don't." Astrid clamped a hand over her husband's mouth. "Let's leave them to it now. If you ever need anything, just ask." She told the new parents. Hiccup nodded in agreement, unable to articulate his response through the pain of having his arm twisted behind his back by his ever-loving wife. "I can't believe they've got twins. Wait until Ruff and Tuff hear about this. I sense Twin Competitions in the future. _Don't_ get any ideas." Hiccup's shoulders slouched and she let him go. "Honestly, I can hardly say anything around you anymore."

"Too much Hiccup?"

"Just a bit."

"I'll behave." Astrid looked at him expectantly. "By your standards. Not mine."

"Good boy."

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**I've a new fic up- some of you may have seen it already. It's called **_**Inside **_**Out. Basically, I'm taking different characters and doing the whole Emotions thing for them. It's explained in the author's note in the first chapter. I'd be really grateful if you could check it out, but I apologise in advance if it's a bit weird :P **


	67. Chapter 67

"Do they have names yet?"

"My gods, Hiccup, they were only born yesterday."

"Hey, my two had names almost instantly. Come on, I need to plan the naming ceremony! Look, you've got Hiccup Junior and... what is Twin Blue called?"

"Firstly, Red is _not _called Hiccup Junior." Waiola said firmly. "As much as we love you, Hiccup, there can only be one." She sat up straighter, wincing in pain. "Secondly... I quite like Orrick. It means oak tree." When Snotlout's expression remained blank, she sighed. "Because there's an oak tree growing right outside my house and I could see it through the window."

"So... Orrick One and Orrick Two?" Hiccup suggested. Waiola rolled her eyes. "Snotlout?" Snotlout hunched his shoulders. "Oooh! I know! You could name Red Shamus. I'm pretty sure it means following after. Seeing as he's the younger twin-"

"We get it." Waiola smiled tiredly. Snotlout mumbled something incoherently. "At least I do. So, Blue is Orrick and Red is Shamus."

"Or you could just call them Red and Blue."

"No. Shut up, Hiccup. Snotikins?" Waiola pinched her husband's arm. Snotlout flinched at both the name and the pain. "Orrick and Shamus. Yes or no?" He thought it over, eventually nodding. "Are you sure?"

"I honestly had no idea on baby names, so it's better than nothing. Or Hiccup Junior." He added when his friend started to protest. Hiccup stuck his tongue out. Snotlout copied.

"Girls, you're both very pretty." Waiola cut across.

"Let me hold!" Hiccup demanded merrily, throwing out his hands. He got to hold them both at the same time, beaming. "Orrick and Shamus. One of you was unplanned." Snotlout kicked him in the shin. Hiccup gritted his teeth. "Dragon-breathed, muscle-bound, snot-faced ignoramus." Waiola laughed, a burst of warmth and glee at someone else's misfortune and then cursing when it hurt to move.

"Don't make me laugh." She complained, sinking back against the pillows. "Everything hurts."

"Twins." Snotlout said quietly. "Might have something to do with it."

"I may be bed bound, but I can still get Astrid on you."

"Ooh, no." Hiccup shook his head. "Lady Chief is under house arrest for the foreseeable future."

"What? Why?"

"She's pregnant. But Gothi thinks something bad might happen." Waiola and Snotlout shared glances. "I know." Hiccup sighed. "We're going to do what we can to make sure that doesn't happen though, so that includes Astrid staying calm and... stationary. Mostly stationary at least."

"You can have one of ours."

"Snotlout!"

"I was joking! That was a joke, I said it too seriously!"

"You've been hanging around Hiccup too much. Only he jokes in serious situations, by Thor's mighty eyebrows." Hiccup opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it at her challenging look and shut up. Snotlout just smiled. "Are we all agreed on Orrick and Shamus then?" The two men nodded. "Any middle names?"

"No." Snotlout shook his head. "Don't over-complicate things any more than they are already, please."

"Aaah," Waiola cooed, "my poor ickle huggle-buggle."

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**NAMES! SNOTLOUT ABUSE! DID I MISS ANYTHING? ALSO, I AM GETTING MY RESULTS TOMORROW, SAVE ME. **


	68. Chapter 68

**I'm back, hello! How are things? Hello, hello, hello! :D**

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Astrid and Hiccup sat either end of the table, staring at each other.

"What did you say this was called?"

"A staring competition. The twins came up with it."

"And you listened to them _because_?" Hiccup hunched his shoulders. "You really are an idiot." Astrid sighed. "The point of this competition would be?"

"To see who can go the longest without blinking. My eyes are burning." Astrid nodded in agreement. Hiccup managed to resist for another couple of seconds and then groaned, defeated, eyes watering. Astrid cheered victoriously, rubbing at her eyes. Hiccup muttered obscenities. "You know, let's just stick to regular past times, yes? I think I've gone partially blind." Astrid laughed softly. Hiccup looked back up at her, blinking rapidly. "You OK?"

"I'm going to slap the twins."

"Granted, but only _after_ the baby." Astrid pouted. Hiccup smiled, reaching across the table to take her hands.

"I know, I know. I have to behave. I'm bored of knitting though." She showed him the sores on her fingers. "I've gone from axes to needles and it doesn't suit me. I did make a little tunic though, red because I know that's your favourite." He beamed gratefully. "How are Waiola and Snotlout coping with the New Twins?" Hiccup started laughing, a little manically. Astrid crushed his fingers and his humour turned into whimpers. "Orrick and Shamus. How are they?"

"A handful. Snotlout's coping better than expected though, I think he just spent too many months working himself into a state to find that, sometimes, it's a doddle. Neither of them are happy with the sleepless nights though. When one twin's asleep, the other's awake; they'll both cry, they'll both poop, they'll both need feeding. I think Snotlout and Waiola could do with an extra set of hands."

"What about a wet nurse? For during the day. That way, they can get some rest and the New Twins will be in good hands."

"I didn't think of that."

"Of course you didn't." Astrid let go his hands and stood up. Hiccup did too. "I'm only going to the _toilet_. I'm not off to conquer America."

"For all I know, you could be."

"If I'm not back in five minutes, you know where I am."

"Is it a number one or a number two?" Hiccup called. She stopped in the bathroom doorway and glared back at him. "I'm checking how long I've got to run away." He smiled sweetly. Astrid rolled her eyes and shut the door behind her. Toothless popped up immediately, saddle in his mouth. "Hey, bud." Hiccup took the saddle and accepted the Night Fury's slobbery affections. "Yes, I know. It's time to fly. Astrid!"

"I'm peeing! What do you want?"

"I'm going out with Toothless for a bit!"

"That couldn't have waited until I was finished?" Hiccup heard her sigh. "Just go." Toothless perked up instantly, swishing his tail excitedly and bouncing, ready to play. Hiccup managed to catch most of what fell off the shelves. He missed a lopsided vase his mother gave them last week. "What was that?" Astrid demanded.

"Um... can't talk now got to go bye!" Hiccup dumped everything on the table; chief and alpha were out the door like a shot. Astrid came out to see them level out in the sky, grumbling a few curses when she saw the mess she was left with. "Valka's going to kill him." She mused, observing the broken vase.

She was still tidying when Fishlegs arrived. "Hello." She noticed his eyes were red. "OK, you've either been crying or you've taken up the twins' new game." Astrid watched him imploringly. Fishlegs returned the stare. "It's a staring competition. Nevermind. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just tired."

"Are you lying to me, Fishlegs?"

"No." He squeaked, sweat beading on his brow. Astrid crossed her arms. "OK, fine! I messed up."

"How badly? Snotlout-badly? _Twins_-badly?"

"_Hiccup_-badly."

"Ah. In that case, sit down." Fishlegs drew up a chair. Astrid poured him some mead from a bottle Snotlout had given Hiccup, plopping it sharply before him. She sat too, linking her hands over her mildly swollen stomach. "What happened?" She asked gently.

"You know Sawney?"

"Vaguely."

"Yeah, he... he wanted some help with his Gronckle, so... he asked me and... well..." Astrid leant forward, folding her arms on the table. Fishlegs stared into his mead, pinker than usual.

"Fishlegs. Is this... boy problems?"

"Maybe a little." He muttered. "I don't know what happened. I talk to him, ocassionally, but not... not like with you or Hiccup, I just... talk to him, nothing more." Fishlegs gulped some drink, smacking his mug down. "I panicked. Messed up. Might have accidently let slip that... I favoured guys as well as women. I don't know how!" He despaired. "I just know that I said the wrong thing and he scarpered!" Astrid reached over, gripping his trembling hands sisterly. "He's going to tell people, I know he is! Why did I say that? I'm such an idiot!"

"Look at me. You may have your odd idiotic moment, but we all get them. It's nothing to fret over, unless you're Hiccup. People have learnt to roll with that though, so it's no matter. You, on the other hand, are widely known as Hiccup's right-hand man, yes?" Fishlegs nodded. "So, if you have the chief's support, what will you also have?" He stayed quiet. Astrid answered her own question. "The village's support. Sawney, if he causes trouble, I'll get my axe."

"You're not-"

"I'll get the twins to get him then. You sit there until you calm down. When Hiccup gets back, I'll send him off to Sawney, talk this situation through, you know?" Fishlegs nodded. Astrid squeezed his hands reassuringly. "Drink that. Help yourself to more. Just don't become completely drunk. I don't think I can handle a drunk you again. Far too honest for my liking."

"Sorry." Fishlegs smiled weakly. Astrid grinned and got up. "Thank you."

"Don't. It'll work out fine, don't panic. Besides, if you ever need to get away, go to your hidey hole." Fishlegs' eyes gleamed fondly. "See, there we go. Hidey hole."

"That reminds me. I need to talk to Hiccup about those hidey holes."

"Something wrong?"

"I just had some ideas." Fishlegs shrugged, taking a calmer sip of mead. "What if Sawney's already told some people?"

"Take my axe." Fishlegs paled. "Let Hiccup talk to him first. We'll go from there afterwards, OK?" Fishlegs nodded. "OK." Astrid smiled. "Glad that's sorted. Are you hungry?"

"You should be resting."

"I'm fine, gods. You lot are such worriers. I can handle myself."

"And the baby?"

"He'll be fine."

"He?"

"I've decided it's a he." A Night Fury roared outside. Seconds later, Toothless bounded through the door, Hiccup clinging to the saddle, his hair stuck up on end. He was grinning broadly. "How are things? You're looking a little flushed."

"I found a new trick."

"What?"

"I tipped the tail a little too much and we flew faster! It was so cool! Oh, hey Fishlegs. How you doing, bro?"

"Fishlegs is having a little trouble." Astrid explained when Fishlegs stayed quiet. "Do you know Sawney?" Hiccup nodded. "We need you to have a little chat with him." Astrid elaborated upon her husband's blank look. Hiccup practically fell from the saddle, forgetting to change his fake foot, just to give Fishlegs a brotherly hug.

"Wh-?" Fishlegs choked. "Hiccup- wh- stop it."

"Sssh." Hiccup soothed, knocking askew his friend's helmet. "I shall sort things."

"That'll be great, but could you get off?"

"No."

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**I updated _Parenthood_ for the first time in six months! **


	69. Chapter 69

Astrid woke early Sunday morning, Terrible Terrors having the _nerve_ to careen around her bedroom, squawking. She chased them out with her axe, grumbling when Alastor mewled. He wasn't much of a morning person either. Astrid rocked him back to sleep and then noticed something. Her stupid husband was nowhere to be found.

Keeping her axe at the ready, she descended the stairs only in her nightgown, her hair a tangled mess over her shoulder. Hiccup stood at the window, tearing chunks of last night's chicken from the bone and dropping them on the windowsill. The Terrors from upstairs appeared immediately, gobbling the meat in seconds. They flapped away in alarm when they caught sight of Astrid. Hiccup half-turned, giving her a bemused smile.

"Good morning, milady." She lowered her axe, frowning.

"What are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep." Hiccup shrugged, wiping stray threads of chicken outside. Astrid touched his arm. "I was just thinking; we haven't heard anything from Dagur, not since- not since..." His right hand strayed absently to his forearm. He still wore the bandages covering the atrocious burn. Over the past months, many stories had begun to circulate- what was the chief hiding? Was it a scar? Was the skin missing from his bones? Was- as the twins were prone to ask- was it a tattoo he didn't want people knowing about? No-one knew. But they were very determined to find out. "I just thought it was weird." Hiccup continued, startling her from her thoughts. "You know what he's like. He's got that habit of popping up with an armada randomly. _You will kiss these boots_!" He declared in a harsh mimic. Astrid smiled grimly. "I don't know. I couldn't sleep and... that occurred to me, so..." He hunched his shoulders. "What can I do?"

"Don't tempt fate." Astrid advised. "If he hasn't showed up, then that's fine by me. Let things be for now. If he does show up, he'll regret it." Astrid kissed his cheek. "Hungry?" He shook his head. The sun was just peaking over the mountains. She gripped his chin and forcefully turned his head. Hiccup blinked at her. "Hiccup." She said firmly. He pressed his lips together. "Maybe Dagur has finally got it into his thick skull that he isn't welcome here and never will be." He smiled timidly. "I'll cook you breakfast and you can spend the whole day with your _lovely_ children. _I_ on the other hand, will be running away for the day. I want some me-time."

"You mean some attacking-trees-with-axes-all-day-to-diffuse-your-frustration-because-of-your-stupid-husband-and-his-idiotic-nature."

"Yes." Astrid nodded, patting his cheek and smirking. "Good boy."

* * *

Astrid left not long after breakfast. Her words had only eased Hiccup's conscience a fraction. He summoned Rangvald and half-a-dozen of the most stealthy dragon-riders he could and sent them to Berserker islands, _only _for a scouting mission. If he knew for fact that Dagur wasn't up to any diabolical schemes, he could rest on his laurels. Ingrid was throwing sausages in the air for Sneezy, cheering when he caught one and laughing when he missed. Alastor was sitting on Hiccup's knee, munching on a biscuit with his little teeth. Hiccup's lap was coated in biscuit crumbs. Toothless was in the corner, lapping up fish. Stormfly had already been fed that morning and had gone with her rider.

"Ah!" Alastor waved his arms in protest. His biscuit smashed to the floor. Sneezy squealed and dived, licking up the soggy remains. Alastor looked up at his father. "Aah!"

"What?" Hiccup asked lightly.

"Aah!" Alastor grabbed at the table. Ingrid stood on her chair, trying to reach the small beaker for her baby brother. Honeyed milk splashed over the side. Hiccup righted the cup and held it steady for Alastor. Milk dribbled down his chin, but he seemed happy all the same.

"So," Hiccup set the half-empty cup down, "what do we want to do today?"

"Find more dragons!" Ingrid beamed.

"Drrr-gon!" Alastor agreed, throwing up his hands, nearly whacking Hiccup in the face. "Raaar!"

"Yes, raaarr!" The two siblings started roaring at each other. Toothless joined in. Sneezy contributed a sneeze, spewing sausage bites all over the table.

"Ah, breakfast with the children. Such a pleasant idea." Hiccup nodded. "I'm having the next Sunday off."

* * *

"This not dragons." Ingrid scowled up at her father. "Why we here?"

"We're here to make sure Snotlout and Waiola are coping." Hiccup explained kindly. "I promise we'll look for dragons after that." Hiccup knocked. The door was thrown open immediately and Snotlout hauled him in.

"What is it with wives leaving today?" He wailed despairingly. "Astrid came by, took Waiola and I'm left with the twins, who won't stop screaming!"

"Calm. Ingrid, see if you can find Snotlout something to eat. I'll deal with Orrick and Shamus, Lout, just calm down." Hiccup found the bawling infants in the master bedroom. He picked one up in each arm, shushing them gently. "Hey." He said softly. "Thing One, Thing Two, sssh. You're scaring your daddy." The pair quietened, still grumbling. Hiccup checked their nappies, finding them clean, but on backwards. That could only be Snotlout's doing. He righted them and took them out for breakfast. Snotlout, relieved to see they stopped crying, took Orrick, having already prepared the two small doses of milk and honey. "See, you do know what you're doing." Hiccup grinned at his friend. "Well, mostly. I need to train you to change nappies again."

"How to train the dad." Snotlout shook his head. "Gods, Hiccup, I ain't cut out for this. Babies are mad. Women are even more mad. Madder. Whatever. I think I'll stick with dragons after this. Hookfang seems _tame_ compared to this lot and he's usually off galavanting with Tempest." Hiccup laughed. "I'm being serious!" Snotlout put down the milk and sat Orrick up on his shoulder, patting him on the back. "Seriously, I'll trade you. A Night Fury for two more children."

"No thank you."

"That reminds me though. How's Astrid doing?"

"OK. She's having some down time today, so I'm hoping she won't come back with a bloody axe."

"Waiola might though. She's still all over the place."

"She'll calm down." Hiccup assured. Shamus hiccuped. "Good call."

"Hiccup?"

"Mm?"

"You sent scouts out this morning. Why?"

"Just to check on Dagur."

"You said you had a big plan for that and you haven't done anything. What is it?"

"I can't tell you that. It'll spoil the surprise!"

"Can I at least know when it's going to happen?" Hiccup shrugged.

"It might take a while."

"How long is a while?"

"A few years."

"_Years_?"

"Yes."

"_Why_? Are you trying to make it look like you don't care about Dagur and get him really riled up? Are you building some sort of weapon that'll take a long time to make but will level his entire armada in a single shot? What about that?" Snotlout jabbed a finger at Hiccup's left arm. "Are you thinking of payback for that? Is it going to be sweet revenge? Stop shaking your head, just give me a clue!"

"I'm still playing through this plan, Lout. I can't spoil it for you."

"You have to!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No." Hiccup laughed. "You'll see. Just have patience."

* * *

**Sorry if this is pants, I was going to work more on it today, but I had a few other things to do. I will try and update again tomorrow; I do have a friend coming over, so I'll see what I can do. In the mean time, try and guess Hiccup's plan! I bet you won't! **


	70. Chapter 70

The Haddocks and Hoffersons took extra care with Astrid. She wanted for nothing, got to sit with her feet up pretty much all day, every day and her 'lovely' husband brought her treats, flowers and a little red dragon toy he had made himself. And she hated it. It was fun at first, but as a day-in-day-out thing, she was so _bored_. She didn't want to be waited on hand and foot and just sit around all day, she wanted to go out, do something for herself, fly through the clouds with Stormfly, hurl axes at trees and scream at the junior classes for being idiots. She couldn't take much more of this. _Especially_ the twins' jokes.

"What do you call a yak with three legs?" Tuffnut grinned. Astrid, elbow propped on the arm of the chair and her chin on her palm, raised a brow disinterestedly. "Fair game." Tuffnut laughed at his own joke, slapping himself on the knee. "You get it? Fair game! It's fair game because it can't run properly on three legs!" Astrid forced a smile. Ruffnut shoved her brother out of the way.

"How many Vikings does it take to take down a dragon?" She paused, waiting for Astrid's response. "Uh, you're supposed to say something here, that's the idea of a joke." Astrid sighed through her nose.

"How many Vikings does it take to take down a dragon?" She asked monotonously. Ruffnut proceeded with a Hiccup impersonation, classic leg jokes included. Astrid clapped her hands together sharply. "Not that this hasn't been fun," which it mostly certainly hadn't, "but I feel tired. I might go and lie down for a bit."

"Can we get you anything?" Ruffnut quizzed.

"Blanket?"

"Hot yak milk?"

"Pillows?"

"Warm fire?"

"No." Astrid cut across their suggestions. "Thank you, but no. I'll be OK, twins, I'll see you later." She went upstairs, hearing the pair leave. Sneezy was curled up on her pillow, Rage and Sharpshot nesting in the rafters. "Hey." Astrid poked the little Terror. Sneezy woke, grumbling and snuffling. "That's my spot, shift over." The Terror sneezed and dragged hismelf to Hiccup's pillow, padding about in a circle before resuming his nap. Ingrid and Alastor were out today, spending time with the grandparents. Astrid didn't mind, but all three Terrors were unwilling to leave the house for some strange reason. "Maybe they're keeping an eye on things." Hiccup had suggested that morning. Astrid knew he thought differently, she had seen the worry in his eyes. Dragons had very high senses, very powerful intuition. She knew that, he knew that she knew that. Perhaps he had been trying to spare her pain, that the dragons staying was an omen for something. But what? Astrid felt fine, there was no nagging feeling at the back of her mind about the baby. It was only yesterday her mother checked. Gobber had made a smaller version of the Thunder Ear and it was quickly becoming popular with pregnant women wanting to hear the sounds of their babies' heartbeats. Hildegard had used one of these little Thunder Ears and confirmed a steady beating heart. That was fine by Astrid. Reclining against her pillows, she decided the dragons were probably having an off-day today. Vikings did that. Why couldn't dragons?

She awoke later, about lunchtime, to a Night Fury and his rider clattering about downstairs. Stormfly was asleep on the floor next to her. Sneezy had joined his elders in the rafters, lying across Sharpshot's head as he snoozed. Astrid muttered curses and pulled the furs over her head. A minute later, she heard mismatching steps on the stairs and the door creaked open.

"Astrid?" Hiccup hissed. She peered out of the covers. He smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Some idiots woke me up." She sat up awkwardly, rubbing sleep from her eyes. "But I'm fine otherwise. Bit brain-numbed from the twins and their jokes."

"Same old ones?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry." He grimaced. "Anything I can get you?"

"Peace and quiet. And maybe some water." He grinned and disappeared, returning moments later with a jug and beaker of water. "Thanks." Astrid said quietly, sipping the cool liquid. Hiccup sat at her feet. "How have things been?" She asked, noting that he still wore his chieftain's cape. He rolled his shoulders, wincing.

"Some nutjob went yak-tipping. Not the twins though, they were telling their jokes up in the Great Hall, standing on the table and yelling at people for attention." He reached down to rub the scales of the sleeping Nadder. Stormfly stirred and cooed softly, content. "A wild Scauldron sunk two of our ships before Snotlout and Fishlegs could rein it in. Meatlug got a bit battered in the protest, so she's with Mum getting a check-up. The latest hidey-holes are nearly done. Just a few more finishing touches and voila. A holiday home, if you will."

"A selection of holiday homes." Astrid corrected. "Not that I'm complaining." She smiled, placing her cup on the nightstand and shuffling back under the bedding. "I was having a weird dream." She started. Hiccup smiled bemusedly. "You were there, but dressed as Freya again. Toothless was wearing a ribbon around his neck that had a bell on it. No matter what he did, he couldn't get it off. Then he stopped trying, got up and started singing a song my mum used to sing to me when I couldn't sleep, but he sounded like Gobber, strangely. Then Fishlegs came in, dancing and skipping and declaring war." She shrugged. "I don't know. It was really strange. And backwards."

"You're telling me."

"As if you don't have weird dreams."

"True. I had one the other day that I was part boat and sailed off the edge of the world."

"Is that why you fell out of the bed?"

"Practically is the edge of the world."

"Well, yeah. How would you be part boat anyway?"

"I was the figurehead. Had dragon wings and horns. Roared at rocks and stuff. Raar." He tried half-heartedly, playfully clawing at the air. "That sort of thing."

"Cute."

"Thanks." Toothless appeared at the top of the stairs, whining. "What? Already?" Hiccup made a face. "I leave Bucket and Mulch for five minutes and they start trying to kill each other." He sighed. "That's the third time this morning. Ideas?"

"Give them both maces?"

"Something not so bloody?"

"Blunt swords?"

"I think I'll just separate them for a while." He kissed her hand, stepped over Stormfly and stopped by his dragon. "If you need anything, just send Stormfly. I'll come back."

"Please don't send the twins. Not with their jokes."

"OK."

"I mean it."

"I know." He smirked. He wasn't gone long before she succumbed to sleep once more. Her dreams stayed fairly normal this time, just a few incidents where Ingrid was being the little daredevil madam or Alastor saying 'Mummy'. It was mostly flying though; a dream so vivid, she could feel the scales beneath her fingers, the saddle she sat on, the wind against her skin, the smooth movements of Stormfly's wings working endlessly to dive and twirl through the clouds, up and over, down and below, plummeting to the sea only to pull up at the last second. Astrid loved that about flying. The harder the stunt, the more eager she was to try it. Stormfly knew her limits though and would keep things as safe as she could.

Hiccup woke her the second time. "Dinner's ready." He said softly, brushing her hair from her forehead. "I didn't do much, just stew." Astrid nodded. Stormfly had disappeared, probably eating downstairs. She leant on Hiccup to get up, her head still sleepy. He wrapped her in a blanket and put his arm around her waist, directing her kindly down the staircase. Hiccup filled her in on the rest of the day's events, but there wasn't really much to report. "Just the usual Viking things, nothing fancy. Ugh, too much onion." He pulled a face at his stew. Astrid had already picked out quite a bit of onion. "That's what I get for trying to read Gobber's writing." He sighed. "Ah well. Speaking of, Gobber's made _loads_ of those little Thunder Ear things. Based on my idea, though, totally."

"Totally." Astrid agreed, mock serious. Hiccup stuck his tongue out and then laughed.

"Sharpshot's learning." He pointed. Perched on the back of her chair, a certain Terrible Terror was watching her curiously. Astrid whistled and the green dragon scrambled up onto her shoulder, turning his nose up at the soggy onions. Hiccup fished out a bit of lamb and Sharpshot snapped that up in seconds.

Astrid stirred the stew absent-mindedly. Sharpshot remained on her shoulder and it was making her uneasy. She didn't know why, but the feeling increased when Rage and Sneezy made an appearance, Rage on her other shoulder and Sneezy feeding from Hiccup's bowl. Hiccup paid no attention to the smallest dragon, watching his wife worriedly. Astrid ending up shrugging the two dragons off. They didn't go far, settling either side of her on the table. Sneezy finished scrounging and bumbled over, tripping on his wing and landing face-first in her stew.

"Oh, Sneezy." Astrid laughed softly, gently lifting the dragon free. He was dripping with meat and vegetables, shaking himself wildly to dislodge the mess. His long tongue flicked out, looking for extra bits of food. "Well, looks like I'm finished. You?" Hiccup tilted his bowl towards her. Sneezy had lapped up every last drop. Astrid smiled. It seemed only Ingrid could stop Sneezy from eating someone else's food. She got up to collect the dishes. All three Terrors froze, lifting their faces to look at her as one. "What?" Astrid inspected them all quickly. She took a step to the side and they flocked her, flying in a circle.

"Sit down again." Hiccup said. Astrid glanced over and could see an idea brewing behind his eyes. She sat. The Terrors landed, watching her dubiously, waiting for her to move. She raised a hand experimentally. Their eyes followed. "Now that's most strange." Hiccup itched at his jawline. Astrid flung her hand out to the side and the three dragons were ready to pounce, Sneezy looking back and forth in case she had thrown something. Astrid folded her arms.

"Looks like I'm sitting here for a while then."

"Mmm..." Hiccup hummed distractedly. He stood up. None of the Terrors even bothered to look his way. "Something about you then." He concluded, stacking the bowls. "Maybe you smell different. When did you last bathe?"

"Very funny." Astrid grumbled. "Shoo." She told the dragons, waving her hands. Toothless sat up, licking his claws and cleaning his face. Stormfly was snuffling the basket for any leftover chicken. "Go away." Astrid said firmly. "Fly!" She ordered, thrusting her hands upwards. The Terrors looked up and then back at her. Sharpshot licked his eye. "Where's my axe? That made them move last time."

"No." Hiccup shook his head. "Your mum told me to take your axe and I'd rather go against you than her if I'm honest."

"Oh really?"

"Uuuhhhh... I think so?" Astrid shook her head, pushing herself to her feet. Immediately, the Terrors flew circles around her. She started walking and they followed, flying an oval orbit instead. "You could start a new trend. Ring of Terror."

"No."

"It has a nice ring to it."

"Just shut up." She caught Sneezy by the tail. He squeaked in surprise and protest, unable to fly no matter how fast he flapped his wings. Sharpshot and Rage hovered either side, hissing. They were torn between helping their little brother and whatever it was about Astrid that was making them so tense. "I'll let him go," Astrid said firmly and clearly, looking each of them dead in the eye, "if you leave me alone." The older two hummed and growled for a moment. Together, they sunk to the floor, bowing their heads. Astrid let Sneezy go and victoriously went upstairs alone, back to bed. Stormfly followed not long after. She could hear Hiccup and Toothless trying to console the Terrors, who were emitting loud and endless whining noises. They only shut up when Astrid called them up. "Stay quiet." She instructed fiercely. "One noise and you're out." Sharpshot adjusted his wings like he understood, bowing his head. Hiccup was watching from the doorway, mystified.

"I'm going to go and ask the mother." He decided. Astrid nodded, bundling up in the furs once more. "She'll know." Hiccup added, more to himself than her. "I'll be a Changewing's uncle if she doesn't."


	71. Chapter 71

Not good. Not good not good not good. Hiccup's thoughts screamed at him, the crisp evening wind like knives across his bare skin. Toothless beat his wings, Hiccup adjusted the tail and they tipped into a dive, slicing the air with wispy white lines. Toothless levelled out right outside their home. Hiccup switched his foot, dismounted and sprinted inside. "Astrid!" He called desperately. He only got a heart-broken wail in response. Up the stairs he went, bursting into the main room. Astrid was writhing on the bed, tears flooding her cheeks. Valka, Hildegard and Gothi were trying to help her; she flinched from their hands as though they were branding irons. Dimly aware of the Terrors in the rafters, Hiccup scrambled on the bed next to her, wrapping his arms firmly about her. Fresh tears ploughed down her reddened cheeks, his name slipping from her lips. Hiccup held her tighter, shushing her gently, telling her it would all be OK. "I'm here," He mumbled into her hair, "I'm here." Over her head, he raised a brow at the three older women. Gothi chewed a nail, Hildegard sniffed and wiped her eyes. Only Valka could answer and even then it was a silent moving of the lips. _Miscarriage._

Hiccup had known. He had known since this morning, since the Terrors had latched onto his cloak and tried to push him back into the house. Other Terrors had plagued him all day. Hiccup had done his best to ignore them, wishing to be with Astrid, wishing the Terrors were crazy and not an omen, wishing the thing he feared would not happen. Wishes were futile. Here was Astrid, sobbing through pain, grief and something else- something Hiccup didn't clarify until much later. Blame. She blamed herself.

He didn't remember much. He cradled her in his arms, whispering reassuring words, promises, anything he could think of to calm her even in the slightest. He remembered the blood, he remembered she passed out at some point until he roused her. He talked louder, not caring for their company. Astrid's watery, haunted eyes locked onto his, scared, apologetic. "It's alright." He told her. "Let's just worry about you for now, yeah?"

Time rambled past them. The scarlet stain only grew, darkening the furs and the mattress. Astrid gave a final, gutteral scream and then collapsed against his chest, spent and crying mutely, stunned. Hiccup bowed his head, kissing her forehead. "Astrid." Her eyes fluttered. "Astrid, stay awake. Please stay awake."

"Hiccup-" His mother began. Her hand was out, reaching for him.

"No." Hiccup growled. "I'm not leaving her."

"She needs our help."

"I'm staying."

"But-" Gothi placed a hand on Valka's arm. "Fine. Lie her on her back. Hildegard, clean sheets. Gothi, take this." Valka pressed a blanket in the elder's arms. Gothi immediately shuffled to the chief, patiently offering the bundle to him. Hiccup looked down, one arm still about Astrid. There was a tiny crimson mess inside, an impossibly small human, eyes closed, mouth in a pout as though disappointed with their fate. A tingle worked its way down Hiccup's free arm and he reached for it. It weighed nothing, lighter than the blanket; he wouldn't have thought it there if he couldn't see it. He looked to Astrid, pale and sweaty, breathing shallow, tears drying on her cheeks, hair a sodden mess.

"Astrid. Astrid, wake up. Look."

"Hiccup." Hildegard was there, a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Hiccup, don't-"

"No. She'll be OK. She's Astrid. She's always OK." He looked to her sleeping face, a stray bit of hair caught in her little breaths. "Milady." His fingers closed around hers. Voice cracked. "Milady."


	72. Chapter 72

**Sorry for not updating these past few days, I was working late Tuseday night and I wasn't feeling too well last night. I shall try for tonight, but I've got a splitting headache, so if this chapter is pants, I'm really sorry.**

* * *

"Hiccup! Get down here!" Stoick boomed. He set his mighty fists on his hips and glared at the ceiling. "Hiccup Haddock! What is going on up there?"

"Stoick, stop shouting. You'll wake the dead at this rate." Valka trotted down the stairs, darting from cupboard to basket to cupboard. Stoick fired questions at her while she did so. The only response she gave him was, "Miscarriage, Astrid needs help, Hiccup's in shock." Then she was back upstairs. Stoick tried to go after her, but he was stopped at the door. He caught the briefest glimpse of Astrid on a blood-sodden bed and Hiccup refusing to let her lie.

Valka gave him an apologetic look, pushing the door against him. Stoick slid his bulk through and marched to his son's side.

"Hiccup." He said firmly. Hiccup's lips moved soundlessly, eyes distant. "Look at me, m'boy."

"Astrid..."

"I know it's tough, son. But you have to leave her to help her." He leant forward, placing a big hand on Hiccup's slim shoulder. "Come on."

"I can't."

"Yes you can." Hiccup shook his head. "What would Astrid say if she saw you now? She'd take your other leg for this, you know she would. Let the women help her, Hiccup. We'll be waiting downstairs for when she wakes up."

"What if she doesn't?"

"Are you saying you doubt Astrid? Hiccup, Hiccup, HIccup, I thought you knew better than that." Stoick tutted and shook his head. "Shame on you, m'boy. Come on, get up. Astrid will wake up and she will kick you to Vahalla and back for being such a prat." Something flickered in his son's green eyes and the chief raised his head slightly. Stoick smirked triumphantly. "You know I'm right."

"Help her." Hiccup pleaded the womenfolk.

"We will." Hildegard promised, wiping at her eyes determinedly. Stoick helped Hiccup to his feet with one arm, taking the miniscule bundle from Gothi in the other. Hiccup didn't move for a second, watching Astrid mutely. He walked backwards a couple of steps until Stoick turned him and even then he was looking over his shoulder. He closed his eyes once the door was pulled shut, sinking onto the bottom step and putting his head in his hands. Stoick sat on the step below, still taller than his son even then. Hiccup said nothing, his head falling onto his father's shoulder. Stoick patted his knee in his attempt at comfort. He was distracted by the swaddle of blankets.

"Poor wee mite." He sighed. "Hiccup. I want to tell you something."

"Can't it wait?"

"No." Stoick shifted at the hips to face his son. "I know what you're feeling." Hiccup's eyes hardened and fixed on him. "Don't give me that look. I _do_ know. You... you weren't our first child." Surprise filtered through. "We had a girl first. Jelena, we called her. Aye, we were proud. Very excited and proud." Stoick tenderly adjusted the blanket, smiling sadly. "Valka carried full-term, it all seemed to be perfectly fine. Even the birth was relatively easy considering how births go." He could feel the weight of his son's gaze, his entire attention fixated on him. "That little girl. Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like if you two had grown up together." He shook his head. "We'll never know. Stillborn. Sometimes though, I like to think that you'd both be off, gallavanting with dragons. I can only really imagine her as a female version of you."

"So I would be pretty as a girl." Stoick raised a brow at him. "Sorry. It's... it's just a lot to take in. I... I had a _sister_?"

"You could have." Stoick placed the bundle in Hiccup's arms. "I know it's hard. Losing a child like that. So much hope in such a small thing. It's not the end though. It is never the end, not even when we leave on that burning ship." Hiccup flinched. Stoick gripped his elbow. "Know that things _will_ get better; Astrid _will_ get better. You've two cheeky children already. This, yes, this _will_ knock you for six, you and Astrid, but together, I know you two can overcome it. You've your family, old and young, blood and law or... maybe even Snotlout, who knows? We'll be here, we will help. You can count on it." Hiccup smiled weakly. Stoick patted him a little too heavily on the shoulder. "I'm sorry these things don't always work out, for you or for anyone. But when things get hard, think of Jelena. Think of this little one." He nodded at the tot in Hiccup's arms. "A greater force loved them more than we could. They'll be the happiest and most well-cared for children ever. And yet, they will wait for us. We'll see them again."


	73. Chapter 73

**To Iris Patton- Here's that chapter you asked about! I hope it's alright! **

**To everyone else, I'm sorry for not replying to PMs for a while, I've just been really busy. I'll try and reply to them all as soon as I can.**

* * *

Stoick managed to get Hiccup out of the house, leaving the women to care for Astrid. When Jelena had passed, Stoick had buried himself in work. A small part of him had hoped that this would work for Hiccup too, but his shaky state only worsened. Stoick took him to the workshop and to Gobber. They did what they could to try and pull Hiccup from his shock. When Stoick turned to talk to him, Hiccup had disappeared. Leaving Gobber to the forges, Stoick hunted around for his son.

He didn't find him. Hackett did.

"Hello, chief!" He beamed, clapping Hiccup on the shoulder. Then he noticed the horrified expression Hiccup wore. "Is something the matter?" Hiccup said nothing. He was trembling, wringing his hands, lips moving soundlessly, eyes wide. "Hiccup?" Hackett shook him slightly, gripping him by the upper arms. "Talk, boy." Instead, Hiccup murmured incoherently. Hackett frowned, peering closely at him. This was something bad. This was the shivers, something some cowardly Vikings claimed to have to get out of battle or hardship. Hackett's jaw clenched irritably. _Real_ Vikings didn't get the shivers, _especially _Viking chiefs! He shook Hiccup again, a little more forcefully. "Pull yourself together, lad! You've a village to run! You can't let the other Vikings see you like this!"

"Hey!" Hackett looked to his left.

"Ah, Snotlout. Excellent timing. Hiccup should listen to y-"

"Leave him alone!" Snotlout shoved Hackett, detaching him entirely from Hiccup.

"How dare you?" The older man protested. "You can't push me around like that! Respect your elders!"

"Respect your chief!" Snotlout shot back. He put a friendly hand on Hiccup's arm. "You alright, mate?" Hiccup's eyes blurred in and out of focus. "Hey, look at me. Talk to me." Snotlout tapped his friend on the cheek. Hiccup moaned and rubbed at his face, digging his fingers in.

"Astrid." He croaked.

"What about Astrid? Is it the baby?"

"Dead."

"The baby?" Hiccup nodded. "Oh gods, I'm so sorry. What about Astrid? Is she OK?"

"I don't know."

"Hiccup!" Stoick charged up the hill. "Hiccup, I've been looking everywhere for you! Hackett, what are you lolling around for?" Hackett set a firm glower, casting a disapproving frown to Hiccup. Stoick glared, brow drawing together, ready to shout. "Don't start, Hackett, I'm warning ya now. Go!" He roared, flourishing his arm. Hackett slouched off, red in the face with fury. "Hiccup." Stoick said in a softer tone. "Son. I know this is a big shock to the system, but you need to get your head on straight. Think of Ingrid and Alastor. They're worried sick, they're _scared_. Their mother's ill, their father's gone AWOL. There's only so much they can handle, they're children."

"Children..." Hiccup repeated quietly. This seemed to spark some life into him and he straightened a little. He squinted at Snotlout. "You have children."

"I do." Snotlout nodded. "Little terrors, the pair of them. Not as bad as yours though."

"Mine..."

"Yes." Stoick encouraged. "Put on that weird Hiccup face, get your ass down to the Hoffersons and get your kids. I'll go back to yours, make sure things are in order. I've already told you Astrid will be fine. Snotlout, take him, will you? Try and talk some sense into him, even a little bit. I'm going to have a word with Hackett." Stoick growled, cracking his knuckles. Hiccup pursed his lips. "No, not that Hiccup face."

"No fighting." He ordered feebly.

"There won't be any fighting. Just a good whack to the face, nothing more."

"Good thinking." Snotlout grinned. "Come on, chief. Off to the madhouse." Stoick watched them go. Then he stalked off in the other direction, after Hackett. It didn't take him long to find him; Hackett was ranting in the Great Hall of how the chief had the shivers. "And _why_ now?" He yelled from the stage. "_Why_, after everything else he's done?"

"HACKETT!" Stoick stomped onto the stage and shoved the other Viking away. "LISTEN!" He bellowed at the crowds. "Hiccup does not have the shivers! He's worried about Astrid! The baby was stillborn! Astrid is in a critical state! Do not listen to his rubbish!" He waved in Hackett's general direction. "Offer your prayers to the gods; Astrid _will_ recover and we _will_ have our chief back, Viking-like or not! Now go! Do not doubt your chief!"


	74. Chapter 74

Hiccup sat next to his comatose wife. The womenfolk had done what they could; it was now touch-and-go. Astrid had equal chance of pulling through as she did slipping away. He had tried to stick with his chiefly duties, but after accidentally herding the sheep into the armoury, he put his father in charge and spent all his time with Astrid. Ingrid and Alastor were well looked after by Hildegard, Fenrir, Valka and Fishlegs. The twins were in charge of patrols, probably not Hiccup's best idea initially, but they had really pulled through. He would have been severely impressed had his thoughts not been elsewhere. Snotlout helped Ruffnut and Tuffnut when he could, but he had his own set of twins and his wife to live by. Hackett was still spreading little whispers of Hiccup's sudden inability to cope and, the more he thought it over, the more he believed that Hiccup had had fluke after fluke with every little thing he had overcome. "If it hadn't been for the other dragon riders, he would be a complete failure, no questions asked." Hiccup didn't particularly care for Hackett's treacherous rumours. The majority of the Berkians had their trust and loyalty in their chief and sympathised with his predicament. Hackett's words were taken up by his gang of friends, the traditionalists, who were debating whether they should find a new chief and then, if so, who? Hiccup had simply sent the Terrors and the twins in. The consequential wreckage was some of their best work.

Looking at Astrid's sleeping form, he sent up his millionth prayer for her safety and betterment. As usual, the gods stayed silent. Hiccup started talking to Astrid instead, telling her stories his father and Gobber told him when he was young and couldn't sleep. All the while, he nervously toyed with his hands the material of his blue tunic. Astrid's hands were just as calloused as his, from years of wielding axes and dragon training and motherhood. Yet they could have the gentlest touch he had even known, tying miniscule braids in his hair, poking at his stubble or attacking his sides to make him jump. Those were the fingers that took things from the mouths of their children when they were teething, made sure weapons and cutlery were well out of the way, checked for injuries when Ingrid fell off her chair or when Alastor got stuck halfway up the stairs.

Hiccup found himself singing quietly, "I'll swim and sail on savage seas... with ne'er a fear of drowning... I'll gladly ride the waves of life... if you- if you will stay with me..." His eyes burned and he hung his head. Toothless crooned from his corner, padding over and nudging his human. Hiccup absent-mindedly scratched the Night Fury under the chin, resting his head against the dragon's. Toothless sat up on his back legs and encased his rider in his wings, a dragon hug, front paw resting on Hiccup's chest. He whined and nuzzled Hiccup, trying to cheer him up. When that didn't work, he moved to Astrid in the hope of waking her. Stormfly flew in through the window and joined him. The two dragons cooed and sniffed at Astrid. Toothless's ears lay flat when nothing happened, returning miserably and apologetically to his rider. "It's alright, bud. I can't wake her up either." Stormfly cawed despairingly, staggering about with her wings spread. Hiccup jumped up to soothe her. "Hey, Stormfly. Hey. Take it easy, girl. I know it's hard. Here." Hiccup found the weakspot under her chin and she purred, flopping to the floor contentedly.

"Mmm... no..." Hiccup and Toothless started, attention snapping to Astrid. "Get my axe..."

"I see her priorities are still in order." Hiccup grumbled.

"Rings of gold..." Astrid mumbled distractedly, grimacing and rolling her head. "Poetry... hand... stay with me..." Hiccup bit the inside of his cheek, contemplating something. He whistled the tune for a short while. Astrid hummed, expression easing. "Hiccup." His heart soared hopefully. Toothless's ears lifted, listening intently. Hiccup continued to whistle, eventually restarting the song verbally. Astrid murmured the odd word or two here and there. Hiccup tried a couple of other Berkian tunes and she responded equally to them too.

Then her eyes opened. "Hiccup." She looked to her left, seeing her dragon half-dozing. "You didn't do that, did you?"

"I had to calm her down somehow. Whoa, no. You need to rest." He hurriedly stopped her from sitting up, hands gentle yet firm on her shoulders. She winced, hand flying to her stomach. It clicked then. She looked pleadingly to Hiccup, lips moving soundlessly, _no please no_. "Astrid-" He started carefully. Astrid shook her, tears merging. Pressing her lips together, she tried to haul in her emotions. It worked for two seconds and then she was screaming and sobbing her heart out, clinging to her husband as though he could pull her from the reality. Hiccup did his best to comfort her; his own emotions caught up. They grieved together, holding each other. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Astrid chanted solemnly through her tears.

"Not your fault." Hiccup insisted quietly. He refused to let her blame herself. "Blame the gods." He said in a low whisper. She hiccupped, shook her head again. The gods may have given him his wife back, but they had taken his child, his second son. What _would have been_ his second son. He remembered his father's words. "A greater force loved him more than we could."

"Him?" Astrid croaked, giving another small hiccup. Then she angered. "No-one could love him more than me, I'm his mother!" Hiccup could only nod. Her fury drained from her in an instant and she feebly curled up in his arms. Toothless and the rudely-awoken Stormfly joined their riders, a little comfort from their warm hides and familiar smoky scent. "I wanted to call him Stoick. Stoick the Second. Stoick Fenrir Finn Haddock."

"I always figured the next boy would be named after your dad."

"Dad said not to. An ex-chief has a higher rank than he ever would." She sniffed, hiding her face in his shoulders. "Not that it matters now," her muffled little voice sobbed, "we've lost him." Hiccup didn't get another word of her. The cries of a mother who lost her child; Hiccup had been told of them, had even heard them. Never before had it been so personal. He never would have thought he would hear those cries from Astrid, not once in a million years.

Thunder boomed outside. A storm had rolled in. Lightning slashed the sky. Then the rain started. It rained for four days solid, flooding wells, rivers, harbours and houses. Lightning burnt and destroyed many homes, damage to the Great Hall and many, many injuries.

It meant one thing, it could have _only_ meant one thing.

The gods were angry. At Hiccup. The baby, the storm... it wasn't going to end there. It was just getting started.


	75. Chapter 75

Hiccup returned to work only a few days after the Incident. Astrid was left in the care of her mother and many visits paid by the other Vikings. Most of them had presented pies, fish, potatoes and bread. Some, other grieving mothers, stayed to talk Astrid through some things, offering advice. A couple of their husbands even gave Hiccup condolences, inviting him to a drink. "Snotlout told us about Chief Lightweight."

"Did he now?"

Snotlout had been floating around. He always seemed to appear when Hiccup had use for him. Fishlegs had taken over Astrid's dragon training classes while the twins, through no fault of Hiccup's, had stationed themselves as Astrid's personal bardiguards. Like a bodyguard, but for chiefs and their families. Bardiguards were meant to be very understanding and teach many things. Astrid said all she had learnt was how best to head-butt someone else. "Because that will come in handy."

"You could say you have a _heads_ up."

"Just don't."

"Sorry."

Hiccup's main reason for returning to work was Hackett. The older Viking and all his little friends were stirring trouble. Again. Many Vikings were on Hiccup's side, however, and argued that losing a child was the hardest thing a parent ever had to experience. Eventually, Hiccup had to confront Hackett and his gang.

"Let's make this quick, Hackett, I've more important things to do."

"I believe a chief should not rank his duties in order of importance."

"So you don't want dinner then? That's fine. I'll just call of the fishing expeditions, yeah?" Hackett scowled. "Whatever you have to say about me, say it to my face. And make it snappy, I've a village to feed."

"We appreciate everything you've done for this tribe, really. But recent events have got us thinking- you're not that… chiefly."

"Which means what exactly?"

"_Exactly_ what your name implies. Hiccup."

"I quite like my name."

"You would." Hackett sneered. Hiccup said nothing, watching him expectantly. "I say we need a change in chief." Still, Hiccup didn't react. "A chief that doesn't keep secrets or keeps taking time off or putting the village in danger. The kind of chief who can produce a strong heir, not something that barely lives up to his father's runt name." Hiccup scratched as his cheek, sighing.

"There is nothing wrong with Alastor."

"He wasn't the firstborn. You had a daughter instead."

"Because I can totally control that." Hiccup retorted, sarcasm so heavy, Hackett scowled again. "Anything else you'd like to say?"

"You dressed up as a woman."

"As _Freya_," Hiccup corrected, "through no disrespect to her. I wanted to help a friend and that was by calling on Lady Freya to help with her domain. Love." He added at Hackett's confused look. "Not that you'd know anything about that." He continued harshly. "For a supposed wise and older man, you're very narrow-minded when it comes to the schemes of things or how nature runs its course. It surprises me, really, on how selfish and condescending you are. I only try my best for this village; I keep everyone fed and homed; I keep the dragons under control; I say hello to the children, our next generation, because I believe in treating people how I want to be treated, no matter the age. Everyone is entitled to privacy, since you complained about my secret-keeping and the time off was no planned. I've been poisoned, beaten, scarred and broken all through trying to keep the village safe from the likes of Drago and Dagur."

"But yet, it was your _wife_ that took down Drago, not you."

"It's Astrid. Best to let her get her temper out than force her to bottle it."

"You seem scared of her."

"I'm not scared of her, I just know her limits and, therefore, my own too. I respect her for who she is, that is all." Hiccup smiled simply, eyes dull. "Was there anything else you'd like to pick at or can I go back to my job? Which reminds me- how are the yaks?" Hackett coloured furiously.

"That." He jabbed a finger at Hiccup's left forearm. "You've had that covering for far longer than necessary. What are you hiding?"

"Last I checked, that was none of your business." Hackett started to argue. "Privacy. Find out what it is and get back to me." Hiccup pushed away from the table. "Good day, Hackett." And left. Hackett glowered after him. He wasn't satisfied by Hiccup's responses, feeling as though he had been brushed off like a gnat. He wanted answers, _proper_ answers. He frowned at his goblet, running his thumb over the bumpy metal edge. He knew two people who could give him answers. Firstly, he was off to see Gothi. The second was only if she didn't wield the answers he required.

The Elder was up in her shack, examining bones with a Terrible Terror on her stooped back. She turned shakily when Hackett knelt before her. Her trembling, gnarled hand touched his shoulder.

"Gothi, Wise Elder, I've come to ask something of you." She spread her hand, inviting him to continue. "It concerns our Chief, Elder. I mean no treason, but I have my worries." Gothi rubbed at her jaw, considering the bones once more. "What is it he conceals beneath those bandages? What is it he wishes to keep hidden from the loyal and noble members of his tribe?" Gothi made no immediate response, contemplating. She started writing in the dirt between them, reminding her visitor that Hiccup had adorned those bandages since his recovery period _after_ Dagur held him captive. "Dagur caused whatever it is he hides?" She returned to the bones, throwing them again with her elderly hands. Hackett tried to discern something from them, but possessed none of her soothsaying skills. The Terror on her hooped back yawned and stretched, scrabbling down and snuffling about for food. Hackett watched its progress, nose wrinkled. He could _tolerate_ the dragons. He was not keen on becoming best mates with them.

Gothi stood before him and he refocused his attention. She wrote something else in the dirt with the butt of her staff. _It is for the chief to decide whether he tells or not_. She raised a brow at him pointedly. "I am sorry, Wise Elder, but I need a more in-depth answer. Is there nothing you can tell me?" Gothi frowned and clonked him on the head. He mumbled apologies. There was always something to tell, it just depended on a need-to-know basis. Hackett was not of that basis. "Is there anyone who will tell me?" She hesitated. Hackett felt his heart beat a little faster. She _did_ know, he was sure of it. "Who?" He prompted, a raising suspicion dawning on him.

In the end, the Elder shook her head, ushering him out with the silent warning to not doubt the Chief. Hiccup may have his idiotic moments, but he always meant and did as well as he could. Her Terror fluttered after Hackett all the way down the stairs, playfully nipping at his beard before soaring back to its master.

Hackett fumed. This other person… it was risky, it was stupid… but he had to know, he just _had_ to. And he had to do this alone.

_For now at least_, he thought to himself, _let's just hope I get the results that I need_.


	76. Chapter 76

**To Guest- THANK YOU! ^_^ **

**Also, Happy Halloween everyone! 54 days until Christmas, yay! :D**

* * *

"Hiccup!" Snotlout caught up with his friend, huffing irritably. "Listen, Sven just told me in his usual fashion that a one-Viking ship set off last night some time."

"And he's only saying this now because...?"

"I didn't bother asking him, his voice is _so annoying_."

"Any idea who was on it?"

"Sven didn't get any details. Just said it was a big bloke." Hiccup sighed. "I've got the twins looking for them; I can get Fish-face and we'll go too." The chief nodded, whistling to Toothless. Sharpshot squawked on his master's shoulder, where he had sat all day. The Terrors were now torn between keeping an eye on Astrid and Hiccup. Ingrid was getting a bit moody about this, missing her little Terror best friend. Alastor didn't seem to mind, happily babbling at any dragon he came into contact with. Snotlout rushed off, calling for Hookfang. His children were with Waiola and her parents. Hiccup's children were still with the Hoffersons. He visited them about three times every day, but he missed having them at home. Hiccup often told himself _soon_. _Soon_ Astrid would feel better, _soon_ Ingrid and Alastor would come home, _soon_ they could start again.

For now, however, Hiccup had to find this unauthorised ship.

* * *

The little boat bumped along in the shallows, carefully steered around rocks and reefs. It had to stop a few metres from the shore otherwise it would never return to its home island. Its sailor hopped over the side, splashing through the waves and marching up the beach, sword in one hand, shield in the other and a pair of axes in his belt. He checked every blackened tree, every scorched boulder, casting his eyes about for shadows, listening for the slightest scuffle of shoes. No doubt there would be a few soldiers lurking, but they should not attack. He had warned beforehand of his arrival, so he was hoping their chief would not fly off the handle.

"Well, well, well, well, well well well well well." Hackett turned. "A Berkian. Voluntary coming to Berserker land." Dagur hummed. "Stranger yet, you're actually _allowed _on my island. Do tell."

"I have questions about my own chief." Hackett said. "Our Elder has not answered them. I'm just hoping you will."

"Ooh, a traitor." Dagur jeered, his men chortling harshly. "We've a traitor in our midst." His smile warped into a snarl. "I don't like traitors."

"I don't see this as betraying."

"Oh really?"

"I see this as a way of assisting my chief while he is burdened with whatever ails him." Hackett lied. Dagur hummed thoughtfully. "I was hoping you would know such burdens."

"HA!" Dagur barked. "Of course I know! Who do you think gave him those _ails_ in the first place? Little man, you make me laugh! I've decided I won't cut your tongue out!"

"Many thanks, great Berserker chief." Hackett bowed, fuming on the inside. Little man? Ha! Hackett would show him, he would... have to stay completely calm and compliant if he wanted answers. "Would you be as so kind to tell me what ails our chief?"

"Oooh, I've been waiting _ages_ for this! You're not here to help Hiccup! You're here to bring him down! Is it my birthday? Somebody pinch me! No, get off, Grub!" Dagur slapped one of his men. "It was rhetorical! By Loki's boots, I do believe I'm the only sane one here!" He cackled. Hackett said nothing, plastering on an agreeing and amused smile. Dagur started doing a victory dance, wild and extravagant, swinging his arms and singing at the top of his lungs: "HICCUP WILL KISS THESE BOO-OOTS, HICCUP WILL KISS THESE BOO-OOTS! YOU THERE!" He stopped mid-dance, whipping round and jabbing a sword in Hackett's direction. "What is your name, little man?"

"Hackett, sir. Hackett Beurgard."

"And I am Dagur the Deranged."

"It's an honour to finally make your acquaintance, sir." Hackett bowed again, gritting his teeth in annoyance.

"Then come through, friend. Let's get you feed and you shall have your answers."

* * *

Hiccup scowled. He knew who had taken that boat, he just _knew _it. He swept away from Hackett's friends, chieftain cape billowing angrily behind him. Fishlegs had to trot alongside him, stumbling and tripping just to keep up. "Hiccup!" He gasped. "Hiccup! Slow down!" Hiccup broke into a run. "That is the opposite of slowing down! By Odin's blind eye, Hiccup! Snotlout, stop him!" Snotlout flew low on Hookfang, leaning out of the side of the saddle. Hiccup undid his clasp as Snotlout snatched at his cloak, sprinting as fast as he could on his mismatched feet. Snotlout yelled curses after him, throwing the cloak down on Fishlegs' head.

"TWINS!" He bellowed. The Zippleback swooped down, both twins making a grab at their friend and missing as he ducked and twisted out of their grasp. "WHAT WAS THAT?" Snotlout raged. Hookfang flipped round and zipped after Hiccup once more, snapping his claws shut on thin air as Hiccup launched himself off a cliff. Toothless materialised from nowhere, ducking under his rider and catching him mid-fall. "WILL YOU STOP WITH THE CRAZY?" Snotlout yelled after him. "THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH CRAZY YOU CAN MANAGE, HICCUP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET BACK HERE! YOU MUTTONHEAD! MUTTONHEAD ONE AND TWO!" He addressed the twins, unable to lower his voice from a shout. "AFTER HIM! FISH-FACE, GET YOUR DRAGON!"

Hiccup couldn't hear Snotlout's screeching over the roar of wind. He urged Toothless on, shifting his foot. Toothless rolled his shoulders, beating his wings harder. The air screamed past them, biting into Hiccup's exposed skins like thousands of tiny dragons. He risked a glance back, seeing his fellow riders fall further and further behind. The tiny figure that was Snotlout was probably still screaming, shaking his fists furiously at the sky, at Hiccup. "Up!" Hiccup ordered. Toothless craned his head up, Hiccup adjusted the tail, and then disappeared into the clouds in a heartbeat.

* * *

"He's done _what_ now?" Astrid fumed. "Oh, that idiot! He never listens! When I find him, I'm going to kick him so hard in his-"

"Astrid! Focus!" Snotlout reminded her.

"Aren't you supposed to be finding my husband?" She shot back heatedly. "That blockhead could be anywhere now!"

"Exactly." Fishlegs said calmly. "He's got a Night Fury, there's no way we can catch up with him. Whoa, where are you going?"

"To find that muttonhead! What does it look like?"

"You're supposed to stay here!" Fishlegs squeaked. "You haven't fully recovered!"

"IF I SAY I'M FULLY RECOVERED, THEN I'M FULLY RECOVERED! I DON'T NEED YOU FUSSING OVER ME AS WELL, I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!"

"Astrid, please-" Fishlegs tried, but she was hearing none of it. Despite the pain, she climbed back up in her saddle and Stormfly shot into the sky. "Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods..."

"Stop whining!" Snotlout scolded, smacking Fishlegs' arm. "After her!"

"Oh great." Tuffnut sighed. "I love flying in circles." He said sarcastically. "Actually... I _love_ flying in circles."

"Yeah." His sister agreed with a laugh. "You get dizzy and then you get lost and then it's just _awesome_..."

"Hey." Snotlout snapped his fingers in their faces. "Tracking mission, let's go. NOW!"

"Alright, alright. Geez, you don't have to be so snotty..."

* * *

Hiccup found Hackett's boat soon enough. Toothless blasted it to smithereens, proceeding to circle the island for Hackett. Hiccup had let this go, they had only talked that morning. Why was he getting so mad? He didn't particularly _like_ Hackett, he had no real need of him. Yak farmers were easily trained and replaced if necessary and all Hackett had done recently was cause uncalled for trouble. And lots of it.

Toothless cried out, ears turning this way and that, listening for any sound of movement. All they found was a group of Berserkers doing their best to hunt down a Night Fury. "Up, Toothless! Plasma blast!" Hiccup directed, swinging his arm. Toothless burnt up a weighted net heading towards him. "Dive!" Hiccup ordered. His dragon tucked in his wings, diving full pelt at the sea, sinking beneath its surface like a stone. Hiccup held his breath, looking for the old tunnel he and Alvin had used all those years ago. Toothless found it first, swimming quickly towards it. "Attaboy, bud." Hiccup praised quietly once they surfaced. Toothless crooned and crawled out of the water, shaking his scales dry the second Hiccup dismounted. "Let's find Hackett and get out of here."

Unbeknownst to Hiccup, however, Hackett had already left Berserker territory. Not by boat, as he expected, but by dragon. Admittedly not his idea, but he had some news for his village. Gripping the Deadly Nadder's horns as tightly as he could, clinging on with his knees, Hackett smiled grimly to himself. Hiccup had kept his secret for far too long, far too huge a secret to keep hidden forever. The Berkians deserved to know they were being led by a slave.


	77. Chapter 77

**I apologise for not updating as much recently, but I haven't had the heart. You lot have seemed to disappear and I just don't feel up to updating as much. I don't really feel up to doing anything, not even reading. What's wrong with me?**

* * *

Hiccup ran into Dagur's line of sight, staying out of range of his nets. Toothless roared unhappily, beating his wings to stay aloft. Dagur's wicked laugh could still be heard, ringing clear and sharp as Hiccup remembered. The Berserker Chief spread his arms and his soldiers lowered their weapons, ready to pounce at a moment's notice.

"Brother!" Dagur called up, standing on the edge of a cliff. Toothless snarled, raring to plasma blast this guy into obilivion. "Why so glum, Hiccup? Is something the matter?"

"Where's Hackett?" Hiccup yelled.

"Oh, you mean my new friend? Merrily on his way back to your little village, soon to be _mine_!" Hiccup didn't wait around to hear more, swivelling Toothless and speeding off the way they had just come. If Hackett had met Dagur, he was _sure_ to know about the brand. He didn't approve of Hiccup as chief anyway, not really, and this tidbit of ammunition was to sink like a holed ship throughout Berk. The dark waters of secrecy and mistrust would launch through homes, paths and livelihoods, spreading disgust and fear. Hiccup couldn't allow that. If Hackett got rid of him, there was no doubt in Hackett instating himself as chief. Hiccup's heirs were too young and would be nulled because of their relations to a slave, as would Stoick and anyone else in his family. The Hoffersons would suffer too, being related by marriage. His friends... Snotlout knew, but the others? Hiccup wasn't sure how they would react. Fishlegs was led too strongly by rules and concrete facts, the twins would probably cause more trouble... He shook this thoughts from his mind for now, adjusting the tail. Toothless sped up, howling into the sky in search of their quarry. Time was of the essence. There would be no more clowning around this was serious. Not only was Berk at risk, but his family as well. Hiccup couldn't put them through anymore distress, not again, not ever again.

* * *

The other riders had travelled nearly two-thirds of the way to Berk. Stormfly immediately sensed a cousin of sorts, squawking. Another Nadder responded similarly, leaping from the clouds. Someone was clinging to his neck, unused to the erractic flying of a dragon who had never had anyone on his back before. Astrid signalled and the other riders closed in, a tight circle formation. The second Nadder stopped in confusion, bouncing to and fro as he kept himself airborne. Stormfly instantly started chatting to him, which calmed him.

"Hackett!" Astrid scolded. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Giving Berk the truth!"

"What truth?" Astrid yelled. "I will smack you off that dragon if you've got any plans against Hiccup!"

"What? That _slave_?" Those obilivious were come over with sudden shock, Fishlegs squeaking and the twins gaping at each other. Snotlout clenched his jaw and Hookfang shot warning flames at Hackett. The tratior nearly toppled from his unsaddled ride trying to avoid the heat. "So you know! Some of you at least! Keeping secrets from his friends as well, eh? Why doesn't that surprise me?" Astrid gripped Stormfly's horns, squeezing her knees against the Nadder's sides despite the pain. Stormfly yelped excitedly and dived Hackett, spinning as she did so. Astrid grabbed the man by the straps of his armour, hauling him in one quick, fluid movement and dropping him far from any means of support. He fell, screaming. Fishlegs started chewing his fingers, anxious eyes flicking from the victim and the would-be murderer.

Hackett would have splattered on the surface of the ocean if it hadn't been for a shadow swooping over him at the last second, yanking him further up than he had ever wanted to go in the blink of an eye. He was dropped, caught, dropped and caught again, each time closer and closer to the water until he lost his grip on his helmet. Toothless spun relentlessly, throwing the older man completely out of balance. The Night Fury fell back, splashing in and out of the waves, disappearing for quite a while before resurfacing both his rider and his captor.

Then he was gone.

Up into the clouds above, sparse and white as they were. Astrid shouted at the others and they all climbed up after Hiccup, the new Nadder thinking it a game and following.

"Hiccup!" Hackett roared. "Let me go!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Going to be a killer as well as a slave then?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, is that so? Let's see under that bandage on your arm then!" Hiccup said nothing, letting Toothless release Hackett, catch him by the legs and repeat, arms, legs, arms, legs. Hackett was thoroughly dizzy after that. Hiccup looked back, seeing the distant shapes of his wife and friends. He directed Toothless towards the cliff faces, diving straight down and under an arch, clinging to the underside while the others went ahead. He searched the protruding rocks, pushing on one in particular. "What are you doing?" Hackett screeched, upside down, face obscured by his beard. Still, Hiccup ignored him, watching the cliff-face. Bay doors were opening. Toothless shot through them, landing smartly near the lever, biting it to push it down.

"Attaboy, bud." Hiccup said, sliding from the saddle and changing his foot. Toothless lay down, trapping Hackett beneath him.

"Where am I? How did you do that? Witchcraft!" He answered himself. "Witchcraft!"

"Oh please." Hiccup rolled his eyes, holding a torch out for Toothless to light. He crouched in front of his prey. "So, Hackett. What happened to our little chat this morning?"

"It was all lies!" Hackett struggled to free himself. Toothless simply rearranged himself, getting more comfortable around Hackett's bulk. "Get this thing off me!" Toothless snarled, claws scratching at the ground warningly. He was picking up on his human's intense dislike of this man.

"Hackett, I wouldn't lie to you."

"Then why did you hide that then?" The older man growled.

"Hiding is not the same as lying."

"But you still didn't tell the truth."

"Some things are best kept secret through want of not hurting others."

"So noble." Hackett said sarcastically. "Now give me answers."

"To what questions?"

"Every single one." Hiccup sighed.

"Now, isn't that helpful?" The chief sat, resting the torch between two rocks. "Try and be a bit more specific?"

"Why won't you let me go? You're holding me captive! You're going to kill me!"

"Hackett, I have a Night Fury. If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already."

"Like you killed those men?"

"That's different?"

"How so?"

"Astrid was in danger."

"You're _weak_." Hackett scoffed. Hiccup frowned slightly, green eyes intense in the flickering light.

"Oh?" Hackett nodded. "And how would you have done it?"

"I'd have taken Dagur out."

"That wasn't part of my plan."

"What is this _plan_ you keep going on about? Is it another ploy?"

"There is a plan. But that's not for you to know. What I _will_ tell you however is that I got everything I deserved for what I did." Hackett stopped fighting to give H iccup a questioning look. Hiccup sat, stony-faced, fists clenched, as he told Hackett every malicious detail of Dagur's VIP treatment. He hadn't told anyone this, not his parents, not Snotlout. Not even Astrid. "So, there. More for you to use against me."

"The village deserves to know their chief is a slave. It has been Viking law for _generations- _no slave, no descendant or relation of a slave, blood or marriage, shall be chief."

"Yes. I know."

"And you're going to change that to suit you, aren't you?"

"No."

"What?" Hackett seemed geuninely surprised. "No?"

"No." Hiccup confirmed. "I'm not going to change that. Just think of the alternative. You get rid of me. Dagur kills you. Don't look so shocked, you were and are a traitor to your chief and tribe. Dagur only let you go to bring me down. You won't be able to take over. Dagur will. He will _destroy_ Berk, he will kill _everyone,_ man, woman, child, dragon. He doesn't care. It's all a game to him. Do you really want to be the downfall of your family's name, village and heritage line?"

"No." Hackett said after some hesitation. "But I can't abandon the laws we have lived by for thousands of years."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to help me."

"What?"

"I was mad at first. Really mad. You don't half push it, Hackett. And you're not the easiest person to get along with, you or your friends. But having talked to you properly now, I don't want to kill you. I just want to slap you for being an idiot. Which I guess is how Astrid feels about me most of the time. Up, bud." Toothless shook his head. "No, I'm going to do this properly." Toothless grumbled, but rose. Hiccup helped Hackett to his feet. "I don't want this to get bad. I've already done so much damage, I don't want to cause anymore. I can't. If Berk fell because of me, I'd never live with myself. And I don't think you will either."

"No."

"Then I've an idea. We'll put this behind us for now, we'll settle our differences the proper way. And no, not with maces or axes. Keep this all on the downlow until I can figure out what to do."

"But-"

"Please, Hackett." Hiccup looked him square in the eye. "I can't let Dagur win. We'll lose everything." Hackett scowled. "Please." Hackett cursed, hating himself for what happened next.

"Fine. But not forever." Hiccup smiled, relieved. They gripped each other's forearms. "I mean it, Hiccup. This isn't something you can keep secret."

"I know. I'd rather not keep it secret, but there isn't anything else I can do right now." Hackett's grasp tightened on Hiccup's arm, his left arm.

"If this doesn't work, if Dagur gets his way, I will tell _everyone_. My final breath shall be your undoing."


	78. Chapter 78

"What is _he_ doing here? Tuff, my axe!"

"Whoa!" Hiccup intercepted the axe and hid it behind his back. Astrid glowered. "Hey, listen. I've talked to Hackett, we've agreed to keep this quiet until I can figure out a way around this. For now, we need to keep an eye out for Dagur's forces. They'll go for Hackett and-"

"Good!" Astrid snatched at her axe, Hiccup danced out of the way. "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the _Third_!" She punched him in the chest. "Give me my axe!"

"Astrid, please-"

"He _betrayed _you! He's a traitor to his chief and tribe and you're letting him _get away with it_!"

"No. Not exactly."

"Yes exactly! Give me that axe or lose your other foot, I'll do it!" Hackett was staring blearily and confusedly at her, anxiously wringing his hands. "Don't push it, Hiccup! You're already a big enough idiot, I don't need anymore around me right now!" The twins shuffled away discreetly. Snotlout rolled his eyes.

"What did you say to him?" He asked Hiccup. Hiccup relayed the conversation. Astrid was desperately trying to get hold of her most trusted weapon. She was red in the face with effort, eventually doubling over and groaning in pain. "Astrid? See, you're supposed to be resting, you tell me I never listen." Hiccup dropped the axe in Snotlout's hands and guided his wife upstairs, calling back to Fishlegs to get Valka.

"Why won't you let me sort him out?"

"Because you've stressed yourself enough lately and you just need to rest. Please."

"I'm _fine_."

"I don't think you are."

"I don't care what you think! Whatever goes on in that head of yours usually ends up with you in trouble! We should do away with your brain entirely, that'll solve all our problems!"

"Astrid-"

"Don't let her get to you, Hiccup. She's still all over the place."

"You got here quick."

"I was on my way over anyway." Valka waved it aside. "Astrid, we've talked about this. You can't rush back into your madness just yet, not until the bleeding stops completely."

"Where are Ingrid and Alastor?"

"With your parents."

"I want to see them."

"Let me sort you first and I'll get them. Hiccup, you may want to get back downstairs. The twins are after Hackett." Hiccup made a face, squeezing Astrid's hand reassuringly and disappearing back downstairs. The twins were towering over Hackett, who had collapsed into a chair. Snotlout was examining Astrid's axe and Fishlegs was dithering in the corner, not looking at Hiccup directly. Hiccup sighed.

"Legs, I'm not contagious."

"No, I know... it's just... a lot to take in."

"I know."

"Oh yeah. Hey, chief." Tuffnut and Ruffnut exchanged victims, leaning uncomfortably close. Hiccup leant back a fraction, trying to keep them both in sight. "What's this secret you've been keeping from us?"

"We are very disappointed in you. And upset." Ruffnut added, her brother nodding. They folded their arms and frowned. "Three words." They shared sidelong glances and then spoke in unison- "We want in."

"What?"

"Dude, it's a cool _dragon_ mark."

"But... you know what it means right?"

"Change the meaning." Tuffnut beamed. Hiccup blinked at him. "Come on! You're _Hiccup_. You've changed, like, _everything_. Except your hut."

"Yeah, it's a bit plain looking."

"What?"

"You haven't decorated. Like, _ever_." Ruffnut told him. "Give us a week and we'll have this place _amazing_. Everyone will be so jealous. We've got some great fabric for curtains and-"

"A mace will go excellent there-"

"Maybe a few flowers-"

"Berk-Bog Roses will spruce that corner right up-"

"Twins." Hiccup intervened, pressing his hands together. "As much as I appreciate the offer which I will give serious consideration because I know how much you two love to decorate, we've got something else to sort out first, alright? This... this mark, yes, it may look like a dragon, but to change what it means? I don't see that happening."

"But why? Look how well you changed the situation with the dragons." Snotlout pointed out. "Why can't you just apply that to this?"

"It's just... not the same. I know you're trying to help, but..." Hiccup shook his head. "I don't know what to do." Fishlegs raised his hand. "You don't have to do that you know." Hiccup smiled lopsidedly. Fishlegs lowered his hand, lacing his fingers together. "What's up?"

"I'll take it."

"No."

"No, I will. I'll take it and I'll stand beside you. You could change it, like the twins said. Make it _your_ coat of arms. You don't have one, not your own one at least." Hiccup's hand strayed over the bandages. "Stop using your Dad's old coat of arms and make your new one. Then... then maybe we could all take it. You know, us riders."

"Are you _crazy_?" Hackett blurted, jumping to his feet. "As much as you try and insist, that will _always_ be the Slavemark! It will never be anything else!"

"Not with that attitude it won't." Tuffnut muttered. "When we fix up this place, sis, we need to get rid of a few, uh... blemishes." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the unwanted guest. Hackett scowled. "Look here, Hack. Can I call you Hack? I'm gonna call you Hack. Listen, Hack, Hiccup knows best, kid's got a good head on his shoulders. Not as good as ours obviously," Ruffnut smirked, "but quite good. And if you can't appreciate that, Hack, I suggest you leave right this second, sir." He and his sister flourished a finger in the direction of the door. Hackett reddened angrily.

"Guys." Hiccup positioned himself between the twins and Hackett. "Let's just stay calm about all of this, alright? Legs, what are you doing?" Fishlegs was scribbling in his note book, no longer looking so anxious, but determined. He didn't answer for another minute, proudly turning his work towards them all. It was the Slavemark, but... different. Bolder with a simple, yet effective and appeasing latticework behind it, the wings of a Night Fury sprouting from the back of the dragon's body. Toothless's tail had even been added in.

"Make a few modifications and you no longer have that... that m-mark. You'll have a Night Fury." Toothless, in the rafters, awoke and crooned happily. "Yes, I mean you as the Night Fury, literally the only Night Fury in existence." Toothless nodded and rested his head on his claws to watch what happened next. "C-can I... can I see it?" Fishlegs whispered. Hiccup hesitated, noticing Snotlout nodded and give a double-thumbs up. Hands shaking, he rolled up his sleeve and started unwinding the bandages. Hackett tried to protest, eventually covering his eyes in an attempt not to see the shame. Fishlegs gently rested the charcoal pencil on Hiccup's arm, holding him by the wrist to keep him still. He added in the extra details, the lines a faint grey against Hiccup's skin. "OK, maybe it's not total perfection yet, but do you see where I'm going with this?"

"If that's the new design, sign me up!" Tuffnut declared, yanking his sleeve back and baring his arm.

"Not yet, Tuff." Fishlegs put his pencil behind his ear and considered his handiwork. "What do you think, Hiccup?"

"I think I can work with that."

"I'm not even looking, but you can't be serious!" Hackett stomped his foot. "This is ridiculous! Hiccup, I know we had our agreements, but this is outrageous!"

"Hey." Ruffnut scolded, fists on her hips. "Outrageous is the only way we run. You should be used to that by now, you muttonhead."

"I know that." Tuffnut frowned.

"Not you, muttonhead, that muttonhead."

"Oh." Hiccup rubbed Fishlegs' design from his arm and replaced the wrappings.

"Fishlegs, keep that in mind. And think about how to make that permanent. Just... no burning, please."

"Mmm... I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, mate. As for you- Hackett, you can look now, it's gone- as for you, we had the agreement and that still stands whether you like it or not. I'm not going to mess up Berk because you're too immature to keep your big fat mouth shut." Hackett opened his mouth to argue. Hiccup held up his hand. "Don't. I am not in the mood right now, I need to go and check on my wife. Leave. And not a word to _anyone_, is that clear?"

"Crystal." Hackett growled between gritted teeth. Hiccup waved him away.

"Do we have to leave too, boss?"

"Boss?"

"Yeah, boss." Tuffnut grinned. "We can start working now, if you like. Make it all nice when the little terrors return."

"Maybe not right this second. I'll keep that in mind though and run it by Astrid."

"Cool." They gave him cheeky grins and ran off, discussing ideas for Hiccup's home. Fishlegs set out too, muttering to himself as he went over the design. Snotlout remained.

"What do you think?"

"I think you're crazy, but that doesn't really change anything. You do what you think is right, Hiccup. I'll only jump in if you do something stupid again. Now, you to your wife and me to mine. She'll kill me if I leave her with our twins any longer, I think she said they were teething."

"Isn't it a bit early?"

"I don't know. I was going to ask you." Hiccup hunched his shoulders. "Thanks. Well, see ya mate. Don't do anything I would do."

"I'm not that stupid."

"Could've fooled me."


	79. Chapter 79

"Home! Sneezy!" Ingrid squealed in delight, her Terror in her arms as she sprinted laps around the house, happy to be home after so long at the Hoffersons. Alastor watched from his father's hip, drool running down his chin. He smiled crookedly and waved at his sister, exclaiming happily. "I am home! Home is nice! Sneezy here too! Happy day today!" Ingrid swung Sneezy around at arm's length, doing a masterful merry little jig. Alastor bounced on Hiccup's hip.

"Dow'!" He ordered. "Dow', dow'!"

"Alright, Mr. Bossy. There, look. You're dow'." Hiccup's youngest sat on the floor, inspecting his environment. He recognised it alright, just trying to decide where to go first. He had his favourite hidey hole in the cupboard or he could crawl as quickly as he could after Ingrid or he could attempt climbing the stairs again or he could just sit there and look at his father blankly, which was exactly the thing he chose. "What?" Hiccup asked. Alastor held his hands up. "I literally just put you dow', what you do want?"

"Ah!" Alastor protested. Hiccup picked him up. Alastor shook his head furiously, wailing. Astrid descended the stairs immediately, bundling him in her arms and cooing.

"Oh, bubba, I missed you too." She soothed, her son's chubby little arms around her neck, smoothing back his untidy blond hair. Ingrid bounced towards her mother, crashing into her leg. "And you too." Astrid smiled, crouching carefully. She wiped a bit of mud from Ingrid's cheek with her thumb. "Did you look after your brother for me?"

"I help lots and lots." Ingrid confirmed, nodding madly. "I help feed him and I help change his poopy bottom blanket-" Hiccup snorted, turning his humour into a cough at his daughter's bewildered look. "-and I help Nana H tidy and I help make the dinner too. Gran'ad Fe'rir say he love my dinner."

"That's my big girl." Astrid smiled, scooping Ingrid up too. Hiccup started, hands flying out automatically. "I can handle them, Hiccup. I'm fine."

"I know, force of habit. Sorry." He tucked his hands meekly behind his back and smiled sheepishly. "Can I join the group hug?" He asked, Sneezy landing amongst his hair. Astrid and Ingrid shared contemplative looks. Ingrid eventually shrugged and wrinkled her nose. Hiccup took that as a yes, encasing his little family in his arms. "Ah, I've missed this. Sneezy, do you mind? That is my ear, not your food." Ingrid giggled.

"Sneezy!" She instructed. "Here, Sneezy!" The Terror squawked and zipped around her shoulders, playing with her hair before settling into his old roosting spot, puffing small clouds of smoke as he was finally reunited with his owner. "Good Sneezy." Ingrid said, patting the dragon clumsily. She looked at her parents, eyes not-so-unusually stern. "We stay home now." She told them firmly. "We like Nana H and Gran'ad Fe'rir, but we like home better with Mummy and Daddy. We stay now." She hesitated. "We stay now?"

"Yes, you stay now."

"And Al?"

"Yes," Hiccup grinned, "you and Alastor can stay now."

"And we not go again?"

"Not unless you absolutely have to." Ingrid drew in a deep breath and held it. Hiccup squinted at her, confused. "Ooh, Mum told me about this." Astrid whispered as their daughter slowly started to turn pink. "It's her new thing. She holds her breath until she gets what she wants or passes out. Don't poke her, Hiccup!"

"I'm gonna poke her, Astrid."

"Who's idea was it to make you a dad?" Hiccup poked Ingrid in the tummy and she shook her head, trying not to giggle. Hiccup smirked and poked her again. A few more good pokes and Ingrid was red-faced and victim to tickles.

"I think I make a very good dad. And in answer to your question, Ingrid, you shall not go again."

"Promise?"

"Eh. Promise."

* * *

The months ran on. It was kind of boring. Hackett was keeping a low profile. Dagur hadn't made a scene. The Berkians were their usual demented and cheery selfs, curious as ever about Hiccup's bandaged left arm. Ingrid had taught Sneezy to steal extra cake and pies for her. Alastor still hadn't said 'Mummy' or 'Daddy', but he could say 'Bugger' quite clearly and 'Poopie', something the older twins taught him. Snotlout and Waiola's twins were grabbing at everything now and sitting up unattended, throwing things at each other and at their parents. Hiccup was trying to prepare Snotlout for when they became mobile. It wasn't going so well. The main thing Snotlout was worried about was not getting a wooden duck lodged up his nose.

"I swear, Snotlout is _this_ close to despair." Astrid said one day, scrubbing at Ingrid's mud-stained dress. "Waiola feels like she's got three children, one of whom doesn't soil himself every couple of hours." Hiccup snickered. "I suppose that's a good thing, but I don't see that lasting. Those twins are a nightmare. Speaking of twins though, did you hear about Ruffnut?"

"No."

"Eret asked her to marry her!"

"About flaming time! My gods, I've waited _ages _for it, I feel like I've aged fifty years. What did Tuff say?"

"Oh, you know Tuff. Pretty sure he's got a little bit of a crush on Eret, but hey. Who doesn't?"

"I don't." Hiccup frowned, eyeing his wife suspiciously. She just shone an angelic smile his way. "And neither do Orrick or Shamus or Ingrid or Alastor or-"

"People of a reasonable, mature age fancy Eret. That does not include children or you."

"Thanks." Hiccup scratched at his chin, grimacing at the stack of letters before him. "Ooh, look." He pulled one from the bottom of the pile. "There's one from Rosa." Astrid snatched it from his fingers and tossed it on the fire, as she had every other letter the love-struck teen had sent. "Now who's jealous?" Hiccup teased, propping his elbows on the table and smirking, fingers laced under his chin. Astrid ignored him, scrubbing at a particularly bothersome stain. "I know something you don't know." Hiccup sang childishly.

"I doubt that."

"Fishlegs has a date."

"Ooh, who?"

"Not telling." Astrid glowered. "You burnt my letter! And admitted you like Eret! I am your husband, you can only like me!" Astrid said nothing, which meant she was rolling her eyes. Hiccup returned his attention to the letter pile, picking up his pencil. Toothless wiggled under the table, nipping at his rider's leg. "Give me an hour to get through these, bud, then we'll go flying, OK?" The Night Fury grumbled, but relented. Astrid immediately banned Hiccup from flying that evening unless he told her who Fishlegs' date was. "OK, it's someone we all know."

"That narrows it down."

"Very popular. Not Eret. Although Fishlegs has daydreamed a few times about him, he gets this look on his face, the Eret-is-so-dreamy look. Yes, I know what that looks like, do you know how many people have that face? Anyway, very popular, we all know them, dark hair like I told him to go for, amazing sense of humour, don't get jealous, we've been over this already, _definitely_ Fishlegs' type. Female." He added. "He hasn't quite worked up the courage to flirt with men just yet." Astrid nodded once in agreement. "Aside from me and Waiola, she's your best friend."

"Ooh, Heather!"

"Yes!"

"Oh my gods, she's back?"

"No, not yet. She'll be staying for the winter though. She and Fishlegs have been sending each other letters for _years_."

"I knew it. That lying little ba-"

"Language. Alastor's listening."

"Bugger!" Alastor said happily, beaming at his parents proudly.

"No." Astrid said firmly. "Don't say that. Ingrid, don't you say it either!"

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Why?"

"Oh, here we go." Astrid rubbed at her face wearisomely, smearing soap suds across her cheek. She gave up with the stubborn stain and moved onto her own tunic. "You lot are such a mess, I can't believe this. Look! That was when Alastor decided he didn't want potato mash and that," she showed Hiccup a tear, "was from when Sneezy got excited because Ingrid threw a sausage." Hiccup bit his lip to stop a laugh. Astrid noticed all the same and muttered a few unsavoury things under her breath. "So, are Heather and Fishlegs officially together or are they waiting for the winter time to actually meet up?"

"In their minds, officially together. They'll make it official-official when she gets here."

"How come Fishlegs never told me?"

"He didn't tell me either. I've been reading his letters."

"Hiccup!"

"What? I had to find out somehow!"

"Hiccup, that's just _rude_!"

"I didn't really!" He laughed. "But seriously, you should see the look on your face, it's priceless. Nah, Fishlegs didn't tell me. Heather did. She says hello by the way and wishes you're well."

"How come she never wrote to me then?"

"She wrote to both of us. I've got a letter from her here, look." He handed it over. "Honestly, though, I've only been getting these for about a week now, so... I've had two, three total, nothing exciting."

"This is exciting! Ah, Fishlegs and Heather, that's so sweet! Ruffnut and Eret too, I think you're Freya thing might have actually worked."

"Of course it did. It was a Hiccup idea."

"That's not usually a good thing, but OK."

* * *

**Just a filler chapter for the time being, I need to do a little time-skip to wrap this one up and get started on **_**Third Crisis **_**:D **


	80. Chapter 80

**The last chapter was just a filler, I was trying to tie up some loose ends as well. Sorry for any confusion and apologies in advance if this chapter is pants, writer's block has reared its ugly head once again D:**

* * *

"We could paint it."

"That won't last long." Ruffnut pointed out. "I saw we even it out and burn him." Astrid frowned. Waiola hissed an insult while Fishlegs paled. "Hold on a second, why are you here?"

"Apparently, I'm the level-headed one. Why are you here?"

"It was supposed to be a girls-day today. Something you're not telling us?" Ruffnut smirked victoriously as Fishlegs burned crimson. "Ah, just pulling your leg, mate. Are you filling for Heather?" Fishlegs nodded and shrugged at the same time. "Bet she wants to know all about me and Eret." Ruffnut grinned slyly. "Ain't gonna say nothing. Back to Hiccup's dragonmark. We burn the extra details on, give him spikenard healing thing, bada bing bada boom. Dragonmark. You're welcome."

"I'm not burning him."

"I'll burn him then."

"You are _especially_ not burning him." Astrid sat up straighter. "Fishlegs, any ideas?"

"I'd move your cup if I was you." Astrid did so unquestioningly. Sneezy crash-landed seconds later, scrabbling over the table surface as he tried to right himself. "And there's Ingrid. Hiccup shouldn't be far behind." Astrid was torn between Fishlegs being a psychic or just Fishlegs being a nerd. Hiccup walked in, Alastor in a sling on his front. The tot waved excitedly, kicking his legs.

"This was Dad's idea before any of you say anything. And we have much to talk about, so forget whatever you were just talking about. I've got much more important stuff." Hiccup took a seat, untying Alastor and sitting him on the table. "Fishlegs, Heather will be here when?"

"About two weeks."

"Excellent. Ruff, when is the wedding and, follow-up question, can I plan it? I'm planning it. Thank you. Waiola, how are the children? I'll come and visit them later. Astrid, someone's taught Ingrid how to dragon call, so we've got one or two Terrors in the roof-"

"Hiccup, can you let someone else talk?"

"No."

"I'll rephrase that. Hiccup, _let_ someone else talk." Hiccup pulled a face. Alastor copied. "Oh, _don't_." Astrid complained. "Al, bubba, come here." She rapped her knuckles on the table to catch her son's attention. He beamed at her, five baby teeth showing and a sixth on the way. Astrid held her hands out and he crawled into her arms. "Don't take after your daddy, Al, he's silly."

"'Illy'." Alastor repeated.

"Thanks." Hiccup deadpanned. "Much love."

"Are you two holding up alright?" Waiola asked, inspecting the couple carefully. Ruffnut did too, clearly dying to ask something. "After everything that happened, have we still got Berk's Number One Power Couple?" They had all seen other couples fall to pieces after losing a baby, some because they couldn't cope, others because of blame-games, some because it fizzled out altogether. Waiola was part-relieved, part-worried when the chiefly couple shared mischievous grins. "I'll take that as a yes then." Ruffnut huffed. "Just sat it." Waiola sighed.

"No, the moment's gone. I'll ask my other question instead. Astrid, will you be the... uh... the person who... who helps a bride at the wedding? I can't think what they're called, but can you be that?" Astrid laughed.

"Of course I will, Ruff!"

"What about me?" Hiccup pouted childishly.

"You can Eret's helper thing." Ruffnut suggested.

"Ah, _yes_! Thank you! Legs, let's find Tuff and Lout, we've got work to do." The men left, Fishlegs rather reluctantly. Alastor blew a raspberry, clapping and burbling. Astrid clapped too, holding her hands out and letting him hit them, giggling when she tried to catch his hands and missed. Sneezy watched, laying low, eyes fixed on every motion. He was only stopped by Ingrid who tugged on his tail.

"I can't wait until my boys are older." Waiola said wistfully.

"Don't wish this time away." Astrid advised. "Has Snotlout calmed down?"

"Mostly. I can't tease him as much anymore." Waiola didn't look happy with that. Ruffnut didn't look happy either, btu not for the same reason. "What's with the face?"

"Are children essential?"

"You can have children when and if you want. Have you talked to Eret about this?" Ruffnut shook her head, braids swishing. "Well, maybe bring it up. See what he wants. Maybe you could be the couple who are on the prowl for dragons, go on adventures and stuff. That'd suit you both." Ruffnut seemed to like that more than the idea of children, grinning from ear-to-ear. "Good?" Astrid smiled. "Good."

* * *

"Eret, my man!"

"I thought I was your man. Wait, that came out wrong, ignore that."

"Ah, we all know you're my ickle Snotikins, Snotlout, don't worry. Hiccup still wuvs you."

"I swear to the gods, I'll take your other leg and ram it down your throat if you don't shut up now."

"My, my, Snotlout, such poor manners." Eret bowed his head in greeting. Snotlout snorted and crossed his arms. "You have a point."

"What?" Hiccup marvelled. "There was no point there, that... that's attitude, terrible, _terrible_ attitude." He wrinkled his nose at his friend. "Anyway, Eret, buddy, congratulations on the en-ga-ment..." Hiccup playfully slugged Eret in the arm, shadow boxing with him. Eret rolled his eyes and half-heartedly swatted at the chief. "We're here to help. I managed to talk these two round-"

"As usual."

"-on the way. You are a hard man to find, _but_! We shall plan you the biggest, bestest wedding ever!"

"Astrid will get jealous."

"Second biggest, bestest wedding ever then."

"Waiola-"

"I am not counting down or having this debate, you all shush." Snotlout and Fishlegs simultaneously stuck their tongues out. Hiccup ignored them, looking up at his older friend. "So, how about it? Wait, could you move two steps to the left? No, my left. The sun's in my eyes." Eret moved. "Thanks. Anyway, see earlier question."

"You three want to plan my wedding?"

"Well, the parts of it that we can, the women might take over."

"The thing is, guys... I don't know what Ruffnut wants exactly. She said she'd like family and friends then, something simple, but come on. When have the twins ever done something _simple_? It's all explosions and shouting and weapons with them. Heck, Tuff is bringing his _mace_ to the wedding. Gods, that boy has issues..." Eret muttered under his breath, rubbing at his jaw.

"Hey, you're the one marrying into that family, not us." Snotlout shook his head. "You amaze me, Eret. Kind of like how Hiccup amazes me, that... that... Legs, help me out here, what are the words I'm looking for?"

"You're looking for Eret has some Hiccup-traits and it scares, confuses and amazes you, but you can brush it off up until a certain point because most of it is idiocy."

"I'm right here."

"Don't we know it?"

"Yes. You should. Shut up, Snotlout, I'm taller than you."

"What's that got to do with anything."

"This." Hiccup swiped his helmet and held it out of Snotlout's reach. Eret plucked it from Hiccup's fingers and tossed it back to its owner. "Hey! I was actually winning for a change! I won't marry you. To Ruffnut." He added quickly. "I'm already taken. You were too late."

"Hiccup, you're not my type."

"You too? Damn, men are so _rude_. I'm going to see what the women are doing, they're nicer to me."

"No they're not."

"No." Hiccup agreed. "But they give me food. Bye-bye."

"There is something seriously wrong with that one." Eret said as Hiccup jogged away, ocassionally slipping on his left foot. "I mean, I know that, have done for ages, as have you two and the rest of Berk. But is it me or is he getting worse?"

"Worse." Fishlegs and Snotlout replied. "Definitely worse." Fishlegs hunched his shoulders. "But that's understandable, considering everything's that's happened over the past few years. Hiccup was never right in the first place, he was _Hiccup_. Then the business with the Red Death, his foot, the dragons, Alvin, Dagur, etc. etc."

"I've known men twice his age buckle and crack under pressure." Eret shook his head. "Hiccup just keeps going, no matter what is thrown at him. If I was him, having gone through everything he has, I don't think I could handle it."

"Ah." Snotlout said wisely. "But you don't have a Night Fury or Astrid."

"Yeah, yeah, that's true."

"He's still mad though."

"There's no denying that. He's Hiccup."

* * *

**And this shall be the last chapter on this! AAAAHHHHH. Thank you! You guys are amazing! After **_**First Crisis**_**, I wasn't so sure about writing another HTTYD fic, but I'm glad I did, the response on this one was just so... ugh, there just aren't enough words. You readers, whether you review or not, are simply amazing, I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me through this craziness, you are all the best ever. I'm so glad I joined fandoms, they are literally my life :D **


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